Above the Fear Read online

  “Do you know I’ve been gone for almost ten years?”

  “Suzi mentioned it.”

  “They’ve already asked me a number of times what I’ve done during that time and why I stayed away so long. I’ve yet to give them an answer that satisfies them.”

  “Being evasive will only make them more curious.”

  “But the truth is often too painful.”

  “The Bible tells us that the truth will set us free.”

  He sighed. “I believe all the scriptures, but sometimes they’re hard to apply to my own life.”

  “You’ll have to, though, if you plan to be a minister.”

  “I’m not sure I’m qualified for that. The more I think about it, the more doubts I have.”

  When she didn’t say anything, he started strumming again.

  “I went to see Ottie yesterday,” she finally said. “I was just leaving there when I met Landon Martin, the man you saw me with in McDonalds. Landon’s a doctor, and he told me everyone’s calling Ottie the miracle man.”

  He stopped playing once more. “It’s true. He is. I don’t know why I happened to be the only one there with him when I was sure he was going to die right in front of me. If you could have seen him pointing that finger and heard him asking me if I saw Him….Taryn, it gave me chill bumps all over my body, and I still get them every time I think about it. He saw Jesus. I know he did, but for some reason, the Lord didn’t take him.”

  “He was so adamant about talking to you alone. It made me curious, since it was the first time he’d seen you. Did he say anything you can share, or was it too personal?”

  “He – said God gave him a message for me. I can’t tell you what it is. I can’t tell anybody. Not yet anyway.” He still couldn’t believe how Ottie had told him he would find his little boy, adding that he would have an unexpected surprise when he did. What could he have meant? Were he and Sheila going to get together again? Was God saying Ricky’s mother and him and their son would eventually become a family? She said she hated him in the note she’d left the day she and Ricky disappeared. She’d sworn she never wanted to see him again and she’d do everything in her power to be sure Ricky forgot who he even was. He flinched, remembering.

  It was the perfect moment for the school bus to stop at the end of the driveway and let Suzi out. The little girl came running toward them. “Uncle John! You’re playing your guitar! Mommy said you’d come back and play it again, and you did.”

  He grinned, stood the guitar at the side of his seat and pulled Suzi down onto his lap. “So how was school today?”

  “I don’t like all of it. I don’t like math or English or history or…..well, I actually don’t like anything but lunch time and recess!” She laughed. “Uncle John, I’m so glad you’re home early today. You need to take me to the store so I can buy my valentines. You and Taryn haven’t changed your minds about coming to the party, have you?” She looked from one to the other, her eyes quizzical.

  “I haven’t changed my mind,” Taryn said, feeling unusually lighthearted. Suzi’s enthusiasm was contagious.

  “Me neither. I can’t wait,” John told her, just before he looked at Taryn and winked.

  “So, will you take me to the store?”

  “I’ll not only take you to the store, I will buy your valentines. I might even buy you an ice cream cone, if you promise not to tell your mom because she might not want you to have one before dinner.”

  “Oh, Uncle John! It’s a long time til dinner. Mommy won’t be home from work for a long time, and Granny and Poppy said they probably won’t be back til dark, so Granny won’t be doing any cooking. I need an ice cream cone to tide me over. After all, I’m a growing girl.”

  Everyone laughed, and John spoke again. “And I’m a growing boy. Have you noticed I’m starting to get fat since I got here?”

  “It’ll be a long time before you’re fat but you look better than you did when you were the size of a toothpick. How come you got so skinny, Uncle John? Didn’t you get hungry or didn’t you have anything to eat?”

  “While you’re asking so many questions, somebody else is probably buying the exact valentines you have your heart set on.” He gently pushed her off his lap and stood up.

  Taryn stood up as well. “You two have fun. I’ll see you later.”

  “Oh, but you have to come with us, Taryn! You’ll be much better at helping me choose the right cards than Uncle John will be.”

  John looked at Taryn. “She knows what she’s talking about. What do you say?”

  “Okay.”

  “And you’ll get to ride in my truck,” John said as they walked toward it. “This thing might be old, but it’s probably a lot more dependable than the newer ones.” He opened the passenger side door and Taryn stepped aside to let Suzi get in first.

  Suzi laughed. “Oh, no! You sit in the middle. I like to sit by the door.”

  Taryn’s heart beat soared by at least a thousand beats. Sitting in the middle would put her very close to John. As small as the cab of the truck was, they’d be touching each other. She could feel the chill bumps starting to cover her skin at the thought of it. “Okay, if you insist.” As if she had no reservations whatsoever, she climbed into the truck.

  Suzi slid onto the seat beside her and immediately nudged her. “Move over a little bit. Boy, this truck is little!”

  What could she do but move even closer to John?

  He got in, said nothing and turned the key. As the engine roared to life, he had no idea of the sparks that had already ignited inside her body.

  She, in turn, never imagined he was feeling them, too.

  ∞ TWELVE ∞

  TWO WEEKS LATER, Taryn answered the door to see John standing there, holding a lovely red rose wrist corsage. At once, her heart started racing. Not because of the flower, but simply from the sight of him. She couldn’t help smiling as she compared the red dress she was wearing with his bright red shirt.

  “We match,” he said, smiling back at her.

  “I thought red would be appropriate for today.”

  “Me, too. That color looks really good on you. I thought, since it’s Valentine’s Day, I should present my date for the elementary school party with a flower.” He laughed, holding it out to her.

  She was reeling from the compliment about her dress. He thought it looked nice on her. Could it be that he wasn’t noticing her extra pounds at all, but only how nice he thought she looked in red? She took the corsage he was holding out to her, lifted it gently to her nose and inhaled. “Umm. I love the smell of roses.” She placed it carefully on her wrist. “This is very sweet of you. Thank you.”

  “I have to confess it was Suzi’s doing. She insisted I get it for you. You should’ve seen her this morning. She was so excited. I think this is the happiest I’ve seen her on a school day.”

  She followed him toward his truck. “I wonder what the play will be like. I can’t remember doing anything special in school for Valentine’s Day, other than exchanging cards.”

  “Me neither. Being a boy, I always thought it was silly.”

  Sitting side by side in his truck, she couldn’t help remembering the last time she’d ridden in it, when she’d been in the middle and brushing shoulders with him. Had Suzi really insisted she sit there because she wanted to be near the door, or was the little girl trying to be a matchmaker? The last thought was interesting, something she hadn’t considered before. It was more exciting than ever when she caught sight of the corsage on her wrist. He said it was Suzi’s idea. Maybe Suzi really was trying to get her and John together. She smiled to herself. Maybe Suzi could have more influence than either of them might imagine.

  The auditorium of the elementary school was packed and bustling with laughter and chatter as they seated themselves a few minutes later. A sudden memory filled Taryn’s mind of when she was in the third grade and her class had put on a little program about Frosty the Snowman. The smallest boy in the room was Frosty and Taryn had to stand
beside him and sing the song. She’d never been so frightened in her life, but she managed to get through it without forgetting any words or getting out of tune. Afterward, her parents had hugged her and told her how wonderful she’d done and how proud they were of her. It was one of the few times they’d both been able to attend one of her school functions together. A happy feeling flooded her body. She hadn’t realized how important it was to Suzi that someone from her family be there watching today, until she recalled how much it had meant to her to have her parents there for her.

  The lights dimmed and everything suddenly became quiet in anticipation of the performance by not only Suzi’s fifth grade class but also by the other first four grades. When the curtain was drawn, the stage was beautifully decorated with hearts, flowers and ribbons. Children were dancing around and acting silly in what appeared to be a grassy field as music and songs filled the air. Then the narrator started speaking, explaining that it was Valentine’s Day and Cupid had a problem. He needed two lonely people to give the special gift of love to, but everybody was so happy that he didn’t feel like anyone needed his help. It made him sad. What if the entire day passed and he didn’t have a chance to use his friendship arrow to give the joy for which it was intended?

  Cupid, who just happened to be a little second grader, appeared at the end of the stage and started prancing back and forth across it. He looked all around, seeing only joy, excitement and happiness. Didn’t anyone need him? asked the voice of the narrator. Was this going to be the end of his services – and the end of Valentine’s Day?

  The singing and dancing continued, but stopped suddenly and unexpectedly. Everything was totally quiet, until a soft drum roll began, accompanied by a spotlight that moved around the stage and stopped to rest on one lone little girl sitting in the corner. It was Suzi.

  Taryn and John exchanged glances and smiled. She was surprised but pleased when he reached over and took her hand. Even though it made further concentration difficult, she kept her eyes focused on the stage.

  When Suzi started speaking, Taryn expected to hear a few short lines. To her surprise, Suzi started reciting a poem about how lonely she was and how she wanted someone to be her very special friend. It was rather lengthy and the little girl didn’t miss a single word. Taryn felt as proud of her as she would if she’d been her own child. Looking at John, she could easily see the pride in his eyes as well. Apparently, this was a surprise to him, too.

  When she finished speaking, a soft, little chorus was sung as she sat there, staring longingly into space. Then, she was approached by a little boy. Everyone laughed at the tiny first grader who walked over to her and offered her a cardboard heart that was nearly as big as he was. Suzi looked at it and then at him and turned away, shaking her head and refusing to accept it.

  Then came Cupid.

  The audience roared as the small boy stopped for a moment, looked out into the crowd and grinned and took a deep bow. Then he went on with the business at hand. Spotting Suzi, he shouted loudly, “Finally, here’s somebody I can give my gift of love and happiness to! Here you go, Suzi!”

  More laughter erupted as he aimed his cardboard arrow at her and it fell directly to the floor and he cried out, “Now that wasn’t ‘sposed to happen!” Before he had a chance to pick it back up, Suzi reached out and grabbed the large heart from the little boy, then took his hand. Together, they walked to the middle of the stage, leaving Cupid in frustration as he again tried to get his arrow into the bow.

  Suzi said her last lines, clearly and loudly. “Love is in the air, not just today, but every day. It is in our hearts. All we have to do is accept it.”

  Then everybody on the stage cried out at the same time: “Happy Valentine’s Day!”

  It had been short but sweet and thoroughly enjoyed. As the curtain closed, the audience applauded and some even whistled.

  “That was adorable,” Taryn told John as they stood up with the others. “That little boy with the big heart was precious!”

  His hand still in hers, John grinned. “I liked Cupid. I don’t think he was supposed to call Suzi by her name.” He chuckled and went on. “He did his best to hit her with his arrow.”

  A young girl next to them laughed. “I liked it when he bowed to the audience. By the way, he’s my boy. My mother’s heart is bursting wide open.”

  They watched her walk away.

  John spoke again. “She’s not the only one with a proud heart. I never dreamed Suzi could memorize such a long poem.” He paused a moment and then continued. “It had a lot of meaning, you know. Even without Cupid’s help, she still became friends with the one after her heart. It was a really cute plot, and all the kids did a good job. Those dancers looked like they were having a ball.”

  As they started following the others toward the cafeteria where the refreshments were set up, Taryn kept thinking of John’s words. Without any help at all, the little boy had won the heart of the lonely little girl. Were she and John that couple? She was believing more all the time that he was winning her heart without even trying. How was he truly feeling about her? Even though she was sure he liked her, was there a chance that it could ever be more than that? Or was he simply spending so much time with her because of Suzi? He’d never asked her out. She reminded herself that he’d just started working and might not have the money.

  She thought of the ride in the truck and the fun they had choosing Suzi’s Valentines. She loved it when they were sitting on the porch together and he was strumming his guitar. It didn’t matter what they might be doing, whether it was watching an old rerun on TV or taking a walk. Lately, all she wanted to do was be with him. They didn’t need money to be together.

  She thought of the dinner she’d gone to with Landon two weeks before. He’d taken her to a lavish restaurant and spent a ridiculous amount of money on the meal. Although she’d tried to be comfortable with him, she was constantly having to fight the old feelings of inadequacy that kept trying to surface. Carrying on a lively conversation was difficult and she found herself wishing more than once that she was with John instead. Why was it so easy for her to talk to John, but not Landon?

  She hoped Landon didn’t sense the distance of her mind. He seemed like a good man and she had no desire to hurt his feelings or seem ungrateful for his attention and the extravagant meal. It was hard to read what he might be thinking, but when he took her home, he didn’t suggest taking her out again. He didn’t mention the vacation again either.

  “Wow! Look at all that food!”

  John’s voice brought her mind back to the present. She laughed. “The ones who worked on this really went all out. I never thought it would be like this. We need to send a little note of appreciation to the teachers.”

  “But in the meantime, we need to eat.” He pulled her gently with him as he started toward the table laden with all kinds of delicacies. Reaching out, he picked up a heart-shaped cookie with rich pink icing and red sprinkles and handed it to her. “This one has your name on it.”

  As well as a thousand calories! Acutely reminded of her weight, she tried to refuse but John insisted, smiling and trying his best to make her eat it. She couldn’t help grinning and reached out to take it from him, at the same time he shoved it into her mouth.

  “John!” There was frosting all over her lips and she was sure it was on her nose as well.

  Laughing, he picked up a napkin and wiped it off. “Whoops, I missed some.” He leaned nearer and dabbed at it some more.

  His face was so close to hers, she thought she was going to faint. What beautiful eyes he had. What ruggedly handsome skin. What a perfectly shaped nose and lips. Oh, those lips……

  “Uncle John! Taryn! Here you are!”

  The moment was shattered, to Taryn’s relief, as well as disappointment, by the arrival of Suzi.

  “I’ve been looking everywhere for you two. What did you think of the play? Did I do good?”

  “You were great,” John told her, giving her a hug.

&nb
sp; “We loved it,” added Taryn. “How did you ever memorize that poem?”

  She laughed. “It took me two weeks! Gee, I wish Mommy and Daddy could’ve been here. Bet they’d have been proud of me.”

  “They’re always proud of you,” John told her. “I know that for a fact. Now, while we’re standing here talking, everybody else is eating the best cookies and cakes.”

  Suzi grinned. “Well, I’m not gonna let them eat mine.”

  ∞ THIRTEEN ∞

  “DID YOU HEAR that dog of Josie’s barking up a storm last night?” Sharris asked Taryn at breakfast Sunday morning.

  “Bruno? I’ve never heard him bark. I wondered at times if he knew how.” She grinned at her sister.

  “Well, he was barking last night, somewhere around midnight. I can’t believe you slept through it. It woke me up. Apparently, it woke up somebody next door, too, because when I looked out the window, Josie’s porch light was on and John was standing there, looking around.”

  Sharris had her interest. “Really?”

  “You’ll probably see him today. Ask him about it. I’m curious.”

  “You’ll see him, too, in church.”

  “I’m not going today. I don’t feel very well.”

  Taryn was immediately concerned. Sharris was never sick. “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s probably nothing. I just feel tired and run down and my head aches a little. I think if I go back to bed and rest a while, I’ll be okay. But just in case I have anything contagious, I think I should stay home.”

  “Do you need me to get you anything?”

  “I do. Find out if John knows anything about last night. I’m like you. I never heard Bruno barking before either, and John had to be suspicious or he wouldn’t have been out on the porch looking around at midnight.”

  Taryn was disappointed when she didn’t get to sit by John in church. As soon as she was seated, her sister Marna and her husband Devon, along with Devon’s father Conrad and four of their friends joined her, filling up the entire seat. The rows behind them and in front of them were also full. When John, Josie and Suzi came in, they had to take a seat on the other side of the aisle and further back. All she managed to get from any of them was a wave and a smile.