Where does a Demon go when she gets deported from Hell?Kentucky. Eden, Kentucky to be more specific—where nothing is exactly as it seems. My
name is Dixie. I’m a Demon—a lousy Demon. I’m a twenty-one year old
virgin and I have a battery operated boyfriend. My magic is iffy at best
and downright dangerous at worst. Leaving Hell to represent my race is
not high on my list of things to do.Hell was exact. Hell
was simple. All I want to do is get to home base with the hotter than
Hades Demon of my dreams and work on my dark side so Satan, my dad, will
get off my ass.Instead I end up in Kentucky looking for
the Balance of Chaos, avoiding pole dancing classes with Mother Nature
and finding out my invisible friend is a silver skinned destructive
weather pattern.And if that isn’t craptastic enough, the
damn Sword of Death is missing again and who ever has it wants the King
of the Underworld dead. Seriously.With new powers
emerging daily, keeping my Demon side, horniness and general disgust
under wraps doesn’t make it any easier to fit in with the humans.
Thankfully my priorities are in line: get laid…save world…try not to
blow up kitchen appliances…and get laid again. I was ready to rumble.All
I want to do is go back to Hell, but with the balance of good and evil
in my hands, I’m stuck in the garden of Eden. Oh well, what the Hell.
Someone has to save the world before there’s no world left to save.
Might as well be me. Views: 64
An ebook-exclusive omnibus of books 1, 2 and 3 in the hilarious Porridge the Tartan Cat series. When Porridge was a wee kitten he toppled into a tin of tartan paint — which is easy to do and not so easy to say.Now he lives with the quirky McFun family Views: 64
What if every clue points in the wrong direction? Friday Barnes has been deported to Switzerland! With their in-school detective gone, Highcrest Academy has descended into chaos. Someone's fired all the teachers! The Headmaster claims it wasn't him, and suspicion soon turns to Ian Wainscott, but Friday won't stand by and let her favourite nemesis take the blame. Apart from being innocent (probably), he's seriously good-looking. There's also the problem of the new vice principal and his questionable teaching methods. It's hard to take someone seriously when they wear tie-dyed t-shirts. Can Friday save Ian's scholarship? Can she find the prankster before they bring down the school? Can she run the cross country? She's certainly going to try . . . to do the first two, anyway. Views: 64
THE HILLS ARE ALIVE...WITH THE SOUND OF SUCKING!Maria von Trapp is sweet, innocent, and can sing like an a ngel. Oh, and she's also a bloodthirsty vampire.When Maria is kicked out of the zombie-infested Abbey where she's been residing for the past 612 years, she's forced to take care of the family von Trapp, a rowdy clan in need of some serious discipline...or vampirification. After Maria turns the von Trapp children into children of the night and marries the von Trapp patriarch, the family seems destined for eternal (really, really eternal) bliss. But the Nazi Undeath Squads are on the march, intent on ridding Europe of bloodsuckers. And Maria will have to do everything in her power -- supernatural or otherwise -- to save her vampire brood.Review"Goldsher (Paul Is Undead) has devised the perfect book for readers who believe that The Sound of Music needed more caustic vomit, lesbian vampire sex, Nazi Undeath Squads, the ghost of John Coltrane, and copious lashings of gross-out humor."-Publishers Weekly"Goldsher delivers knowing commentary on genre conventions. Every scene is either a romp of PG-13 double-entendres or a blood bath."-Kirkus ReviewsPraise for Paul is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion"Bloody brilliant." —Parade"Goldsher imbues his broad, over-the-top, gleefully gore-flecked horror with nuance. A gag-per-minute pace." —NPRAbout the AuthorALAN GOLDSHER is the author of 11 books, including that acclaimed Beatles/horror/comedy mashup Paul Is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion. As a ghostwriter, he has collaborated with numerous celebrities and public figures. For more information, please visit AlanGoldsher.com. Views: 64
Egypt and her hoary secrets are no match for New York Times-bestselling Grandmaster Elizabeth Peters and her indomitable archaeologist sleuth Amelia Peabody. The sand-and-wind blown ambience of this strange and colorful world, the ancient enchantments and delicious menace are more vibrantly realized than ever in this thrilling new adventure that places the intrepid Amelia and her equally remarkable family in the dangerous path of an onrushing World War. The pursuit of knowledge must never be deterred by Man’s folly. So the close of 1914 finds Amelia Peabody and her husband Radcliffe Emerson back in Egypt for another season of archaeological excavation–despite the increasing danger of an attack on the Suez Canal and on Egypt itself. Trouble is brewing in Cairo and the defiantly pacifist stance of Amelia and Emerson’s headstrong son Ramses is earning the young man the derision, and much worse, of the British expatriate community. Meanwhile, the charismatic nationalist el Wardani is said to be fomenting insurrection in the ancient city. And since there is no way to stand outside the political hurricane that is suddenly threatening their lives, Amelia plunges directly into it. When el Wardani escapes a police dragnet, thanks to the direct intervention of Amelia and Emerson, the family’s stake in a perilous game is raised considerably. But it’s Ramses’ strange secret role in it that could truly bring ruin down upon all their heads. However, there is more than intrigue and espionage, plots and counterplots, at work here. For an artifact uncovered at a Giza dig–an exquisite sculpture found where it ought not to be confirms Amelia’s most unsettling suspicion: that the chaos consuming Cairo has masked the nefarious re-emergence of Amelia’s villainous archnemesis, Sethos, the Master Criminal. The extraordinary Elizabeth Peters raises exotic intrigue to a new level with He Shall Thunder in the Sky. If you have never before experienced Amelia and her singular clan, prepare to be enthralled by the droll wit, the richly evoked locale, and a story that twists sensuously and mysteriously like an asp writhing beneath the desert sun. And longtime devotees will relish the return of dear friends–and await the resolution of a love affair that may change the Emersons’ destiny forever. Views: 63
Darcy ClarkeThere's nothing I wouldn't do to play for the Brisbane Banshees in the new Women's Aussie Rules league. I think I've proved that given that I'm willing to put up with the coach being my ex, Tony. He may have stomped over my heart, but I've moved on, and I'm focused on my team. I don't need any men in my life–apart from Levi, of course, my roommate, and friend. And my saviour, now that I've corked my thigh in our first game, and need his sports massage skills to get me back on the field. What I feel when Levi touches me ... is making things very complicated. Levi Darcy was always my best friend's girl–Tony's girl. Two years on and she still doesn't know how I've felt all this time. There's no way I'm leaving her in pain when I can fix her injury and get her back to playing the sport she loves. No matter how much touching her makes me want to make her mine at last. Finally, I've got a bit of hope–the last thing we need is Tony... Views: 63
From the Back CoverBest-selling novelist Bill Myers weaves a supernatural trilogy that sweeps you from the frontiers of DNA research, through mind-numbing encounters with the paranormal, to the fulfillment of end-time biblical prophecy. Meticulously researched, this is more than a last-days thriller. It is a passionate, convicting, and moving portrait of the character and heart of Christ. In book one, Blood of Heaven, death-row inmate Michael Coleman serves as the guinea pig in a genetic experiment involving the blood of Christ. The results are astounding. But behind the scenes, a monstrous plot emerges that only Coleman and accomplice Katherine Lyon can stop. In Threshold, Brandon Martus, troubled possessor of an uncanny gift, becomes the subject of a paranormal research project. But when the experiment goes awry, Brandon and scientist Sarah Weintraub are plunged headlong into a terrifying supernatural conflict . . . and a destiny neither of them could have envisioned. In Fire of Heaven, Brandon and Sarah, joined in marriage, become living examples of Christ and his church. Accepting their identity as the two witnesses of Revelation, they are purified through fiery trials that show them the incalculable depths of God's love. And as hellish forces make their bid for world dominion, Brandon and Sarah must proclaim that love to an apostate church . . . and judgment on a rebellious planet. This riveting volume will keep your reading lamp on past midnight. But to say that Bill Myers has given us a gripping, masterfully crafted tale is to tell only half the story. Fire of Heaven Trilogy is a portrait of Christ's burning love, and a message of encouragement--and warning--to his bride, the church. About the AuthorBill Myers (billmyers.com) is the best-selling author of a number of books, including Eli, When the Last Leaf Falls, and the series McGee and Me! and is coauthor with Angela Hunt of Then Comes Marriage. He is a writer and director whose work has won over forty national and international awards and whose books and videos have sold nearly five million copies. Views: 63
Bernadette Fox is notorious. To her Microsoft-guru husband, she's a fearlessly opinionated partner; to fellow private-school mothers in Seattle, she's a disgrace; to design mavens, she's a revolutionary architect, and to 15-year-old Bee, she is a best friend and, simply, Mom.Then Bernadette disappears. It began when Bee aced her report card and claimed her promised reward: a family trip to Antarctica. But Bernadette's intensifying allergy to Seattle--and people in general--has made her so agoraphobic that a virtual assistant in India now runs her most basic errands. A trip to the end of the earth is problematic.To find her mother, Bee compiles email messages, official documents, secret correspondence--creating a compulsively readable and touching novel about misplaced genius and a mother and daughter's role in an absurd world.Review"The characters in Where'd You Go, Bernadette may be in real emotional pain, but Semple has the wit and perspective and imagination to make their story hilarious. I tore through this book with heedless pleasure." (- Jonathan Franzen, author of *Freedom* )"Brilliant, hilarious, endlessly inventive, and compulsively readable, Where'd You Go, Bernadette grabs you by the collar and never lets go. Semple is not only a masterful juggler, and an astute social critic, she is a magician!" (Jonathan Evison, author of *West of Here* )"A delightfully funny book, that constantly catches one by surprise, Where'd You Go, Bernadette combines a shrewdly observed portrait of Seattle-life with, of all things, a mysterious disappearance in Antarctica. A pleasure." (Matthew Kneale, author of *When We Were Romans* )"It was only a matter of time before Maria Semple turned her hilariously wicked, razor-sharp, acid-etched humor loose on Seattle, and set her impeccable laser sights on the heart of Microsoft. At times a tears-to-your-eyes laugher that skewers my own home town (and quite possibly my own mother), Where'd You Go, Bernadette is also a compassionate look at family dysfunction, the paralysis of genius, and good old-fashioned parental love. Cleverly constructed and brilliantly executed, Semple has driven this one home with great authority, and has proven, once again, that she ranks among contemporary literature's finest satirists." (Garth Stein, author of *The Art of Racing in the Rain* )"With a sure feel for the screwball and the slapstick, Maria Semple deliciously sends up the privileged, overachieving, PC world of Emerald City. * Where'd You Go, Bernadette is a crazy quilt of an epistolary novel, utterly contemporary yet pleasingly old-fashioned, and always light and witty." (Stewart O'Nan, author of* The Odds )"Where'd You Go, Bernadette is fresh and funny and accomplished, but the best thing about it was that I never had any idea what was going to happen next. It was a wild ride..." (Kate Atkinson, author of Case Histories and *Started Early, Took My Dog* )"Maria Semple dissects the gory complexities of familial dysfunction with a deft and tender hand. Where'd You Go, Bernadette is a triumph of social observation and black comedy by a skillful chronicler of moneyed malaise." (Patrick deWitt, author of *The Sisters Brothers* )"In her second novel...Semple pieces together a modern-day comic caper full of heart and ingenuity....a compelling composite of a woman's life-and the way she's viewed by the many people who share it. As expected from a writer who has written episodes of Arrested Development, the nuances of mundane interactions are brilliantly captured, and the overarching mystery deepens with each page, until the thoroughly satisfying dénouement." (Publisher's Weekly Starred Review )"Semple's snappy writing and spot-on humor make this one of the funniest beach reads of the summer." (Meganne Fabrega, *Minneapolis Star Tribune* )"[A] high-energy, often hilarious epistolary novel." (- Brangien Davis, *Seattle Magazine* )"If you read only one book this summer about an agoraphobic mother and her broken promise to take her daughter Bee on a trip to Antarctica, make it this one....Semple writes like an oversized plume, finding all your tickle spots with ease." (Holley Simmons, Washington Post Express )"An uproarious comedy of manners" (People Magazine ) Review"The characters in Where'd You Go, Bernadette may be in real emotional pain, but Semple has the wit and perspective and imagination to make their story hilarious. I tore through this book with heedless pleasure." (- Jonathan Franzen, author of *Freedom* )"Brilliant, hilarious, endlessly inventive, and compulsively readable, Where'd You Go, Bernadette grabs you by the collar and never lets go. Semple is not only a masterful juggler, and an astute social critic, she is a magician!" (Jonathan Evison, author of *West of Here* )"A delightfully funny book, that constantly catches one by surprise, Where'd You Go, Bernadette combines a shrewdly observed portrait of Seattle-life with, of all things, a mysterious disappearance in Antarctica. A pleasure." (Matthew Kneale, author of *When We Were Romans* )"It was only a matter of time before Maria Semple turned her hilariously wicked, razor-sharp, acid-etched humor loose on Seattle, and set her impeccable laser sights on the heart of Microsoft. At times a tears-to-your-eyes laugher that skewers my own home town (and quite possibly my own mother), Where'd You Go, Bernadette is also a compassionate look at family dysfunction, the paralysis of genius, and good old-fashioned parental love. Cleverly constructed and brilliantly executed, Semple has driven this one home with great authority, and has proven, once again, that she ranks among contemporary literature's finest satirists." (Garth Stein, author of *The Art of Racing in the Rain* )"With a sure feel for the screwball and the slapstick, Maria Semple deliciously sends up the privileged, overachieving, PC world of Emerald City. * Where'd You Go, Bernadette is a crazy quilt of an epistolary novel, utterly contemporary yet pleasingly old-fashioned, and always light and witty." (Stewart O'Nan, author of* The Odds )"Where'd You Go, Bernadette is fresh and funny and accomplished, but the best thing about it was that I never had any idea what was going to happen next. It was a wild ride..." (Kate Atkinson, author of Case Histories and *Started Early, Took My Dog* )"Maria Semple dissects the gory complexities of familial dysfunction with a deft and tender hand. Where'd You Go, Bernadette is a triumph of social observation and black comedy by a skillful chronicler of moneyed malaise." (Patrick deWitt, author of *The Sisters Brothers* )"In her second novel...Semple pieces together a modern-day comic caper full of heart and ingenuity....a compelling composite of a woman's life-and the way she's viewed by the many people who share it. As expected from a writer who has written episodes of Arrested Development, the nuances of mundane interactions are brilliantly captured, and the overarching mystery deepens with each page, until the thoroughly satisfying dénouement." (Publisher's Weekly Starred Review )"Semple's snappy writing and spot-on humor make this one of the funniest beach reads of the summer." (Meganne Fabrega, *Minneapolis Star Tribune* )"[A] high-energy, often hilarious epistolary novel." (- Brangien Davis, *Seattle Magazine* )"If you read only one book this summer about an agoraphobic mother and her broken promise to take her daughter Bee on a trip to Antarctica, make it this one....Semple writes like an oversized plume, finding all your tickle spots with ease." (Holley Simmons, Washington Post Express )"An uproarious comedy of manners" (People Magazine ) Views: 63
War erupts with the third volume of The Fourth Dimension. With his precious amulet stolen and young Arus fighting alongside his nemesis, Kindel Thorus makes a drastic decision that has the potential to collapse the very universe upon itself. Consumed by a thirst for justice, Kindel leads the Vezulian Armada into one final battle determined to either save the universe . . . or destroy it. Views: 63
