Spark of Intent Read online

  Breath slashed from my body as I deflated, still unsure where Killian and I stood.

  “Come on, sweetheart, let’s get you fed and then you’re on strict orders to rest for the remainder of the day.” I saw the look that Damien shot toward the stairwell his friend had just disappeared through, but it seemed that none of us had any answers about how to break through to Killian. I figured that we just needed time to move past everything. Time for me to heal and for him to stop beating himself up over a past that we couldn’t change. All we could do was move forward and that’s exactly what I intended to do.

  Twenty-Six

  Nix

  The black boldness of perfectly typed letters mocked me as I sat, staring at the newspaper article. My heart was a steady pounding in my ears as I read through the breaking headline.

  “UAA Counselor Mauled by Bear”

  My stomach dropped straight to the floor as I read every last word of the article, which described how Mrs. Stone’s body had been located on a remote yet popular trail near Anchorage. My hands shook as they held the paper and tears pricked behind my eyes. First of all, the fact that she was dead and it may have been my fault had nausea rolling through my stomach. Secondly, how the hell had her body ended up in Anchorage when we’d been on an island somewhere in the middle of the Gulf of Alaska? Fear tinged my already riotous feelings, threatening to rise up and swallow me whole as more unanswered questions piled up.

  Blinking, I tried to tamp down on my escalating emotions, wanting to keep them locked tightly inside. I didn’t need the guys focusing on me when we had so many other things going on. Besides, I needed to remain strong for Ryder. Even so, I sniffled as the tears clogged my throat. I’d died repeatedly throughout my life—always the victim—and being the one on the other side of that equation, the one causing death, ripped me apart inside. I never wanted to be like Michael.

  “Alright, mikró pouláki, try this.” Ryder walked around the sectional, bringing me a cup of coffee with a spoon sticking out of the top. He stirred it as he walked, his steps careful so as not to spill the precious caramel colored liquid on the floor. “I think you’ll like the way I make coffee. Damien never adds enough sugar and milk—” He paused as he looked up, assessing my face—which I was sure wasn’t hiding much of my internal devastation from view.

  I tried to mask my upsetness with a tight smile. The very last thing I needed was Ryder to feel guilty over Stone’s death. After all, I already knew he blamed himself.

  Setting the mug of the coffee table, he settled gently next to me, pulling me over to lean on his chest. The newspaper crinkled in my hands as I adjusted, letting his arm come around my shoulders. His magic sparked along my skin, the gentle thrum of it as comforting as it was awakening.

  “You’re safe. I’m not going to let you out of my sight. We won’t let anything happen to you again,” Ryder cooed, misreading the real reason I was upset. I simply sank more fully into his side, soaking up the reassurance he offered. “Whatchya got there?” He eased the paper from my fingers, which clung to it, reluctant to let him have it.

  Crossing one leg—ankle across knee—he propped the paper in his lap and skimmed the article I’d been reading.

  The breath that shuttered in and out of his lungs gave away his feelings on the subject. Mention of the services being held next week and her surviving son had him blowing out a shaky breath that I totally understood.

  “You’re blaming yourself aren’t you?” He asked quietly, instantly pinpointing my feelings.

  “I attacked her.” I closed my eyes, letting the unique scent that was all Ryder surround me: spice, and magic with a hint of sweet berries. I’d never noticed anything like it among any of the other shifters I’d met, but it made sense that his scent would be uniquely his own as he was the only Ceraptor we knew of.

  “You defended yourself. I… I’m the one who… who…” He trailed off, unable to verbalize the strange phenomenon that had occured during my rescue. He still treated me like a breakable doll, and he had a tenseness to his frame that hadn’t previously been there in our interactions. I wanted my casual, relaxed, fun Ryder back—but I also knew all these events were changing us. Each of these moments felt defining, threatening to break us or make us stronger. I was determined that the outcome would be the latter. I hadn’t survived so much in my life to break now.

  “You didn’t know that was going to happen. You were trying to save her. That’s commendable, given the circumstances. You’re a good person, Ryder. For that matter, you don’t know that you killed her. You were saving her. She was still breathing when Damien got us off the island.” I ran a hand down his arm and played with his fingers, brushing the paper to the floor.

  “I could say the same to you.” He placed a kiss into my hair. “I’m a healer, Nix. I don’t know who I am if I’m not that.” His voice was strangled, and he swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple working in his throat as he tried to keep his composure.

  Leaning up to face him, I cupped his cheek and ran my fingers over the five o’clock shadow covering his jaw. A lock of purple hair caressed his forehead as it fell forward, and I reached up and traced it back into place.

  “You’ll always be a healer Ryder, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have other gifts too. We just need to learn more about them and help you learn to control them, just as you guys have helped me with my fire. The one thing Killian always reminds me of when we’re practicing is to call on my Phoenix. To be one with her. Maybe you need to reach for your Ceraptor now and figure out what happened together. You’re worried about losing control, and if you don’t trust your alter, you will. We all need to trust our primal sides. I’m learning that we’re only one half of a whole without them.”

  “When did you get so smart, huh?” While his voice was still throaty, he pressed a kiss to my forehead trying to tease me. I was happy when he looked brighter than he had a few moments earlier.

  “Some of all your combined genius was bound to rub off on me.” I smiled and winked at him, trying to help diffuse the thick emotion in the room.

  The sound of Theo jogging down the stairs interrupted us. His golden hair was a mess and he simultaneously balanced his laptop and coffee mug as he entered the living room, stopping in his tracks when he looked up, sensing he was intruding on our moment.

  “Sorry. I just needed more coffee as I go over some of these shipping routes.” He shot me a gentle smile, his eyes flicking between Ryder and me on the couch before walking forward and setting his computer on the coffee table.

  “Old coffee maker is on the counter. There’s a fresh pot, I just made some for Nix.” Ryder waved Theo toward the kitchen and the caffeine.

  Hesitating, I debated bringing up the rest of my concerns. We’d just left the heaviness of our talk behind, and I wasn’t sure it was worth spiraling down that dark hole again, except the question of Stone’s reappearance was burning through me.

  “How did she end up in Anchorage?” I bit my lip, worrying it between my teeth as I shot my eyes to the now crumpled newspaper on the floor.

  “What are you talking about?” Theo questioned as he returned the room, another kraken coffee mug in hand.

  Ryder quickly tossed the paper at Theo, passing it off as fast as possible as though he didn’t want to touch it. My heart squeezed in my chest, worried about him. Worried about me. Worried about all of us.

  Theo’s whole face hardened, his eyes flashing as he speed read through the newspaper article. “Bloody fucking hell,” he cursed, slumping into the chair that Killian usually occupied. Damien and Killian were out, doing another flying tour of the area surrounding the island they’d found me on, and I was already on edge waiting for them to come home. Theo’s exclamation wasn’t helping ease my anxiety.

  “It’s a threat, isn’t it?” Quietly, I stared down Theo, reading his face before he schooled his features back into his usual authoritative state. After considering my question, he nodded.

  “It seems to be. It c
ould be a coincidence seeing as she lived in Anchorage. Whoever planted her body on that trail was simply trying to dispose of her where she’d be found and recognized.” He paused, hesitating to go on.

  “Or they planted her there to send a message. To let us know they know it was us who… who…” I trailed off, much like Ryder had before.

  Theo’s features were hard, and he nodded again.

  “Fucking hell,” Ryder cursed and stood, pacing the room. “What do we do now?”

  “We stick to the plan. If we deviate now, we could draw more suspicion to ourselves. We don’t react. We need to carry on as normal as possible. Make whoever could be targeting us question our involvement. If we don’t react, we don’t add more fuel to the flames. The Gala is only a few days away.” He took a seat and placed his laptop in his lap. “It’s our best chance. In the meantime, I’m working to trace the ownership of the island. It’s privately owned, but the name isn’t public knowledge. There’s got to be a trail.” He pushed his glasses further up his nose. “There’s always a trail.”

  His fingers flew over the keys as he began his work. Theo was the best hacker I knew. Alright, he was the only hacker I knew, but I trusted his skill set immensely.

  Taking a deep breath and blowing out the air, Ryder bent down and dragged the coffee table across the room, pushing it against a wall. Then he spun toward me, holding out his hand in a gentlemanly move.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

  “Lightening the mood?” He shrugged with a slightly forced smile. I knew we were all feeling anxious.

  Taking his hand, I let him pull me from my spot on the couch. Placing my other hand on his shoulder, he pulled me close, positioning his other hand on my lower back.

  “We’re dancing?” I looked at him skeptically, not feeling in the mood. It didn’t seem like the time, given everything we had been discussing.

  “You need to know how to dance. Can you tell me that you know how to waltz?”

  Grumbling, I shook my head in the negative.

  Ryder walked me through a few steps, and I stepped on his toes, wincing every time I did so. “You’ll get the hang of it. You need to learn the steps, though, because you’ll be expected to dance at the Gala, and we want all the eyes in the room to be on you while we investigate.”

  I was bitter over the idea that I had to say and allow other men to ‘court’ me when all I wanted to be doing was looking for answers with my men. However, we all had a part to play, and this was mine. If I needed to dance, then I’d be the best damn dancer that I could be.

  Suddenly, music struck up from Theo’s computer, and the Kraken smiled without even glancing up from the screen.

  “Thank you maestro!” Ryder grinned, and the beat did help my steps become more fluid. As Ryder led me around the room in elegant steps, I let my heart grow light. I knew the days ahead were stressful, and I was going to enjoy the little moments of happiness anywhere I could get them.

  His body glided elegantly across the floor, his movements seamless and perfect. I, on the other hand, was not as coordinated as I had once given myself credit for.

  However, the dance lesson had served its purpose and I was smiling again by the time Damien and Killian walked in the door, Hiro just behind them as he came back from his shift at the dorms.

  “Anything?” I was hopeful, dropping my arms from Ryder as Theo turned down the music.

  “Nothing of importance,” Killian grumbled—clearly upset they hadn’t found anything useful—and stalked to the kitchen to dig in the fridge. My heart sank. All of our hopes were narrowing down to the Gala and whatever information we could find around the Council’s headquarters. However, I kept the spark of hope alive, refusing to give up before we’d tried everything. We had a lot more ground to cover and many more options before that hope would grow dim.

  I slumped into the sectional, leaning back and closing my eyes. It would help if I could remember more. I twined my hands together, fidgeting with my fingers as my mind spun, trying to fill in the empty spaces in my memory. Having these huge black holes of nothingness was causing my panic to rise over and over, but no matter how hard I strained—giving myself a headache—I couldn’t bring forth what had happened to me.

  I growled, my Phoenix trying to reassure me by offering warmth.

  “Don’t force it, Nix.” Theo’s words were blunt, but his eyes were soft. “Remember, it’s probable your memories will come back with time.”

  I nodded but worried the inside of my cheeks as I kept trying to find answers. If I could access my memories, we’d have more information to use in our investigation. I felt like I was missing huge, important details. That they were swimming just out of reach.

  “She’s giving herself a massive headache,” Damien drawled as he walked into the room, holding out two pills and a glass of water. My eyes opened and I winced. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Damien, but I didn’t relish the idea of taking medication—even something as simple as the pain relievers he cradled in his palm.

  “No thank you.” I glanced down, focusing on what my hands were doing. I was now twisting the fabric of my shirt.

  “It’s just Tylenol,” Damien eased, holding them out once more.

  “I know, but I don’t want to take anything.” The reminder of what it had felt like to be drugged teased the edges of my memories and I shook my head, but offered my Gargoyle a sweet smile.

  “Let’s at least get you something to eat,” he offered, reverting to what he knew best—cooking for all of us. It’d been a while since we’d all sat down together at the table and shared a meal. The idea of one normal moment in this time of chaos drew me like a moth to a flame, and I suddenly became desperate for some family time.

  “Yes!” I jumped up form the couch, more enthusiastic than I’d been all day. “A meal is a great idea. I’ll help you cook. Everyone can meet at the table in, say, an hour?” I threw the clock on the wall a cursory glance and the guys chuckled, the tension in the room easing. We all needed a small break, something to draw us together again. Everything had been getting in the way for us for far too long, and we needed to remain a strong family unit if we were going to take on the world. Even with everything going on, they were my priority, and I was going to make sure they knew that.

  Twenty-Seven

  Nix

  I laid sprawled on the couch, my head cushioned on Theo’s lap and my feet on Damien’s lap, nearly asleep from the dual massage I was receiving. The guys had been extra attentive, making sure I was taken care of and never letting me out of their sight. I couldn’t say I minded, and I really did like being pampered, but after a few days inside the house, I was starting to miss the outside world. Theo was doing research on his phone—monitoring the shipping routes and checking his email—and Damien appeared to be nearly as relaxed as I was while he watched the others. Ciarán had disappeared again—much to Killian’s consternation—and we were enjoying some family time.

  Everything about our time together today had felt surreal after the events of the last few days, and I was having trouble wrapping my head around all that had happened. I was struggling to reconcile my every day scheduled activities around all the extra stress and major life events. Most people didn’t have to deal with things like kidnapping or repeated deaths, so I was trying to cut myself some slack, but I hated that from the outside I looked like a terrible student. When I’d told the guys that I probably needed to get to class or at least catch up on my homework, I’d been greeted with a collective ‘no.’ What was worse was that I’d been unable to argue with their logic. After years of scrimping and saving to get myself to college, that very same goal of obtaining a degree just didn’t seem as important as navigating my new life as a shifter. I sighed, not one to give up my aspirations in life or to let myself fail, yet I seemed to be too tired and mentally torn down to argue today.

  Instead, I distracted myself with Killian and Hiro who were engaged in an intense chess match,
nearly silent as they continued to duke it out. With the Gala looming and our plans in place, we were all bundles of nervous energy, simply trying to play-act normalcy and pass the time. We’d been unable to glean any useful information, hedging all our hopes on whatever we’d uncover at the Gala. Earlier in the day, Damien had drilled me on the sequence of events down to every last breath, but I didn’t mind because I knew he was only trying to keep us all safe. Being over-prepared was his way of protecting us, so I let him run over the details as many times as he needed to.

  Ryder sat on the floor and leaned against the couch, his hair brushing lightly against my arm as he browsed for more clothing on his laptop. We were all completely stuffed with the large dinner and massive amount of cookies that Damien had served. I was continually surprised by his latest penchant for allowing us to eat what he probably called “junk food” but I had an inkling that baking was to Damien what cleaning was to many stressed out people in need of a distraction. Plus, they were delicious so I wouldn’t complain. I threaded my fingers into Ryder’s hair, humming softly. Enjoying all my guys around me, I sucked up the serene moment. I had a feeling they would be fleeting in the days to come.

  Ryder stiffened and a second later Theo’s phone chimed. I lazily glanced over, then swore as I nearly landed on the floor before quick hands caught me. Damien had stood and nearly dumped me completely to the floor before Ryder grabbed me. Damien swore and sent me a sheepish look before focusing on Theo. “Intruder alarm?”