Valentine's Day Is Killing Me Read online

  Shanna stared straight ahead, right at the skinny guy’s bald spot. She decided that it was as good a view as any. “He didn’t call back.”

  “Who didn’t?”

  She swallowed hard. “Dominic.”

  “Ah.” Her sister closed the newspaper.

  Shanna blinked when the bald spot started to rotate like a kaleidoscope. “I left messages all day yesterday and he didn’t return any of them.”

  Heather stopped folding the paper. “How many messages? Enough to qualify as a stalker?”

  Most likely. “His cell phone was out of range,” she said by way of an explanation. Shanna turned to her sister and made a helpless gesture with her hands. “Where could he be?”

  Heather hunched her shoulders. “I dunno.”

  “What could send him out of range unexpectedly?”

  Her sister’s shoulders reached ear level. “Dunno.”

  “Do you think he would have the decency to let me know?”

  “One can only hope.”

  Shanna chewed on the corner of her bottom lip. “Maybe he’s looking for the perfect Valentine’s Day card.”

  Heather arched an eyebrow. “And the quest took him to Canada?”

  “Yeah, I thought that might be stretching it, too.” The theory sounded better at four in the morning. Shanna returned her attention to the skinny guy’s head. “I guess it’s official.”

  “What is?”

  Shanna exhaled shakily. “I ran my Valentine’s date out of the country.”

  “You don’t know that for sure.”

  “Heather, if your date doesn’t even try to contact you on Valentine’s Eve—”

  “Oh, God,” Heather muttered.

  “Then he’s probably dumping you and trying to lay low in another country so you don’t hunt him down.”

  Heather rolled her eyes. “Try not to take the dramatic option for once in your life. He could be sick. Or dealing with an emergency.”

  Shanna folded her arms across her chest. “He had better be in the hospital suffering from amnesia.”

  “Your concern for him is overwhelming.”

  “I ran off another guy,” Shanna said, slouching in her seat. “And I was so close. Right up until Valentine’s Eve.”

  “For. The. Last. Time. There. Is. No. Such. Thing.”

  “And now look at me. I’m all dressed up and nowhere to go.” She had picked out the chunky red sweater, long, flowing black skirt with a heart design, and black ankle boots specifically for the holiday. Early this morning she had to upturn her jewelry box to hunt for her diamond heart earrings. It had been that long since she had a reason to dress for a romantic occasion.

  “Cute outfit,” Heather said. “Not like I would want to borrow it or anything.”

  “But it’s all a waste. And do you know why? Because I have no date,” Shanna said, as she started ticking her list off with her fingers. “No dinner at a restaurant, and I can safely assume no dozen roses.”

  “Okay, so what are you going to do?” Heather asked with a hint of exasperation. “Go home, put on your old sweats and sulk? Eat a quart of ice cream and watch Casablanca for the five-hundredth time?”

  “Maybe.” She thought she had good cause for it. “Why do these things always happen to me? Why can’t the forces of nature go my way for once?”

  Heather paused. “Have you ever thought that this might be of your own making?”

  Shanna flinched. “Say what?”

  “Let me ask you something,” Heather turned and faced Shanna. “With all this planning you did for the perfect V-Day, what did you plan to do for Dominic?”

  “I—” Shanna blinked rapidly. “Well, I—” Somehow he-gets-to-find-my-G-spot wasn’t the right answer.

  “Yep, that’s what I thought.”

  “You don’t understand. This day was supposed to be about me.” She thumped her palm against her chest. “Focused solely on me. Make me the center of attention and have my fantasy come to life.”

  “Hmm.”

  “Don’t hmm me. Yes, I know that it sounds selfish and grabby. That’s because it is! It’s the one holiday designed for women to feel loved and appreciated.”

  “No, it’s not. Valentine’s Day is an excuse to have sex. As long as the guy romanticizes it, he’s guaranteed to get laid.”

  Shanna’s jaw dropped as she stared at her sister. “I can’t believe you said that. To my face.”

  “If you think about it, V-Day is a lot like prom night.”

  The skinny guy in front briefly turned around to stare at Heather with disbelief. Shanna ignored him. “I don’t want to hear it.”

  “As long as he dresses up, gives you flowers, plies you with alcohol, and doesn’t buckle under the high expectations…”

  “Valentine’s Day,” Shanna said through clenched teeth, “is supposed to be about showing love and appreciation.”

  “Nuh-uh.” Heather turned and gave her a sly look. “You just said it was about a woman having her romantic fantasies fulfilled.”

  Shanna growled. “Oh, shut up. What about all the other days when I show love and affection? When I give and give and nothing comes back? I wanted one day when it comes back to me, and I wanted to wallow in it.”

  Heather arched her eyebrow. “You wanted it from Dominic?”

  “Sure, if he was the only guy who was going to give it to me.” Shanna sighed and wearily closed her eyes. “I wanted to be the center of a guy’s existence for once in my life. It didn’t matter that it was fake. I just wanted to know what it felt like.”

  “Well, don’t give up hope.” Heather patted Shanna’s arm. “It still might happen. Dominic hasn’t officially bailed.”

  “Yet.” Shanna added and opened her eyes. She knew the signs of a potential dump, and it was just a matter of time. Shanna stared at the skinny guy’s bald spot, wishing it would pull her in. She didn’t think she had the strength to face yet another sucky Valentine’s Day.

  Shanna breathed a sigh of relief when she walked into her department and noticed she was the first one there. She hurried to her cubicle and stumbled to a stop. Her desk was dripping wet.

  Paper was plastered against the desk surface. Droplets of water dripped from the edge of her desk. Shanna glanced up, but saw no brown spots or other telltale signs of a leaky ceiling.

  She walked toward her desk with trepidation. What the hell happened? Sweeping the sodden papers to the side, she grabbed a handful of tissues and mopped up some of the water. Where did all this water come from? Shanna wondered, just as she lifted her vase that felt suspiciously light.

  No. Her eyes widened as she stared at the vase. She noticed the crack that started from the scalloped edge to the flat base. Noooo. “Cheap piece of—”

  She gritted her teeth. Don’t lose it. Do not lose it. Your coworkers are going to arrive any minute.

  That reminder was enough to force her into action. Shanna clenched her fingers around the vase and marched straight to the women’s restroom.

  This was not an omen, she reminded herself, barely noticing the other employees milling around the hallways. It was not a punishment for putting herself first.

  Shanna swung open the door to the restroom. All that effort… She tossed the traitorous crystal vase into the trash. All that money. And for what? She glared at the seesawing trash lid. Nothing.

  Shanna grabbed a handful of paper towels as the tears pricked the back of her eyes. Don’t cry. Not now. Wait until you get home. You can do it.

  When she marched back to her cubicle, she saw Megan and Kerry had just arrived. Shanna mumbled something that resembled a greeting and set to work at mopping her desk as the other two women compared their Valentine plans. Shanna tried to block out the discussion, but the phrases “spa getaway” and “birthstone tennis bracelet” kept filtering through.

  And all she had asked for was dinner, roses, and Valentine sex. She couldn’t even get that. It wasn’t fair. Shanna glared accusingly at the Valentine’s Day decorati
ons strung along her cubicle, fighting the urge to tear them down and rip them into itty-bitty pieces.

  “Cupcake?”

  Shanna flinched and glanced up. Megan had reached over the wall adjoining their workspaces and offered a plastic tray of pink-frosted cupcakes with heart-shaped sprinkles.

  Shanna really didn’t want one, but she took a cupcake in the name of office diplomacy. Anyway, her stomach was grumbling. “Thanks.”

  “Morning, girls,” Angie greeted as she strolled into the department, wearing a sophisticated ruby-red pantsuit. Up until that moment, Shanna thought her own outfit had looked pretty good. That was until Angie’s attire practically screamed Sexy! while hers was more of a hoarse Nice try!

  “Hi, Angie,” Megan bubbled in the only way Megan could. She approached their boss and offered a cupcake naked of frosting. “Here, I made this especially for you.”

  Shanna held her breath as Angie frowned at the dessert. Yessss! Megan overplayed her hand. No way would refined-sugar-is-evil Angie accept it.

  “It’s low-fat, low-carb,” Megan added. “Not to mention organic.”

  Ugh. Shanna wrinkled her nose and gave a suspicious look at her own treat, wondering if there was something nutritious lurking under the mound of pink icing.

  “Why, thank you, Megan.” Angie smiled big and accepted the cupcake. “That’s thoughtful of you.”

  Shanna set her cupcake down with a thump and twirled around to face her computer. There really was no justice in the world.

  Or maybe she wasn’t doing it right. As much as Shanna was reluctant to admit it—and no way would she say it out loud—her sister had made a valid point. She hadn’t thought of others on this holiday.

  Not that she felt guilty about ignoring her coworkers. Wasn’t it enough that they grazed from her candy dish? They didn’t deserve baked goods. Yet, Megan was thinking of others on V-Day. Sure, for her own gain, but it worked.

  She did, however, feel a pang of guilt about Dominic. Why hadn’t she even considered doing something for him? Was she that out of practice? Come to think of it, when was the last romantic thing she did for someone else?

  But that was different, Shanna decided, as she booted up her computer. Calder hadn’t been into romance. She showed her love in other ways. And she did it every day. But she would have done them anyway.

  Except for one. Shanna winced as the regret welled up in her chest and pressed against her ribs. She would have told Calder that she loved him.

  Instead, she held out on him. She secretly tested him, waiting for a sign in the form of a romantic gesture. She had thought that would have been enough proof that he loved her. She had thought wrong.

  Shanna sighed, wondering if she did anything right when it came to Calder Smith. And was there any way she could make things right? Probably not, considering he was buying condoms in bulk to use with someone else.

  She swallowed back the bile-green jealousy and clicked onto her e-mail. Scanning through the multitude of spam, Shanna’s attention zoomed in on one sender: Dominic.

  Her stomach pinched. Her hand hovered over the mouse. Dread, thick and hot, spread through her as she clicked open the e-mail.

  Can’t make it tonight. Some other time.

  That was it? Shanna shook her head sharply and read it again. That’s all he had to say when he sends it at—she glanced up at the time of the e-mail—1:30 this morning? He didn’t even sign it.

  Her fingers itched to type a reply that would place a curse on a certain part of his anatomy. No, she decided, and swiftly deleted the e-mail. She’d wasted enough time on the louse. There’s a reserved spot for you in hell, Dominic.

  But that didn’t explain the sense of relief washing over her. She couldn’t possibly be happy about getting dumped on Valentine’s Day.

  Okay, okay. Shanna rolled her eyes. So maybe she wasn’t so happy about going out with Dominic. She really didn’t want him. He was, after all, a slut.

  She wanted Calder. She still did, with or without the romantic wrappings. She wanted him more than anything, now that she knew what it was to be without him.

  But she’d blown it, and had wasted too much time not fixing it. No, instead she’d busied herself on the perfect V-Day project that was destined to fail.

  She needed to make up for her mistakes. She had to do it now. Do it before she talked herself out of it.

  Shanna pushed away from the computer and stood up. Her Valentine’s Day wasn’t going as planned, but if she was lucky, it would be better than expected. Who would have thought Dominic’s chickenshit cowardice would have been a good thing?

  Calder stood at the whiteboard hanging in his office designing an algorithm, when he felt Shanna’s presence. He tensed as his mind went blank. Today was not a good day to see her. He didn’t want to see men with ulterior motives giving her gifts.

  Why you couldn’t give her a dozen roses remains a mystery. Heather’s comment managed to dig under his skin and he couldn’t shake it free. Yeah, he’d been wondering about that, too.

  “Calder?”

  Her soft, clear voice washed over him. He glanced up, bracing himself for the impact of seeing Shanna. His chest tightened as he took it all in: her long, red hair that always felt soft under his fingers, blue eyes that had the power to turn his mind into mush, and the sweater and skirt hiding her beautiful and surprisingly flexible body that haunted him in his sleep.

  She looked so damn good. For another man. He scowled at the reminder. “Yeah?”

  “You’re busy,” she said, and took a step out of his office. “I can come back another time.”

  She looked like she was about to make a run for it. “No, what’s up?” Calder dropped his marker and grabbed her before she escaped.

  The minute he touched her he knew his restraint was not up for the test. Images collided and crowded his mind. Of him caging her in his arms and not letting her go. Of slamming the door closed and pressing her against it. Of kissing her senseless until her lips were reddened with his mark. He wanted to burrow his fingers under her sweater and palm her breasts, teasing her nipples until she called out his name…

  “Do you have any plans for tonight?”…wrap her legs around his hips, shove her skirt up and—what? “Uh, no,” he answered dazedly. “Why?”

  She nervously hooked her hair behind her ear. A diamond heart earring winked back at him. “I was wondering if you’d like to come over to my place after work.”

  Calder frowned, shaking the image of her, wild and willing, against his door. He couldn’t follow what she was saying. “Your place.” Sounded crowded.

  “For dinner,” she clarified. She looked up at him from beneath her lashes and smiled.

  His body grew heavy and his cock stirred. That was the same look she always gave right before she blew his mind with staggering pleasure. The kind of pleasure that hurt so good and left him gasping for air.

  His gaze drifted down Shanna’s face, his heartbeat skittering. Calder wanted to brush his mouth against each freckle before tasting her lips and dipping his tongue inside her wet heat. He craved her so much that he almost couldn’t stand it. But she was worth the agony.

  “I’ll make your favorite,” she promised.

  He was really confused. Tempted and bedazzled, but confused. Calder dragged his gaze away and glanced at his calendar. Yeah, it was February 14, unfortunately. “You don’t cook on Valentine’s Day.”

  “Eh, so what?” Shanna waved off his concern. “I’ll break tradition.”

  Calder swallowed roughly. He wanted to grab the surprise gift with both hands, but he didn’t want to share, either. “What about Dominic?” he asked, reluctant to mention the guy’s name.

  She pulled away from him. “Oh, yeah. Dominic.” She rolled her eyes and made a face. “We’re not going out tonight. Or ever, for that matter.”

  “Why not?” He liked the annoyance burring her words. Dominic somehow screwed up—or else Shanna came to her senses.

  “He canceled.” She
shrugged. “It’s no big deal.”

  Pain slammed deep in his chest. Calder was surprised he didn’t stagger back from the force. Shanna’s plans fell through and she was going to fall back on Calder. Not because she wanted to go out with him, but because she wanted to go out.

  “So? How about it?” The soft promise in her voice had the same effect on his defense as a battering ram. “You, me, and a home-cooked dinner?”

  She was even going to forgo her cardinal rule to make something out of what’s left of the day. Damn, this was going to hurt. But he had to do it. When they got back together—and they would—it would be for the right reasons. Not because no one else was available. “No,” he answered gruffly.

  “Does seven—I’m sorry?” She frowned. “What?”

  “I said, no.” He turned away and walked to his desk before he ruined it by falling to his knees at her feet. “I don’t want to be the alternate date,” he continued in a hard, flat tone. “You want to be with someone for Valentine’s and since I don’t have any plans, I’ll do.”

  Shanna looked stunned. “That’s not the reason at all.”

  “Right.” Calder sat down, grabbing a pen between tense, whitened fingers. He needed distance. He needed to be at least a room’s length away with as much furniture between them as possible.

  He wanted to grab for the one thing he had been wishing for, and he barely had the strength to deny himself. Calder’s hand shook slightly and hoped Shanna didn’t notice. He now understood how she felt when she refused to accept the terms of their relationship.

  And she managed it for three months. He didn’t think he was going to last three more minutes. The woman had more strength than he gave her credit for.

  Shanna glared at him. “You know what? Never mind. Forget I said anything,” she ordered, her voice rising. “Forget I was here.”

  Now that he couldn’t accomplish, even if he wanted to.

  He said no.

  Shanna exited the elevator like a sleepwalker. She felt dazed and couldn’t shake out of it. She couldn’t believe it. Calder had said no.

  Well, what did she expect? She broke up with him months ago, had just accepted a date with another man, acted like she was ready to sleep with that other man, and thought Calder would be panting at the possibility of getting back together.