Valentine's Day Is Killing Me Read online

  “That’s my plan.”

  “Yeah, it was a brilliant plan. In November.” She splayed her hands in the air. “But it’s freaking February and she has just made a To Do Dominic list.”

  He flinched at the news. It ate at his gut like acid. He wanted to punch something. Rip apart everything in his path until the world matched the destruction that was going on inside him.

  Shanna didn’t want him anymore. He felt like he was falling into a black hole. He had nothing to hold onto.

  Had Shanna ever made a To Do Calder list? Did she complete it and decided it was time to move on? What if there was something on the Dominic list he didn’t have? His gut twisted. Better not be.

  Calder noticed that Heather was watching him closely. He schooled his expression but felt his skin drawn tight against his face. “What does this have to do with me?” he asked. His voice was cold. Arctic. Too bad Heather wasn’t one to get frostbitten.

  “She doesn’t want Dominic.” Heather waved her hand as if the guy was a nonissue.

  “It doesn’t sound that way,” he replied.

  Heather’s eyebrow rose from the lethal softness of his voice. “She isn’t going to bed him because she’s still hung up on you.” Heather leaned her arm against his monitor. “Take my word on it.”

  “You’re that sure?” He wanted to believe her, but Shanna never said she loved him. Yeah, he felt loved, but for someone who was into anything mushy and sappy, Calder had to wonder what kept her from saying those words.

  “Shanna wants romance.” Heather made a face and a retching noise. “Something Dominic will give without backing it up with any real feelings.”

  “More power to him.” He returned his attention to the screen, but it was all a blur.

  “Why you couldn’t give it to her remains a mystery,” she said, as she inspected her nails.

  He swerved his attention back on Heather, surprised by the accusation. “You’re asking me that? You are?”

  Heather held up her hand. “I back up your sentiments one hundred percent, Calder. You know I do. But is it really that hard to give a dozen red roses when you know how important it is to Shanna?”

  “I’m not going to pretend to be someone that I’m not.” What he felt for her wasn’t soft and fragile. It wasn’t refined. Roses and lace didn’t explain how he felt.

  But it was more than that. He wasn’t sophisticated. The stuff Shanna wanted might as well be from a foreign culture. He didn’t understand it, didn’t know how to get it for her. And if he tried, he would mess it up.

  “Okay, Calder,” Heather said, as she snapped her fingers in front of his face. “Now is not the time to think. It’s the time to act.”

  He leaned back in his chair and sighed. He couldn’t. He had responsibilities. Obligations. Deadlines. No one seemed to understand this. “I have work—”

  “It’ll be here when you get back. I promise, no one will steal it from you.” She shifted impatiently. “Don’t you want to see for yourself if Shanna is over you?”

  Not really. He didn’t know how he would cope if the interest was gone from her blue eyes. If the glimmer of attraction had dimmed. But he had to know.

  “What, exactly, am I supposed to do?” Calder asked as he rose from his chair. “Storm into the pharmacy, throw her over my shoulder, and see if she calls security on me?”

  “That’s Plan B,” Heather said, as she pushed him out the door. “Plan A is much more subtle.”

  Calder looked over his shoulder. “What do you know about subtle?”

  “Trust me.”

  That was hard to do when the simple suggestion made his stomach cramp. “Do I have a choice?” he muttered under his breath.

  “Not really,” Heather admitted, coming around to his side. “Here’s the plan. All you have to do is troll the condom rack…”

  “Oh, hell.” He turned around and headed back for the safety of his office.

  Panic, hot and pure, nearly blinded Shanna. The need to unsheathe her claws was instinctive. But that wouldn’t get her anywhere.

  She knew better than to cause a scene. She would be sweet but insistent. Do whatever it took to overcome this obstacle.

  And that meant she couldn’t lunge over the counter and grab the pharmacist by the lapels of his crisp white coat. No matter how much she wanted to.

  Shanna rested her wrists on the counter. She folded her hands together, ignoring the urge to ball her fingers into fists. “What do you mean,” she said through a fixed smile, “that you won’t give me my birth control?”

  The older man looked at her from over his half-glasses. “Your prescription has expired,” he replied in his typical, no-nonsense manner.

  Shanna wanted to shrug and make a face. Instead she went for a wide-eyed-innocence look. If acting stupid could cajole men into changing their minds, she’d give it a whirl. “Not by much,” she said.

  “Enough,” he replied, mimicking her tone.

  Okay, Shanna decided, as her eyes narrowed. He wasn’t going to fall for that. But after polite, sweet, and stupid, she was running out of tactics. What was next in her limited repertoire?

  Tears. Ech. She absolutely hated when women did it, but it seemed to work. She had to give it a try.

  “But you don’t understand,” she said, looking up, trying to get tears to form. She looked into the lights and blinked frantically. Nothing. Her eyes, if anything, felt bone-dry and itchy.

  Apparently she couldn’t cry on demand. Especially when a very unfriendly guy was waiting with impatience for her to leave. Wish she had known about that earlier. She should have practiced before trying it out in public. Now she had to fake it.

  “It’s going to be”—she sniffed and fluttered her hands next to her face—“Valentine’s Day.”

  The pharmacist appeared unmoved. Shanna wondered if he was waiting to see tears stream down her face. It was going to be a long wait. She ran the tip of her finger under her eyelashes, pretending to wipe away the moisture.

  “Facial tissues are in aisle three.”

  Shanna sighed and slouched. She never did like this pharmacist. He was old-fashioned, judgmental, and disapproving. Basically, he was like her dad, with an authoritarian white coat as a bonus. And access to her birth control. That would explain the awkwardness she always felt when getting a refill. Trust her to find a pharmacy that would give her a complex along with her medicine.

  It was time to beg for mercy, no matter the consequences. The loss in dignity…The absolute humiliation…

  Shanna threw herself facedown on the counter, her arms stretched out wide. She winced as she bumped her nose. Hard. It stung. Oh, sure, now the tears come.

  The sharp corner dug into her stomach. Her toes dangled a few inches from the floor. Shanna had no idea she was that short.

  The pharmacist exhaled sharply. “What is it now?”

  “Isn’t it against some Hippocratic oath to prevent me from having my birth control on the most romantic day of the year?” Her voice sounded muffled. She was about to blow her hair out of her way when she felt herself slipping.

  “No,” the man replied firmly. “I suggest you call your doctor and schedule an appointment.”

  That wasn’t going to help, Shanna thought, as she grappled for traction. It took months to get an appointment with that woman. Hmm…now that she thought about it, this medical insurance program she was in really wasn’t working out for her.

  What was she doing? She didn’t have time to think about that, Shanna reminded herself, as her fingers squeaked down the smooth counter. She needed to focus. Get birth control in the next thirty-six hours.

  Shanna raised her head. “Do you have anything that would tide me over?” She puffed some of the hair away from her face.

  “Try the contraception aisle,” he suggested in a cold tone and walked away without a backward glance.

  The contraception aisle. Shanna’s feet hit the floor with a thud. Great. Terrific. Didn’t the guy realize she had a prescri
ption so she wouldn’t have to deal with the contraception aisle?

  She turned away from the counter and read the signs hanging from the ceiling. The aisle in question was in between the feminine hygiene products and diapers. Shanna sensed there was a hidden message in the layout, but felt some things were better left alone.

  Turning the corner into the aisle, Shanna stumbled to a halt. People with more forethought than she had picked the row clean. Someone was going to have hot and heavy Valentine sex. Too bad it wasn’t going to be her.

  So why did she feel relief? No. That can’t be it. She was looking forward to her date with Dominic. Wasn’t she? He was reasonably attractive and somewhat attentive. More importantly, he wasn’t married, gay, or hung up on his mother. And he was marginally employed. Other than the fact he wasn’t Calder, what was the problem?

  Calder. Stop thinking about him. No more thinking of C—He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. Shanna determinedly studied her purchase options. Spermicides…caps…condoms…Which one would offer her a more romantic evening? She was thinking, none of the above.

  Okay, which offered less interruption? Less mess? How about no assembly required?

  Sheesh. Shanna dug her fingers into her hair. Why did she let her prescription expire? Okay, yeah, there was that ridiculous vow when she believed she was never going to be in another serious relationship again. Heather tried to stop her from doing something rash, impulsive, and incredibly stupid. But did she listen? Nooooo.

  She hated when her twin sister was right. But at the time she knew she wasn’t going to want anyone as much as she wanted Cal—her ex-boyfriend. Sad thing was, it was still true.

  Shanna felt herself wallowing in self-pity. Nothing could be done about it now. She had to move on.

  She reluctantly picked up a box of something called dental dams. She frowned, wondering why it was shelved in this section. Shouldn’t it be with the toothbrushes and mouthwash?

  Seeing someone step in the aisle, Shanna shoved the dams back on the rack. The box teetered and fell onto the floor.

  She glanced at the person who just entered. And did a fast double take that made her neck pop. Calder!

  He strode in, his scuffed boots echoing against the tiled floor. It was like watching raw nature sweeping in. Calder was untamed beauty from the quiet hunter stance to the scent of rain clinging to his tanned skin.

  “Hey, Shanna.” She felt her heart flip-flop as his slow smile completely captivated her.

  “Hi,” she greeted weakly. Taking a step back, the toe of her sneaker hit something. Shanna looked down and saw the box. She bent down to retrieve it, mentally cursing her awkward movements.

  Calder was already there, crouched and watching. Shanna couldn’t shake off the sense that he was ready to pounce. But that was ridiculous. Still, it made her hesitate before she accepted the box from him.

  His fingers brushed against her skin. She closed her eyes as sensations erupted in her. Her instinct wasn’t to yank back. She wanted his touch to linger. Thread her fingers through his and hold tight.

  Shanna pulled away, desire roaring through her. “Thanks,” she murmured.

  “You’re welcome.” His voice was low and intimate.

  She didn’t look at him as she straightened to her full height, which didn’t come close to his. It was more than his stature that was overwhelming. His broad shoulders were made for clinging. The smoke-colored Henley brushed against his sculpted chest. It looked soft and well-worn. The classic cut of his faded jeans emphasized his lean, muscular legs. She knew the back view would make her stomach flutter.

  Everything about the man invaded her senses. He was pure male, elemental and sensual. She wanted to meld into him, whether he was in bed or in a crowded store.

  Which reminded her…What the hell was he doing in the contraceptive aisle? Not that she could necessarily ask that. She had to be blasé. Nonchalant. “How’s it going?”

  “Good.” He scanned the row of condoms. “You?”

  “Good,” she answered, striving for a casual tone. Her eyes widened as he reached for a box of ribbed and studded condoms.

  Shanna froze as she felt everything fall away from her like tinkling glass. He was buying condoms. Condoms designed to stimulate a woman’s nerve endings. A woman who wasn’t her!

  The jagged pain ripped her in half. She struggled to remain upright instead of doubled over. How was this possible? When did he find someone new? How much did he like this woman? Okay, cut to the chase. The real question was, how hard was it to replace her?

  “Sorry,” Calder looked down at her. “Did you say something?”

  “Huh?” Her gaze collided with his. She saw the satisfaction flaring in his dark, slumberous eyes. For the night that lay ahead of him?

  She hurriedly looked away and pressed her lips together. Remain calm. Walk to the nearest exit. Do not run…This is not a drill…

  “Say something?” Shanna pulled a box off the shelf in front of her. “Me? No.” She snatched a bag of something dangling at eye level. “But wow”—she grabbed for a tube of this and a bottle of that—“my lunch hour is almost over. I better get going.”

  “Big night planned?”

  She stilled as her hands clenched around a tube she pulled off the shelf. Shanna was surprised she didn’t squeeze the cream out of it. “What?” She looked down at the boxes, bottles, and bags in her arms. “Yeah, well. Valentine’s Day, you know.”

  “Uh-huh,” he said. Something different edged his voice. Like he understood. But how could he? Unless…

  “Valentine’s plans?” She barely managed to choke out the words. Shanna nodded at the box in his hand. So help me, if you made V-Day plans with another woman, I will not be held accountable for my actions.

  “Me?” He frowned at the thought. “Hell, no.”

  No. She felt a moment of absolute relief. Pain followed up so fast she thought she was going to be sick. That meant that the box was for incredible weeknight lovemaking. The kind of hot sex that had them instinctively searching for each other throughout the night. The kind that made her fall asleep at work the next day.

  Somehow she felt worse. She needed to remember how many of those nights he worked late, how often he wasn’t around. Of the many nights she fell asleep alone. Only to have Calder gently wake her up, cradling her spine against his chest and sharing his heat, his hands gliding down her abdomen…

  Shanna clenched her thighs. She had to get out of the store. Right now. She grabbed a pump bottle. “Gotta go.”

  “I’ll see you later, Shanna,” Calder said as he reached for another box.

  She couldn’t move. Another box? Extra large? Fiery jealousy whooshed through her, leaving nothing but cinders. Shanna couldn’t take it. She dipped her head and rushed to the cashier, her actions on autopilot.

  Move on. Adapt. Any of this ring a bell? The words bounced around her chaotic mind as she waited in line. It didn’t matter whose nerve endings he pleasured on a Wednesday night. Not at all.

  By the time she reached the cash register, her arms ached and her heart felt like it was going to shatter. It took all of her willpower not to stomp back, tape off the contraceptive aisle, and direct Calder away from the scene.

  Shanna dumped her purchases on the counter and ignored the cashier giving furtive glances under her lashes. What was she going to do with all this stuff? Shanna wondered as she opened her purse. At least the money she had saved for the salon was being put to good use.

  Good use. Yeah, right. Who was she kidding? She hadn’t even kissed Dominic. What made her think she was ready for a sex marathon?

  She had a feeling half of the lubes and condom stuff was like swimwear; it was nonreturnable once you stepped out of the store. But she had too much pride to go back and return the items while Calder was there. She might as well consider it an investment in her future dating life. Whoo. Hoo. Keep her feet from dancing.

  “Do you know the price for these?”

  Shanna stopped hunting throu
gh her purse and looked up. The cashier held up the dental dams. “Uh, no.”

  The woman picked up the intercom. “Price check for dental dams. Price check on dental dams.”

  Those dental dams were out to haunt her. What were they for, anyway? Shanna leaned over and read the box.

  Use these latex barriers for safe oral and anal sex. Available in a variety of flavors. Now in cherry!

  Shanna felt the blush creep through her face. Her skin felt hot. Scalding. When she got back to the office, she was definitely going to check her horoscope. She had a feeling it was going to mention something about the Fates laughing their asses off at her.

  From where he stood, Calder could see Shanna getting flustered at the register. He wondered what could have possibly rattled her. As far as he knew, only he had that power over her poise. Was he losing that, too?

  He gripped the box tightly in his hand, the hard edges digging into his palm. He looked down at the box and smiled. The possessiveness flashing in Shanna’s eyes was all he needed to see.

  Relief flooded through him. The way she was going after the Valentine’s Day date with that loser had him worried. He knew that she didn’t really want Dominic, but rather a date for Valentine’s.

  He knew that, but still…How was he going to keep Shanna from going out on Valentine’s Day? He could go the easy route and do exactly what was on Shanna’s list, but that would make his feelings a lie.

  And he wanted her to understand that. He thought she would have by now. But Heather was right; it was time to reel Shanna Murphy in.

  Calder replaced the box on the shelves. He still had the ones he bought while dating. If all worked out, he would use those condoms for their original purpose before their expiration date.

  Chapter Four

  Valentine’s Day

  Shanna quietly sat down next to her sister on the morning express bus. Heather cast a cautious sideways glance. “How’s it going?” her twin asked.