Hush, It’s Christmas Read online

  I am happy Bruno is back home again. The night without him was pretty lonely. Okay, I didn’t miss his snoring, but I did miss his warm back!

  “Nice that you’re back,” I tell him.

  “Nice you’re leaving again soon!” he answers.

  “Are you in a bad mood?” I ask him.

  “Well, because of you I was in jail for an entire night!” he growls at me. He takes up almost all the room on the blanket so that I barely have any room left.

  “Why because of me?” I ask.

  “If you hadn’t hung that silver stuff on me the police wouldn’t have arrested me!”

  I think about that. Then I say, “If your Mommy hadn’t bought the silver stuff, I would’ve never had the idea to hang it on you. Na-na-na-na-na!”

  “Leave my Mommy out of this,” Bruno snarls at me and shows me his teeth. I back off.

  “If your Daddy hadn’t bought a Christmas tree, your Mommy wouldn’t have bought the silver stuff,” I add.

  “My Daddy has nothing to do with this either!” Bruno barks at me. “You could go ahead and say it’s the Christ Child’s fault!”

  “Why?” I want to know.

  “Because if the Christ Child wouldn’t have been born, then there would be no Christmas, and if there was no Christmas, we wouldn’t need Christmas trees and no silver stuff!”

  Bruno is smarter than I thought! I just don’t like the idea that it’s all the Christ Child’s fault. I ponder on this a bit. Suddenly my throat gets tight.

  “I think it’s all India’s fault,” I whisper.

  “Why is it now India’s fault?” Bruno mutters.

  “Because if my Mommy’s friend hadn’t flown to India, she wouldn’t have gotten sick. Then my Mommy would still be at home, and I wouldn’t be here. I would be home with my Mommy.”

  “Sounds logical,” Bruno agrees.

  “Then there is only one solution,” I conclude.

  “And that would be?” Bruno asks.

  I don’t answer. Instead, I take a long look at the big, fat dog that didn’t do his fitness exercises today, nor yesterday. I don’t say anything about that either.

  I quietly leave, but Bruno doesn’t notice. He is already snoring again.

  December 15th

  Soy is missing! She has disappeared!

  Surely, the saber-toothed tiger got her, the one that crouches on the roof. It’s so huge, that its teeth loom over the balcony.

  Will Bruno be able to rescue Soy from its fangs?

  I had a horribly bad dream last night. A huge saber-toothed tiger jumped on our balcony and wanted to eat Soy!

  He was so big and so dangerous that Mommy said, “We have to call the zoo.”

  Daddy said, “I think the S.W.A.T. Team would be better!” The S.W.A.T. Team is the Special Weapons and Tactics Unit.

  Good thing the tiger was only a dream. Soy also seems to be awake already, because she isn’t here. Strange she hasn’t touched her milk, even though she’s probably been up for ages.

  “Soy!” I call loudly and wait, but she doesn’t answer me at all. Hmmm. Maybe she is doing one of her whole-body-knot yoga exercises and can’t speak. I empty my bowl, lick it clean and lay down again. There is nothing like a little digestion nap. Dozily, I look out of the living room window and my dog food freezes in my belly. There are long, sharp fangs hanging from the roof!

  They are see-through and shine in the sun like the blades of swords. They look like the jaws of a huge, saber-toothed tiger! I jump up and my full belly jumps, too. What to do? Daddy and Mommy are already out of the house. Tommi and Tina are in school. I am all alone with the beast!

  “Soy! Soy?” I call again. We don’t always agree but we have to stick together against this monster.

  What if… what if this terrible monster… has… eaten her? What if she is already in its stomach? My food is hopping up and down in my stomach at the thought of it!

  I break out in a sweat, even though I haven’t done any push-ups today. I say to myself, “Okay, Bruno, you must be strong now!” But how strong must one be with an opponent such as this?

  The shiny teeth don’t move. The tiger is calmly laying on the look-out on our roof. I am going to leave our apartment very quietly, go down the stairs, and out of the front door and into the garden. I will hide behind a bush and evaluate the situation from a safe distance. Then I shall make a decision. Does that sound like a plan?

  If only my paws wouldn’t tremble so badly. Soy’s rag mouse is in the hallway. I take it along with me. Maybe I can distract the beast and free Soy. I just hope it’s not too late.

  December 16th

  Soy wants to go to India. It feels like it’s only a heartbeat away.

  She wants to see her Mommy, but the way to India is more dangerous then she’d imagined.

  I’m cold and all my bones hurt. I spent all last night underneath a park bench. Is it still far to India? Mommy said she has to fly there. So I better ask someone that knows about flying. “Hello, blackbird,” I call. The blackbird suspiciously looks at me. “I don’t want to eat you,” I tell him quickly. “Not today. Do you know the way to India?”

  The blackbird chirps out of the distance, “Straight ahead!”

  After endless steps straight ahead I have to take a rest. A squirrel climbs up the tree next to me. Its dark, brown eyes, as big as saucers, examine me. I ask the same question I asked the blackbird. The squirrel tells me, “India? Straight ahead!” With its head, it points in the direction that I just came from.

  “What? All the way back?” I can’t believe that. I should ask my belly again.

  “Curry,” is all that my belly has to say today. Hmmm, not very helpful. I walk on because I want to be in India before it gets dark. Nearby, I smell a scent I’m not familiar with. I wonder if I can find something to eat here?

  The scent leads me to a large freeway. It’s so loud here! It stinks and the cars drive bumper to bumper. Yet, I have to get across because between two cars I saw a big elephant standing on the other side. Elephants are from India, right?

  The elephant stretches its trunk and tusks in the air. Each of its legs is as thick as one of the tree trunks in the park. A door next to the elephant opens and a young human couple come through it with a white plastic bag. Is there something to eat in the bag?

  “Curry Palace” is written on the bag. Curry! The guiding of my belly is once again right! If this is true, than I will see my Mommy shortly! I am just about to cross the freeway when I hear a familiar voice.

  “Soy, you’re alive!” It’s Bruno, and he is gasping for air.

  “Of course I’m alive!” I snap, because I haven’t forgotten our quarrel.

  “Come home with me,” Bruno says, “It’s getting dark.”

  “India is my home,” I tell him, holding my head up high as I take a step towards the freeway.

  Tires squeal. A load of snow-slush flies around my ears. Then everything goes quiet.

  December 17th

  Thankfully, all Soy had was a big scare, but she still has no desire to set even one paw outside.

  When Bruno finds a hiding place with many colorful packages, the day becomes a pure celebration. The only question is, “For whom?”

  Had I not grabbed Soy by the neck just in time yesterday, she would have been run over! Luckily, everything went well. Today shall be a cozy day without any commotion, just the way I like it. For fifteen minutes now I have been laying here on my blanket watching Soy pushing her head towards her belly-button.

  A new yoga exercise. “Are you looking for a second button in your belly?” I ask her.

  “Nh-nh-nh-nh-nnh!” She mumbles. Is that Yogish?

  Mommy walks through the hallway with a big bag full of large and small packages that are wrapped in colorful paper. It all smells new and exciting. I have to investigate this!

  When Mommy leaves, I grab my chance. Wagging my tail, I walk into the bedroom. There the bag sits in front of the bed.

  “Soy,” I ca
ll. “Come here! Hurry! You have to see this!”

  She prefers to keep staring at her belly. That’s okay. I’ll have more loot to myself! I hurry and pull the packages out of the bag and chew the paper off. This is so much fun! But wait, what’s that?! It’s black and red and has four wide wheels and a flame on each side. There’s also a black box with a thin metal rod.

  I push the switches on the box with my nose. Wrumm, the thing roars off. Skillfully, I guide the vehicle towards the living room. It has lots of horse power. “Watch it!” I call, as I speed it up.

  The vehicle darts directly towards Soy! She hears the sound and with a horror-stricken expression on her face, she jumps around like a Jack-in-the-box. On the couch, halfway up the wall, then down to the floor again. Up the opposite wall, on top of the TV and right into the middle of the Christmas tree. This cat is fast, faster than I can watch her!

  It looks as if a bomb hit the living room when she calms down. Two picture frames and the calendar fell off the wall to the floor. Pictures are scattered everywhere on the floor, mixed with calendar pages and broken bits of glass. There are deep claw prints in the wall paper, the Christmas tree is totally crooked and two porcelain angels are gone. They probably became so frightened that they flew to heaven!

  Soy looks at me numbly, as if someone has pushed the pause button in her head. Then she faints.

  December 18th

  What chaos yesterday!

  Bruno and Soy are being punished and have to stay on their blanket and be still. Can you have fun laying down? Oh yes, you can!

  “I just can’t believe it! This can’t be true!” Bruno’s Mommy has been repeating this over and over since yesterday. My Mommy says it’s something like a mantra when you repeat the same thing over and over. Mantras make you feel good and create a happy reality, my Mommy says.

  “This can’t be true!” and “I can’t believe it!” seem to be Bruno’s Mommy’s mantras. Although, she doesn’t look as if she’s having good feelings! In fact, she looks a little confused today. She wanted to make toast for Bruno’s Daddy this morning and instead of putting the bread into the toaster, she put the oven mitts in it. Instead of catsup, she put a big drop of dish soap on Tommi and Tina’s fish sticks.

  Since yesterday, she has been very strict with Bruno and me. Very, very strict. If one of us even scratches ourselves, she looks at us so sharply that I could faint again. I am sooooo bored! Bruno is, too.

  “I can’t believe this,” Bruno mumbles.

  “In the basement there is a light amiss!” I rhyme.

  “There is a face,” Bruno varies the rhyme.

  “Is it the Christ Child’s grace?” I whisper back.

  “It‘s a maze!”

  Bruno and I grin at each other. This is fun.

  I keep on, saying, “This can’t be true.”

  He answers, “Look at the door and who’s coming through? It must be the cat with warm skin…or is it the dog’s identical twin?”

  “It brings in a gift with a spin!”

  “It must have been to the gym!”

  “Is it for me? It looks so thin.”

  “I think you’ve had too much gin.”

  “I can’t believe it’s a win.”

  “The Christ Child brought a… piggy bank!” We snort with laughter.

  “Let’s put our wishes in it.”

  “And some will come true, you must admit.”

  “That is as clear as a sky that’s moonlit.”

  “And the nicest thing is…” I think really quickly. What actually is the nicest thing about Christmas? “That you are my friend!” Did I just say that?

  “Are we friends?” Bruno asks.

  Bruno and I look at each other and then quickly look away again. I turn red, as if someone rubbed catsup on my cheeks.

  December 19th

  Bruno is nervous, because Soy claims she has a gift for him - in fact, a perfect gift. What do you do if you don’t have the slightest idea what to give someone else? To top it off, something perfect!

  Bruno’s gray brain cells are working overtime.

  To top things off, now I need a gift! I was blissfully taking my afternoon nap when Soy woke me with a loud cheer, “Got it! I have the perfect gift for you!”

  Oh boy! I don’t have a gift for her. I wasn’t even planning on giving her a gift! I have never given anyone a gift, much less a cat. Eighteen days ago this cat didn’t even exist in my life and now I am supposed to give her a gift?!

  For three agonizing minutes I twist my brain, but I have no idea. I know that I can reflect 300 minutes more with the same result. Whoever got the idea to give gifts, anyway? Certainly not the Christ Child. He’s laying innocently in the manger. If I understood the entire story that the humans tell, then the three Holy Kings brought gifts to the stall when the Christ Child was born. The story never said anything about the Christ Child giving gifts back. So, why should I?

  “What is your gift to me?” Soy purrs at my side, as if she guessed my thoughts.

  “A muzzle,” I growl, “or a claw trimmer.”

  “Excuse me?” Soy’s voice sounds slightly hysterical. “I don’t want a muzzle or a claw trimmer! That’s the last straw! You can make a better effort. After all, I invented an entire Advent calendar for you!”

  “I didn’t ask you to do that!” I snap back at her. I’d like to quickly change the subject because Soy had forgotten that awful Advent calendar in all the excitement of the last few days.

  I rejoiced too fast. Soy drags something out of Tommi’s room that looks like the rubber version of the planet Saturn. It’s a round, blue ball, about as big as a soccer ball, with a red, plastic disk around it.

  “Get on,” she demands. “Come on, get on!” With a demanding look, she makes me get on this torture planet. “Hold on tight and hop!”

  To hold onto this thing and hop at the same time is like starting and stopping at the same time - it’s impossible!

  I have a hunch that finding a gift for this cat will be just as impossible.

  December 20th

  Christ dog or Christ cat? Soon Bruno and Soy will find out what the Christ Child looks like.

  But what if they miss him on Christmas Eve? A trap would be good. Only how do you build a trap for someone when you don’t know whether that someone has four legs or two wings?

  Mommy sent us outside, because she wants to clean the house in peace. “Without someone riding the mop or turning the staircase into Niagara Falls,” she says.

  The weather outside is mucky. The patio is a sea of puddles and the lawn is one big, horrid swamp. So, we huddle together on the doormat.

  “It’s Christmas Eve in four days,” Bruno says.

  “In four days we will finally find out if the Christ Child is a dog or cat,” I add.

  “If we catch him,” Bruno says. “If we don’t, all will be in vain! We’ll have to wait another year.”

  “We have to lie in a bush to catch it,” I say, “with alternate shifts, so we don’t fall asleep.”

  As I say this, I realize Bruno will sleep through his shift anyway. This is not a good solution. “We need a trap!” I exclaim. Bruno nods in agreement. I never would’ve believed I would see the day that we agree on something!

  The next moment, the disagreements start again. “We should dig a deep hole,” Bruno suggests.

  “What if the Christ Child flies? Then a hole will be useless,” I say.

  “That means we need a net!” Bruno reflects.

  “Tommi and Tina have a volleyball net! But we don’t know if the Christ Child flies high or low,” Bruno considers. He has a point, I must admit.

  “We will lure him with food!” I say, and the question of hole or net dissolves. Excellent.

  “Yes, a nice big bone,” Bruno fantasizes.

  “Nope!” I protest. “A saucer of sweet milk.” The Christ Child stems from cats. Period!

  “A bone and milk,” Bruno determines. “Then we are on the safe side.”

&nb
sp; I never expected him to say that. Obviously, my Advent calendar made his gray brain cells more fit, too!

  “In front of the door or on the window sill?” I ask.

  “Put the bone in front of the door, and the milk on the window sill.” Bruno decides.

  “Fine, and just to be sure, let’s dig a hole and hang up the net!” I decide. “To make sure nothing can go wrong.”

  Now we will catch the Christ Child! Of that, we are sure.

  December 21st

  The Christ Child is trapped!

  But he doesn’t look like a dog nor a cat, and he takes Soy away with him. Bruno could be happy, but all of a sudden he feels a twinge in his chest…

  “B-B-Bruno, there is a mon-mon-monster ou-out-outside!” Soy whispers beside me.

  I listen. Slurp, smack, grrr. Slurp, smack, grrr. The noise comes from the garden and sounds like a giant dinosaur that is stomping through a field of mud. I move closer to Soy and hope she doesn’t notice that I am shaking.

  We are startled by a sudden knock at the door.

  “Ooopen! Please ooopen!”

  A monster that says please? That is certainly rare. Soy sits up and looks at me with shiny eyes. It’s time!

  “The Christ Child! We caught the Christ Child!”

  As quietly as we can, we go to the garden. The noises have stopped. Where is the Christ Child?

  The saucer with the milk is untouched. The bone is as we left it. The net is untouched, too. On tip toes we sneak to the hole we dug. Nothing. No Christ Child to be seen, near or far. Suddenly, something moves near us. It’s as big as a human and it’s wearing a cape that must have been colorful once, but now is full of mud. It sure doesn’t look very Christian. I growl at the stranger and just as I am about to pounce on it’s leg to scare it off, Soy calls out, “Mommy!” She runs to the muddy thing.