Hard to Say Yes (The Fallout Series Book 3) Read online

  “I mean, I get why he’d want you alone once in a while,” he said, his deep voice reaching every single part of me. “You can tell me more about what happened if you need to talk to someone about it. Didn’t seem like you wanted to talk to your friends about it last night.”

  I thought about his question for a full minute. Seemed like longer. For whatever reason, Tegan was really easy to talk to.

  “He… ” I sighed deeply. “It wasn’t just that he wanted me to give Zac full custody of Dylan. That was just the final straw.”

  His jaw tensed. “What?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. You know he took the liberty of starting paperwork and everything. But it started small, ya know?”

  “Not really. Why don’t you tell me?”

  I swallowed hard. “It was small things. Like… ” I tried to think of the best way to explain it. “So there are things guys say that could be them being considerate but could also be taken as a put-down.”

  “Like?”

  “Like saying he knows I’ll want time to do my hair when my hair is clearly already done,” I told him. “He could’ve just been trying to be considerate but I don’t believe that was how he meant it.”

  “Probably not. But that’s bullshit.”

  “But that is also the small stuff it started with. Then there were things he wanted me to do that I didn’t want to do and he sure wasn’t taking no very well.”

  Tegan’s hands clenched into fists on the table. “Did he make you do those things?”

  That was when I realized how it sounded and needed to clear this up right now. “He didn’t force me but he was trying to pressure me if that makes sense.”

  “Of course it makes sense and that makes him a fucking prick.”

  I nodded. There was no disagreeing with logic. “It’s why he’s history and I’m swearing off guys for a while.”

  “What a fucker,” he said. Tegan was obviously taking this almost as hard as I was at this point given that he was hearing it for the first time. “I can’t believe any man would do that. I don’t get it.” He ran his index finger over his bottom lip. “If you loved him, though, I get why it might’ve taken a while to see the domineering part of his personality.”

  “Pft,” I responded. “I don’t care how much I love a guy. Nobody is coming between me and my son.” Which was the honest truth. I’d never put a man before my kid. I’d seen far too many people do that in East Branch and that wouldn’t be me. “Plus, I didn’t love him.”

  “Weren’t you dating for like—”

  “Yeah, I know. A long time.” I took a deep breath. “It was like… I was waiting for it to happen. Waiting for a button to switch on that told me I loved him. It never happened, so when he brought up those papers, it wasn’t all that hard to walk out.”

  “Why were you waiting for so long?”

  I shrugged. “He was the kind of guy I should’ve fallen in love with.”

  He sat up and leaned his elbows on the table. “What does that mean?”

  “It means… He’s from a nice neighborhood. Has a really good job in IT with a hospital system. His parents were pretty well off, not that I cared about that but he was… stable, I guess is how I’d put it. My mom and sisters used to tell me how lucky I was to have snagged him.”

  Tegan’s deep chuckle brought a smile to my face. “Snagged him?”

  I smiled even wider. “That’s how they put it. Honestly, I should’ve broken up with him a long time ago.”

  “Why didn’t you?” he asked.

  “Like I said, I was waiting for it to happen. It should’ve happened.”

  Tegan nodded and cleared his throat. “Well, it’s his loss.” Then he pushed up from the table and carried his plate over to the sink.

  “I’ll help with the dishes,” I told him.

  “Not much to do. Don’t even need to rinse the dishes.”

  “But we do have to scrape them,” I said. I knew that the new dishwashersm dishes didn’t need to be rinsed, but I also wasn’t going to sit there and watch him do all the cleanup when he’d done most of the cooking.

  We worked together getting the dishes loaded and the counter wiped down. When there wasn’t anything left to do, I told him I should be going. Though why was the question. I had nowhere to go and no one to get home to. I would’ve thought that after almost five years, I’d be used to the time Dylan spent with Zac. In some ways, I was. In others, I missed the little guy and the apartment was too quiet when he wasn’t there.

  I grabbed my keys off one of the chairs and headed for the front door with Tegan right behind me. As he opened the door, I turned to him and said, “Thank you for dinner. And for listening to my crazy when you don’t even really know me.”

  “You’re welcome.” He was suddenly standing extremely close to me.

  “Oh.” I snapped my fingers. “I haven’t told anyone else the entire story of why I left Ian in Chicago… About how he was toward me… and I’d appreciate—”

  He waved a hand in front of me. “Don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t say a word.”

  “Well, thank you for that too.”

  “Go out with me, Maddie,” he said out of left field. My heart raced and my hands got clammy. I wasn’t expecting that. I mean, yeah, I’d seen him checking me out, but lots of guys did that. I never thought he’d actually ask me out. Especially after the way I’d unloaded on him tonight. “Let me take you out and show you that we’re not all bad.”

  That was so tempting. But when I thought about it, Tegan was a lot like Ian. In the way that he was the kind of man I should’ve wanted to go out with. Should’ve wanted to be with. Though my gut told me he wasn’t the domineering type. My gut had been wrong before. He was also Rhian’s brother. Rhian who was now the best friend of the woman I’d been best friends with since we were little. I couldn’t risk rocking the boat.

  “I really shouldn’t. But thank you for everything, Tegan,” I told him as I slid out the door before waiting for a response. I hated the idea of his beautiful face falling when I turned him down and didn’t want to see it happen.

  If I hadn’t gotten out of his house and to my car immediately, I knew he’d try to convince me. Not like that would be a hard job, given that now I couldn’t stop thinking about spending more time with him.

  But I had sworn off guys for the near future just last night.

  I needed to give myself some time.

  Chapter Five

  A week later, my phone was blowing up courtesy of Laney and Rhian. They were all at Laney’s house. Dylan was having the best time in this little pool Zac had gotten him. Only about knee-high, they assured me, but he loved it regardless. And they wanted me to come over, too.

  Laney had been including me more and more since she’d come back last year and we’d talked a lot while she was at school. It wasn’t unusual for them to invite me and I typically went. She’d been my best friend for so long and while it was sometimes a tough pill to swallow that Rhian now held that position for Laney, I was just thankful that she’d forgiven me for having a kid with Zac even though she’d basically been in love with him since middle school. It wasn’t like I’d done it on purpose and she’d kept her feelings for Zac under tight wrap.

  After quickly sending a text letting them know I’d be there, I changed out of my pajama shorts and into a pair of cutoffs and a tank top. Then I threw my hair into a messy bun. Laney often went for the messy bun while I always had my hair done. Not today. I didn’t want to take the time.

  I stopped at the store on my way to grab the popsicles that Dylan loved as well as chips and this French onion dip the deli made up in-store. It was fantastic—some of the best I’d ever tasted. As an afterthought, I chose a bunch of veggies that would be good raw and probably go well with the dip. Cucumbers, carrots, a couple of bell peppers, and celery. Then I headed over to Laney’s. You never showed up to a barbeque emptyhanded, according to my mother.

  When I got to Laney’s house, I went to the front do
or knowing they probably wouldn’t be inside. But I had things that needed to be refrigerated, so after knocking once, I went in. Zac would be super irritated if he knew the front screen door hadn’t been locked when I arrived. So I flipped the latch after it closed behind me.

  Their voices coming in the kitchen windows confirmed that they were out back and I could hear them from the kitchen as I put the things I’d brought into the fridge, except for the chips, which I put on the counter.

  That was when I heard Rhian’s voice awfully close. When I peeked around the fridge I saw the whole group of them closer to the porch than I’d thought they had been before. It seemed that they hadn’t heard me in the house. How that was, I didn’t know.

  “Tegan’s been being a little bitch because he asked Maddie out and got rejected,” Rhian told them.

  “Yeah?” Porter asked. I could hear the humor in his voice from here.

  “Don’t do that,” Rhian warned her boyfriend. “Tegan’s great. Any girl would be lucky to have him.”

  “Don’t you do that,” Laney countered. “She doesn’t have to go out with him—or anyone if she doesn’t want to.”

  “Duh. Yeah. I know that. I was just saying if he was her type, he’s a great guy.”

  “You guys know I’m right here, right?” Tegan’s voice filled the air. He commanded everyone’s attention though I didn’t think it was something he did intentionally. It was just what happened when he was in the room. Almost as if he were the authority figure and I supposed he was. Of all of us, he had his life the most together. He was the oldest.

  He’d gone to college. Then he’d kept going. Though it made me wonder why he hadn’t just gone all the way to becoming a doctor, I also didn’t want to ask. I couldn’t tell him my life wasn’t his business and then pry too much about his.

  Dylan’s laughter as he splashed in the pool brought my attention back from Tegan. That kid was the best. I was determined to make sure he had everything he needed and thankfully, Zac was in full agreement.

  “But seriously,” Tegan said. “Zac, you were with her. How in the hell do I get her to let me take her out?”

  Zac groaned as he rubbed the back of his neck. I loved that they had no idea I was listening in. Sure, it could’ve been misconstrued as eavesdropping, but now that they were talking about me, I mostly didn’t care. Actually, the fact that he wasn’t about to give up on taking me out after I’d already turned him down, told him to fuck off, and spewed my life story all over his dinner, made my heart flutter with excitement.

  “I don’t think I want to hear this,” Laney said, but then she said it with her voice full of humor, so I knew she wasn’t being serious. I’d already explained to her what had happened between Zac and me. It probably helped that neither he nor I remembered much of the event other than it had happened.

  “Doesn’t matter,” Zac told her. “I never dated Maddie.”

  “I’m not even trying to sleep with her,” Tegan said, which told me exactly how much time he’d been spending with my group. He was comfortable as hell.

  “Bullshit,” Porter said, but he tried to hide it with a cough.

  “OK, well, yeah. Maybe eventually but for now I just want to take her out.”

  “I don’t think I have any advice for you,” Zac told him. “Laney would know better than me.”

  Laney cocked her head to the side and asked, “How’s that?”

  “You’ve been friends with her forever. We were sad and drunk and ended up teenage parents. It’s not exactly ideal.”

  I burst out laughing. All of their heads snapped my way. Damn it. I’d given myself away. So I pushed through the screen door to join them.

  “How much did you hear?” Rhian asked me.

  “I think all of it,” I said as I descended the stairs and went over to Dylan. “Hi, baby.”

  “Mommy!” He dove my way, splashing my feet with the water. He wrapped his little wet hands around my legs and hugged me. I ruffled his soaking hair and then he was gone. Some parents might’ve cared that their five-year-old had gotten them all wet but I couldn’t be bothered. I was happy he was having fun.

  “You were listening the whole time?” Laney asked when I finally joined them.

  “Yup.” I held my hands up in front of me. “I’m not sorry.”

  Tegan snorted and shook his head. Apparently, my listening in didn’t bother him at all.

  The girls laughed as the guys went off on their own. Zac began messing with the grill and it was getting close to lunch. I assumed we’d all be here most of the night.

  “Oh, I brought those popsicles that Dylan loves. I wasn’t sure if you guys had any,” I told Laney. “I also didn’t know what we were doing for food today, but I got some chips and French onion dip.”

  “From the deli at the Kroger?” Laney asked with so much hope that I was glad I didn’t have to tell her no. Instead, I nodded. “Bless you. I won’t need anything else to eat.”

  “Is it good?” Rhian asked.

  “I can’t believe you’ve been here this long and not had it,” I told her. “It’s orgasmic. Oh, and I put some fresh veggies in the fridge for Rhian. Thought I’d cut them up.”

  Rhian stopped the drink she’d been about to sip from halfway to her mouth and looked at me all seriously. “I think I love you.”

  “Hey,” Porter snapped. “Don’t go breaking my heart over here.”

  “But she got me veggies,” Rhian called back.

  Porter cocked his head to the side. “Are you saying I can’t compete with a cucumber?”

  Laney snorted so hard that she blew her pop all over her face. “Oh my god,” she said through a laugh. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

  Porter shrugged as if he didn’t care.

  Rhian reached over and set her hand on his shoulder so that her fingers played with the hair at the back of his neck. “You’re much better than a cucumber, baby.”

  “See?” he asked Laney.

  As Laney grabbed the towel that was set out for Dylan and used it to wipe herself off, she said, “By the way, we’re doing BBQ chicken on the grill. Figure we’d make a ton, eat lunch, then have leftovers for dinner.”

  “Sounds delicious to me.”

  “Mommy!” Dylan yelled, effectively ending our conversation. The three of us walked over to him.

  “What’s up, bud?” I asked.

  “Come in with me.”

  My first inclination was to tell him I hadn’t brought a suit with me, but then I thought better of it. I didn’t need a swimsuit for this tiny pool. Instead, I kicked off my flipflops and stepped in. I always had a bag with an extra set of clothes in my car just in case I went somewhere after work. The water was warm from being out in the sun. Or maybe Zac had used a bit of warm water when he’d filled it. Either way, it felt so good in the July heat. I even sighed happily.

  It must’ve looked good because Rhian and Laney did the same thing. The three of us waded around the water, chasing Dylan and laughing. Dylan splashed me with water and I splashed him back.

  But I’d gotten Laney along with him. She giggled and cupped her hands in the water to splash me back.

  We laughed and this was the most carefree I’d been in a while. It was easy and I never could’ve done something like this if Ian had been here. I didn’t have to be on guard against anything. Until Laney gathered up as much water as she could and sent it Zac’s way. He’d only been a few feet from the little pool and got a decent soaking.

  Zac dropped the tongs he’d been holding and headed our way. “That’s it. Help me get her, son,” he called out.

  Laney’s eyes grew wide and she turned to run away, but Zac got there first. He grabbed her hand and pulled her with Dylan “helping” him until her entire body fell into the water. Rhian and I were laughing so hard from the other side of the pool. The water sprayed up, soaking us both.

  Dylan’s full belly laughter made every person there join in. Tegan and Porter watched the rest of us from their pl
aces near the grill. At least until Porter snuck over and got Rhian fully into the water as well. I glanced up to find Tegan watching me intently. The heat of his gaze caused me to swallow hard. It became so intense that I had to look away.

  Once the fun was over, Zac went back to cooking our lunch while the three of us continued to play. All completely drenched with pool water.

  A while later, Zac announced that lunch was just about ready. Which meant it was time to get some dry clothes on and prepare everything I’d brought ready to eat.

  “I’m going to run home to change,” Rhian told us. “Maddie, do you have extra clothes? If not, we’re about the same size. I can lend you something.”

  I nodded my head. “I have extra in the car.”

  Dylan didn’t care about changing. He’d only get out of the water long enough to eat and probably not even that much. Laney went inside to change as I headed out to my car for the extra bag.

  Thankfully, at some point, I’d thought to put an extra bra and panties in the bag. That way, all of me would be dry. I used the bathroom since Laney was in her room. Before deciding what to do with the wet clothes, I carefully wrung out every bit of moisture I could.

  “Hey,” I said when we both came out at the same time. “Where do you want me to put the wet clothes? I don’t want to leave a mess.”

  “Why don’t we throw them in the wash with mine? Then we’ll dry the load and neither of us will have to take care of it later.”

  “Perfect. Thanks.”

  While she started the wash, I set out to ready the food. Though I was acutely aware that Tegan was right outside. Not much distance between the two of us. My thoughts drifted back to the way he’d been looking at me while I was in the pool. The way he’d been laughing animatedly with Porter and Zac. The way his eyes felt as they took in every contour of my wet body like I could feel him touching me with only his gaze.

  Why was I saying no to him? He wasn’t like Ian, I told myself again. He didn’t seem to be a controlling kind of guy, though neither had Ian in the beginning. Ian was the guy who’d started interfering with me and my kid. Or who wanted me to do things I didn’t want to. Tegan hadn’t even been mad when I’d turned him down before.