Can't Tie Me Down! Read online

“Fake girlfriend!” Mairi frowned at her sister. “Why can’t anyone remember the fake part?”

  “But brothers? Is that even legal?”

  “It doesn’t matter if it’s legal or not. It’s fake!” Mairi stomped away from the window. “And to be fair, only one of them is a geek. The other one just talks to me for a laugh. He has plenty of real girlfriends.”

  “Oh, well then, that makes it okay.” Agnes perched on the edge of their wobbly dining table. “As long as it’s fake.”

  That was it. Mairi’d had enough. She stood in front of her sister, hands on hips, and glared. “You’re being judgmental? Really? When my job helps pay for your study?”

  “You’re right. I’m sorry.” Agnes didn’t look even slightly contrite. “But twins?”

  “Get a grip. It’s fake. It’s all fake. I don’t even like bloody Star Trek!”

  “Mairi,” Amir called. “I am still waiting for your most glorious of answers.”

  Mairi stared at the ceiling while she counted to ten. The rope ladder idea was still looking pretty good. She could climb out the window, hitch a lift to Campbeltown and then catch a bus to London. Surely her sister Isobel would put her up for a week or two until this blew over?

  “I know what you’re thinking,” Agnes said. “You can’t dump this on Isobel’s doorstep. She needs time to get used to living with Callum. She deserves to be happy. She’s spent her life sorting out other people’s messes. You need to deal with this on your own.”

  Mairi sighed. Unfortunately, Agnes was right. Although...Isobel was living with a guy who was a partner in an international security company. A security company with a genius hacker on board. Mairi perked right up.

  “I could call Isobel, though, and ask her to get someone to look into who hacked my web page.”

  Agnes frowned as she thought about it. “Don’t you think that’s a bit presumptuous? Asking favors from Callum’s business when Isobel’s relationship with him is so new.”

  “It’s their honeymoon phase. This is exactly the time to get her to ask him for a favor. Right now, he’d do anything to get her to drop her pants. Not that it takes much.” Their eldest sister was a bit loose with her favors. Unlike Mairi, who was nursing a born-again hymen.

  “You could offer to pay,” Agnes said.

  They looked at each other and burst into hysterical laughter. Offer was all they could do. Every penny the sisters made had either gone into Agnes’ degree or had been used to help Isobel pay off her ex-husband’s debt.

  “I’m calling Isobel,” Mairi said, when she’d calmed down a little. “I have to do something. If she can get someone to undo the mess the hacker’s made, and get me back on my web page, that would be great. I need to tell everyone that I don’t want a husband. I can’t let these guys turn up expecting me to marry one of them. I have thirty online boyfriends—what if they all turn up? What if they camp here forever? You can’t underestimate the stubbornness of a geeky man. They’ll view this like an online game and keep playing until one of them gets the highest score. Me!”

  “Calm down,” Agnes said helpfully.

  “Calm down?” Mairi glared at her sister. “This is a crisis situation. These guys don’t think like you and me. They think like Gandalf and Luke Skywalker! You read the website message. They think they’re on some freaking quest to vanquish evil and win the fair maiden. Before you know it, they’ll be out there, dueling with lightsabers and mocking each other’s costumes. Trust me. I need to deal with this now, before it gets a whole lot worse.”

  “Hey, gorgeous,” a deep male voice said. “I hear you’re looking for a husband.”

  Both women squealed and spun toward the voice. Keir was standing in the doorway that led down to the garage, grinning like an idiot.

  “See what I mean?” Mairi shouted at her sister. “It just got worse!”

  Chapter 2

  There was no denying that Mairi Sinclair did it for Keir. With her wild, wavy red hair and her blazing green eyes, she exuded passion with every movement she made. He loved her quirky, offbeat way of thinking, her petite height and her generous curves. In fact, the only things he didn’t like about Mairi were that she held a grudge, and she wouldn’t give him a second chance.

  “Mairi!” someone shouted from outside the front door. “Are you okay?”

  There was a thud, followed by a howl of pain. Mairi rolled her eyes and stomped to the door. She threw it open to reveal yet another guy in costume.

  “Amir, I’m fine. Don’t try to break down the door. You’ll only hurt yourself.” She sounded so long-suffering that Keir couldn’t help but laugh. Which earned him frowns from the sisters, before their attention returned to the Star Trek impersonator.

  “You screamed.” Amir rubbed his shoulder and frowned over at Keir. “There is a man in your apartment.”

  “He’s only my landlord, and right now, I have to go deal with him. I think you should leave.” She shut the door.

  “But you have not answered my question,” he called.

  Mairi growled and threw the door open again. “The answer is no, Amir. Thank you for asking.” She slammed it shut in the poor guy’s face.

  “This is not the last time I will ask,” he shouted. “Never give up, never surrender!”

  “You’re a Star Trek officer,” Mairi shouted back. “That’s Galaxy Quest.”

  “What are you doing?” Agnes demanded. “Is it really that important that he gets his quotes right? There’s a bigger picture to deal with here.”

  “I know. I know. I can’t help it. I’ve been studying up on this stuff for three years.” Mairi tapped her head. “Sometimes, I wonder if there’s room left in my brain for anything else.”

  Keir started to laugh again, and that drew more scowls from the sisters. “What? It’s funny.”

  “Why are you here?” Mairi strode toward him. “We talked about this. Rental law states that you aren’t allowed to enter your rental property without the permission of the tenants. Which is never going to happen.”

  Agnes let out a sigh. “I invite him in all the time.”

  “Your permission doesn’t count,” Mairi snapped.

  “Dual tenancy, remember?” Agnes said. “Plus, I’m older. I’m the one in charge here. My permission is totally the one that counts.”

  Mairi dismissed her sister’s logic with a wave of her hand. “Get out of my flat,” she ordered Keir.

  He pointed at his motorcycle-boot-clad feet. “I’m still in the hallway. No laws have been broken here. And to be fair, I’ve only ever come into the flat when Agnes invited me, or when I’ve needed to deal with an emergency situation. Like the time you left the bath running, flooded the flat and brought down the garage ceiling. Or the time you left a pot on the stove, went to Campbeltown and the building nearly burned down. Or the time—”

  She held up a hand to stop him. “Yeah, yeah, you’re a selfless superhero. That still doesn’t tell me why you’re here.”

  “I thought that’d be obvious.” He couldn’t help but grin at her. Sparring with Mairi was the only way she let him get close to her these days, and a man had to take what he could get. “I’m here to offer a solution to your problem.”

  “Unless you know how to un-hack a website and fix the message I supposedly posted—with Rapunzel illustrations—then you’re no use to me.”

  She showed more disgust over the Rapunzel image than she did about the men camped outside her door. Keir shook his head in an attempt to get out of Mairi Land and back into reality.

  “I’ve been talking to a couple of your boyfriends.” And didn’t that sentence just stick in his throat. “They’re here for the long haul. Nobody’s going home until you’re off the market. This situation isn’t going to disappear when you get rid of the post on your web page.”

  As if on cue, a car horn that played the first few bars of the Star Wars theme tune blasted from the street below them.

  “And you think you know how to get rid of these guys?” she sc
offed at him.

  “Aye, I do. All you need to do to make them leave is get married.” He spread his arms wide and gave her a lazy smile. “I’m offering myself up as the sacrificial lamb.”

  The two sisters gave him identical open-mouthed looks.

  “Are you out of your mind?” Mairi snapped. “I don’t want to marry anyone. Especially you. Go away. This isn’t funny. Go amuse yourself somewhere else.”

  She shoved his chest to get him out of the doorway. It was like a butterfly trying to move a gorilla. He didn’t even sway. All he did was feel the heat of her touch sear through his shirt and make his skin tingle. He had to clench his hands tight to stop from reaching for her.

  “Think about it,” Keir said. “We get married, they go away, and then we get divorced.” The last bit was a lie. If he managed to legally tie Mairi to him, there was no way he was letting her go.

  “Over my dead body.” She shoved him again and made that cute little growling noise when he didn’t budge.

  “It will make all your problems disappear,” he said.

  “Only to replace them with another six-foot-two problem.” She put her fists on her hips. “Will you just leave?”

  “Sure.” He took his own sweet time over pushing away from the doorframe. “But the offer still stands. I’m sure we could make the most of a wedding night, sweet cheeks, so it wouldn’t be a total loss.” He watched her flush and knew she was remembering the one amazing night they’d had together—before he’d blown everything they’d been building together. “Think about it. You know where to find me when you make up your mind.”

  He turned and sauntered for the stairs, unsurprised to hear the door slam behind him.

  ♦♦♦

  “It isn’t a bad idea,” Agnes said, as Mairi stared at the closed door.

  “Are you out of your mind too? It’s a terrible idea.”

  The words came out with far more of a quaver than Mairi intended. Keir did that to her. He destabilized her foundations. He was her kryptonite. Around him, she was weak. She hung her head in disgust. Three years dealing with geeks, and even her private thoughts were peppered with comic book metaphors.

  “You’d rather marry a guy you don’t know, to get out of this mess?” Agnes said.

  “I’m not getting married at all. Especially if my options are a bunch of guys I’m paid to date and an ex-convict who lives to drive me insane.”

  “Don’t call him that. He made a mistake. We all do.”

  “My mistakes don’t send me to prison.”

  “That’s only by the grace of God.” Agnes picked up her briefcase. “You said it yourself, these guys aren’t going to go away. Keir’s idea has merit. You go through with the ceremony. You show the geeks the certificate, and then you divorce Keir.”

  “And then what?” Mairi threw herself onto their lumpy secondhand sofa. “If I marry someone, I lose my job. It’s not like I can carry on being a fake girlfriend when I have a husband at home.”

  Agnes’ face softened. “Maybe it’s time to find a new job.”

  “Where?” Mairi spread her arms wide. “Arness has two businesses. We live above one, and the local dragon runs the other.” She was not working in the local shop. Dragons were meant to be slain. She sure as hell wasn’t going to let one boss her around.

  Agnes bit her bottom lip and looked unsure of herself for a second. “Maybe it’s time to leave Arness. Once I get my final exam results, I’m applying for the management job at the Ferguson hotel. I’m bound to get it. I know that hotel better than the owner. It’s a good salary, and I can finance you while you figure out what to do next. It’s the least I can do. You’ve carried the burden while I studied.”

  “I can’t think about leaving Arness right now.” And to be honest, just saying the words made Mairi feel sick with anxiety. Arness was pretty much all she knew, and the big wide world suddenly seemed pretty damn terrifying. She snorted. So much for being a knight set on adventure. She took a deep breath and faced her sister. “I need to get rid of my fake boyfriends, then I’ll think about the future.”

  “Honey, the future is already here. It’s beating down your door.” Agnes cast a glance over her shoulder. “Literally.”

  “I know, I know.” The rope ladder idea was looking better every minute. “Go. You don’t want to be late.”

  There was a scraping noise just outside their front door, and then it crashed open. Their middle sister stumbled in, apologizing to Amir, who was now sitting on the top step outside their apartment, cradling his hand against his chest.

  “Sorry again,” she said. “I didn’t mean to step on you. I really hope your fingers are okay. Do you want me to get some ice?”

  “No.” Amir sounded strained. “I am fine. Thank you.”

  “I really am sorry.” Donna flushed red and shut the door. “I think I broke his fingers.” She bit her bottom lip. “Should I call an ambulance or something?”

  “You dingbat,” Agnes said, with a shake of her head.

  “Don’t worry about Amir,” Mairi said. “He works in medical research. I’m sure he knows what to do about broken fingers.”

  “Okaaaay.” Donna didn’t look so sure. “I got your text. What’s the emergency?”

  Mairi glared at Agnes. “You sent out the Bat-Signal for Donna?”

  Agnes rolled her eyes. “Like I’m going to leave you alone with that.” She pointed at the door. “Somebody needs to babysit your backside and make sure you don’t do something dumb. Or make a run for it.”

  “Is anybody going to tell me what’s going on?” Donna asked as the music from Psycho suddenly blasted from her handbag.

  “You want to answer that first?” Agnes said.

  “Nope.” Donna shook her head. “It’s the ‘Lord of the Manor’. He can do without me for an hour. I swear there are days when I feel more like his slave than his housekeeper. I’ve had enough of his bad attitude for today. His calls can go unanswered. I’m taking a stand against tyranny.”

  “By hiding?” Agnes cast a skeptical glance at Mairi as Donna deflated.

  “Yeah.” Donna slumped onto the other end of the sofa. “Who’s Amir, anyway? Why is he sitting outside your door? And why is the street full of men wearing Fozzie Bear costumes?”

  “That’s a Wookiee costume. Not a Muppet.” Mairi sighed. Didn’t her sisters know anything?

  “Yeah,” Agnes said drolly. “Let’s focus on getting the costumes right.” She turned to Donna. “The men are here for Mairi. She gets to pick one and live happily ever after.”

  “They’re my fake boyfriends,” Mairi corrected.

  “But they want to be her husband,” Agnes added.

  “The fake boyfriends are here? In real life?” Donna’s eyes grew even wider. “Wait a minute? Did you say husband?”

  “Aye,” Agnes said with a grin. “Mairi’s getting married.”

  “Am not!” Mairi shouted.

  “Are too!” Amir shouted through the door.

  Mairi groaned, Agnes started to laugh, and Donna just looked confused—as Psycho music once again filled the room.

  Chapter 3

  By early evening, it became apparent that the men weren’t going anywhere. There were half a dozen motorhomes parked behind the village shop, and the grass expanse between the main street and the cliff edge had been turned into a campground. All day long, Mairi’s online boyfriends had been turning up, in the hope of marrying her. She supposed she should have been flattered, but mainly she felt cornered.

  Thumping at the front door dragged her attention from the window overlooking Arness’ nameless main street.

  “Open up,” Agnes shouted. “My hands are full.”

  Mairi put the bowl of popcorn she’d been eating down beside the armchair, which she’d dragged over to face the window, and went to open the door. She was confronted by several bouquets of flowers, with legs.

  “Agnes?”

  A vase was thrust at her. “Don’t just stand there. Take some of thi
s.”

  Mairi had no choice but to take the flowers Agnes handed her. “Where did you get these?” she said, as she backed into the flat under the weight of the bouquets.

  “These are some of the flowers your men have had delivered to you,” Agnes grumbled, following her. “They were left downstairs in the garage.”

  “Why didn’t you get Keir to bring them up?”

  “She did,” Keir snapped, as he followed Agnes up the stairs, his arms full of yet more flowers.

  With matching frowns, Agnes and Keir put the displays on the floor, as their tiny table was already filled with the ones Mairi had set down.

  “Have you been hiding in here all day?” Agnes gave her a disapproving look.

  “Not hiding, no. Assessing the situation and formulating a response.” Mairi grinned. That sounded damn good. But from Agnes’ frown, she wasn’t impressed.

  Mairi surveyed the blooms as the room filled with their perfume. She’d never seen so many flower arrangements, outside of the church fair.

  “That’s a lot of flowers,” she said.

  “There’s more downstairs.” Keir folded his arms, making his muscles bulge.

  It was hard to stop her eyes from straying to his arms. Part of her wanted to grip those muscles tight, while her tongue traced the Celtic knot tattoo that trailed over his shoulder and disappeared under his shirt. She’d seen him without his shirt. She knew that tattoo went across his pec and down to abs that would make any grown woman drool.

  She felt her cheeks flush at the thought of touching a shirtless Keir. Then she saw his knowing look and forced a glare. She might enjoy looking, but she sure as hell wasn’t going to touch. Never again. His cocked eyebrow said otherwise. It, along with the smug little smile playing around his full, biteable lips, was a challenge. One she wasn’t going to take.

  She pointed at him. “You can leave now.”

  And, of course, he ignored her. “According to one of your men, you told them all that they should send flowers to a woman they’re interested in. Apparently, it was only one piece of the advice you gave them on how to romance a woman.”