Racketty-Packetty House, as Told by Queen Crosspatch Read online

andannouncing the names of the dishes in such a grand way that theylaughed till they nearly died, and said they never had had such asplendid dinner in their lives, and that they would rather livebehind the door and watch the Tidy Castle people than be the TidyCastle people themselves.

  And then of course they all joined hands and danced round and roundand kicked up their heels for joy, because they always did thatwhenever there was the least excuse for it--and quite often whenthere wasn't any at all, just because it was such good exercise andworked off their high spirits so that they could settle down for awhile.

  This was the way things went on day after day. They almost lived attheir windows. They watched the Tidy Castle family get up and bedressed by their maids and valets in different clothes almost everyday. They saw them drive out in their carriages, and have parties,and go to balls. They all nearly had brain fever with delight theday they watched Lady Gwendolen and Lady Muriel and Lady Doris,dressed in their Court trains and feathers, going to be presentedat the first Drawing-Room.

  After the lovely creatures had gone the whole family sat down in acircle round the Racketty-Packetty House library fire, and Ridiklisread aloud to them about Drawing-Rooms, out of a scrap of theLady's Pictorial she had found, and after that they had a CourtDrawing-Room of their own, and they made tissue-paper trains andglass bead crowns for diamond tiaras, and sometimes Gustibuspretended to be the Royal family, and the others were presented tohim and kissed his hand, and then the others took turns and he waspresented. And suddenly the most delightful thing occurred to PeterPiper. He thought it would be rather nice to make them all intolords and ladies and he did it by touching them on the shoulderwith the drawing-room poker which he straightened because it was socrooked that it was almost bent double. It is not exactly the waysuch things are done at Court, but Peter Piper thought it would do--and at any rate it was great fun. So he made them all kneel down ina row and he touched each on the shoulder with the poker and said:

  "Rise up, Lady Meg and Lady Peg and Lady Kilmanskeg and LadyRidiklis of Racketty-Packetty House-and also the Right HonorableLord Gustibus Rags!" And they all jumped up at once and made bowsand curtsied to each other. But they made Peter Piper into a Duke,and he was called the Duke of Tags. He knelt down on the big holein the carpet and each one of them gave him a little thump on theshoulder with the poker, because it took more thumps to make a Dukethan a common or garden Lord.

  [Transcriber's Note: See picture duke.jpg]

  The day after this another much more exciting thing took place. Thenurse was in a bad temper and when she was tidying the nursery shepushed the easy chair aside and saw Racketty-Packetty House.

  "Oh!" she said, "there is that Racketty-Packetty old thing still. Ihad forgotten it. It must be carried down-stairs and burned. I willgo and tell one of the footmen to come for it."

  Meg and Peg and Kilmanskeg were in their attic and they all rushedout in such a hurry to get down-stairs that they rolled all the waydown the staircase, and Peter Piper and Gustibus had to dart out ofthe drawing-room and pick them up, Ridiklis came staggering up fromthe kitchen quite out of breath.

  "Oh! our house is going to be burned! Our house is going to beburned!" cried Meg and Peg clutching their brothers.

  "Let us go and throw ourselves out of the window!" criedKilmanskeg.

  "I don't see how they can have the heart to burn a person's home!"said Ridiklis, wiping her eyes with her kitchen duster.

  Peter Piper was rather pale, but he was extremely brave andremembered that he was the head of the family.

  "Now, Lady Meg and Lady Peg and Lady Kilmanskeg," he said, "let usall keep cool."

  "We shan't keep cool when they set our house on fire," saidGustibus. Peter Piper just snapped his fingers.

  "Pooh!" he said. "We are only made of wood and it won't hurt a bit.We shall just snap and crackle and go off almost like fireworks andthen we shall be ashes and fly away into the air and see all sortsof things. Perhaps it may be more fun than anything we have doneyet."

  "But our nice old house! Our nice old Racketty-Packetty House,"said Ridiklis. "I do so love it. The kitchen is so convenient--eventhough the oven won't bake any more."

  And things looked most serious because the nurse really wasbeginning to push the arm-chair away. But it would not move and Iwill tell you why. One of my Fairies, who had come down the chimneywhen they were talking, had called me and I had come in a secondwith a whole army of my Workers, and though the nurse couldn't seethem, they were all holding the chair tight down on the carpet sothat it would not stir.

  And I--Queen Crosspatch--myself--flew downstairs and made thefootman remember that minute that a box had come for Cynthia andthat he must take it upstairs to her nursery. If I had not been onthe spot he would have forgotten it until it was too late. But justin the very nick of time up he came, and Cynthia sprang up as soonas she saw him.

  [Transcriber's Note: See picture footman.jpg]

  "Oh!" she cried out, "It must be the doll who broke her little legand was sent to the hospital. It must be Lady Patsy."

  And she opened the box and gave a little scream of joy for therelay Lady Patsy (her whole name was Patricia) in a lace-frillednightgown, with her lovely leg in bandages and a pair of tinycrutches and a trained nurse by her side.

  That was how I saved them that time. There was such excitement overLady Patsy and her little crutches and her nurse that nothing elsewas thought of and my Fairies pushed the arm-chair back andRacketty-Packetty House was hidden and forgotten once more.

  The whole Racketty-Packetty family gave a great gasp of joy and satdown in a ring all at once, on the floor, mopping their foreheadswith anything they could get hold of. Peter Piper used anantimacassar.

  "Oh! we are obliged to you, Queen B-bell--Patch," he panted out,"But these alarms of fire are upsetting."

  "You leave them to me," I said, "and I'll attend to them. Tip!" Icommanded the Fairy nearest me. "You will have to stay about hereand be ready to give the alarm when anything threatens to happen."And I flew away, feeling I had done a good morning's work.

  Well, that was the beginning of a great many things, and many ofthem were connected with Lady Patsy; and but for me there mighthave been unpleasantness.

  Of course the Racketty-Packetty dolls forgot about their frightdirectly, and began to enjoy themselves again as usual. That wastheir way. They never sat up all night with Trouble, Peter Piperused to say. And I told him they were quite right. If you make afuss over trouble and put it to bed and nurse it and give it beeftea and gruel, you can never get rid of it.

  Their great delight now was Lady Patsy. They thought she wasprettier than any of the other Tidy Castle dolls. She neitherturned her nose up, nor looked down the bridge of it, nor laughedmockingly. She had dimples in the corners of her mouth and longcurly lashes and her nose was saucy and her eyes were bright andfull of laughs.

  [Transcriber's Note: See picture house.jpg]

  "She's the clever one of the family," said Peter Piper. "I am sureof that."

  She was treated as an invalid at first, of course, and kept in herroom; but they could see her sitting up in her frilled nightgown.After a few days she was carried to a soft chair lay the window andthere she used to sit and look out; and the Racketty-Packetty Housedolls crowded round their window and adored her.

  After a few days, they noticed that Peter Piper was often missingand one morning Ridiklis went up into the attic and found himsitting at a window all by himself and staring and staring.

  "Oh! Duke," she said (you see they always tried to remember eachother's titles). "Dear me, Duke, what are you doing here?"

  "I am looking at her," he answered. "I'm in love. I fell in lovewith her the minute Cynthia took her out of her box. I am going tomarry her."

  "But she's a lady of high degree," said Ridiklis quite alarmed.

  "That's why she'll have me," said Peter Piper in his most cheerfulmanner. "Ladies of high degree always marry the good looking onesin rags and tatters. If I had a whole suit of
clothes on, shewouldn't look at me. I'm very good-looking, you know," and heturned round and winked at Ridiklis in such a delightful saucy waythat she suddenly felt as if he _was_ very good-looking, though shehad not thought of it before.

  "Hello," he said all at once. "I've just thought of something toattract her attention. Where's the ball of string?"

  Cynthia's kitten had made them a present of a ball of string whichhad been most useful. Ridiklis ran and got it, and all the otherscame running upstairs to see what Peter Piper was going to do. Theyall were delighted to hear he had fallen in love with the lovely,funny Lady Patsy. They found him standing in the middle of theattic unrolling the ball of string.

  "What are you going to do,