No Experience Required Read online

  Jane put her hand over her mouth but continued to watch.

  A steady flow of candies poured out, and Izzy suddenly worried about her choice of words. She focused on the cup she held. Was “knob” a dirty word? Stop it!

  She snuck a look at Jane, who was watching her, not the cup. She was smiling, but she looked friendly enough. She watched the volume in the cup increase until it was three-fourths full, and her head suddenly filled with static. Too many thoughts to keep track of. She was doing it wrong or acting weird. A familiar voice injected paranoia where healthy people usually didn’t feel it. Oh no. She was veering into the noisy headspace she tried so hard to stay away from. The warm flush she’d felt a second ago turned into a hot panic. Stop it!

  She did a counting exercise to calm her thoughts and checked in. None of the thoughts were spilling from her lips. She was breathing fine. She was just showing the new intern how to use the machine. You’re good. It’s good.

  Jane’s smile seemed natural. She smiled back and transferred her attention to the cup again.

  Was she being an asshole by assuming Jane wasn’t capable of figuring it out herself? She probably thinks you’re a control freak. No. You’re a regular person, showing the newbie the ropes. Stop it!

  With a hand feeling nothing like her own, she rotated the knob one click to shut the chute and stop the stream. She shook the cup to level the candies.

  Or maybe she thinks you’re a show-off. Show-offs were usually trying to gain approval. Is that what you’re doing? Stop it! Reboot!

  The voices in her head fell silent. The reboot always worked.

  A perfect pour. Perfect control.

  She handed the cup to Jane. “Bam! Maximum product volume without causing spillage and waste.” Her voice sounded fine. None of the residual tightness in her chest snuck out.

  Jane showed no sign she was aware of the five-second war occurring in Izzy’s mind. She accepted the cup of colorful candies and rested her hip against the counter. “I give you a solid ten for execution, a ten for dismount, and a nine point five for presentation.”

  Izzy frowned at the imperfect score. “Only nine-point-five for presentation?”

  Jane tilted her head and pursed her lips. “You failed to execute the customary bow at the end. I had to deduct.”

  Is Jane flirting? No way.

  Izzy pretended to consider the constructive criticism. “I have to accept it. I came with my best, but my best wasn’t good enough.”

  She was not flirting. It was just a quick-witted response she was known for. Besides, flirting was for people who dated, not her.

  “Well, there’s always the three p.m. slump to try again,” Izzy said as she filled her own cup with candies.

  “Three p.m. slump?”

  Izzy turned the handle. Another perfect pour. “It’s a scientific fact that office workers have a period, usually around three p.m., when they crave either sugar or caffeine or both.”

  “I’ve never heard of it. But if I think about it, that’s about the time I always go for my afternoon latte,” Jane said, popping an M&M into her mouth.

  “I read it on the internet, so I’m pretty sure it’s true,” Izzy said. She shook her cup and selected a candy. Not enough reds, but she didn’t intend to estimate the percentage of each color in this pour. Audie appreciated her occasional flares of OCD, but the newbie didn’t need to be aware of them.

  Jane made a serious face. “I believe you.”

  “I admit, I’m using science to justify my addiction. Peanut M&M’s are my downfall when it comes to snacking at work. I just can’t walk by the breakroom without getting a refill.” Izzy shrugged. Her meds caused her to gain weight if she wasn’t careful. She made a mental note to go for a longer run later.

  “Why don’t they have celery sticks instead?” Jane popped another candy into her mouth.

  “We have those, too.” Izzy gestured toward the refrigerators. “Cheese sticks, fruit, chips, soda—whatever will keep a developer hopped up on sugar and caffeine and from looking for greener pastures.”

  “We get overpriced pizza slices in the quad and noodle cups in the vending machines.”

  Izzy realized Jane was eating all the blue M&M’s first. She leaned against the counter. What the hell? She was already late for the meeting with Hector. He’d get over it. “I remember those days. I went to Bay Shores for graduate school.”

  Jane looked up from her cup and smiled. “Maybe we can go watch a softball game together sometime. I know the coach.”

  Izzy nodded at the idea, but she probably wouldn’t go. Jane was most likely someone she’d want to be more than friends with, and she couldn’t have that. Even if she got past the rejection once Jane got to know her, all her relationships ended one way or another. She couldn’t chance what that could do to her. She tried not to let her disappointment show. It was her lot in life to be single. She’d gotten used to it. That was why she always stopped a flirtation before things got too far. Thankfully, before her thoughts began to circle too quickly, the phone she’d left on the counter vibrated.

  It was Hector.

  We’re in the Popeye conf. room

  She sighed. She should have known; this close to release meant she couldn’t blow off the meeting.

  “Well, it was nice talking to you, Jane from Bay Shores. I hope we run into each other around the campus.” Izzy backed out of the breakroom as she spoke.

  “Me, too, Izzy from Gigify,” Jane said with a wave.

  * * *

  One of the first steps after you’ve decided what kind of person you’re looking for is to let people know you’re on the market. For those just starting to get their feet wet, it may feel safer dating people you know as opposed to strangers. Even a friend of a friend might feel like a safer choice than going at it blind. Once you let folks know you’ve started dating, you might be surprised at how many people will want to hook you up with someone they know who’s looking, too. Sure, you’ll get a few “nice people” your great-aunt Beatrice would like you to meet from church or the son or daughter of a friend from bridge club. If you’re lucky, friends might set you up with people who at least share some common interests.

  Letting other people know you’re on the market isn’t always about announcing it or wearing it in big letters on a T-shirt. You may be more comfortable meeting people somewhere you go all the time, like the gym or a sports team. Believe it or not, many people meet their significant other at work. Think about it. You’re probably there more than you’re home. You’re also surrounded by people who have at least one important interest in common. So, it’s highly likely you’ll meet at least a few coworkers who could be dating material. Just be careful. Dating someone from work can get awkward. Many companies have fraternization policies because of this.

  Chapter Six

  The staff meeting adjourned midafternoon, and as the team trickled out of the conference room, Izzy walked over to the credenza near the door and grabbed a small bunch of grapes left over from the lunch her boss had ordered in. There were leftover sandwiches, too, and the cookies were singing her name, but she refused to give them eye contact. If she didn’t see them, they didn’t exist. She’d already had an embarrassing number of Peanut M&M’s courtesy of Hector, who had joined the meeting for the last hour to give a presentation on the latest release candidate so they knew what to expect as far as documentation went after the final sprint merged.

  She tossed a grape into her mouth and leaned against the credenza, turning her back to the noisy cookies. Everyone had left the room except her and Hector.

  “When you were dating, what did you do to meet people?” she asked him.

  Hector eyed the sandwiches. “The normal stuff, I guess.”

  “Bars and clubs?”

  Hector inspected a ham-and-cheese sandwich. “Yeah. I did the club thing. But clubs are mostly for hookups.”

  “Just hookups?” She glanced back at the cookies and looked away. No. She was stronger than her desires.


  Hector leaned against the credenza. “Everyone knows you don’t usually find a serious girlfriend at a club. It’s too loud to get to know someone. Clubs are all about sex.” He took a big bite of the sandwich. “And getting drunk,” he said as an afterthought through the food in his mouth.

  “Where did you go to meet women for more than just a hookup?” She had to look away when he answered. Seeing half-masticated food churning in his mouth was disgusting. Unfortunately, the move forced her to look at the cookies.

  He took another bite. “Anywhere else, really. The mall. At school. At the grocery store. I once asked a woman out when I was getting my tires rotated. She had arms like a professional weightlifter. I had to break up with her because she could beat me in a wrestling match. I can’t date a woman who can hold me down.”

  She swatted his arm. “That’s the most misogynistic thing you’ve ever said.”

  He took another bite and smiled, lettuce dangling out of the corner of his mouth. “I’m a pig, I know.”

  “True on so many levels.” She picked up an oatmeal-raisin cookie. Raisins were a fruit. It had to be better for her than the chocolate-chunk cookie or the sugar cookie. They were all as big around as her face. She’d only eat half of it.

  “How did you meet Jillian?” She broke off a piece of the cookie and put it in her mouth.

  “At a dance club in Oakland.”

  “I thought you only hooked up at clubs.” She took another nibble. God, it was good.

  “Jillian is the little sister of a friend. He brought her to the dance club so I could meet her. I wasn’t expecting much. In fact, I almost didn’t go.” He lowered the plate he was holding, and his eyes went all distant. “But when I first set eyes on her, bang. She was it for me.”

  She could almost forgive the food in his mouth. Almost.

  Hector picked up the second half of his sandwich. “Why are you asking me all this?”

  “Research for the book. If I told you I was looking for a date, would you try to set me up with one of your friends?”

  Hector set the sandwich aside and rubbed his hands together. “You want me to pimp for you, Iz? It could be a thank you for you saving my relationship with Jillian.”

  She picked at the cookie. “This is purely hypothetical for the book. I’ve been doing some reading and found most people meet their partners through introductions from friends.”

  Hector looked disappointed, and then his expression grew thoughtful. He picked up his sandwich again.

  “If I were to set you up with one of my friends,” he said around a hunk of bread, “who would it be?” He thought and chewed. “None of my sisters bat for your team. I do have one cousin we have suspicions about. She’s good at softball, likes to wear ballcaps. But she has a rotation of greasy biker boyfriends, so it’s probably an androgynous millennial thing.” He poked her with his elbow. “Sorry, Iz. I actually think you’d like her.”

  This was getting weird. “Again, it’s only hypothetical. I’m not looking. Thanks anyway.” She popped the last bite of the cookie into her mouth. Where had the rest of it gone? She rubbed her hands on her chinos.

  “You got my hopes up.” Hector finished his sandwich, and they left the conference room.

  Izzy swiped another oatmeal cookie before she could stop herself. You’re weak, Treadway. Weak! She told herself to shut it as she took a bite of the new cookie.

  “Well, I’m not looking.”

  She hit the elevator call button and they watched the numbers above the elevator light up as it landed at other floors. She regretted her terse response. She wasn’t sure if it came out that way because she was mad at herself for taking two cookies or if she wished Hector wasn’t so keen to find her a girlfriend. Probably both.

  Hector didn’t seem to notice. “If you change your mind, just say so. I know a lot of people.”

  “I won’t change it, but I’ll tell you first if I do.”

  “How’s the book going, by the way?”

  “I have an outline and a couple chapters written so far.”

  “Sounds like a good start.”

  “Yeah, but it’s harder than I thought it would be.”

  The elevator doors opened, and they got in. The door was closing when an arm shot between the doors, and the sensors opened them again. Izzy winced. What if the sensors failed? When the doors opened, Jane was standing there. Izzy’s stomach lurched, and the elevator hadn’t even moved.

  “Fancy meeting you here,” Jane said, pushing the same number Hector had already selected. She looked at Izzy with a shy smile. “You’re right about the three p.m. slump. I’m trying not to think about M&M’s.”

  “You can’t fight science.” Izzy’s stomach did another little flip. It could have been the elevator rising this time, but she didn’t think so.

  “When you put it that way…” Jane smiled. She faced them from the other side of the elevator, hugging a laptop to her chest.

  She was so pretty, but something else about her made Izzy’s stomach flutter.

  “Do you know each other?” Hector’s eyes bounced with amusement between them.

  “We met in the orange breakroom the other day,” Izzy said.

  “She showed me how to dispense the snacks without an avalanche.”

  She winked at Izzy, and Izzy winked back. Izzy never winked. What the hell was going on?

  “Goddam Peanut M&M’s,” Hector said. “They’re addictive.”

  Jane touched her arm with her soft, warm hand, a nice contrast to the air-conditioning in the building.

  “I heard you’re writing a book,” Jane said, an excited gleam in her eyes.

  “You did?” Izzy looked at Hector.

  He shrugged. “Audie and I were talking about it this morning at my desk. I didn’t think it was a secret.”

  Was it? Not really. But having more people know about it put a little more pressure on her. The bad kind of anxiety shot through her. Not the kind she got from looming deadlines or reviews with her boss but the kind she felt when she wasn’t sure if she could keep it together. She used her breathing exercises to keep it from spinning out of control. “I’m just getting started.”

  “Audie said it was going to be a best seller.” Jane squeezed her arm and let her hand drop.

  Izzy blushed. “I have to actually finish it first.” Her chest already felt tight with anxiety, now add excitement. A lethal combination for her. She reminded herself to just breathe.

  Jane bounced. “What’s it about? Do you have a title yet?”

  “An Idiot’s Guide to Love.”

  The elevator deposited them at their floor.

  “You’re writing about love? Interesting,” Jane said.

  Izzy immediately second-guessed the whole idea. Who was she to write about love? It was stupid. “I know. What kind of expert could I be?”

  They were near the orange breakroom. Jane put a hand out, stopping her. Hector continued into the room. “Not at all. It’s a great idea. Is it a self-help book?”

  Izzy tried to ignore the flush she knew had crept to her cheeks. “Yeah, but interesting, you know?”

  “How’d you get the idea?” They walked into the breakroom.

  Hector was making a cup of coffee. “She gives great advice. Half the people on this floor have come to her for her wisdom. She’s the love whisperer.” Hector snapped and pointed at Izzy. “Hey, you can use that for your book title. The Love Whisperer. It’s catchy.”

  Izzy laughed. “You’ll have to run it by Audie. She’s pretty set on An Idiot’s Guide to Love.”

  As if conjured by the mention of her name, Audie walked into the breakroom with a cup of coffee. “I heard my name. Tell me you were saying something scandalous about me.”

  “Was it ‘Audie’ or ‘idiot’ you heard?” Hector looked highly amused at his joke.

  “If it was ‘idiot,’ I would have known she was talking to you, smart guy.” Audie slapped the bill of Hector’s San Jose Sharks ballcap.

&n
bsp; Hector laughed and readjusted his hat. “We were just talking about Izzy’s book.”

  “You’re already generating buzz.” Audie’s eyes landed on Jane, and a look settled over her face.

  Izzy had seen that look before. Audie was interested. Izzy didn’t know why she had the urge to stand closer to Jane. What was this? High school?

  Audie held out her hand to Jane. “You’re new. We haven’t been formally introduced. I’m Audie.”

  “I’m Jane.” Jane shook her hand.

  “She’s interning with Hector this summer,” Izzy said.

  “Aren’t you a little…mature to be an intern?” Audie asked.

  Izzy cringed. One of Audie’s not-so-endearing qualities was her use of the new interns as a dating pool, even though she was old enough to be their mother. Most of the time they ignored her. But sometimes, Audie got involved with one of them, and then it was uncomfortable for everyone around. The only thing saving Audie from being reported for sexual harassment was that she was exceptionally respectful about consent. Izzy had to give it to her—she was confident and charming. But, still, ew!

  Hector laughed. “Smooth, Aud. And on that note, I have a meeting. Jane, I’ll see you in an hour to go over test cases.”

  “Sounds good,” Jane said as he walked away.

  Audie’s eyes stayed on Jane, who slowly withdrew her hand from Audie’s. “So, you’re an intern.” Audie leaned against the counter and put a wooden coffee stirrer in her mouth.

  Jane had a playful sparkle in her eye. “A mature intern, yes.”

  Izzy was impressed with the ease in which Jane took the borderline rude comment. Why was she getting so irritated at Audie? Was she jealous? She had no reason to be.

  Jane gave Audie the condensed version of how she’d come to work at Gigify for the summer, and as much as Izzy enjoyed talking with both of them, she really didn’t want to continue analyzing her reaction to Audie.

  “I’ve been in a meeting all day. I have to get to work on a few docs,” she said, interrupting the discussion. She backed toward the breakroom door.