Spark of Intent Read online

  Nix

  Theo’s words were still heavy on my mind while I sat through class. I tried to pay attention but the words in the textbook all blurred together. Instead, I mindlessly copied the notes on the projector and doodled on the side of my notebook.

  Images of winged horses, bunnies, and birds decorated the margins as I drew little creatures and let my mind wander.

  God. Did I want children? Would that be a hard line for the guys? Did they want children? It felt too early to talk about these things, but maybe the best relationships started with a strong foundation of like-minded values. Maybe we needed to get all this out in the open now and have a discussion. I didn’t know. I’d had zero good examples of relationships or marriage in my life. And the Gala? All I wanted was to claim the guys as mine and be done with all the political bullshit that was trying to keep us apart. Nothing in my life had ever come easily though, and I was ready to put in the time. Fight for what I wanted. And I wanted them. I wouldn’t let their stupid rules and expectations keep us apart. I also wanted to talk to Rini. I knew she’d be able to help me process everything that was happening. If nothing else, I needed another female to lean on. She was the only person I knew who would understand what I was going through. When the hell was this class going to be over?

  I glanced at the clock and realized my time was almost up. The professor asked us to pass our homework assignment to the front of the class, so I grabbed my assignment, slammed my notebook closed, and shoved everything into my bag.

  A tap on my shoulder startled me, and I jumped—unprepared for the casual touch. My heart raced but I tried to contain the reaction, bringing my pulse back to normal. Looking over my shoulder, I recognized the same blond haired boy from the other week. The one the counselor tried to foist on me as a “student-buddy.” His hair was messy, and not in an I-woke-up-and-spent-twenty-minutes-making-it-look-like-this kind of way. No. He looked disheveled. And tense.

  “Here you go.” I looked down at the stack of papers he held in his hand. Apparently, he had been sitting in the row behind me during class. I didn’t know how to feel about that. On one hand, there was no assigned seating, and he was free to sit where he wanted to. On the other? Given how pushy the counselor had been and how adamant I’d been that I didn’t want nor need a forced friend, it felt like he should know to keep his damn distance.

  “Thanks.” The word was clipped, cold. I wasn’t going to spare him any sympathy. He flushed, and I carefully took the stack of homework assignments, making sure not to touch him in any way.

  Picking mine up, I went to add it the stack and froze. Tilting my head, I studied the paper on top. Right there in blue, slanted handwriting was the kid’s name. Mason Stone.

  I turned sharply. “Stone. As in Mrs. Stone? The counselor? You’re related?” I narrowed my eyes, probably drawing unwanted attention as I confronted the blond who was suddenly scratching at the back of his neck.

  “I… uh,” he stammered. “Yes. I’m her son.” His words were quiet, but I made them out.

  “She’s your mother?” Astonishment coated every word. I felt my Phoenix squawk in my head. While she didn’t detect any danger from Mason—I mean… look at the kid… he was so nervous he could barely talk—she was agitated all the same.

  He nodded in response. “I’m sorry she’s been so…”

  “Pushy? Assertive? Over the line?” I filled in the blank.

  Blowing out a minty breath, he deflated before my eyes. “Yeah. Those work. Look, she’s been all over me to befriend you.”

  Someone cleared their throat behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. Dammit, what was with everyone touching me today? I spun and realized the girl in front of me was waiting for the stack of papers so she could turn in the assignments and leave. Blushing, I handed it over. I hadn’t meant to hold everyone up. I stooped and picked up my bag, slinging it over my shoulder.

  Then I brought my attention back to Mason, and I crossed my arms over my chest.

  “Listen. I was just wondering if you’d let me walk you to your next class. It would really help me out. She’ll stop hounding me if it looks like we became friends.” He rushed the words in his nervousness.

  “Look.” I felt for the kid, I really did, but I didn’t need any more borrowed trouble right now. “I already have someone who walks with me to class. I’m not sure he’d take kindly to you… especially knowing who your mother is,” I fibbed. I hadn’t exactly shared all the details of my latest encounter with the overzealous counselor. With everything else we had going on in our lives… it never felt like the right time. So many of our other problems were more pressing. Damien flashed through my mind, and I let out weary sigh.

  I just couldn’t deal with this today. “Besides, I’m meeting with a friend after class.”

  “Alright.” A crestfallen look came over Mason’s face. I could understand having shitty parents. I threw him a lifeline.

  “Listen, maybe another time, ok? I’ll consider it.” His eyes flicked to mine, and he gave me a small nod and a tentative smile.

  “Thank you.” It felt heartfelt. Nodding, I walked away, hurrying out of class. The entire conversation was going to make me late to meet Hiro, and the guys always got worried if I was running behind. Thankfully, Michael was no longer a worry, but the Council still deemed it necessary for me to have bodyguards. I hated feeling like I was being babysat, but at the same time, I didn’t mind the extra time I got with my guys. I wanted their presence as much as possible.

  Walking down the sidewalk, I spotted my sexy Kitsune leaning against a building, his eyes trained on me as I walked toward him. I smiled and gave him a little wave, relishing the way his eyes skimmed down my body. I was wearing my favorite pair of skinny jeans with a pair of fur lined black boots that came up to my shins. The heels were low but gave me a little extra height, and when I walked up to Hiro, I stepped in close, surprising him when I leaned in and slanted my lips over his, giving him a sweet little kiss.

  “Hi.” His grin was genuine and his eyes flashed behind his glasses. “I like this.”

  “What? The kiss?” I asked, tilting my head and studying him.

  “The open displays of affection.” He leaned closer and reached for my hand, twining his fingers with mine. “Claiming you as mine in front of all the guys in the quad who were watching you just now as you walked over to me. You look beautiful today, Nix.”

  I warmed at his compliment, still getting used to this level of affection myself. “Thank you.”

  “Ready to go home?” He tugged my hand and started us down the pathway toward the parking lot. Always observant, he read between the lines of my pause. “Have something you need to do before we leave?”

  “I was actually hoping to catch up with Rini.” My conversation with Theo about the Gala and children blazed through my mind and my heart picked up its pace. I wanted to ask Hiro about it, but I wasn’t sure this was the time. Not here. Not in public.

  “Why don’t we go to the cafe and you can call her, see if she’s available. If so, I’ll give you two some privacy. If not, I’ll take you home and we can arrange a time to get you two together later today. I’m sure Kill or I could drive you over to her place if you’d prefer to talk there.” He knew me so well and tears pressed behind my eyes at his understanding. He knew I wanted to talk to her about something I wasn’t ready to go to him with. No one had ever cared enough about me to know when to give me space. My Phoenix fluttered in my head, offering comfort.

  Noticing my distress, Hiro pulled me off the path and into an alcove between buildings. Others passed us by without caring to look in our direction, and he quickly pressed me up against the wall. The heat of his body instantly warmed me through my jacket. Letting go of my hand, he hooked his finger under my chin and made me lift my gaze to his. His other hand came up to cradle my face gently.

  “What’s wrong, Nix?” His voice was honeyed, the smoothness of it flowing over me. Something about Hiro always soothed me. I knew my eyes
were shining with unshed tears. I could feel them swimming in my eyes.

  “Nothing. I’m being silly.” I tried to shake my head, but he held me still, his eyes flashing with command.

  “Nothing about your feelings is silly, Nix. Tell me,” he demanded, and I shivered from the deepness his voice took on.

  “I’ve never had anyone care enough about me to know when I need space, or when I need them near—like now.” My words were whispered, but I knew he heard them anyway. I wished Damien were here now so I could lift the veil on my thoughts and let them see how much I cared about them. How deeply I was falling. Then again, underneath that was the overwhelming fear that I would never be enough. Babies flashed through my mind and I broke eye contact, looking down as much as I could and blinking rapidly to hold the tears at bay.

  “Nix, look at me.”

  I couldn’t ignore the authority he spoke with, and I took a shaky breath before looking up and meeting the depth of his dark eyes with my own.

  “You have no idea how much I care about you. We all do. I think I can speak for all the guys when I tell you that we’re going to spend the rest of our lives learning all these things about you. I want to know your every desire. This is only the beginning. If you need time with Rini until you’re comfortable enough to come to me with whatever is bothering you, then I’m going to give that to you. I’d give you the moon, if I could. I’d give you the world.” He rubbed his nose along the length of mine, teasing me with his nearness as his words sank into every fiber of my being.

  I was falling for him. It was that simple, not even a question. I’d do anything I could to make him—all of them—happy.

  Tilting my head up toward him, I let my gaze fall to his lips.

  “Kiss me.” It was a plea as much as it was a lifeline. I needed to feel the contact, to pour what I was feeling into action when I couldn’t say the words aloud.

  “Gladly.” The word rumbled through his chest, his Kitsune nearly purring with his nearness. I ran my hands up Hiro’s stomach—glad his jacket was unzipped—and felt the muscles there jump and flex under my touch. Bringing them to his chest, I gripped the fabric of his shirt and held on as he covered my mouth with his. The kiss was consuming, more wild than gentle. Over and over again he kissed me, nipping at my bottom lip before sliding this tongue along the seam of my mouth, the warm metal piercing teasing me, asking for entrance. I slipped my own tongue past my lips to parry with his, loving the feel of the metal as it slid against sensitive areas. His groan rocked me to my core, and he pulled away, breathing heavily. His hand, which had been cradling my cheek, was now posseively gripping the side of my neck, his thumb running a path up and down, driving me mad.

  My chest heaved as reality set back in. We were still on the college campus. I’d never wanted to be home more than I did in that moment. My desire must have shown on my face because Hiro chuckled, finding his control once more and taking a small step back from me. Cool air rushed between us, sobering me even more. My cheeks heated at how wanton I’d been. Hell! I’d been ready to jump him just outside, on the main quad of the campus. I shook my head, working to clear it.

  “Come on, let’s go.” He gripped my hand and pulled me from the alcove, entering the steady stream of students. I hoped I didn’t look as flushed as I felt. I instantly regretted making plans to go to the cafe, wishing instead that Hiro was taking me home. Who needed caffeine when a kiss like the one I’d just had could bring you to life?

  Four

  Nix

  Gravel crunched under the tires as Hiro drove the Hummer up the long driveway that led to the house Rini shared with Donovon, Cayden, and Barrett. I had a hard time thinking of it as Rini’s home. The red exterior of the home just didn’t scream ‘Rini’ to me, but I knew the guys had purchased the house with the intent to fix it up and turn it into a home for their mate. They were steadily working on the renovations, making sure to tailor each piece to blend all of their tastes. Even now, Barrett was outside working on a custom piece of furniture for their living room.

  The screen door to the house opened and sprang shut after Rini passed through. She bounced down the steps to greet me as I stepped from the Hummer.

  “Nix!” She grinned and threw herself at me in a hug that I couldn’t escape even if I wanted to. I gulped down a deep breath and exhaled slowly as I reached around and gave her a squeeze back. I was getting more used to the touch of other people, but other than the guys, Rini was the only other person I could tolerate in such a forward fashion. Even her three bears were more cautious around me.

  “Hi.” I gasped the words as her hug grew in strength. Damn bear. I chuckled as she released me. “Enthusiastic much?” Smirking, I looked around for Hiro, who was standing at Barrett’s side, inspecting the wood working.

  “What’s he working on today?” I nodded in Barrett’s direction, tucking the tips of my fingers into the pockets of my skinny jeans and walking over to Hiro’s side with Rini practically skipping beside me.

  “A rocking chair.” She beamed up at her hulking bear, and he gave her a sheepish smile back.

  “Good for the babies.” Barrett grinned at Rini, and I nearly choked on my own spit.

  “Babies?” I squeeked. Rini was pregnant? My heart almost stopped, but my Phoenix chirped happily inside my head, enjoying the idea of matings and offspring. Even though it wasn’t me, I was well on my way to a panic attack. The universe had to be taunting me. Seriously? “You’re pregnant?” The words were a higher pitch than normal, barely making their way out of my mouth.

  I’d be happy for her. I could be happy for her. I tried to give myself a pep talk, ready to give my friend another hug and congratulate her, but in the back of my head all I could think about was the fact that she’d just started college. She hadn’t lived yet. We’d just become friends. What about all the things she wanted to do with her life? Whatever those were.

  Somehow, my mental argument about Rini’s fertility status was morphing into all the reasons I didn’t want children, or at least why I wasn’t ready for them right now.

  “Oh, God no!” Rini exclaimed emphatically. I released a long breath and let out a nervous laugh, my heart rate working to return itself to a normal pace.

  Hiro glanced at me out of the side of his eyes. He had a gentle look on his face, but I could easily make out the questions in his deep, dark eyes as he appraised me and my reaction. I turned away, walking around Barrett and stepping up to Rini’s side. Linking arms with her, I waved goodbye to the boys and dragged her up the front steps, trying not to cringe outwardly at the red color of the wooden siding.

  As the door slammed behind us, Rini pulled free and spun to face me, planting her hands on her small hips and arching an eyebrow at me.

  I hitched a thumb behind me and tried to change the direction of our conversation instead of making eye contact with her. “You really need to get your mates to paint your house. That red is terrible.”

  “You seriously thought I was pregnant? And that I wouldn’t have told you?” Her tone was accusatory, and I winced.

  “Maybe you wanted to keep it to yourself a little longer and Barrett spilled the beans?” I shrugged.

  “Girl, I am not ready to have a baby. Not now. Now is definitely not the time.” She looked away then, dropping her hands from her hips and deflating a little.

  “Me either.” Whispering into the room, I let my shoulder sag and dragged my butt to the worn out couch in the center of their living room which sat to the left of the front door.

  I ran my hands over the ugly plaid pattern as Rini sank down beside me.

  “What’s going on?” Carefully, she pried for more information.

  “It’s nothing.” I wanted to open up, but I wasn’t used to trusting other people with my problems. I’d never had a friend before, and insecurity liked to creep up on me from time to time, whispering that I was burden on the people I cared about. I never wanted the relationship I had with Rini to be one-sided or for her to feel like
I didn’t give as much as I got.

  “Girl. Spill it. I can tell something is bothering you. Don’t make me go through Theo for the details.” She gave me a mischievous grin.

  “You wouldn’t.” I narrowed my eyes at her. Wasn’t there some girl code rule or something that would prevent such a situation from occurring? Where were the girly magazines when you needed one?

  “I would. You know I would. You wouldn’t be upset if it wasn’t over something important. You’re not a petty person. Now, spill.” She curled her legs up underneath herself and turned in my direction, leaning one bent elbow on the back of the couch and resting her cheek in her palm. Sole attention was on me, and I squirmed, unsure how to start this conversation.

  “Babies.” A laugh bubbled out of my best friend, and I threw my hands into the air, letting a little growl of frustration out.

  “I think I’ve heard that word more today than I have in a long while. What about babies?” She tried to sober up, holding her laughter in check and I crossed my arms, twisting a little more to face her more fully.

  “The guys. They want some. I’m not sure I do.” I felt my eyebrows pulling together as a worried look overtook my face. My Phoenix read my distress and tried to soothe me with a soft coo and a flutter of her wings.

  “Well, if you truly don’t want any children, I don’t think the guys are going to push you on it. They care about you, Nix. In fact, I’m sure by now they more than care about you. It’s clear to anyone with half a brain that they’re all crazy about you.” She grinned and, using her free arm, gave me a little playful push.

  “I’d never want to hold them back in life. What if they resented me in the future for not giving them what they wanted? What If I’m not a enough?” I knew couples broke up for far less important reasons, and children felt like a make or break topic. I dropped my head into one of my hands, sighing and rubbing at my forehead as a headache began to form.