Dirty Russian_Everyday Slang from 'What's Up' Read online

  Which does happen apparently.

  The crapper

  sor-TIR

  Public restrooms are in short supply in Russia, and the ones that do exist are pretty rank. The most unfortunate type consists of a hole in the ground covered up by some rotting pieces of wood and covered with piss, shit, and those little squares of newspaper that people use for toilet paper. The better ones actual y have a toilet, even if it just some metal-porcelain contraption that you squat over. So if you need to answer nature’s cal while out and about in Russia, your best bet is probably to find a Mickey D’s where you can sit your ass down in relative luxury.

  Yesterday I spent all day sitting on the potty.

  ya vchye-RA TSE-lii dyen si-DYEL na gor-SHKYE.

  I gotta go to the toilet.

  mnye NA-do v uni-TAZ.

  Where’s the nearest crapper?

  gdye SA-mii bli-ZHAI-ishii sor-TIR?

  Let’s go to the john.

  poi-DYOM v u-BOR-nu-yu.

  That shithole is really nasty.

  E-ta pa-RA-sha SIL-no pro-TIV-na-ya.

  This is usual y the word used for the holes in the ground that prisoners crap in.

  Urine

  mo-CHA

  If you’re a woman, the upside to the prevalence of the Turkish toilet in Russia is that after a few months of squatting over the piss hole, you’l have thighs you can crack coconuts with.

  When I drink beer, I have to urinate every five

  minutes.

  kog-DA ya PI-vo pyu, mnye NA-do mo-CHIT-sya KAZH-di-ye pyat mi-NUT.

  I want to go pee-pee.

  ya kho-CHU pi PI.

  I gotta pee bad.

  mnye SROCH-no NA-do po-PI-sat.

  Watch your stress here. To pee is PI-sat. With the accent on the second syl able (pi-SAT), it just means “to write.”

  I gotta go number one.

  mnye NA-do po DYET-sko-mu/po MA-lyen-ko-my.

  I think I need to tinkle.

  po-MO-ye-mu mnye NA-do BRIZ-nut.

  I really gotta piss.

  mnye O-chen NA-do pos-SAT.

  I laughed so hard I wet myself.

  ya tak sme-YAL-sya, chto o-bos-SAL-sya.

  Even in school he was still a bedwetter.

  DA-zhe v SHKOL-ye on ye-SCHO bil ssi-ku-NOM.

  Shit

  gav-NO

  I think the most promising sign of Russia’s economic upturn is the availability of white toilet paper. Don’t get me wrong, you stil likely won’t find anything as squeezable as Charmin, but it sure beats the hel out of that stretchy brown crepe paper that used to pass for toilet paper back in the old days. Although keep in mind that if you think you’l need to wipe your ass out in public, you might want to carry some with you, as most public

  restrooms lack this basic supply.

  I wanna poop.

  kho-CHU po-KA-kat.

  Where can I take a dump?

  gdye tut MOZH-no po-SRAT?

  I gotta go number two.

  mnye NA-do po VZRO-slo-mu/po bol-SHO-mu.

  There’s some doodie on the floor.

  na po-LU yest chut ka-KA-shek.

  That shit really stinks.

  E-to gov-NO FU kak vo-NYA-yet.

  It smells like crap here.

  tut PAKH-nyet dyer-MOM.

  I have nasty diarrhea.

  u me-NYA SIL-nii po-NOS.

  After I ate at that shitty restaurant, I got the runs.

  PO-sle to-VO, kak po-KU-shal v E-tom khrye-NO-vom resto-RA-nye, u me-NYA po-ya-VI-las DRIS-nya.

  I’m feeling a bit constipated.

  u me-NYA chut za-POR.

  Farting

  PU-kan-i-ye

  Farting is no more publicly acceptable in Russia than it is in the U.S. Fortunately, however, there is usual y some stinking drunk bum around that you can blame it on.

  I’m a little gassy.

  u me-NYA GA-zi-ki.

  He’s a nasty farter.

  on pro-TIV-nii VI-pyer-dish.

  He let out a loud fart.

  on GROM-ko PUK-nul.

  Hey, who cut the cheese?

  eh, kto PYORD-nul?

  That one was silent but deadly.

  E-to bil vo-NYU-chii bzdyekh.

  Puke

  blye-VO-ti-na

  Puking sucks. Unfortunately, it is often a part of international travel since undercooked meat and heavy drinking can take its tol on the gut pretty quickly.

  I gotta hurl.

  mnye NA-do po-ri-GAT.

  can also mean to blelch.

  I’m gonna toss chunk.

  mnye NA-do po-stru-GAT.

  Every time I see him I wanna barf.

  KAZH-dii raz, kog-DA ya ye-VO VI-zhu, KHO-chet-sya

  blye-VAT.

  That moonshine made me loose my lunch.

  ya po-ka-ZAL za-KUS-ku ot E-to-vo sa-mo-GO-na.

  Other bodily excretions

  dru-GI-ye tye-LYES-ni-ye vi-dye-LYE-ni-ya

  One of the things that has always disgusted me about the provinces is the number of old men perfectly wil ing to use the old farmer’s blow while hobbling along the street. I mean, I guess it’s better than using your hand, but stil , that’s pretty nasty.

  Spit

  SLYU-ni

  Snot

  SOP-li

  Yuck! Don’t blow your nose on your hand!

  fuuu! Ne NA-do smor-KAT-sya v RU-ku!

  Stop picking your nose!

  KHVA-tit ko-vi-RYAT v no-SU!

  Gross! You got boogers hanging out of your nose!

  FU pro-TIV-no! u te-BYA iz NOs-a tor-CHAT ko-ZYAV-ki!

  Menstruation

  myen-stru-A-tsi-ya

  I’ve got my period.

  u me-NYA MYE-syach-ni-ye.

  It’s her time of the month.

  u nye-YO kri-TI-ches-ki-ye dni.

  I’m on the rag.

  u me-NYA bo-LO-to.

  Where can I buy some pads?

  gdye MOZH-no ku-PIT pro-KLAD-ki?

  Do you have an extra tampon?

  YEST u te-BYA LISH-nii tam-PON?

  CHAPTER 5

  HORNY RUSSIAN

  VOZ-BUZH-DYO-NI RU-SSKI

  There used to be a saying that there was no sex in the Soviet Union. Wel , Russians have come a long way since then and, like many European cultures, now make Americans look like the puritanical prudes who founded our country.

  Screwing

  TRA-kha-nie

  Let’s...

  da-VAI...

  do it.

  SDYE-la-yem E-to.

  With emphasis on the eto.

  have sex.

  po-za-ni-MA-yem-sya SYEKS-som.

  make love.

  po-za-ni-MA-yem-sya liu-BO-viu.

  screw.

  po-TRA-kha-yem-sya.

  fuck.

  po-ye-BYOM-sya.

  bang.

  po-FAK-a-yem-sya.

  From the English verb “to fuck.”

  get sweaty.

  BA-nya po-PA-rit-sa.

  We screwed all night.

  mi TRA-kha-lis vsyu noch.

  Fuck me!

  ye-BI me-NYA!

  I usually have sex about three times a week.

  ya o-BICH-no za-ni-MA-yus SEKS-om RA-za tri v nye-DYE-lyu.

  I really need a good screw.

  mnye O-chen NA-do kho-RO-shu-yu SHVOR-ku.

  From the moment we met, I’ve wanted to nail her.

  c mo-MYEN-ta zna-KOM-stva, ya tak kho-CHU yei PAL-ku KI-nut.

  After dinner we bumped fuzzies.

  PO-sle U-zhi-na mi i-GRA-li na vo-lo-SYAN-kye.

  He gave me a really good lay.

  on me-NYA na-YA-ri-val na vo-lo-SYAN-kye.

  I’m really turned on by chicks wearing ass floss. me-NYA tak voz-buzh-DA-yut DYEV-ki v zho-po-RYE-zakh.

  Let’s have a quickie.

  da-VAI po BIS-tro-mu.

  More! More!

  ye-SCHO! ye-SCHO!

  Oh, that tickles!

  oy, E-t
o sche-KOT-no!

  Ouch! Watch out for my pubes!

  oy! Ak-ku-RAT-no s vo-lo-SYAN-koi!

  Virginity

  DYEV-stvyen-nost

  If you’re one of those guys who’s come to Russia thinking you’l find some hot young virgin to marry, you wil probably be disappointed. While she may be hot and she may be young, chances are if she tel s you she’s a virgin, she is either lying or under 14.

  Please be gentle, I’m a...

  NYEZH-no, po-ZHA-lui-sta, ya...

  virgin (male).

  DYEV-stvyen-nik.

  virgin (female).

  DYEV-stvyen-ni-tsa.

  SUCK MY…〉〉〉

  OT-SO-SI MOI...

  Al of these requests—with the exception of “spank”—wil be fol owed by a noun in the accusative case.

  Lick my

  b-LI-zi-vai moi/mo-YUE

  Kiss my

  po-tse-LUI moi/mo-YU

  Smooch my

  ECHMO-kai-sya moi/mo-YU

  Tickle my

  Epo-sche-ko-CHI moi/mo-YUE

  Touch my

  ETRO-gai moi/mo-YUE

  Feel my

  Epo-SHU-pai moi/mo-YUE

  Feel up my

  ELA-pai moi/mo-YUE

  Grope my

  EMA-tsai moi/mo-YUE

  Bite my

  y-ku-SI moi/mo-YUE

  Spank my

  Epo-KHLO-pai mnye poE

  (plus dative)

  Massage my

  Emas-sa-ZHI-rui moi/mo-YUE

  I can’t believe she told you that she’s an iron box.

  mnye nye VYER-i-tsa, chto o-NA te-BYE ska-ZA-la, chto

  TSEL-ka.

  Friday night I’m gonna make her a woman.

  v PYAT-ni-tsu VYE-che-rom, ya ye-YO o-BA-bliu.

  I popped her cherry and now she won’t stop

  calling me.

  ya yei TSEL-ku pro-lo-MAL i o-NA tye-PYER ne pye-rye-sta-YOT mnye zvo-NIT.

  Ass

  ZHO-pa

  Cuz there’s nothing like a big ol’ butt.

  Stick it in my…

  vstav mnye v...

  Let’s do it in the…

  da-VAI v...

  The fol owing are al in the accusative.

  butt.

  PO-pu.

  booty.

  an-ti-FEIS.

  Get it? Anti-face.

  backdoor.

  och-KO.

  bum.

  GUZ-no.

  heinie.

  PO-poch-ku.

  bung hole.

  vyer-ZO-khu.

  buttapest.

  po-pyen-GA-gyen.

  A play on the word for “butt” (popa) and the city name

  Copenhagen.

  bumper.

  BAM-per.

  buns.

  ba-TO-ni.

  bottom.

  ZAD-ni-tsu.

  Dick

  khui

  Most Russian men are uncut, the way nature made them. And like men al around the world, they have a large range of pet names for their little friend in their pants.

  Suck my…

  ot-so-SI moi…

  Jerk off my…

  dro-CHI moi…

  Also, al in the accusative.

  penis.

  PYE-nis.

  member.

  chlyen.

  cock.

  khryen.

  johnson.

  kher.

  rod.

  PAL-ku.

  pee pee (the body part, not the liquid that comes out

  of it).

  PIS-ku.

  This can refer to both male and female genitalia.

  sausage.

  kol-BA-si-nu.

  weiner.

  sar-DYEL-ku.

  teeny wienie.

  sche-ko-TUN.

  little prick.

  khu-ISH-ko.

  bone.

  KOS-toch-ku.

  I’ve never blown an uncut dick before!

  ya ni-kog-DA nye ot-so-SA-la nye-ob-RYE-zan-nii khui!

  I’m gonna put my gag in her mouth.

  ya VSTA-vlyu moi klyap v ye-YO rot.

  Man, did it hurt when she bit my piece.

  blin, kak BI-lo BOL-no kog-DA o-NA u-ku-SI-la moi shish.

  BLOW JOBS〉〉〉

  MI-NYE-TI

  I could real y use a blow job.

  mnye bi NA-do mi-NYƐT.

  Blow me!

  ot-so-SI u me-NYA!

  Gimme some head!

  SDYε-lai mnye ot-SOS!

  Come on, smoke my pipe.

  da-VAI ku-RI mo-YU TRUB-ku.

  She’s real y a pro at playing the skin flute.

  o-NA MAS-ter po i-GRYε na KO-zha-noi FLεIT-ye.

  Wanna suck my lol ipop?

  khoch po-so-SAT mo-YU kon-FYεT-ku?

  I wanna cum in your mouth.

  ya kho-CHU KON-chit v rot.

  Here comes my little baldy!

  vot i-DYOT moi MA-lyen-kii plyesh!

  Have you ever seen a schlong this big?

  ti kog-DA-ni-BUD VI-dye-la ta-KOI bol-SHOI SHMAI-ser?

  Hope you got a fire, ’cause I brought the skewer.

  na-DYE-yus, chto u te-BYA yest o-GON, po-to-MU chto

  ya pri-NYOS SHAM-pur.

  Open your mouth and get ready for my thermometer.

  ot-KROI rot i go-TOV-sya k mo-ye-MU GRA-dus-ni-ku.

  Balls

  YAI-tsa

  She fucked me so hard my nuts hurt.

  o-NA tak SIL-no me-NYA ye-BLA, chto bo-LYE-li mo-I

  YO-bal-di.

  Do my marbles seem too big to you?

  mo-I ko-lo-KOL-chi-ki te-BYE nye KA-zhut-sa SLISH-kom bol-SHI-ye?

  I pissed her off, and she kicked me in the nads.

  ya ye-YO ra-zo-ZLIL, i o-NA da-LA mnye v ak-ku-mu-LYA-to-ri.

  I love when she licks my junk.

  ya liu-BLYU kog-DA o-NA ob-LI-zi-va-yet moi pri-BOR.

  Tits

  SI-ski

  If you’re a guy, I suppose one of the perks of Russia is the number of tits you wil likely see. There seems to be no short supply of young braless women in skimpy shirts who turn al of Russia into one big wet T-shirt contest with the first rains of spring.

  Squeeze my…

  TIS-kai mnye…

  Pinch my…

  po-shi-PAI mnye…

  breasts.

  GRU-di.

  boobs.

  DO-ki.

  tatas.

  SAI-zi.

  tits.

  SI-ski.

  titties.

  TIT-ki.

  nipples.

  sos-KI.

  I prefer tiny titties.

  ya pryed-po-chi-TA-yu ma-LYU-syen-ki-ye TIT-ki.

  When I took off her bra, the twins just about hit me in

  the face.

  kog-DA ya snyal ye-YO LIF-chik, ye-YO bu-fe-rA chut ne

  u-DA-ri-li mnye v li-TSO.

  She wears the biggest boulder holder I’ve ever seen.

  o-NA NO-sit SA-mye bol-SHI-ye SHA-poch-ki bliz-nyet-SOV, ko-TOR-i-ye ya kog-DA-ni-BUD VI-dyel.

  Man, she has some nasty flapjacks.

  blin, u nye-YO pro-TIV-ni-ye U-shi shpa-ni-YEl-ya.

  Pussy

  piz-DA

  Lick my…

  po-li-ZHI mnye…

  Shave my…

  po-BRYEi mnye

  The fol owing are al in the accusative.

  vagina.

  vla-GA-li-sche.

  muff.

  MAN-du.

  cunt.

  schyel.

  hole.

  DIR-ku.

  beaver.

  loch-MA-tii seif.

  snatch.

  piz-DYON-ku.

  shaved pussy.

  pye-LOT-ku BRI-ta-ya.

  unshaved pussy.

  pye-LOT-ku nye-BRI-ta-ya.

  clitoris.

  KLI-tor.

  clit.

  SI-kyel.

  ‘toris.


  PO-khot-nik.

  fun button.

  ga-SHET-ku.

  The inner thigh cream pie

  myezh-du-NOZH-no-ye pi-RO-zhe-no-ye

  Damn, she has a forest down there!

  blin, u nye-YO lyes tam ras-TYOT!

  I’m completely shaved.

  ya POL-nost-yu BRI-ta-ya.

  Sex positions and perversions

  syek-su-AL-ni-ye po-ZI-tsii i iz-vra-SCHE-ni-ya

  Sex in Russia is rapidly becoming more adventurous than the standard missionary position of days gone by. There is little taboo attached to watching the occasional skin flick, and women often seem to enjoy them even more than the guys. So make some popcorn, pop in some porn, and get your groove on.

  Missionary

  mis-si-o-NYER-ska-ya

  Guy on top

  muzh-CHI-na SVYER-khu

  Girl on top

  ZHEN-shi-na SVYER-khu

  Legs in the air

  GU-sar-ska-ya

  Spoon position

  PO-za SBO-ku

  Also cal ed

  (LO-zhech-ka).

  69

  shest-dye-SYAT DYE-vyat

  Backdoor

  PO-za po-ko-RI-tel-ya

  I like to take it doggy-style.

  ya lyu-BLYU sto-YAT RAK-om.

  Sometimes also just cal ed догги (DOG-gi).

  Give me a golden shower.

  SDYE-lai mnye zo-lo-TOI dozhd.

  I’m into anal sex.

  ya ta-SCHUS ot a-NAL-no-vo SYEK-sa.

  Let’s do it in the butt.

  da-VAI v PO-pu.

  Let’s take a trip from Istan-blow to Butt-apest.

  da-VAI po-pu-tye-SHEST-vu-yem iz rot-ter-DA-ma v po-pyen-GA-gyen.

  This means oral sex fol owed by anal sex; it is based on a pun on the words for “mouth”

  and “butt”

  and the city names Rotterdam and

  Copenhagen. This is kinda prison slangy-ish—normal people don’t real y say it—but I think it’s hilarious.

  Ménage à trois

  SHVYED-ska-ya sye-MYA

  Literal y, a “Swedish family,” which kinda makes me wonder what the hel is going on in Sweden.