Love Me Back to Life Read online

"This is our place, his and mine,” She turns to me and says, "and no one can change that. This is where I come when I'm having my worst days. I see him here. I can feel him here. When I sit on this rock, look out into this part of the ocean I know he's here with me, out there surfing the waves or sitting right here next to me watching the sunset,” She averts her gaze back to the ocean. "Here I don't feel so...empty,” She finishes and I get what she's doing, what she's saying. "You just have to find your place and maybe it'll hurt just a little less,” She turns back to me, smiling. "I promise it does get easier."

  "Thank you,” I reply sincerely.

  "No problem,” She shrugs, standing up from the rock. "We should head back,” She tosses her head in the direction of the party.

  "I think we should stay a few more minutes,” I point towards the sky. The sun is setting and it really is beautiful. "It's beautiful.” I take a couple steps forward to stand next to her.

  She smiles. "Isn't it?" A sigh escapes her, I turn to face her as she closes her eyes; taking in the moment.

  "Not if I see you first,” I hear her whisper. I step back, knowing she's having a moment with her brother right now. "I love you, James,” She whispers a little louder than before.

  "There you are Grace!" A brown skinned girl appears out of nowhere. Seriously, where did she even just come from? I was looking in the direction of the party and I did not see her walking towards us.

  "I was just talking to James,” Grace replies nonchalantly. I guess she does this often, because her friend didn't press on after that.

  "You're missing the party, you know. I think John and Kay are gonna perform in a bit. Who's this?" The girl turns and looks at me. "Oh and Chloe's looking for you,” She turns back to Grace and says before Grace can get a single word in.

  "Ugh!" Grace throws her hands up, groaning. "Next time lead with Chloe, kay Tam,” Grace says to her friend as they start walking back towards the party. "You coming?" Grace stops, turning back to me. I nod and jog a little to catch up with them. "Emma this is my best friend Tamara, Tamara this is Emma, my," She trails off, looking back to me for an answer.

  Hell I don't know either.

  "Friend," I offer with a shrug.

  "My friend Emma,” Grace turns back to her friend and says.

  "Cute friend,” Tamara leans back to look around Grace at me. "Very nice, Grace."

  What?

  "Tam!" Grace slaps her friend on the arm.

  "So you really are..." I trail off.

  "Gay?" Grace pops a brow. I swallow the lemon in my throat and nod. Grace shrugs and smiles, glancing over at Tamara then back to me. "I guess you can say that,” They both chuckle. I guess I'm missing the joke.

  "Chloe's her stalker ex,” Tamara says.

  "Yeah, we broke up months ago and for some reason I can't shake her now,” Grace pops her shoulders up once, turning to me. "You good?"

  "Mhm,” I nod as we reach the party.

  "Cool,” She smiles. "I should probably make my rounds. I mean this is kinda my party."

  "Your party?" I ask confusion in my voice.

  "It's my birthday."

  "You should have told me I would've have--"

  "What?" She cuts me off, "Gotten me a present. It's not necessary,” She waves me off. "I got enough things. Plus I didn't want you to feel pressured to get me anything,” She shrugs, shaking her head.

  "You're different,” I quirk a brow. She's not the same shy, stuttering girl from yesterday.

  "For some reason you made me nervous yesterday,” Her eyes go wide a little like she's said too much. I can't help but smile. "I mean... I was just a bit caught off guard. That's all. I'm gonna," she trails off, thumbing behind her. "Will you be okay for a bit?"

  "Yeah,” I nod. I think I might just be alright.

  -

  "Well who might you be?" A tan brunette slides up next to me.

  "Emma,” I take a sip of my drink, glancing from the girl to the cup.

  A smirk appears at her lips. "I'm intrigued,” She holds out her hand for me to shake. I pop a brow, glancing down at her hand.

  Really?

  "Well intrigued…” I start, putting my free hand into my pocket to let her know I wouldn't be shaking hers. "I'm actually just waiting for someone so I'm not--"

  "Fucking seriously, Chloe?!" I hear a familiar voice shout. I look up and see Grace headed towards me and the brunette.

  "Uh oh,” The brunette next to me says, moving slightly away from me.

  "I was just talking to this nice girl baby, I wasn't-"

  "First of all," Grace starts, hitting the girl on the shoulder. "I'm not your baby anymore,” She adds matter-of-factly. "And secondly, I could have sworn I uninvited you to this party months ago,” She finishes with a hand on her hip.

  "This is a public beach, Grace. You can't keep me from coming here,” Chloe shrugs, taking a big gulp of her drink. "Plus, you know you want me here. I don't know why you're even joking."

  "No one wants you here, Chloe!" Tamara comes up from behind Grace. I have to stifle a laugh.

  "Well no one asked you, did they Tam,” Chloe rolls her eyes at the girl before turning back to Grace.

  "I really need to talk to you Grace, I think us breaking up was a mistake. I don't think you meant all those things you said. Maybe if we could just--"

  "I'm done talking to you Chloe. You're manipulative, sneaky, and frankly a little bit of a slut. I'm done with you!" Grace yells causing the whole beach to turn and watch the scene unfold.

  "You don't mean--"

  "The thing is," Grace moves closer to the girl. "I do. I really fucking do."

  "You forgot an adjective Grace."

  "Which?" Grace turns to her friend and asks.

  "Bitch,” Tamara says coldly, her eyes now on the brunette.

  "You're so right, Tam. How could I forget the most important one? Chloe you're a bitch and honestly I want you to just leave me the hell alone. Life's way too short to have people like you taking up precious time,” Grace finishes.

  The brunette looks around at the crowd of people staring at her before dropping her drink and storming off towards the parking lot.

  "Woo hoo, Grace!" A tall red haired boy yells, holding up his cup.

  "Good riddance Chloe Sanchez!" Grace joins in, holding up her glass followed by Tamara and the rest of the crowd, all chanting Grace's words. "Enough, now let's get back to this party!" Grace yells to her guest. Everyone shouts a 'yeah' and does. "Sorry about that,” Grace shakes her head as she moves towards me.

  "Its fine,” I shrug and wave her off. "It happens to the best of us,” I add. She smiles, glancing down at my cup.

  "You're almost empty, want some more?"

  "Sure,” I nod.

  "Be right back." She tells me, taking my cup from hand. I watch as she heads over to drink table.

  "You like her, don't you?" Tamara appears next to me.

  "You've got to stop doing that!" I tell her grabbing my chest. Really, I don't know where she appears from.

  "Don't change the subject,” She narrows her eyes at me. "Do you?"

  "I barely know her. I only met her yesterday,” I answer honestly.

  "Love knows no time."

  "What?" I turn to her, confusion written all over my face. How did we go from like to love?

  "I'm just saying... if you like her, you should go for it. Life is short. God knows Grace has been through more than most people go through in two lifetimes, in her twenty years. I'm just telling you that if you like her, you shouldn't wait, you should just go for it,” She places a hand on my shoulder. "But just know that if you hurt her, in any way, I'm gonna have to kill you.” Her eyes go wide as she stares intently into mine.

  "Um...okay,” I nod slowly, she nods with me. I think I'm genuinely scared right now.

  "Glad we cleared that up,” She says suddenly, breaking our staring match.

  I look away surreptitiously hoping to send some sort of distress signal to anyone nearby in cas
e this girl decides to make due on her threat early.

  I don't know how she could sense any sort of affection coming from me towards Grace. For one thing I've known the girl for a total of forty minutes. For another I'm not in a position to be feeling anything for anyone. I don't even think I can, and if I could it wouldn't be right for her... or me. So no I can't like Grace.

  "Here you go,” Grace comes back, handing me my cup.

  "You roofie that?" Tamara asks Grace just as I take a sip.

  "You know it,” I see Grace's eyes over her cup as she takes a sip of her drink.

  "Good stuff,” Tamara says before disappearing into the crowd again.

  I look down into my cup, contemplating if she'd actually roofie my drink or not.

  "She's kidding,” Grace chuckles into her cup. I take another long look at my drink, and then back at her before taking another sip.

  "So that's the ex huh?" I ask as Grace and I walk towards the bon fire.

  "Yeah, nothing special,” She shrugs.

  "Well she had to be a good person at some point to get a girl like you,” I say and immediately regret it. That came out wrong. "I mean that you seem like the type of person that can judge someone’s character."

  "Well I judged wrong with that one,” We take a seat on a log, as we watch the fire dance in the light breeze.

  "What happened with you two?" I turn to face her. "You know if you don't mind me asking."

  "I met Chloe my sophomore year of high school. She was so charming and amazing really, but I was with someone and she respected that. When my brother died my senior year, the girl I was with at the time couldn't really handle my mood swings, so we broke up and Chloe was there for me in every way you could possibly imagine. She became the one person in my life that I could count on. As the years passed and I started to pull myself back together again, Chloe started to change. She became this person I didn't even recognize. It's like, the better I became, the more shit she did to try and sink me again. I don't need someone like that in my life, so I broke up with her,” Grace finishes with a shrug, turning more towards me. "What about you? Got any juicy love stories?"

  "Not really, no,” I shake my head. "I don't get out much."

  "You're kidding right?" She quirks a brow.

  "No,” I purse my lips, shaking my head.

  "But you're so," She stops and I stare at her, waiting for her to finish.

  "I'm so?" I question.

  "You know," She shrugs, "you.” She finishes and I chuckle.

  "Thanks I guess."

  "You're welcome,” She says awkwardly taking another sip of her drink.

  "For what it's worth," I start, turning to face her. "...Chloe's an idiot."

  "For what?" She looks at me.

  "Disappointing a girl like you,” She gives me a look before turning back to the fire, putting her cup up to her lips to try and hide her smile. But the light of the fire dancing off her face gives away the redness of her cheeks.

  Chapter 3 – Playing Pretend

  "Emma, Emma dear," I listen to my mom call to me from the door. I keep my eyes closed, hoping she'll just go away. "Emma." She waits to see if I'll awake and answer and when I don't she closes the door behind her.

  I sigh as I turn over, putting my back to the door. As least this way I don't have to close my eyes when she comes in again. That was the fourth time since this morning that she's come in.

  The subtle creaking of the door lets me know that she's back yet again. I'm not even sure why I'm pretending to be asleep really. Especially since I haven't slept well for the past four years; whether its nightmares, late night drills or middle of the night raids, there was always something pulling me from my sleep.

  I listen as she stands in the doorway; watching me, before she moves closer. She hovers for a minute, breathing deeply, and then disappears back into the hallway she just came from.

  I know she just wants to find out about my late night last night. The last time I was out that late she got a phone call. A call no parent wants to get. So I know that she's just worried about me. I get it, honestly I do. But I can’t be here and pretend to be normal if she continues to hover like she's doing.

  I grab my phone to check the time, completely dismissing the clock that's on my nightstand.

  I don't know why exactly but I check to see if there are any new messages. I'm not expecting any and I don't have any real reason to receive any, but I do. Before I can feel any kind of way about my lack of a social life my door creaks again.

  I sigh. "Mom it hasn't even been five minutes since you last came in."

  "It's me, Em."

  I drop my head to the side to see my little brother poking his head in. My brows furrow in confusion as he sneaks a look behind him. He quickly faces me again and slides his tiny body through the small space he made in the doorway. He shuts it quietly and I can’t help the small laugh that escapes me.

  "Buddy what are you doing?" I sit up leaning on my elbows and watch as Tyler presses an ear against my door. He waves a hand and shushes me.

  "Mom told me you were sleeping and not to bother you, so I had to sneak and she's right down the hall,” He explains this to me never taking his ear away from the door. He nods once, sure that the coast is indeed clear and steps further into my room. He sweeps his brown hair away from his eyes and clasps his little fingers together.

  "Hey Em."

  "Hey Ty."

  "So I have a proposition for you."

  Did he just say proposition?

  "Why do you know words like proposition, you're seven."

  "I read,” He shrugs and tells me simply like it’s the most obvious answer in the world. I'm going to have to take a look at these books he's reading. "As I was saying, I have a proposition for you,” He climbs onto my bed and looks me straight in the eyes. I'm a little scared honestly. "So I have some birthday money and I'd like to go the mall and buy some stuff. If you take me, I'll buy you lunch,” He smiles widely and I laugh at how adorable my little brother is. I sit up and pull my knees close to my chest.

  Just out of curiosity I ask. "How much birthday money you got bud?"

  "Seventy-five dollars" He tells me proudly, pretty impressed with himself.

  I push my lips out and nod in amazement. I take him up on his proposition simply because it’s evil to tell this little boy no. I offer to pay for lunch though. It's probably best that I leave my room before my mom checks for a pulse.

  I send Ty off to get ready. As I close the door behind him, I hear my mom whine that she told him not to disturb me. He whines back that he didn't and I smile at the simplicity of my family. Simple is all I can handle right now. Even that, I'm not entirely sure I can manage.

  I emerge from my room in a loose t-shirt and a pair of skinny jeans. I bounce down the stairs and pop into the kitchen. I kiss my mom on the cheek and see she's baking my favorite dessert. She's honestly the greatest mom anyone could have. I dip my finger in the chocolate batter and lick off my finger.

  She swats me away and giggles,” I didn't hear you come in last night."

  I laugh lightly at my mother's start of a conversation. There was no decent Segway with that comment.

  "Well mom being in the army for four years they really prefer our 'sneaks ins' to be stealthy, opposed to boisterous."

  She laughs softly and shakes her head at my lack of an answer.

  I honestly don't know what to tell her though. I went to a birthday party of a girl I met at the cemetery, got hit on by her ex-girlfriend, and met a ton of people I don't care to meet again, only to sneak off when she momentarily left me to mingle with her guests.

  Yeah, no thanks.

  So, I settle for the next best thing. "I was just around, getting used to being home I guess."

  She smiles softly, seemingly satisfied with the answer and I'm relieved because I had nothing else other than that.

  "Ready, Em!" Tyler announces as he bursts into the kitchen and grabs my hand pulling me towards the front
door.

  "I’m taking Ty to the mall,” I explain to mother. She waves us off as he pulls me out of the room. I laugh as I hear her playfully shout, 'better you than me'.

  We hop into the car and head out. I'm attempting to obtain some form of normalcy, if not for myself at least for my family. They deserve that much.

  --

  Two hours in and the statement my mom made before we left makes total sense now.

  "Ty buddy I'm begging you make a decision."

  We're in the third video game store for the second time and if I hear one more gamer try to pick me up with the line that I bear a slight resemblance to the most recent Laura Croft from tomb raider, I'm gonna break someone's something.

  "I'm sorry, Em. It’s hard." He tells me then pouts and I crumble. Little bugger knows he has me wrapped around his finger. I just shake my head and wave him off as he goes to stare at his choices again. I stand by the entrance hoping that seeing me there will coax him to choose a little faster in fear that I'd leave him. I'm desperate here.

  I people watch and observe the behaviors of the mall goers. Maybe develop some of their emotional reflexes in case I need references on what normal is.

  As my eyes scan the crowd my heart stops for a second, because I feel like I've seen an older version of McKenzie, when I realize that I did. Her mother strolls around the corner and we catch each other’s eyes. Mine widen in horror and she stares at me momentarily perhaps making sure it's me.

  A crowd of teenagers cut our stare off short and I take this time to find a place to hide. I look around the video game store and jump behind the life size cardboard of Laura Croft and snort at the irony.

  I crouch down making sure that I still have an eye on my little brother. He's staring the wall of games and this time I'm begging he is still uncertain on his decision.

  I peek around the cut out and see if McKenzie’s mom is around. I catch a glimpse of her through the front window as she heads towards the store. I look back at Tyler and he's diligently weighing his decisions, my heart is racing as I stare out the window.

  I can see her getting closer but then a pair of legs blocks my view of her. I groan in frustration and before I can telepathically threaten them to move, they step out of my line of sight.