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  Pretty soon there wouldn’t be much left.

  The cellphone in his pocket rang and he cast a silent thanks to whoever was calling for the distraction. Breakups always left him agitated and ready to do something—anything—to get rid of the churning guilt and sense of loss. The guilt was the real bitch of it. He knew all these breakups were his fault.

  Everything was always his fault.

  He’d never invested fully in any of the women. Sure, he’d tried but never all the way. He was man enough to admit the idea of doing so scared the shit out of him. He could’ve saved himself years of grief if it hadn’t taken so long figuring that out.

  Maybe that was the wisdom of getting old.

  The phone rang again, an incessant demand for response. “Yeah.”

  “Jase.”

  The voice might as well have been a vise to his nuts. The emotions he read into the one word choked him. Pain, need, remorse. How the fuck could he possibly read that much into the sultry voice from his past?

  Wishful thinking.

  No. He’d never want her in pain.

  “Jeans? What’s wrong?”

  “God, you’re never getting past that name, are you?”

  “Afraid not, sweetheart.” He took a deep breath and sat on the edge of the bed that—up until about twenty minutes ago—he’d shared with another woman. Defensiveness stormed in, shoring up his wounded heart with a reminder he had no reason to chew on the guilt gnawing on his thoughts. Jeanie was married to someone else. “How have you been?”

  She laughed softly. “Exhausted. Blessed. Enraged. I’ll let you pick. I’ve been through the full cycle several times and gone back for more.”

  “That doesn’t sound like much fun. You never were one for roller coasters.”

  “No.”

  He closed his eyes and focused on the ragged drags of breath at the other end of the line. In and out. It was almost hypnotic. But he hadn’t heard from her for years—since the disaster at the bar that night. He wanted to ask about Vanessa and their son, whom he’d never seen.

  “Dan’s not doing good, Jase.” A sniffle punctuated the statement. “He wants to see you.”

  Dread spread like a fire in him. Despite everything that went down, Jason knew Dan was a hell of a guy. “Are you all still at the same house?”

  She laughed. “Yes, even though we’re run over with grandkids now. Vanessa and D.J. have been somewhat productive.”

  “I’ll head over in a few.”

  “Okay. We’re at the hospital though, Jase. The one where Vanessa was born.” She added the last part with a measure of happiness, as though part of her was hanging on by remembering the good times. “See you soon.”

  She hung up before he could get a room number or anything else but he didn’t care. He made quick work of changing and headed out as concern pressed heavily in his chest. Stress hadn’t been his friend lately and any spikes in his blood pressure usually made the doctor pretty pissed off.

  Fuck the doctors. Jeans needed him.

  Memories flooded into his blood, surging a rush of regret and adrenaline. The combination made him wonder if he should call anyone. The guys would want to know. Hell, Jason had lost track of quite a few of them. Retirement from the scene had wrapped him in a bubble, drowning in the realities of owning his own business.

  Event planning had been an easy transition for Jason. He’d done quite a bit of it while at the club. He’d made a name for himself and had a reputation of doing a stellar job all the time. His reputation meant money and money was a good thing.

  But Jeanie’s phone call on the heels of yet another breakup had him questioning the direction he’d taken. He was sick and tired of the hollow hole taking up permanent residence in him. Something was missing.

  Not something.

  Someone.

  He wheeled into a parking spot at the hospital and made his way to the desk. The lobby was thick with people as his gaze swept over them, hoping to hell he’d see Jeanie. If she was here in the lobby then Dan wasn’t that bad.

  Son of a bitch. Why had he let so much time go without doing the right thing and apologizing? That would’ve gone a hell of a long way to opening the door that’d been effectively slammed in his face years ago.

  “Jason?” An attractive blonde with bright-blue eyes stood in front of him.

  Her resemblance to Jeanie and Dan wrenched his heart. “Vanessa?”

  She lunged at him, her hands wrapping around him with a firm grip. “I’m so glad you could make it. Mom was afraid you wouldn’t come.”

  “Wow. You’ve grown into a very lovely woman.” He pulled away and looked at her. “I hear you have made Jeanie a grandma.”

  She blushed just the way her mom used to. “D.J. did his fair share too. But yeah. I have five in my brood. D.J. turned it into a competition though. He has four with a set of twins on the way. I’m declaring him the winner. I am done.”

  Holy hell that was a football team of kids.

  Something twisted in him—a pang of longing he quashed quickly. He wouldn’t have made a good dad. Okay, that’s not true. He would’ve tried like hell and that’s what mattered most.

  “I’m really happy for you, sweetie.” He looked around. “Where’s your mom?”

  “With Dad. She refuses to leave his side. The call she made to you was the first time she’s been out of his room in days. The nurses are worried.” She took a deep breath and looked up with tears glistening in her eyes. “She knows he’ll pass soon and refuses to not be there.”

  Damn. Emotion choked him for a moment. Why the hell hadn’t he known Dan was this bad? He’d been so wrapped up in his own bullshit he hadn’t bothered to think about anyone beyond himself. The thought made him wonder what was happening with the other guys and even though this wasn’t the time to deal with it, he made a silent vow to get ahold of as many of them as he could.

  “I’m glad she called.”

  Vanessa nodded and headed down the long corridor to a private room near the ICU. Nurses moved in and out of rooms with half-smiles on their faces when they regarded him. How they handled sickness and death day in and day out was beyond him. The hospital stench swept his mind to Vanessa’s birth, then to another not-so-happy time. When Dan had fought for his life.

  They’d come full circle again and the awareness that Dan wouldn’t win this time made Jason unsure how to proceed. Why had he been called?

  A small computer on the table seemed to pull all the vitals on a visual chart as they walked in. None of it made much sense to Jason. His gaze landed on Jeanie, who was clutching Dan’s hand and holding a silent vigil with her eyes closed.

  She was beautiful. He couldn’t help but grin when he saw the short bob her hair was now in. She’d always sworn she’d go short one day. Laugh lines had formed along her lips but Jason doubted she’d had much reason to laugh lately.

  Dan lay there, quietly watching Jason. Heat rose in his face as he realized the man he’d once considered one of his closest friends was supposed to be his focus. “Hey, man.”

  “Hey, yourself. It’s been a hell of a long time.”

  The voices made Jeanie gasp with a startled expression on her face. Weariness created dark circles under her eyes. “Jase. I’m so glad you made it.” She stood and smoothed her hair with her hands. “Here, have a seat.”

  “I’m fine.” He moved to stand on the opposite side of the bed and looked down at Dan. “You look like shit, dude.”

  “I didn’t want to show you up,” Dan commented.

  Jeanie leaned down and kissed Dan on the lips and then smiled. “I think I’ll go grab some coffee with Vanessa. I’ll be back in a few.”

  Jason sat in the chair she’d vacated and leaned down to where his elbows touched his knees. He winced at the stretch of muscle in his back.

  “Things don’t stretch the way they used to, man.”

  “Don’t I know it?”

  “I kept meaning to call but things just always crept up.” Dan poked
at the needle in the other hand’s vein. “I keep asking the nurse for the good stuff but she says I’m already getting it.”

  “I bet Ethan could hook you up.”

  Dan laughed. “He’s a chiropractor now. Can you believe that shit actually finished something for once in his life?”

  “No kidding.”

  Conversation flowed easily as they spoke about old times for a few moments but Jason knew the inevitable reason he’d been called was barreling around the corner. A part of him didn’t want to deal with reality—whatever that may be.

  “It’s great to see you, man. I’ve been wondering how you all were doing.” He leveled a remorseful gaze at Dan. “I’m sorry for the way things went down back then.”

  Dan shrugged. “We each have our burden to carry from back then. I didn’t exactly smell like roses. It’s water under the bridge.”

  “What the hell are you doing here? Are you looking for some attention from the women in white?”

  They laughed for a few moments until the seriousness loomed between them. “They’ve done about all they can. Think all those parties have finally caught up to me.”

  They both knew the irony in his statement since he was the one among them that rarely partook in the craziness that was after-hour parties. “Shit, man, you should’ve called sooner.”

  “It’s crept up pretty quick this time. We wrangled it a couple of times before this, but it came back with a vengeance.” Dan coughed a few moments and winced. His thumb pressed a button in his hand. “Time for another dose of happy juice I’m thinking.”

  “What can I do to help?”

  Moisture pooled in Dan’s eyes and he blinked a few times. “I wish to hell I didn’t have to put her through all this. She’d been so strong—just like you’d expect from her. She’s always had spunk running down her spine that nothing could rattle.”

  Jason smiled. “You’ve got yourself a hell of a wife there, man. Y’all did good with those kids. And grandkids. Dude, you’ve got a whole team.”

  Dan’s grin spread across his face. “I know. They’re a hell of a crew. Just wait until you meet D.J. He’s a cool kid. Not that he’s a kid anymore. Shit, that boy needs to learn to glove it up.”

  Jason laughed.

  “They’ve been worried about her. So have I.” His lower lip trembled slightly and he paused.

  Son of a bitch this bullshit sucked. He hated seeing Dan like this—weak, emaciated. Upset. He refused to look away though. Jason could man up and take this shit if Dan could.

  “She needs someone strong beside her. Getting her to rest, eat. Move on.” Dan swallowed a few times and then coughed.

  Jason grabbed a cup of water from the side table and brought it to him. Crap, as much as he knew Jeanie needed the rest, he wasn’t cut out for this shit. What did he know about taking care of someone else?

  A nurse came in and tsked. “I told you not to get too worked up, Dan. You need your rest.”

  “We can talk later, man. She’s right. You need to take care of yourself and knock this shit out.”

  “I’m afraid it’s about to knock me out.” He glared at the nurse. “Give me a few more minutes and then I’ll toss his ass out.”

  She smirked. “Very well.”

  They waited until she left. “She reminds me a lot of that one female bouncer we had once. What was her name?” Dan asked.

  “Oh yeah. Hilda. She scared the shit out of me, man. My nuts shriveled every time she came near me.”

  “Dude, she totally wanted you. I still remember the shock on your face the first time she came to the stage to tip you.”

  “Yeah, what the fuck was up with that? You didn’t let her do that with the other guys.” Jason shook his head. “My ass hurt for two days after the lap dance I had to give her on her birthday. She squeezed it so hard I swear she broke it.”

  Dan laughed heartily and Jason hoped the moisture coming from the man’s eyes was now mingled with a bit of happiness. “Those were some good times.”

  “Yeah they were. You were a hell of a dance manager, man. Things were never the same after you left.” Jason drew a ragged breath. “Sometimes I wish we could go back to those times—when the biggest worry we had was whether to go blonde, brunette or both.”

  “You hung around Tyler too much to not default to the last option.” Dan took another sip of water and held it out for Jason to set down. “I need you to make me a promise.”

  “Man, I…”

  “Just listen.” Dan waited until Jason nodded. “She needs you. I need you to watch out for her—like you used to before all the heavy shit went down. As long as I know you’ve got her six I’ll be good.”

  “You know I’m here for you guys anytime. Just say the word.”

  “I am. Right now. Promise me.”

  Jason nodded. “Something tells me that brood you’ve got going on out in the lobby won’t take too kindly to my sauntering in as if I belong.”

  “You do belong. I just wish to hell we’d worked this shit out a long time ago. Don’t ever let shit simmer like that again, man. Life’s too short to let the bygones keep you from what you want most.”

  “That’s some pretty deep shit, man.” Jason chuckled. “You been cracking open fortune cookies again?”

  “Hey, those things had a profound influence on me.” Dan grinned but the emotion in his gaze made Jason’s heart seize. “I’m tagging you in, buddy. Give her the space she needs but be there for her.”

  The door creaked open and the woman once again turning his world upside down and inside out like only she could walked in with a steaming cup of coffee and a small grin on her face as she regarded Dan. Jason stood and headed to the lobby with a heavy soul.

  He’d run a huge list of possible scenarios in his mind but this one hadn’t cropped up. There was no question he’d do what Dan asked. Hell, he would’ve done it anyway. Now all he had to do was get Jeanie to understand and accept his presence.

  As if she’d known his thoughts she appeared. Shoving her hands into her jeans, she leaned against the doorframe to the small alcove he’d found. “He told me you were about to become a fixture I’d just have to get used to.”

  “Yeah.” He looked up and studied her a moment. “You okay with that?”

  She nodded. “A hell of a lot of time has passed since then, Jase. I’m not the same woman I was back then. After you left I thought I’d lost a big piece of me but then I realized I’d finally discovered myself. I became stronger and I know it was because of you doing what I’m not sure I could’ve done had the roles been reversed.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Walk away,” she whispered. She turned and left, heading back down the hall to Dan’s room. He sat there for minutes, hours. He wasn’t sure how long. All he knew was he would’ve gladly done so for a century if it would’ve prevented the agonized scream that echoed down the corridor like a twisted battle cry to action.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Tyler listened to the recounting with a heavy heart of his own. Those dark days had been the signal of another metamorphosis unfolding he hadn’t wanted. He’d fought it with all he had.

  “The only good thing about that time was that it got us back together.”

  “Hell yeah it did.” Jason forced a grin. “Dan would’ve been proud.”

  “Yeah he would.” Tyler shifted in the chair, suddenly aware his hip was burning from sitting too long. “He would’ve been more proud of how you’ve taken care of her but I think even he would’ve kicked your ass by now for not manning up. You think he’d want her with someone like Titanium?”

  “Probably not.”

  “There’s no probably about it.”

  “The smartest thing we did was moving here even though I know it was a tough call for you to make.”

  Yeah it’d sucked donkey balls—more for the fact it was necessary than anything else. They all knew Nadine had been the reason they’d made the decision to move to this place even though none of them re
ally spoke about it. “This place was a godsend in a lot of ways.”

  “Yeah, the cottage homes on the lake were perfect for us.” The retirement community had offered the best of both worlds—full amenities with individual homes for residents able to care for themselves and a full on-staff care facility for those who required help.

  “Yeah.” The community center was attached to the care facility, which offered a chance for all residents to interact with one another while not making it so difficult on the more feeble. “I’d better go get Nadine before the action starts.”

  “Oh cool. She up for it today?”

  “Yeah I think so.” Tyler hoped so. He stood and headed toward the long corridor that eventually wound around to the back of the care facility. He was relatively sure they’d put her in the farthest room just to chafe his ass—or in this case legs—for giving the nurses shit all the time.

  He hoped to hell Jason got his filters working before he brought Nadine out. The old fool meant well when he teased about Alzheimer’s and shit but the simple fact was it wasn’t really that funny sometimes. Sure, they all forgot things now and then.

  But that was Jase being Jase. The forgetfulness had crept up on Tyler slowly the past couple of years. He’d recognized the symptoms but there wasn’t much he could do except ride it out. He’d been through the bouts of denial and anger with Nadine’s diagnosis years ago. He wouldn’t go through that with his own.

  The damned doctor seemed to think it wasn’t really a problem—he’d made it up in his head to be closer to Nadine as she spiraled downward. A part of him accepted that as true. Although they never married despite his numerous proposals to her, she was his and he was not about to let some quacks in white coats keep them apart.

  She needed him.

  And, truth be told, he needed her. Even though she woke many days with no clue who he was, the good days offset the bad. Those precious sentient times when she could recount the years they’d spent together were priceless.

  Today was going to be a big day. Karaoke was a huge craze around the home and everyone had been bitten by the bug—everyone except Jason. That old fool refused to man up and snag Jeanie.