Girlology: A Girl's Guide to Stuff that Matters Read online

  It’s Really Just a Big Cover-Up

  Most of the time, people who are mean like that don’t feel very good about who they are, and one way they make themselves feel better is to bring other people down with them. So they say bad things to make others feel as bad as they feel about themselves. It’s kind of sad, because someone who feels good about herself would never need or want to put other people down. A big part of Girl Power is feeling good about yourself, so you never need to act like that.

  You also need to know about something called sexual harassment. That’s when someone uses sexual language or talks about sex in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, embarrassed or even threatened. It’s another way that people use words or body language to try to feel powerful. The important thing to know about sexual harassment is that it is ILLEGAL. There are laws that protect people from being sexually harassed, especially in schools and in jobs. So if sexual words or actions are being used in this type of way, especially if it is happening over and over, it is very important to let a trusted adult know about it. Sexual harassment can be stopped!

  What Does That Mean?

  Another problem comes up when you don’t know a word that you hear and you suspect it’s one of those not-so-nice words. You get confused! It’s hard to know whether someone just dissed you, insulted you or even sexually harassed you. If you come across a word like that, don’t be afraid to ask what it means. If it isn’t cool to ask the person who said it (because they might try to embarrass you), ask a parent or other trusted adult.

  If you ask a parent, you should get an honest answer and some advice on how proper or improper the word is. Don’t try to use the new word in a sentence to your parents to see how they react! Just tell your mom or dad that it came up in the locker room or hallway, and you were wondering what it means. Your parents shouldn’t get mad at you for an innocent question like that. Besides, they should be happy that you are bringing your questions to them. If they freak out, give them a little time to cool down. Parents get all flustered sometimes when they find out that you know stuff that they don’t think you need to know. Again, explain that you are just curious and didn’t want to take your question to anyone else.

  Almost all parents really want to talk to their kids about this kind of stuff, but most of them don’t know how to start the conversations. This way, you’ve started it a little and opened the door for more talks in the future. Sometimes, the kids have to lead the way!

  Words I might ask someone about if I get really brave:

  Body Talk

  What’s with all the “cutesy” or slang words we use for body parts? You know them: my pee pee, my boobies, my titties, my coochie, my poopie, my butthole, my ass or “down there.” There are a gazillion silly sex-related words, but why do we feel like we need to use them?

  Comfort. ’Cause it can be downright awkward using the proper words, right? Can you say vagina without giggling? How about penis? Have you ever heard of a urethra? But we don’t get all giggly when we say head, shoulders, knees and toes, so why do we get tickled when we talk about the parts “down there”? All those “parts” are just more parts of our body.

  Let’s say you get hit in the face with a softball and cut your upper lip on the inside of your mouth. Are you embarrassed to tell your doctor where you are hurt? What about if you slip while walking on a narrow brick wall, straddle the wall and cut yourself near the opening of your vagina? How are you going to explain where you are hurt?

  There are lots of reasons why it’s important to understand the proper terms for your anatomy. It’s your body. Get to know it! The next chapter will take you on a trip “down there” to learn the words you need to know and to tell you what all those amazing parts can do!

  5

  Everybody’s Got a Body

  Tall, short, skinny, fat, muscular, sinewy, chubby, beanpole. There are a million and one names that people use to describe bodies. Even though our bodies look different, they all have the same parts. Remember that what your body can do is more important than what it looks like. All these amazing parts work together to let us do lots of awesome stuff.

  When you were about two, you started learning the names for parts of your body. Your parents were so proud when you pointed your chubby little finger to your face and said “nose” and “eyes.” They would brag to all their friends about how smart you were. Now, why on earth would they forget to tell you the names of your “private parts”? After all, when you were born, you can bet it was one of the first parts of you they wanted to see. Boy or girl? Girl! Well yay, you are a girl. So why not know the names for those girl parts? Even better, why not know what all those parts are for?!

  When it comes to seeing what your private parts look like, we think boys have a major advantage. If you have ever seen a naked boy or man (we’re thinking brothers, dads, little boys you baby-sit, but hopefully not someone running naked around your neighborhood), you probably noticed that their “private parts” aren’t as private as girls’ parts are. In fact, they are hanging and wiggling right there on the outside. When a little boy starts to potty train, he learns to hold his penis to aim it in the toilet . . . hopefully. So boys have been looking at and holding their private parts all of their lives.

  For girls, on the other hand, we don’t need to hold any of our parts to go to the bathroom (Look Ma! No hands!). And in case you’ve ever tried to look, you know we can’t see much from above except some skin folds. Our private parts are a little more private, and they are pretty hard to see unless you use a mirror. You are probably crinkling up your nose and saying, “Ewwww, gross,” right now. But there’s nothing gross about your body parts. Without them, you’d have some major problems!

  We encourage you to use a mirror to have a look. You might want to use a flashlight, too. Sometimes it helps to put one foot up on a chair or the toilet. Better yet, put your mirror on the floor and squat down over it. Have you ever tried it? Are you grossed out? Don’t be. Go ahead! It’ll probably feel a little awkward at first, but it’s painless, and actually pretty interesting. You look at your face every day, right? You should definitely look at your girl parts every once in a while, too.

  For now, the main reason to look at yourself is to satisfy your curiosity and to get smarter about your body. Once you learn all the parts that girls have, you’ll want to see for yourself that all your parts are present and accounted for! At other times, like when you use a tampon and later in life when you are involved in sexual activity, there will be other good reasons to understand your anatomy and how things work.

  The easiest way to learn all the parts is to start with the “outside” parts and then learn about the “inside” parts. The outside parts are what most girls mean when they are talking about “down there.” So let’s go over some of them.

  The Outside Parts

  In general, the outside girl parts are called the vulva (not Volvo—that’s a car). It’s a name that includes a lot of other parts, kind of like how your face includes your cheeks, eyes, nose, mouth and so on. Your vulva includes two holes, a lot of skin folds and some “padding.” The definitions are listed below. You’ll be expected to spell and use each word correctly in a sentence at the end of this chapter . . . just kidding!

  Vulva—the name for most of the outside “female parts,” including the labia majora and minora, urethra, vaginal opening and the surrounding skin. It is also called “external genitalia.” The word genitals refers to the body parts on boys and girls that are involved in making a baby (we’ll get to that later). The parts of the vulva are listed next.

  Labia majora—the outer lips that will become covered with hair as your body grows and develops. They provide a fatty layer of protection for the other sensitive parts of the vulva.

  Labia minora—the inner lips. They come in lots of different sizes, shapes and colors, but for you, they should be about the same size on each side. They may be bigger than the outer lips. They may also look darker and wrinkled or they may be pi
nk and smooth. Yours may not look exactly like the drawing, and that’s okay.

  Clitoris—the bump just inside the top of the labia. It contains tons of nerve fibers and is very sensitive to touch. Rubbing it or stroking it feels good and usually creates sexual pleasure for females. During sexual excitement, it may become a little bit bigger and stiffer. It is protected by a flap of skin called the clitoral hood. If you pull back on that skin, you can see the clitoris better (it won’t hurt, go ahead and try it!).

  Urethra—the “pee” hole or opening where urine comes out. It’s the first opening below the clitoris. It is also pretty sensitive when touched or rubbed, but it’s not a “feels good” kind of sensitivity. If the urethra is rubbed too much, it can actually become irritated and cause mild burning when you urinate.

  Vaginal opening—the opening of the vagina (duh). It’s not always “open,” but it will open if you put something in it, like your finger or a tampon. More about the vagina when we get to the “inside” parts, too . . . bet you just can’t wait!

  Hymen—a small rim of tissue that is at the rim of the vaginal opening. It can be tender if you try to stretch it or push hard on it. Hymens come in a lot of different shapes and sizes, too. Once you reach puberty, the hymen becomes thicker and more elastic with a “ruffled” edge. That makes it kind of hard to see among all the folds and flaps “down there.” Using a tampon will not necessarily tear your hymen because it can usually stretch to allow something that size through it. All girls are born with a hymen, but once you are a teenager, the way the hymen looks does not necessarily show whether or not you have had sex. A lot of people put a big emphasis on the hymen because it supposedly “tears” and bleeds the first time you have sex. The reality is that some women or girls will have a small amount of bleeding when they first have intercourse, and some don’t have any. It may just depend on how relaxed and ready for sex she is.

  Perineum (pear uh NEE um)—the thicker tissue that is between the bottom of the vaginal opening and the anus.

  Mons—the fatty mound where pubic hair grows in a shape like an upside-down triangle. The mons also provides a fatty padding to cover your pubic bone, which can hurt if it is bumped too hard.

  Groin—the area on your front side where your legs are connected to your trunk. Pubic hair usually grows to this point or may grow past it onto your upper thighs. If you shave your pubic hair for your bathing suit line, you may notice some small “knots” in this area. Those knots are lymph nodes or glands that get bigger when there is irritation or infection on the skin (like razor rash or ingrown hairs). The knots should go away in time. If they become larger, tender or won’t go away, see your doctor. You can help prevent razor rash and ingrown hairs by using soap or shaving cream and a new, clean razor every time you need to shave. Shave the hair in the same direction that it grows out of the skin.

  Hair, Where?!

  While we’re on the subject of pubic hair . . . let’s talk about whether to groom it or not. First of all, shaving or “de-hairing” legs and armpits is fine if you want to. Some girls don’t. Some girls want to shave off all of their hair “down there.” Is it a good idea? It’s definitely okay to get rid of unwanted hair that might poke out of your bathing suit, but do you need to remove all of it? We think not. In fact, girls who remove all of their mons hair can develop skin infections that become big abscesses full of pus. Ewwww and ouch!

  Girls who shave or remove all of the hair around their vaginal opening can also get skin infections, but more often, they develop skin irritation from vaginal discharge. See, when you have hair around the vaginal opening, it helps absorb and remove the discharge to keep it from sticking to your skin. Vaginal discharge has a pH (a chemistry thing) that can be irritating to the skin—more about that when we talk about the inside parts.

  So the lesson here is that it’s fine to trim any hair, anywhere. Trim means cut or shorten, not shave or remove completely.

  Fuzzy?

  What do you do with all that extra hair you get after puberty? The amount of hair you get will depend on your genetics. For instance, girls with Italian heritage will usually have more body hair, and girls from Asian descent may have very little body hair. Whatever your background, most girls have hair somewhere that they want to get rid of. What’s safest? There are lots of hair removal products and procedures out there. Some are cheap, some are expensive, some work temporarily, some are permanent, some hurt and some don’t. If you want to get rid of it, it’s up to you to find the way that works best for you. Here is a table of the various ways to remove unwanted hair and some comments about each method. It may not include every method out there, but it will give you some information on the most common ones.

  Method How It Works Things You Should Know

  Tweezing or plucking Use tweezers to pull individual hairs out by the root Very inexpensive and easy

  Lasts longer than shaving

  Hurts a little depending on the area you are plucking

  Shaving Use a razor to remove hair Inexpensive

  Easy and most common method of hair removal in the U.S.

  Works best if you shave skin that has been lubricated with soap or shaving cream/gel

  Temporary, sometimes requiring daily or twice daily use

  Hair that grows back is coarse

  Can cause skin irritation ("razor rash") or cuts; avoid this by using a clean, fresh razor and shaving hair in the same direction that it grows

  Can transmit diseases through sharing razor with someone else

  Depilatories Creams that are applied to the skin and unwanted hair; this dissolves the hair to the level of the skin Easy and inexpensive

  May cause skin irritation

  Should not use around the vagina or on sensitive areas

  Some have an unpleasant odor Temporary

  Waxing and other sticky gels or products that work by pulling hair out from the root Warm or hot wax is applied over the unwanted hair and covered with a strip of cloth or paper; once the wax cools, the paper/cloth is quickly pulled off and pulls out all the hairs with it Can do yourself (buy a "kit") or have it done at a spa or salon by a professional (more expensive)

  May cause minor skin burns, irritation or ingrown hairs

  Hurts as the hair is ripped off, but the pain is over with quickly

  Temporary, but lasts longer than shaving or depilatories

  Prescription cream Cream is applied to areas of unwanted hair twice a day every day Requires a prescription from a medical professional and is only approved for use on the face

  Takes about 6 weeks to notice results

  Stops hair growth at the root as long as you use it every day; doesn't work unless you use it every day

  Expensive to use all the time

  Electrolysis A very small needle is inserted into each hair follicle, sending a mild electrical current that destroys the follicle; the hair is then pulled out with tweezers and hopefully won't grow back Requires multiple treatments to remove all unwanted hair in an area

  Can be painful, but prescription numbing creams can help

  Expensive

  Laser hair removal A special type of laser or light is flashed from a device that is held over the area of unwanted hair, causing damage to the hair follicle so hair won't grow back out of it Requires multiple treatments depending on the amount and location of hair

  Uncomfortable, but numbing creams can help

  Works best on darker hair

  Having a tan or sun exposure in the area will make it less effective and more difficult to get good results

  Can cause skin burns and scarring

  Safest and most effective when done by an experienced professional

  Can be very expensive

  Bleaching Bleaches dark hair blonde but doesn't remove hair Works well for fine hair

  Is not a hair removal method, but just "camouflages" the hair that is bothersome

  Inexpensive and easy

  The Inside Parts

  Your inside
parts are obviously hard to see. Kind of like seeing your heart or lungs. We know they are in there, but don’t expect to see them except in books or pictures. You’ll just have to trust us on this one. Let’s start on the outside and work our way to the innermost parts.

  Vagina—the connection between your outside and inside parts. It is the passageway for menstrual blood, for sperm and for a baby at birth. It is a really cool body part for a couple of reasons (you think we’re weird, don’t you?). One, the vagina is very stretchy. If you put your finger in your vagina, you will notice that it is moist and wrinkly. It obviously needs to be stretchy for a baby to pass through it. The wrinkles or folds allow it to stretch more.

  It’s also really cool because it cleans itself (don’t you wish your room could do that?). Clean may not be the first word that comes to mind about your vagina, but this is no joke. The vagina is cleansed constantly, and vaginal discharge is created as it cleans. This discharge will start to leak from the vagina around puberty. It is usually a white to yellowish liquid that will feel moist, sometimes wet. When it dries in your underwear, it will look more yellow and may feel kind of stiff or sticky. Don’t panic—it’s normal. As long as it doesn’t stink, itch or change colors, it is normal.

  Sometimes even normal discharge will make you feel itchy, especially if you don’t have much pubic hair (whether it hasn’t grown in yet or you’ve shaved it off ). The pubic hair helps pull the discharge away from the skin, but if the discharge can’t be pulled away from the skin, the moisture and pH (that chemistry thing) will cause the vulvar skin to get irritated and itchy. You can prevent this by using panty liners to help absorb the discharge or by using an ointment that contains zinc oxide (like a diaper rash cream—good for girls out of diapers, too!) around the vaginal opening. Okay. Enough vagina chat.