Above the Fear Read online

  John swallowed, waiting.

  Ottie’s voice became lower and weaker but John could still understand every word he said. “You’re gonna find that little boy, but when you do, you’re gonna get a surprise you never expected. Can you hear me, John?”

  “I – yes, I hear you. How…..did you know?”

  “I told you, God told me. You have to stop worrying and start believing.” Ottie closed his eyes.

  “Are you okay?”

  Ottie smiled, although his eyes remained closed. “Oh, I am more than okay!” No sooner were the words spoken than his eyes flew open again and widened with a sudden excitement. “John!” Pulling his hand from John’s, Ottie raised his frail arm and started pointing. “John! Do you see Him over there?”

  As Ottie’s breathing became difficult, John ran to get the nurse.

  ∞ TEN ∞

  NO ONE EXPECTED Ottie to pull through, but the Lord surprised them all. The very next day, he had improved so much that he was transferred back to his room in the nursing home. It seemed that Ottie, himself, was the only one who was disappointed. He’d been so certain he was moving on to his final destination to see all his loved ones again who had already gone on that, for a while, he was actually despondent about it. But it didn’t last. By Thursday, two days after his close call with death, he was his happy, cheerful self again.

  Taryn left the nursing home that Thursday afternoon with happy tears in her eyes. There was no way to describe the relief she was feeling after another enlightening visit with him. It was as if nothing unusual had happened at all, except for how greatly her faith had been strengthened.

  She’d almost reached her car when she heard someone calling her name. Not recognizing the voice, she turned quickly.

  The brown-haired young man approaching her was smiling beneath his small mustache. “Taryn. Remember me? Landon Martin.”

  Landon. Donovan’s cousin. Although she smiled, at the same time she felt the unwanted return of her insecurities. What if he wanted to start a conversation? She barely knew him. What in the world would she say to him?

  “I’m surprised to see you here,” he said, never losing his smile. “Were you visiting someone?”

  “My good friend, Ottie Monroe.”

  His grin widened. “Ottie Monroe. The miracle man.”

  She didn’t reply but simply looked at him.

  “That’s what everybody’s calling him, you know. I never saw anyone so close to death that didn’t cross over. That man will probably live to be a hundred. By the way, I work in the hospital. I’m a doctor.”

  He was a doctor. She’d gone to dinner with him six months ago but had no idea what he did for a living. All during the evening, they’d barely talked to each other. It may have been because there were so many others talking around them. They’d been with Donovan, Sharris, Devon and Marna, Devon’s mother Reeka and Devon’s grandfather Conrad. Or it may have been because she’d tried so hard to get out of going with him at all, since it had been a blind date, and she wasn’t interested in anything he may have tried to tell her.

  When she didn’t say anything, he went on. “I’m glad I ran into you. I’ve been thinking of you.”

  He’d been thinking of her?

  “How have you been? Donovan said Marna’s wedding was beautiful. He also said that you caught the bouquet.” He chuckled.

  She’d forgotten all about that. How could she forget? Of course, it didn’t mean a thing. It was simply a superstition that the one who caught the bouquet would be the next to marry. She’d never be a bride with no prospective groom in sight.

  “Would you like to join me for a cup of coffee? I’m getting a much needed break and a little company would be nice. I was headed to McDonalds.” He chuckled, then continued. “I really like their coffee.”

  What could she say, that she didn’t want to go because she was afraid she’d sit there like a bump on the log, saying nothing, and he’d be so bored he’d be wanting to leave before he had time to finish his drink? “I guess I could use a cup of coffee.” Now where had those words come from?

  “Great! Since I have to come back, why don’t you leave your car here and we’ll go together?”

  She swallowed. “I – I’ll just take my car, too.”

  It was a very short drive and all too soon she found herself seated at a table across from him, warming her hands around the cup of coffee in front of her. “It’s a lot cooler today,” she said. Wasn’t the weather always a safe subject?

  “Winter’s going to be back before we know it. You have to appreciate every pretty day you get in January, because you know they aren’t going to last.”

  Watching him as he spoke, she wondered if she’d noticed how nice looking he was the other time they were together. He had crystal clear blue eyes that sparkled when he talked and a beautiful smile that revealed straight, white teeth. His brown hair was thick and wavy and shiny.

  “But I’m already ready for summer,” he continued, bringing her thoughts back quickly. “I’m taking a vacation this year, first time in three years and I can’t wait til it’s time to go.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “No place exotic, like Hawaii or Paris or anything like that. I’m just going to travel around a little, go out west and visit some places I’ve always wanted to go to.”

  “Are you going alone?”

  “I am, unless I can convince Donovan to travel along. We always have a good time together. We’re more like brothers than cousins.”

  She sipped her drink, thinking how nice it would be to get away for a while. She hadn’t been on a vacation since before her parents died. They’d gone to Florida two years before it happened and spent most of their time on the beach. It had been so much fun. She smiled, remembering.

  “You have a lovely smile, Taryn,” he said. “It looks like you had a happy thought. Would you like to share?”

  Before she had a chance to answer him, she heard a familiar voice. Looking up, she saw John entering the restaurant with a couple other men. They were all dressed in work clothes and boots, so she assumed they were on a job together. Had he been at Lane’s house? As she watched them talking and laughing, she was surprised at the way her heart rate suddenly sped up. Embarrassed by the unexpected sensation, she quickly turned back to Landon and started telling him about the vacation she’d been remembering.

  “And it’s been five years ago? You’re due for some time away, too, aren’t you? You know, I have a huge RV. You and Sharris could go with me.” He laughed at her shocked expression and went on quickly. “Of course, it wouldn’t be just the three of us. Once Donovan found out, he’d be packing his bags, believe me. No way he’d let me take off all by myself with two beautiful women.”

  Two beautiful women.

  “You’re so quiet. I’ll bet you’re sitting there thinking I’m crazy, that I’m no more than a stranger and you’d never dream of taking me up on my offer. I’ll tell you what. Let’s get to know each other for the next few months, and when August gets here – seven months from now – I’ll make this suggestion again. What do you say?”

  She couldn’t help but laugh. He had to be kidding.

  “A movie Saturday night?”

  “What?”

  “Would you like to go to a movie Saturday?”

  “I…..Oh, I don’t think so.” There she went, getting all tongue-tied! “I mean, I can’t. I’m sorry.”

  He said something else, but at that moment she heard John’s voice again, talking and laughing just a couple tables away, and whatever Landon was saying was lost to her. Embarrassed, she chided herself. John didn’t even know she was there. He hadn’t even seen her. Even if he had, he wouldn’t be missing out on the conversation with his friends because of it. Why was she more interested in him than in listening to Landon?

  “So, what do you think, Taryn?”

  She looked at Landon. “I’m sorry. My mind must have wandered. I’m still…..so filled up with wonder about Otti
e that I’m having trouble concentrating on anything else.” A lie. A flat-out lie. The only thing she could concentrate on was John.

  Landon smiled, oblivious to her discomfort. “I was wondering if you’d be free for dinner Sunday afternoon.”

  “I go to church.”

  “Me, too. After church.”

  Why not? Maybe it would take her mind off John. “Okay.”

  Landon talked a little more, unaware of the stirrings of her mind, before he looked at his watch and said he had to leave. It was when they started out the door together that John looked up from his meal and saw her. Smiling, he waved, then went quickly back to the conversation he and his friends were having.

  She started the drive home with her mind full of confusion. She had actually started becoming a little bit comfortable with Landon, until John walked in. After that, John was all she could think of. Still, with only John on her mind, she’d accepted a dinner date with Landon.

  “This isn’t good,” she told herself. “It isn’t good at all.” Just the same, she found herself smiling. Why wasn’t it good? If there was the tiniest chance that John might have wondered about her being there with Landon, that he might be even an inkling jealous……

  Was that any reason to accept a date with Landon?

  “Stop it, Taryn. You’re headed for trouble and you know it. John Winston will never want anything more from you than friendship. The Lord will guide him to a woman who will be a good minister’s wife, and it surely isn’t you. Now, Landon, he’s a doctor. That’s certainly a plus.”

  Chances were, she wouldn’t wind up with either one of them. Once Landon got to know her better and discovered how inept she was at keeping up a lively conversation, he’d also start noticing all the extra pounds she was carrying around.

  The last thing she expected was to hear Ottie’s voice in her mind, to remember what she’d thought were going to be his last words to her. You remember all the things I’ve told you, Missy. You are beautiful and God loves you and He has some very special plans for you. Will you remember that?

  She smiled, in spite of all her previous reservations. Maybe she needed to write those words down and tack them up in several different places, where she could see them often. Would it make her start to believe them?

  There was a strange car in Josie’s driveway when she arrived home. It must be her parents. She said they’d be there today. She wondered if John would be anxious to see them or if he’d stay away as long as he could to prolong the meeting. He looked pretty comfortable with his friends at McDonalds. He didn’t appear to be in any hurry to leave.

  She sighed. It was no concern of hers.

  ∞ ELEVEN ∞

  Taryn found concentration difficult the next day. Her mind was everywhere except on the ad she was working on, mainly on the man next door. She liked John a lot. Even when she tried to deny it, it was still the truth. No matter how many reasons she came up with that she didn’t have a chance at winning his heart, none of them stopped the desire to do just that.

  It didn’t help matters any when she glanced out the window just after lunch and saw John’s truck pulling into Josie’s driveway. He didn’t usually get in until late in the evening. With it being an exceptionally beautiful day, she couldn’t help wondering if he might have finished up the job with Lane. That would mean he’d be looking for more work. As soon as he found something permanent, he would be moving out. The last thought did nothing to ease her sudden state of mind.

  She also noticed that his parents’ car wasn’t there. Had they gone back to Asheville? They’d only arrived the day before. Maybe they were visiting friends. She wondered how John’s time with them the evening before had been.

  What business was it of hers? She sighed and forced herself to go back to the half-finished project on her computer. Although things went a little better, she wasn’t surprised when Sharris told her what she already knew, that it wasn’t good enough for the customer. Her sister sat down with her and they combined their ideas, talking about nothing except the ad.

  By the time Sharris left at 2:30 for an appointment with another potential client, they had done a lot of revisions and were finally satisfied.

  Taryn decided it was time for a break. Maybe she should follow the advice Suzi gave her so often and go outside for a little while. It was a beautiful day, much warmer than the day before had been. One thing certain, such pretty warm weather in January could turn cold again at any given time.

  She put on her jacket and walked outside onto the porch. For a moment, she merely stood there, breathing in the fresh clean air and looking around. Even with the trees bare of their leaves, they still looked beautiful against the background of the mountains and brilliant blue sky. It wouldn’t be long until the grass would be new and green again. Of course, that would bring on mowing season. She smiled. That was one thing she actually enjoyed. It was a good thing, too, because neither Sharris nor Marna had ever wanted to do it.

  Her thoughts stopped when the sound of soft music began wafting through the air. Where was it coming from? It didn’t take long to find out when she glanced at Josie’s front porch to see John sitting there strumming a guitar. She smiled and listened more intently. How she would love to walk over there, where she would be able to hear better. She couldn’t do that. This could be his way of relaxation and he might not like it if she intruded on it.

  Just the same, she couldn’t take her eyes off him. He looked comfortable and contented, but seemed to be staring straight ahead as if deeply in thought. For a long time, she stood there watching him, but even though she tried to hear the music, the only thing she heard was the rapid thumping of her heart – which became even louder when he unexpectedly looked up, saw her and waved.

  Smiling, she waved back.

  When he motioned her to come over, it only took a second for her to start moving in that direction. Her feet, however, didn’t move nearly as fast as her heart. The closer she got to him, the more emotional she found herself becoming. She could see him clearly now. He was dressed in a soft blue, checked flannel shirt and blue jeans and had replaced his work boots with a pair of black sneakers. The smile on his deeply tanned face was inviting, as if he was genuinely welcoming her company.

  Was he even more attractive than when she’d seen him the day before in the restaurant?

  She had no idea what he was thinking as he watched her approaching, all the while continuing to strum the guitar. That she was one of the prettiest women he’d ever seen. That her smile was radiant enough to light up a dark room. That he found the size of her body much more interesting and attractive than he would have if she were all skin and bones, like most women tried to be.

  What was she going to say when she was close enough to talk to him? She prayed that she wouldn’t get all tongue-tied and sound like a stuttering fool. It occurred to her, even as she thought it, that she found it easier to talk to John than to most men. She’d had a much harder time carrying on a conversation with Landon the day before than she’d had with John any of the times they’d been together.

  Landon. Why on earth had she accepted his dinner invitation?

  She stepped onto the porch. “I had no idea you played the guitar.”

  He smiled. “It’s a good way to relax.” He stopped strumming. “Pretty day, isn’t it?”

  “Beautiful. I’m surprised you’re home so early.”

  “Lane, Brynn and Jada were going out of town for the week end and he told me to take the afternoon off. He’s a great guy. Insisted on paying me for the entire day. Sit down, Taryn, and talk to me for a while.” He started strumming again.

  She sank down into the cushion of the metal porch chair next to his but said nothing. Instead, she kept listening to the tune he was playing, trying to figure out in her mind what it was. She’d heard it before, but not for a while. Without realizing it, she found herself humming softly as she tried to remember the words.

  “You can sing if you want to,” he said, grinning.
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  “I’m not much of a singer. Marna’s pretty good but the talent’s lost on Sharris and me. That tune is so familiar. I know what song it is, but I can’t think of the title.”

  “Until You’ve Known the Love of God.”

  She nodded, her smile widening.

  He looked into her eyes, his suddenly serious, and stopped playing again. “It’s true, you know. God’s love is everything, and we’ve known nothing until we experience it. I just wish I’d found out sooner, before I made so many mistakes in my life.”

  She said nothing.

  “I started picking when I was ten years old. I was pretty good by the time I was seventeen, but then I left all my music behind me when I left home. One of my first mistakes, I guess. I couldn’t believe it when I found this guitar in Josie’s attic. It’s the one I had all those years ago. She kept it all this time.”

  “Maybe she knew you’d be back for it someday.”

  He chuckled. “As sentimental as she is, she was probably keeping it as a souvenir. She probably thought I’d never be playing it again.” His eyes turned serious then and he stopped talking, at the same time resuming his strumming.

  “I love music, but all I ever did was listen to it. I never could sing and never had the desire to try to learn to play an instrument. Sometimes I wish I had.” Didn’t all pastors’ wives have the ability to play the piano?

  “If everyone played the music, who’d be there to listen to it and enjoy it?” He grinned at her.

  She didn’t answer, and quietness, except for the soft stains of the guitar, ensued for several moments before she spoke again. “Have your parents gone back to Asheville? I was hoping to get to meet them while they were here.”

  He stopped playing. “They’re still here, just out visiting some of their friends.” He looked down, as if he didn’t want to say anything more on the subject.

  “I guess they were really glad to see you.”