No Experience Required Read online

  “Oh.” Jane looked at Izzy and then back to Audie. “Yeah, me, too.”

  Jane and Audie followed her out of the breakroom, but when she reached her desk, they stopped and continued talking. Great. She couldn’t get away.

  “I’m so behind on these documents.” She opened her laptop, hoping they’d take the hint.

  Audie was single-focused, though. “How does your partner feel about you working here this summer?”

  Izzy shot a look at Audie before she could stop herself. She wanted to apologize for her classless friend.

  “I don’t have a partner,” Jane said.

  “Do you ever date your students?” Audie asked, ignoring Izzy.

  Izzy thought she was immune to Audie’s lack of filter, but this was getting uncomfortable even for Audie. “Audie! I can’t believe you just…” She turned to Jane. “I’m sorry…I’m…” She searched for words. “I don’t know what I am.” She leaned back in her chair.

  Audie raised her hands. “What? It’s research. For the book. I’m helping you out, Iz. You need to know how people meet other people.” Audie turned back to Jane. “How do you meet people, you know, for dating?”

  Yeah, sure. For the book. Izzy gave up.

  “Is this research for your book?” Jane asked Izzy.

  Audie answered for her. “She needs as much information about dating as she can get.”

  She wanted to strangle Audie but shot her a look instead. She didn’t care if Jane was watching.

  “For the book,” Audie added quickly.

  Izzy was done with this conversation and was getting ready to tell them to leave.

  “I mostly meet people through friends,” Jane said.

  Audie was relentless. “By people, do you mean male people, female people, or both?”

  Izzy held in an embarrassed groan even though she wanted to know.

  If Jane was offended, she didn’t show it. “I find it refreshing you didn’t assume. I date women.”

  It shouldn’t matter to her, but a little buzz filled Izzy. Women, huh?

  “So, your family and friends set you up with women?” Audie asked with a knowing nod.

  Jane laughed woodenly. “My family definitely does not set me up with women.”

  Audie winked at Izzy. Izzy narrowed her eyes. What was she winking at her for?

  Audie set her gaze on Jane. “Oh, so you meet them at work, places like that?”

  Shameless. Shameless. Shameless.

  Jane held a hand up. “I have a rule not to date anyone from work. It’s easier to keep it professional.”

  A wave of relief rushed over Izzy.

  “No exceptions?” Audie asked.

  When Jane shook her head vehemently, Izzy hid a smile.

  “I was involved with a coworker for a couple years. Our breakup was brutal, and it was hard to keep it from bleeding into our professional life. Since then, no exceptions.”

  “It must have been hard to see them at work afterward,” Izzy said.

  “She was in a different department, thankfully. But she teaches media. She gets asked to represent the school on air quite a bit, and it still kind of knocks me back a bit when I turn on the television and see her.”

  Izzy was enthralled with this personal tidbit, but even better, it seemed to take the wind out of Audie’s sails.

  “Well, I better get back to work.” Audie sighed.

  As if Izzy hadn’t been telling her the same thing for the last ten minutes!

  “I guess I better get going, too.” Jane took a step backward. “Izzy, if you need anyone to do research or beta reading, let me know.”

  Izzy smiled. “I’m good as far as research goes. The internet is an amazing thing.” It was a lie, her being good about the research, but she refused to dive into her dysfunction with a beautiful stranger.

  Jane rolled her eyes. “Oh, yeah. Because the internet is always right.”

  Was she teasing her? “Don’t worry, Professor. I’ll find primary sources to back up my internet searches.”

  Jane touched Izzy’s arm. “I mean it. I think it would be fun to help. In academia, we help each other out.”

  “Thanks, I’ll let you know.” Izzy’s arm tingled where Jane touched her.

  * * *

  Online dating sites are a popular place to meet people in this age of technology. They can be a safe and unintimidating way to get your feet wet as you ease into the business of dating. You can even think about it as online shopping—for romance! A quick search for dating sites will provide a huge list of online apps designed to suit everybody, and from the relative safety of your living room couch, you can shop for potential dates. Whether you’re looking for a one-time hookup or your future spouse, the internet has the app for you.

  Be careful, though. The relative anonymity of online dating apps can result in some interesting surprises and, in some cases, can lead to safety issues if you aren’t careful. So, trust your gut. If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.

  Chapter Seven

  The light from the Mac display was the only illumination in the room as Izzy did a search for dating websites. She was tucked into bed with Gus pressed firmly to her side, his head on the pillow beside her, and her cats Fat Bob and Prince on the other. It was a snuggle fest, and it was a good thing she was single because there wasn’t enough room in the bed for another person.

  Earlier that evening at bowling league, the team had given her a ton of advice on the ins and outs of online dating. Like Hector and Audie, they had been a little too eager to provide her with guidance. What was it with her friends wanting to hook her up? She took a deep breath and entered the criteria in the web browser.

  Holy crap! She found so many sites, and some were pretty wild. She pulled up the first website that didn’t look like a foray into kink. Not that anything was wrong with kink, but it wasn’t her particular cup of tea. The site didn’t make it easy to just look around. They required a profile before she could even see what the website looked like. She didn’t want anyone to notice her while she checked things out. Would she be a fraud if she created a fake profile? Well, yeah. Fake was the very definition of a fraud. She groaned. Okay. She’d create a profile so uninteresting, she’d fly under the radar.

  First things first. A username. Should she use her real name or a pseudonym? She couldn’t think of a good pseudonym to suit her. TechChick was taken, and NymphoHoney was just not her style. Feeling like a total bore, she considered several derivations of her full name before she settled on “I. Treadway.” It didn’t give her true identity away, and she wasn’t required to load a picture, so she didn’t. The bare minimum was the name of the game if she was just there to poke around. A message popped up telling her a profile without a picture severely limited her chances of finding dates. Good. That was exactly what she wanted, so she ignored it. Next, she had to fill out a questionnaire. The first question irritated her, and it only got worse as she read the next ones. Who cared about the color of a person’s eyes? She liked both athletic and curvy women. How could she pick just one? Each question drove her irritation level higher. When she reached the end and hit save, she felt judgmental and shallow, but, finally, she could progress to the browsing section.

  She’d chosen the free option, so she was allowed to scroll through the database with restricted access. She could wink at people, but she couldn’t message them directly unless they initiated contact. She also couldn’t see full profiles, only the first five lines of their “About Me” section. She also found, unless she paid, she couldn’t really communicate much with anyone, not that she wanted to. But this was research. The site had a monthly fee option, or she could go a full year for seventy-nine dollars. She had to admit it was a good deal, but how many people did this for a full year? She decided to fork over the monthly fee to see more of the profiles.

  An hour later, Izzy was still scrolling through profiles, the experience strangely compulsive. She learned which of them drew her in and which ones didn�
�t. Some were written well; others were barely legible. Others were so charming she wondered why they were still on the site. Her digital notepad filled up with the notes she took.

  A small eye with long eyelashes appeared in the corner of her screen. A wink! Someone was winking at her! She didn’t even have a picture up, and someone was winking at her. Should she ignore it? The user name, FemmeFatale, seemed somewhat ominous, but she was curious. With an apprehensive tickle in her stomach and reminding herself this was all for the book, she clicked on the profile and saw a photo of a woman with her dog. She looked friendly enough. She hovered the cursor over the wink button for a moment before she winked back. Seconds later, a message appeared in the instant-messaging window.

  Hi, there, I. Treadway.

  Hi, she typed back.

  FemmeFatale: I noticed you don’t have a picture. Are you shy?

  I. Treadway: A little.

  FemmeFatale: The cool thing about being online is you don’t need to be shy.

  I. Treadway: How so?

  FemmeFatale: You never have to meet the person you talk to if you don’t want to.

  I. Treadway: True.

  FemmeFatale: So, what are you doing right now?

  I. Treadway: Talking to you.

  FemmeFatale: Ask me what I’m doing.

  I. Treadway: Okay. What are you doing?

  FemmeFatale: I’m touching myself, thinking about—

  Izzy clicked out of the profile and hit the block button. This was supposed to be the tame dating site. What had she gotten herself into? She closed her computer and placed it on her bedside table. In the shadows of her dark bedroom she thought about the interaction. Part of her felt bad for the abrupt way she had left the conversation with FemmeFatale, but what was the woman thinking? The internet brought people closer together but also introduced a virtual distance, making people feel as if they could do things they never would in person. She’d worked in technology most of her career. She used social media all the time. But this online-dating thing had revealed an aspect she’d never really considered. It took a while before she finally fell asleep.

  * * *

  There are countless ways to meet people. Ask your coupled friends how they met, and you’ll probably get different answers from each of them. Take my friends Rhonda and Jean. They met while skydiving in Dubai. Two years later, they were married during a jump at 12,000 feet above the California desert. I was invited to the ceremony, but the only way you could get me to jump out a plane would be if it was on fire, and even then, I’d take some time to consider the options.

  Anywho—even though most people will tell you they go to bars or clubs to find romance, it’s usually not where people meet the people they end up with. Bars and clubs are noisy, and unless you read lips, it’s hard to get to know someone when you can’t hear what they’re saying. Before a bunch of you go running to flood my social media with your stories of meeting your Happily Ever After at a bar, I’m not saying it’s unheard of. I’m just saying it happens far less often than you’d think.

  So, bars are out, and you don’t skydive. Where do you go to meet people? Unless you’re a hermit, you meet people every day—at work, waiting in line at the grocery store, volunteering at the pet shelter—all day, every day. Use this interaction to meet potential dates. Of course, you’ll want to make sure it’s appropriate because you’ll probably run into the person again. But it’s also a way to meet people with the same interests as you.

  Chapter Eight

  Izzy’s headphones were on, and she was banging out a knowledge article for the latest software release to the synthesized brilliance of her Pandora 80s station when a yellow Peanut M&M dropped onto her keypad. Then a blue one. She looked up and saw Hector leaning over the cubicle wall above her. His great big smile was infectious, and she dropped her headphones to her neck and smiled back. Billy Idol’s “White Wedding” continued to play from her shoulders.

  “Damn girl! You’re gonna go deaf with your music on so loud.”

  “Hey, Hector.” She ignored his comment. He was one to talk. His car vibrated with the bass he cranked when he arrived every morning. She stretched. A quick glance at the clock on her monitor told her she’d been writing for four hours straight. No wonder her neck was stiff and her shoulders were tight. She’d have to go for a run later to get rid of some of the tension. How she’d fit it in was a mystery, since she had four more articles to write after this one.

  Hector tossed an M&M into the air and caught it in his mouth. “It’s quittin’ time. We’re getting ready to head over to Lefty’s to celebrate the release. You wanna go?”

  Izzy grimaced and ran her tongue across her front teeth. “That’s a great way to break a tooth, you know.”

  “It’ll look great with the love handles I’m working on.” He slapped his nonexistent paunch. “You gonna come, or what?”

  She leaned back in her chair. He always asked. She rarely went. “I don’t know, Hec. Your release celebration means an avalanche of work for me. I have a bunch of articles to hammer out by Friday, when the public release is announced.” She and he both knew work was only part of the reason.

  He gave her a pathetic, hangdog look. “Please? You’ll get it done. You always do. Come for an hour. We’re getting ready to head over right now. You can pick it up later tonight if you want to.”

  She really did love that he always asked. Her tight shoulders told her she needed to take a break anyway. She sighed. “Sure. Why not? Let me just close this one out and send it for review. I’ll meet you over there in less than fifteen.” The look on his face was its own reward. So much for that run.

  He drummed a short beat on the cubicle wall. “Sweet! See you soon!”

  Ten minutes later, Izzy finished the article and shut down her laptop. As she gathered her things, guilt bubbled up inside her. Gus. She hated leaving him home alone for another hour or so, especially since she knew she’d be working extra hours the rest of the week. Then she remembered the dog-walking company had taken him to the dog park down the street from her house that day. He also had the doggy door. It wasn’t a terrible thing, she told herself, even as she made a mental note to swing by Petropolis to get him a new elk antler on the way home.

  * * *

  Lefty’s was just across the street from the Gigify campus, and it took Izzy only a few minutes to drop off her laptop at her car in the parking structure and head over. The warm air provided a nice contrast to the air-conditioning inside the building. It was still light out, with sunset a few hours away. Part of her wished she was going home for a run, but Hector’s smile when she said she’d join them was enough to keep her from flaking out on him.

  The little bar, a square, one-story building, featuring a flashing neon sign lighting up the whole area when it clicked on at dusk each night, had been in the same location for at least thirty years. It sat in the middle of a smallish blacktop parking lot surrounded by several much larger, much newer, business buildings. Neon beer signs gave it a festive look. At one time, Lefty’s had been a biker bar on the far outskirts of town. However, with the boom of Silicon Valley, it was now right in the middle of things, and the bikers had been squeezed out when all the tech geeks had taken over. Izzy would have loved to see the early days when the first programmers in their short-sleeved button-up shirts with pocket protectors had ventured into Lefty’s for a drink. Visions of the geeks and bikers sitting shoulder to shoulder at the bar made her laugh.

  She opened the big wooden front door and walked into the dim pub. Not much had changed after the bikers left. Although it was a non-smoking establishment, like all public buildings in California, the air hinted at ancient cigarette smoke and spilled beer. The décor was still predominantly Harley-Davidson inspired, and the front wheel and handle bars of a chromed-out classic soft tail was mounted on the center of the wall behind the bar, flanked on each side by mirrored shelves of liquor. The bartenders dressed like bikers in leather vests and chaps.

  Izzy spotted
Hector and his group over in the far corner near the bar, and she weaved through tables to meet them. The noisy bar was crowded three people deep watching the Giants game on a couple of huge TV screens mounted at each end of the bar.

  “I wasn’t sure you would actually come. I saved you a seat.” Hector shouted as he took his backpack off the seat to his right and pulled the chair out.

  She smiled apologetically. “I almost didn’t, but you asked so nicely.”

  Hector pretended to be offended. “I’m always nice!”

  The other developers at the table groaned and laughed.

  He glared at everyone around the table. “Well, at least when the release is on schedule and we’re not dealing with any major risks.”

  Ganesh, who was sitting across the table, raised his beer bottle. “Here’s to a release going out on time for once.”

  The rest of the developers at the table clinked their bottles and glasses together.

  Izzy picked up an unclaimed water glass and clinked it along with the rest.

  Hector laid his hand on her shoulder. “We have to get you a drink. What are you having? Arnold Palmer? 7Up?”

  Jane appeared behind Izzy and put a bottle of beer from a local brewery on the table in front of her. “Oh.” She sounded hesitant. “I was at the bar when I saw you come in and…well, I can get you something else.”

  Izzy took a sip from the bottle. “Beer is great. Thank you.”

  Why’d she say that? She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a beer. Wine was more her style, but even that was rare. She rarely drank alcohol, but when a pretty woman bought her a drink…

  Jane looked relieved and pushed a stray hair behind her ear. “For a second I thought I’d committed a huge faux pas.”

  Was Jane’s hair different? It wasn’t pulled back like she usually wore it. It looked soft and…wait. Jane had asked a question. “Um, not at all. Besides the calories, alcohol interacts with a medication I’m on. But I do partake every once in a while. Tonight’s a perfect night for it. Thanks again.”