Love Me Back to Life Read online

  I sneak a peek between the hole in Laura's legs and notice a new customer enter the store, but I'm too busy trying to make sure Mrs. Diaz doesn't see me to catch a glimpse of who it is. Mrs. Diaz takes a step into the store and my heart stops as she continues to search for me.

  "Who we hiding from?" A soft whisper breaks my concentration. I yelp and fall into Laura making her move forward. I groan as I sit up to look at the culprit of my near heart attack and see Grace trying not to laugh.

  I take a quick peek around Laura and realize that McKenzie’s mom has gone. She must have given up. I slowly stand up and watch as she retreats down the hall.

  "You almost gave me a heart attack,” I turn back to Grace and say.

  "Are you avoiding my question?" She pops a brow and I scoff, stepping around her.

  "No one you would know,” I say as I walk towards my indecisive little brother.

  "Okay, don't tell me then,” She jogs a few steps to catch up with me. "I'll just have to guess. So," She pauses, tapping her chin. "Was she an old teacher?" She asks then turns to gauge my reaction. I keep my face as straight as possible, not giving her anything. "Okay... Was she an ex's mother?" She turns to look at me again and this time I can’t keep my face straight. My eyes close as I remember something I told myself to forget. "Emma,” She calls to me. I stop walking, keeping my eyes closed. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to-"

  "Was there something you wanted?" I snap, immediately regretting my tone. I take a deep breath and sigh it out. "Sorry,” I shake my head. "Ty you almost ready buddy?" I call over to my brother who is now on the other side of the store looking at the PS4 games.

  "Yeah, I think I want this one,” He says, holding up a game that I don't know. I don't know much about anything these days actually."

  "Okay, do you want me to-"

  "I got it!" He shouts, digging into his pocket for his money before taking the game and his cash up to the counter to pay.

  "Is that your little brother?" Grace asks when I turn back to look at her.

  "Yeah," I nod, smiling. Ty is really the one thing that's been keeping me going all these years.

  My mom was told she couldn't have any more children after me and when Ty came into the picture I just... I don't know. I guess I kind of instantly loved him. He's the most awesome little brother anyone could ask for and I feel bad that I've only seen him once in the past four years. I mean we talk on the phone or Skype at least twice a week but I haven't seen him in forever and I feel bad.

  "He's really adorable.” She smiles and turns on her heels towards the exit. "I guess I'm gonna head out. I just saw you in here and wanted to say hey." She starts towards the exit.

  "Ty and I are gonna grab some lunch from the food court, you could um... join us if you want,” She stops walking, tuning back towards me.

  "Sure.” She shrugs and smiles just as my little brother appears next to me.

  "Got it," He says, holding up his bag with his game in it.

  "What'd you get bud?" I question as we all start towards the exit.

  "This really cool game called Thief. It's about this guy that....Emma..." He pauses, looking around me to Grace.

  "Hmm?" I look down to him.

  "There's a girl following us,” He says, grabbing tightly to my leg. I can’t help but chuckle.

  "Ty this is Grace, I invited her to lunch with us if that's okay with you."

  "Hey,” Grace offers a hand to my brother. He glances up at me then back to Grace.

  "It’s okay.” I chuckle out. Seriously, how cute is my little brother?

  "I'm Tyler." He smiles, releasing my leg to shake Grace's hand.

  "Nice to meet you, Tyler,” Grace returns a smile.

  "Are you Emma's gir-"

  "Don’t you dare finish that question bud,” I bend down, pointing a playfully stern finger at him. His eyes widen before he smiles and slaps a hand over his mouth. "Go find us a table why don't you,” He nods and runs ahead of Grace and me to grab a table. I make sure to keep my eyes on him.

  "He looks just like you."

  "Nah," I shake my head, turning to look at her briefly. "He's much cuter,” I turn back to look at my brother and thank goodness he's more decisive about a table then he was about getting a video game. I watch as he waves us down unnecessarily.

  "You disappeared last night,” Grace says softly as we make our way to the table. I sneak a peek at her, she staring at the floor.

  "You were off doing your thing, I didn't want to-"

  "I'm sorry I invited you knowing that I would have to leave you to go and mingle,” She cuts me off. I steal another glance and this time she's looking right at me.

  "It's okay, I understand. I was just..." I got nothing right now. I'm trying not to look her in the eyes.

  "Did you not really want to be there? You didn't come just because I invited you and you didn't want to be rude, did you?"

  "No I wanted to come I just, I haven't really been-"

  "Its fine, I get it." Get what? I don't even get what I'm getting at! I'd really like her to explain it me.

  She shrugs and shakes her head. We've reached the table but neither of us is making a move to sit down.

  "This is a good table, huh Em?" My little brother says, oblivious to what's taking place right now. Hell I don't even fully know.

  "I wanted to come to your party Grace I just-"

  "I guess I just thought we were... that this was... I guess I thought wrong." She shakes her head. "I forgot I'm meeting someone later so I probably should get going." She thumbs towards the escalators.

  "Grace you don't have to-"

  "It was nice meeting you Tyler; maybe we can hang out again sometime,” She turns to my brother, completely ignoring me.

  "Aren't you hungry?"

  "I gotta get going, maybe next time?"

  "Okay," Ty nods and smiles, hoping out of his chair and walking around the table to hug Grace's leg. She gasps before bending over to hug him back. "Bye Grace."

  "Bye Tyler."

  "Please, just call me Ty." He waves her off, I give him a look. Who is this little boy right now? Grace and I both can’t help but smile at his cuteness.

  "Okay then, Ty." She gives him once last smile and wave before turning to leave.

  "Grace..." That's all I manage out. I really don't mind her being here but I'm not entirely sure how to say it.

  "I'll see you around, Emma,” She offers weakly as if she's unsure of the validity of her own statement. I open my mouth to say something but she starts walking away. I really have no idea what just happened. One second we were fine and the next...

  I shake my head as I sit down next to my brother. "Did you and Grace have a fight?"

  "No buddy we're fine, she just had to leave."

  "Oh, okay."

  "Ty, why'd you hug her?"

  "Mom told me to." He shrugs.

  "What do you mean mom told you to?"

  "She said to hug people as much as I can, because we never know if we'll ever get to do it again." I stare at my brother for a moment, taking in his innocence. I miss when everything was simple, when laughter and joy filled my heart. When spending an afternoon at the mall with people I cared about was something I looked forward to every weekend. "You okay Emma?" My little brother asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

  I breathe out a laugh. I don't really know what I am, but that's no reason to rain on my little brothers’ fun parade. So I grin and bear it like I've learned to do over the years.

  "I'm just fine, bud, just fine,” He smiles up at me before we head over to Subway to grab lunch.

  Chapter 4- Novocain

  I exhale every time my left foot hits the ground. I'm on my sixth mile and I can go for another six. These morning runs have been a godsend. It's "normal." I see other people in the park doing it. My mother doesn't hyperventilate when I yell that I'm going for one, as I make my way out the door. Most of all it helps to clear my head.

  The agonizing guilt that keeps me awake keeps me r
unning and the longer I run, the better I feel. I don't know if attempting to live life normally will make me feel better. People were always saying that moving on, living life is what George and McKenzie would want. I hated when I was told that.

  How would anyone know what they would want if they were no longer here to tell them?

  All I want is to see my friends and when I run, I do. I see George laughing, McKenzie smiling with every step that hits the ground. The images of them flash through my mind and I can feel myself smile with every breath I release.

  Left foot, George, right foot McKenzie and it goes on like this repeatedly. I see a flash of Grace in my mind and stumble a bit. I catch myself and keep the momentum going. I shake my head as I try to figure out where the thought of Grace came from. It’s true I haven't heard from her for a few days.

  I don't know if I miss her per say, because how do you miss an acquaintance? I don't like how things were left the other day at the mall. I'm used to direct orders, what's said is meant and what's meant is said. This silent emotional conversation thing is a skill I lost after leaving high school. I didn't want to have any form of emotional conversation; silent or not and that's why I left. People kept asking me how I felt and if I was doing better?

  Honestly though, I never had an answer because, I felt nothing. I was numb and once that subsided, I felt; guilt, regret, and anger towards myself. So, to get other people to stop worrying about me, to see something in me other than death, I ran.

  I go around the bend and another flash of Grace crosses my eyes. I stumble again, this time losing balance. I throw my hands out to steady myself from falling completely. As I push myself up, I'm met with a wet nose sniffing me excitedly. I giggle and push the furry face away from mine.

  "Doc!"

  The familiar voice makes me smile and I'm surprised at the gesture. This so called Doc goes around my legs and gets acquainted with me.

  "Hey now!" I shriek in surprise as I move away from Grace's dog. She jogs towards us and grabs his collar.

  "Doc, no," She corrects him and he drops his jaw letting his tongue hang out. I just laugh as he dismisses Grace's rebuke. "Sorry about that, he usually doesn't run off like that."

  Doc sits obediently next to his master and looks up at me. She pats him on his neck and ruffles his fur.

  "I guess you both like sneaking up on people,” I offer with a weak laugh, not really sure as to where to take this conversation.

  She breathes out a single laugh and rubs the back of her neck nervously. She mumbles out something that sounds like a 'yeah well'. We stand there momentarily looking everywhere but each other.

  At least I thought she wasn't looking at me until I hear her say, "Nice tats"

  I look down at my torso and see the work I had done while I was away. My army dog tags and its chains that go up my ribcage.

  I see Grace's eyes dance over my body and I blush a bit.

  "So you're in the..." She leaves the question open waiting for me to fill in the answer.

  When I say army her eyebrows pop up once and she nods impressed. She touches my shoulder softly and I'm a bit embarrassed because of how sweaty I am.

  She's examining my tattoo that I got right after Tyler was born. I was underage at the time but my mom and dad both agreed to let me get it.

  It's his baby footprints with his name under it in cursive. She smiles softly. I just lick my lips and look down at the ground.

  I notice my laces are untied and that explains my stumble that got Doc's attention in the first place. I bend down to tie them and I hear Grace breathe out a "wow". I forget about that one sometimes.

  My top is only my sports bra so of course she'd see it. A pair of angel wings that rest high on my back. The center of the wings is in the shape of a heart with McKenzie and George's name and the dates that I met them both.

  I'm still on the ground as she takes in the artwork and I feel awkward not knowing when it's a good time to stand up. I'm staring Doc in the face and his breath is getting to me. He's a sweet Lab, but his breath isn't. I groan as push myself up and Grace steps back.

  "When'd you join?" She asks as I stand.

  "2009,” I reply as I start to jog in place again. I can feel my body starting to cool down and I still want to run a couple more miles.

  "Wow that's like right out of... Oh my god you're bleeding!" I glance down at my hand to see that I am in fact bleeding. It's just a scrape though, no big deal.

  "Oh my God, do you need like a Band-Aid, or some gauze, or a towel to--"

  "No,” I chuckle at her. "It's just a scratch. I’m okay,” I shrug it off, but I know that Grace is not going to let this go so easily.

  "No, I have a first aid kit in my car. I could patch that right up."

  I glance down at the small scrape on the palm of my hand. "Grace it's really not a--"

  "Come on Emma!" I look up from my hand to see Grace already half way to the parking lot. When did she even start walking away?

  Doc barks, almost as if he's telling me to come too. How can I say no to that?

  When I reach Grace's car, she's already waiting for me with her first aid kit. "Sit." She instructs pointing to her back seat.

  Doc and I look at each other and I clear my throat to grab Grace's attention. She's preoccupied with finding the right sized band aid. She looks up for a second.

  "Me or the dog?" She tuts, says it again and Doc and I both listen. "Grace, this really isn't necessary."

  I shake my head at how ridiculous she's acting over a cut.

  "Shhh,” She tells me as she pulls out some rubbing alcohol wipes. "This may burn a bit,” I doubt it. I haven't felt a single thing in four years. I'm sure a little...

  "Ow,” I look down at my hand, examining it.

  Holy crap, it’s painful. Actual real life pain and not just something in my head.

  "I'm sorry,” Grace says, blowing on my hand. The cool air feels good against the burning alcohol. I notice her eyes slowly making their way up to mine. When we lock eyes, I immediately feel guilty. I don't know where it comes from or why exactly I'm feeling it, but I do.

  "I should go,” I stand up from the seat.

  "Oh okay,” She turns to grab a bandage from the kit. "Just let me..." She trails off, placing the bandage over my scrape. "All done."

  "Thanks,” I give her a weak smile, side stepping past her and Doc. "I guess I'll see you around then."

  "Or I could just call you later?" She suggest with a shrug.

  "Sure,” I nod. She gives me a small smile as Doc closes the gap between us, standing on his back legs, waiting for a proper goodbye, I suppose.

  "Bye Doc, I'll see you soon.” I tell him, rubbing his fur; making sure to get behind his ears.

  "Wow, he really likes you,” Grace chuckles at her dog before chiding him for jumping on me.

  "So, later then?"

  "Yeah,” She gives me another smile and a small wave. I return the smile, before turning and running back into the park.

  -

  "Hey mom,” I greet my mother as I enter the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the fridge.

  "Hey honey. How was your run?" She asks as she unpacks some groceries.

  "Good,” I step around her, reaching into the fridge to grab my water. "Where's dad?" I contort my head to look around the wall into the living room. Its Sunday, normally he'd be watching whatever game is on the television. At least that's how he used to be, I'm not so sure anymore.

  "He was called into work. He'll be home in a bit. Maybe the two of you could catch a game on the TV,” My mom suggests.

  I smile and nod. Sounds good. I miss the one on one time my dad and I used to have every week. Watching a game or throwing a ball around. Speaking of that...

  "Is Ty still asleep?" I ask, twisting the cap back onto my bottle.

  "He's out back I think. He told me about the mall the other day and your friend...Grace, I believe he said. Was there something that you wanted to-"

  "She's just a
friend mom, I promise,” I reply quickly, not wanting to really discuss this anymore. I know what my mother’s getting at. "I'm gonna go say hey to Ty,” I say as I'm already leaving the kitchen. I walk out into backyard to see Ty playing on his swing set. "Hey bud, what you doing?"

  "Just hanging around,” He answers as I take a seat on the swing next to him.

  "Sounds fun,” I push back, lifting my feet up from the ground to swing with him. "You wanna go to the movies with me in a bit? Cloudy with a chance of--"

  "Yeah!" He shouts before I can even finish my sentence. "I'll go get dressed now.” He hops off the swing and runs into the house. I chuckle at the cuteness that is my little brother.

  "You should tell him you know,” My mom says poking her head out of the kitchen window positioned over the sink. "He's only going to be more hurt the longer you wait."

  "I will,” I nod, getting up from the swing.

  "I promised that I'd allow you to tell him, but Emma it's not fair to him for you to--"

  "I know mom,” I cut her off. "I'm gonna tell him, I promise,” I say firmly, hoping she'll just drop it.

  "Okay,” She says and pulls herself back inside the window. I sigh relief before heading upstairs to shower and get dressed.

  -

  "Fancy seeing you here,” A familiar voice says from behind me.

  I turn to see none other than Grace.

  "Twice in one day, I'm starting to think you're stalking me,” I smile at the blonde.

  "Santa Barbara is not really the biggest place on earth,” She counters.

  "You realize that you didn't deny it right?" I rebuttal and quirk a brow.

  "Hey Grace,” Tyler smiles up at her.

  "Oh hey Ty, I didn't even see you down there buddy."

  "I'm pretty small.” He shrugs. "But dad says I'll grow strong and tall soon enough,” He smiles at her then turns to me. "Can I have some popcorn, Emma?"

  I smile down at him. Sometimes his adorable ways are too much.

  "Sure bud, here's a twenty,” He grabs the twenty and jets off to the snack counter.

  "How old is he?" Grace thumbs in Ty's direction.

  "Seven,” I answer quickly, sporting the same amazed look as Grace. The things that come out of that little boys’ mouth sometimes is crazy.