Racketty-Packetty House, as Told by Queen Crosspatch Read online

could not bear to leave their families--besidesnot wanting to live in nests, and hatch eggs--and Kilmanskeg saidshe would die of a broken heart if she could not be with Ridiklis,and Ridiklis did not like cheese and crumbs and mousy things, sothey could never live together in a mouse hole. But neither thegentleman mouse nor the sparrows were offended because the news wasbroken to them so sweetly and they went on visiting just as before.Everything was as shabby and disrespectable and as gay and happy asit could be until Tidy Castle was brought into the nursery and thenthe whole family had rather a fright.

  [Transcriber's Note: See picture mouse.jpg]

  It happened in this way:

  When the dolls' house was lifted by the nurse and carried into thecorner behind the door, of course it was rather an exciting andshaky thing for Meg and Peg and Kilmanskeg and Gustibus and PeterPiper (Ridiklis was out shopping). The furniture tumbled about andeverybody had to hold on to anything they could catch hold of. Asit was, Kilmanskeg slid under a table and Peter Piper sat down inthe coal-box; but notwithstanding all this, they did not lose theirtempers and when the nurse sat their house down on the floor with abump, they all got up and began to laugh. Then they ran and peepedout of the windows and then they ran back and laughed again.

  [Transcriber's Note: See picture fashionable_wives.jpg]

  "Well," said Peter Piper, "we have been called Meg and Peg andKilmanskeg and Gustibus and Peter Piper instead of our grand names,and now we live in a place called Racketty-Packetty House. Whocares! Let's join hands and have a dance."

  And they joined hands and danced round and round and kicked uptheir heels, and their rags and tatters flew about and they laugheduntil they fell down; one on top of the other.

  It was just at this minute that Ridiklis came back. The nurse hadfound her under a chair and stuck her in through a window. She saton the drawing-room sofa which had holes in its covering and thestuffing coming out, and her one whole leg stuck out straight infront of her, and her bonnet and shawl were on one side and herbasket was on her left arm full of things she had got cheap atmarket. She was out of breath and rather pale through being liftedup and swished through the air so suddenly, but her saucer eyes andher funny mouth looked as cheerful as ever.

  "Good gracious, if you knew what I have just heard!" she said. Theyall scrambled up and called out together.

  "Hello! What is it?"

  "The nurse said the most awful thing," she answered them. "WhenCynthia asked what she should do with this old Racketty-PackettyHouse, she said, 'Oh! I'll put it behind the door for the presentand then it shall be carried down-stairs and burned. It's toodisgraceful to be kept in any decent nursery.'"

  "Oh!" cried out Peter Piper.

  "Oh!" said Gustibus.

  "Oh! Oh! Oh!" said Meg and Peg and Kilmanskeg. "Will they burn ourdear old shabby house? Do you think they will?" And actually tearsbegan to run down their cheeks.

  Peter Piper sat down on the floor all at once with his handsstuffed in his pockets.

  "I don't care how shabby it is," he said. "It's a jolly nice oldplace and it's the only house we've ever had."

  "I never want to have any other," said Meg.

  Gustibus leaned against the wall with his hands stuffed in hispockets.

  "I wouldn't move if I was made King of England," he said."Buckingham Palace wouldn't be half as nice."

  "We've had such fun here," said Peg. And Kilmanskeg shook her headfrom side to side and wiped her eyes on her ragged pocket-handkerchief.There is no knowing what would have happened to them if Peter Piperhadn't cheered up as he always did.

  "I say," he said, "do you hear that noise?" They all listened andheard a rumbling. Peter Piper ran to the window and looked out andthen ran back grinning.

  "It's the nurse rolling up the arm-chair before the house to hideit, so that it won't disgrace the castle. Hooray! Hooray! If theydon't see us they will forget all about us and we shall not beburned up at all. Our nice old Racketty-Packetty House will be leftalone and we can enjoy ourselves more than ever--because we sha'n'tbe bothered with Cynthia--Hello! let's all join hands and have adance."

  So they all joined hands and danced round in a ring again and theywere so relieved that they laughed and laughed until they alltumbled down in a heap just as they had done before, and rolledabout giggling and squealing. It certainly seemed as if they werequite safe for some time at least. The big easy chair hid them andboth the nurse and Cynthia seemed to forget that there was such athing as a Racketty-Packetty House in the neighborhood. Cynthia wasso delighted with Tidy Castle that she played with nothing else fordays and days. And instead of being jealous of their grandneighbors the Racketty-Packetty House people began to get all sortsof fun out of watching them from their own windows. Several oftheir windows were broken and some had rags and paper stuffed intothe broken panes, but Meg and Peg and Peter Piper would go and peepout of one, and Gustibus and Kilmanskeg would peep out of another,and Ridiklis could scarcely get her dishes washed and her potatoespared because she could see the Castle kitchen from her scullerywindow. It was _so_ exciting!

  [Transcriber's Note: See picture ridiklis_cooking.jpg]

  The Castle dolls were grand beyond words, and they were all lordsand ladies. These were their names. There was Lady Gwendolen Verede Vere. She was haughty and had dark eyes and hair and carried herhead thrown back and her nose in the air. There was Lady MurielVere de Vere, and she was cold and lovely and indifferent andlooked down the bridge of her delicate nose. And there was LadyDoris, who had fluffy golden hair and laughed mockingly ateverybody. And there was Lord Hubert and Lord Rupert and LordFrancis, who were all handsome enough to make you feel as if youcould faint. And there was their mother, the Duchess of Tidyshire;and of course there were all sorts of maids and footmen and cooksand scullery maids and even gardeners.

  "We never thought of living to see such grand society," said PeterPiper to his brother and sisters. "It's quite a kind of blessing."

  "It's almost like being grand ourselves, just to be able to watchthem," said Meg and Peg and Kilmanskeg, squeezing together andflattening their noses against the attic windows.

  They could see bits of the sumptuous white and gold drawing-roomwith the Duchess sitting reading near the fire, her golden glassesupon her nose, and Lady Gwendolen playing haughtily upon the harp,and Lady Muriel coldly listening to her. Lady Doris was having hergolden hair dressed by her maid in her bed-room and Lord Hubert wasreading the newspaper with a high-bred air, while Lord Francis waswriting letters to noblemen of his acquaintance, and Lord Rupertwas--in an aristocratic manner--glancing over his love letters fromladies of title.

  [Transcriber's Note: See picture duchess.jpg]

  Kilmanskeg and Peter Piper just pinched each other with glee andsquealed with delight.

  "Isn't it fun," said Peter Piper. "I say; aren't they awful swells!But Lord Francis can't kick about in his trousers as I can in mine,and neither can the others. I'll like to see them try to do this,"--and he turned three summersaults in the middle of the room andstood on his head on the biggest hole in the carpet--and wiggledhis legs and wiggled his toes at them until they shouted so withlaughing that Ridiklis ran in with a saucepan in her hand andperspiration on her forehead, because she was cooking turnips,which was all they had for dinner.

  "You mustn't laugh so loud," she cried out. "If we make so muchnoise the Tidy Castle people will begin to complain of this being alow neighborhood and they might insist on moving away."

  "Oh! scrump!" said Peter Piper, who sometimes invented doll slang--though there wasn't really a bit of harm in him. "I wouldn't havethem move away for anything. They are meat and drink to me."

  "They are going to have a dinner of ten courses," sighed Ridiklis,"I can see them cooking it from my scullery window. And I havenothing but turnips to give you."

  "Who cares!" said Peter Piper, "Let's have ten courses of turnipsand pretend each course is exactly like the one they are having atthe Castle."

  "I like turnips almost better than anything--al
most--perhaps notquite," said Gustibus. "I can eat ten courses of turnips like ashot."

  "Let's go and find out what their courses are," said Meg and Pegand Kilmanskeg, "and then we will write a menu on a piece of pinktissue paper."

  [Transcriber's Note: See picture peter_piper.jpg]

  And if you'll believe it, that was what they did. They dividedtheir turnips into ten courses and they called the first one--"Horsd'oeuvres," and the last one "Ices," with a French name, and PeterPiper kept jumping up from the table and pretending he was afootman and flourishing about in his flapping rags of trousers