Pretending to be Normal Read online

  3. Help establishing relationships with teachers

  It will be essential that you take courses only from empathetic instructors who are interested in helping you achieve your greatest potential. These kinds of teachers are often easy to find if you take the time to ask other students who their favorite teachers are. If, however, you feel uncomfortable talking to your peers about this, rely on your counselor to help you identify which teachers would be the most likely to do everything they can to make your time in their classroom productive and comfortable. Specifically, the following items are the kinds of concessions you might ask for, depending of course, on your individual needs:

  (a) If personal space or social impairment problems are part of your AS, you might ask for special permission to avoid group projects, group discussions, partner laboratory assignments and group seating arrangements.

  (b) If auditory or visual sensitivity is an issue, ask for preferential seating away from as many distractions as possible (probably somewhere near the center and front of the room), copies of your professors’ notes and permission to tape record lectures.

  (c) If literal thinking interferes with your ability to problem solve and complete higher level thinking projects, discuss this in detail with your teacher who will have to work with you and probably your counselor to determine exactly what kinds of support and assignments you would most need to be successful. Be prepared, however, to be told the class you are interested in taking might not be the best for you. For example, I know I had a very difficult time in a philosophy class, so much that in thinking back, it would have been better if I had dropped it or never taken it in the first place. Often, colleges will arrange for you to take a substitute class (one that was not originally part of your degree plan) if they come to believe you really cannot complete the requirements of a particular class. This might be your only option.

  (d) If you have bilateral coordination problems that make handwriting difficult, see if your teacher will let you take oral examinations, give oral instead of written reports, have extended time on exams, use a lap top computer in the classroom, and tape record the lectures.

  (e) If you suffer anxiety attacks or bouts with depression that interfere with your ability to function, you could request flexible assignment due dates, flexible testing dates, permission to attend other sections of the same course, and permission to make up missed assignments through extra credit work.

  (f) If you are a visual thinker, ask your teacher if it would be possible for him or her to create visual aids for you such as graphs, charts, video tapes, elaborated examples that include a great deal of visual descriptions and computer tutorials that include good visuals.

  (g) If you have hyperlexia, dyslexia, poor spelling skills, illegible handwriting or any other reading or writing disability, tell your teachers so they direct you to a tutor or special education center for appropriate support.

  (h) If you are easily upset by new routines or quick changes in schedules, ask your teachers to give you at least a few days warning if they are going to have to alter the class schedule, assignment requirements, meeting days or times, or the overall routine.

  (i) If you have problems taking turns in conversations or if you interrupt people when they speak, ask your teacher not to require you to engage in group discussions or debates.

  Help finding your way around campus

  1. Geographic Issues

  Many people with AS might find it very difficult to navigate through large college campuses. Like congested shopping malls they can be visually confusing, overly stimulating and stress provoking; all variables that will work against the AS person’s academic and emotional stability. The following simple reminders will make sprawling and complicated universities easier to navigate.

  (i) ASK FOR SPECIAL NEEDS BUILDING, TRANSPORTATION AND PARKING COMPENSATIONS SUCH AS:

  (a) Handicapped parking passes. The ability to park your car near your building will enable you avoid overcrowded and visually perplexing parking lots.

  (b) Elevator keys. Ask for these if you find yourself easily disoriented when faced with big crowds and continuous flights of stairs or if you think a few moments in the cocoon like elevator space will help you to calm down.

  (c) Special student transportation assistance. If the school runs a bus service for students who would otherwise find it hard to drive themselves to campus, inquire to see if you can purchase a pass to use this benefit.

  (ii) MAKING THE CAMPUS MAKE SENSE TO YOU

  (a) Walk around campus as if you are a photographer and take mental pictures of everything that catches your interest with your mind’s eye. Sketch what you see, even if you are not an artist and have to rely on boxes, circles or triangles to represent the buildings, structures, walkways, streets, and landscaping elements you want to include. Use colored pencils or markers to help the sketches look like the real thing.

  (b) Write detailed notes that tell you what you will see as you go from one place on campus to another.

  (c) Take a tape recorder with you as you walk around campus and record what you are seeing and where you are going. Include all the details you need, but keep separate tapes of each destination’s trip so that you do not make things too confusing. For example, record one set of directional instructions that follow your morning class schedule and another that records your afternoon schedule and others that might help you navigate from your home to the library or your home to the athletic stadium or the student center to a shopping mall. In other words, separate each trip as if it were a separate song on a tape.

  (d) Practice moving about campus with someone who will help you find your way around. As you do, make certain you talk about what you are doing, and that you do not become distracted by small talk or other discussions. Focus on making a mental, verbal and auditory map. Keep in mind that the more you practice, the better you will be able to imprint the information you need on your long-term memory banks and so, the sooner you will be able to find your way all around campus without relying on your maps or other information.

  Making the most of your time and efforts

  1. Planning your schedule

  Many colleges will make special arrangements with special needs students that will allow for great flexibility in scheduling and graduation requirements. For example, you might be allowed to take less than the standard course load, you might be granted waivers or course substitutions, and you might even be able to plan a completely unique field of study that is designed solely for you. With those thoughts in mind, consider the following things:

  (a) Never let an advisor or friend talk you into taking a course that you know will be more than you can handle at the time.

  (b) Never sign up for a class that meets earlier than you routinely like to wake up or later than you routinely like to relax. If you are a morning person, do not take evening classes and vice versa.

  (c) Try very hard not to take advanced level courses before you have taken their prerequisite courses, unless you have spoken to the instructor and have been reassured that you can master the material without the introductory level course.

  (d) Build in time for fun and recreation, no matter how you define those concepts.

  (e) Keep drop dates on your calender so that if you decide a course is too difficult for you, you can drop it without affecting your grade point average.

  (f) The moment your instructor tells you when homework is due or when tests will be administered, write them on your calendar so that you cannot fail to remember them.

  (g) Send a copy of your course syllabi and your schedule to your parents or support friend so that they can help remind you of important dates and commitments.

  (h) Do not schedule your classes back to back unless they are in the same building. It can be too taxing to try and navigate your way through campus under time pressures.

  2. Study skills

  (a) Study your least favorite subject first.

  (b) Study during your most productive part of t
he day, avoiding times when you typically feel tired, restless, hungry, over-stimulated, anxious, etc.

  (c) Experiment with studying in the same place — a «study spot» reserved only for studying, not sleeping, socializing or relaxing.

  (d) Prepare short study tools that you can rely on and review when you find you have a few minutes to spare.

  (e) Experiment with your environment when you study. Determine if you need quiet or background noise, bright or diffused light, a well organized or messy desk and possibly a snack or something to drink.

  (f) Set short-term and long-term goals that you try to meet by a certain time. For example, a short-term goal might be that you set a goal of studying one hour a day for each course, while a long-term goal might be that you review your materials for at least two hours before each examination.

  (g) Monitor your attention span, so that if you feel you are growing restless, tired or bored, stop studying and do something else until you find you can go back to studying. Discover how long you can study at one given time and try not to go beyond that time limit before you do change your activities.

  (h) Write your notes in a way that sparks your memory most. You might underline or circle thoughts and words, draw arrows or stars by specific concepts, indent major ideas or details, change the style of your writing from cursive to print within each page of notes, etc.

  (i) Make use of note taking and study tools

  • 3 x 5 note cards that have short ideas written on them that might include mathematical and scientific formulas, definitions of terms, and general concepts

  • an audio tape recorder to tape lectures

  • a separate notebook for each class that allows you to keep all your notes, hand-outs, and homework assignments in one place

  • a variety of differently colored pens and pencils that will enable you to prepare visually appealing and effective notes.

  Help dealing with typical college stress

  1. Practice stress reduction programs, which might include yoga or other similar physical exercises, deep breathing, bio-rhythm feedback or meditating. If you do not already have a program you regularly rely on, ask your counselor to help you find a program that matches your needs and your interests.

  2. Turn to your favorite hobby or interest when you feel yourself getting overwhelmed.

  3. Listen to the type of music that will calm your nerves.

  4. Keep a journal or written record of your thoughts, including your dreams and ambitions, your day-to-day routines, things that make you happy and sad, anything that confuses or frustrates you, and anything that causes you stress or over-stimulates you. Keep in mind there is no right or wrong way to journal. Anything goes. I usually purchase a composition notebook or some other kind of book filled with blank paper and literally put a pen or pencil to the paper until my thoughts flow, even if this means I simply doodle and draw. Words often come after such simple exercises. In a journal, you can write whatever you feel like writing, not stopping to worry about spelling or grammatical correctness, focusing instead on your thoughts, ideas and emotions. If all is going well, your journal will be a great reference for you to enjoy just as you might enjoy a scrap book or photo album. But, if all is not going well, then your journal can serve as a record of when and possibly why things began to get difficult for you. If this happens, share as much of your journal as you can with a counselor, advisor or other support person so they can help you decide how to deal with the issues that plague or annoy you. This would be especially important if you ever come to conclude the stress is beginning to interfere with your ability to stay awake, sleep, eat, take care of your personal hygiene, study, make conversations or simply enjoy life. Stress can be crippling. Do what you can to control it before it controls you.

  Appendix III

  Employment Options and Responsibilities

  I remember my first adult job interview. I had just finished my masters degree program and was interviewing for a job as a career consultant. During the interview, the owner of the firm asked me if I had much interest in the multi-media wave that was on the brink of bringing us hand-held camcorders, video recorders and compact discs. I shared my enthusiasm for the technology, certain I was making great progress with the boss. All went well until the man told me his favorite multi-media company. Rather than telling him I disagreed with his conclusion, or better yet, keeping my mouth shut, I literally put my index finger in my mouth, made a choking sound and screeched, «Gag me!». Suffice to say the interview ground to a halt.

  Surprisingly enough, I was offered a job, but not as the high powered career manager my resume said I was over qualified for. I ended up working in a tightly cramped room with a dozen other women who spent their nine to five day sitting around a community desk working to assign otherwise unemployed people to temporary jobs. I lasted less than three months. How ironic that I would have thought I could be a career counselor when, in fact, it was I who needed career counseling. In fact, if there is one piece of career advice I would strongly recommend AS people follow, it would be that they find a professional, or at least a very knowledgeable friend, to help them chart their career future as soon as they are mature enough to give credible thought to the matter. To get everyone started along those lines, I have put together the following set of ideas that should serve to stimulate some creative thoughts and viable options.

  Career choices: Self awareness and understanding

  Before you can begin to decide which career path to follow, it is essential you discover the areas you are most interested, competent and comfortable in. Use the following list to help you make that discovery.

  1. Make a list of all the things you enjoy studying, talking about and actually doing.

  2. Make a list of your skills and abilities.

  3. Explore the possibility of turning one of those interests in to a career. For instance, let’s say you enjoy sports. Brainstorm all the jobs that have anything to do with athletics. For starters, you might think about working as a team physical fitness trainer; a sports equipment manager; a journalist who covers games and players, or the history and philosophy of the sport; a sports memorabilia collector and trader; a ticket salesperson; a team’s physical therapist; a coach’s assistant; a grounds keeper; a sporting arena or field designer; or even an athlete.

  4. Research your career options as fully as possible and determine if your skills and abilities are compatible with those mandated by the job. Among the factors to consider:

  (a) The sensory elements of the job’s physical environment that involve issues such as the noise level; the lights and overall design of the building, office and/or outdoor grounds you will have to visit; and even the smells that you might encounter. In other words, is the area too loud, busy, crowded, confusing, overwhelming or visually disturbing to you? If so, will this interfere with your ability to do your best work?

  (b) The interpersonal expectations. For example, will you be expected to interact with other employees on group assignments and attend frequent group meetings or will you be allowed to work virtually on your own? Will you need to talk before large groups of people? Will you be expected to write many reports and/or participate in peer reviews and evaluations? Will you need to attend social functions with the employees? In short, will you be allowed much anonymity or will you need to work with others frequently? If you do have to work with others on a regular basis, will you be able to do so effectively?

  (c) The schedule and expectations of the job that might include abrupt changes in routine, changes in the times and days you are expected to be at work, rearranged or even canceled vacations and break times, the reassigning of supervisors and co-workers, new job skill requirements, moving to new offices, traveling to other offices, etc. In short, can you handle a flexible job or would you prefer a more consistent and predictable work environment?

  (d) The schooling and on the job training necessary for advancement. Ask yourself if you are prepared, able and willing to attend continuing edu
cation classes and seminars that might be required of you.

  Finding your dream job

  1. Interview skills

  This is a tricky skill no matter how you look at it. Two keys to success, however, are advanced preparation and practice. If you take time to do both, you should find the interview process less intimidating and far more productive.

  (a) Role play. Ask others to help you brainstorm a list of potential questions and concerns your prospective employer might discuss with you. Rehearse what you might say in a variety of situations.

  (b) Non-verbal communication strategies. Make a list of the behaviors you should and should not do. Go over the list several times a day before the interview is to take place, until you are confident you will present your best behaviors. Potential items to include:

  • use an appropriate greeting and goodbye

  • use the appropriate vocal rhythms and pitch

  • use good eye contact

  • try to look calm and happy

  • pay close attention to what is being said to you

  • sit upright in your chair

  • show enthusiasm

  • wear clean, ironed and neatly matched clothing

  • bathe, wash hair and brush your teeth

  • avoid shifting your eyes and gaze around the room

  • avoid making extraneous vocalizations

  • avoid talking out of turn

  • avoid using too many hand gestures

  • avoid biting your nails, tapping your fingers or feet, etc.

  • avoid laughing at the inappropriate time.

  2. Possible career choices

  Many people with AS find they are the most successful in careers that do not require them to deal with many human emotions and strong social skill expectations. That being the case, the following careers come to mind.