Bride Doll Read online

  Silence hung in the air. Nia had prepared herself for Arjan to leave abruptly. She knew he wasn’t a reckless man who would fly into a rage. The silence continued as she knew it would. Nia was pleased that he was seriously absorbing the new information. He stood up from the chair, adjusting his white robe, and joined her on the bed.

  “Nia, I had no idea of what you were going to tell me. This information has taken me by surprise. Thank you for giving me the time I needed to process it. First, I would like to say thank you for trusting me and trusting us. You’re right, I need to know this about you, and I accept and understand your reasons for waiting until now. You’re also right that any longer into this relationship without knowing would have felt deceptive. I want you to know one of my first thoughts was to run.”

  Nia could see he was becoming more at ease by the relaxing of his shoulders and the return of colour to his cheeks.

  Arjan fell silent again, and she honoured his need.

  “Nia, I’m not going to run. I understand that you’re opening the door wide for me to exit, and I thank you for that. What I want to tell you is my heart, and my head are telling me to stay. First, my heart feels an even stronger connection to you, given that you care about my well-being and trust me enough to do what is right for me without pressure or prejudice. I have tremendous respect for what you have had to do and what you have accomplished with your sobriety. What I do know is that you’re a wholehearted person, and I love being with you. I don’t want to run; I want to stay and hold you in my arms and kiss you.”

  Nia finally exhaled a sigh of relief and sank into his strong arms, feeling his warmth surround her.

  They stayed all day in bed, mostly to get their bearings again and steady their course ahead. After a long, hot bath, Nia felt incredibly relieved she was no longer holding something back from Arjan. She loved the way he assessed the situation and made the decision to stay.

  Nia could feel her mojo returning, and her playful self needed to jest after the seriousness of the day. She was getting dressed in her ensuite to go out for dinner while Arjan was in the next room doing the same. She found herself thinking of Marilyn Monroe and one of her notable quotes. All freshly coiffed and sensually dressed with, of course, the classic red lips and Chanel No. 5 fragrance, she was ready to spar with her lover again.

  “Hey, Arjan, let me tell you what Marilyn Monroe would say; something like If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best of me.”

  Arjan nodded with a laugh while helping her into her coat.

  The following morning, Arjan was feeling frisky and wanted Nia’s attention. “Hey, wake up. You’ve got to see this.”

  Nia could feel his gentle kisses on her shoulder as her slowly awakening self transitioned into a state of awareness to see two morning doves cooing and coddling each other on the patio ledge outside the bedroom window.

  Arjan had used the bird’s foreplay outside to segue into setting up their own. “Ah, something else has awakened my love.” Arjan rolled her slightly over, maneuvering her to find her lips, ready to wish her yet another good day.

  Their lovemaking was synchronized like musical instruments playing harmonies.

  Nia relished being able to exude her freedom while her sensuality merged perfectly with Arjan’s.

  Arjan and Nia continued to build a happy and grateful life together. Intrinsic to the relationship were the many vacations they took. In one year, they were in ten different countries. Nia had never had such opportunities in her previous life. Travel was always something she yearned for. Whether they were on an opulent cruise ship in the Port of Venice or at a grand resort in Bora Bora or wandering the cobble streets of Maastricht, they would always make their little love nest each night.

  Nia was beholden to God for finally showing her the path out of her confinements and discontentedness. She was continually amazed at their mutual good fortune to find each other. The little waif from Sault Ste Marie was immersed in equanimity. The life she was living with Arjan was real; once and for all, no fairy tale.

  God had hurt her deeply with her compromised childhood, deformities, insecurities, two abusive husbands, a premature baby dying in her hands, an autistic child, and alcoholism. Finally, God was rewarding her greatly. It took Nia a lifetime to find joy in loving and living. She recognized that in her previous marriages, she confused love with attachment. Her “wasbands” were ill-equipped to nurture or encourage her to evolve into her best self. She had no freedom within either marriage to find, pursue, and cultivate her authenticity. Hard, repeated lessons had to be experienced for Nia finally to accept her imperfections and unhealthy choices in both marriages. She needed to acknowledge her part in the failed marriages, and in doing so, Nia transcended into the woman she wanted to be.

  Chapter 43

  Nia Finds Her Happy Ever After

  Arjan and Nia had been together for three years when Arjan got down on one knee and proposed to her on the French island of Corsica, gifting her with a five-carat diamond ring.

  Nia had always felt a pull toward France, likely due to her mother’s family lineage. Arjan knew Nia would be delighted to have their wedding in France. Together, they chose the beautiful village of Orquevaux. It was truly going to be their dream wedding with just the two of them—no family or friends. They didn’t want to allow anyone’s judgements regarding their decision to marry to interfere with their day.

  It was both their third marriage, and Arjan was fifteen years her senior. Family members felt entitled to give voice to their being together. It wasn’t all rainbows and lollipops where Arjan’s adult children were concerned; they thought Nia was taking advantage of their father.

  Orquevaux had a beautiful medieval church and a wonderful chateau overlooking the sleepy village. Arjan handled all of the arrangements before Nia arrived alone in Orquevaux, one week before the wedding date. She wanted time to reflect on her life’s journey—past, present, and future.

  The following morning, Nia awoke nestled in layers of soft, white linens to the splendour of a Monet painting in her grand chamber. As she gently stretched her legs and wiggled her toes against the soothing bedclothes, she felt a tremendous sense of gratitude. Her first view of the morning sun gently stroked the forest beyond the stream to its waking. The not-so-distant church steeple chimed its six bells of salutation, announcing yet another new day. Never had Nia imagined a morning could be so blissful and peaceful as the one that was before her to embrace.

  She continued to linger in her place of gratitude. Just past the seventh bell, the steeple bade the village to awaken with the chiming of continuous bells; she expected this was a morning ritual musical greeting of awakening.

  Her purpose in arriving early to the village was to spiritually and creatively delve into her past with compassionate memories of her hugely difficult times. The juxtaposing of the dark times surrounded by beauty moved her to tread gently through her harsh past truths. Nia needed to revisit and free herself from her unmanageable and tragic days as a child, a young woman, a wife, and a mother. She needed to find balance and give a fresh breath to all that was good in her previous days. Her thoughts of good quickly turned to the birth of all her children.

  Nia felt the need to espy her unabbreviated self; the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful. It took Nia more than half her lifetime to get to a place of self-acceptance, self-love, forgiveness, grace, and gratitude.

  She went to Orquevaux to get married for the third time. This time was different from her previous two. Nia’s life lessons had cultivated emotional maturity, giving her the ability to enter into a union as her true, authentic self—a mature, imperfect, and finally, an enlightened woman.

  Nia felt like a natural regal French woman roaming the halls and the salons of the chateau’s grandeur, imagining all of the holidays, wedding feasts, and celebrations that had taken place under its great roof. She especially loved wandering into the traditional French kitchen, peeking at
what the chef was preparing for the evening meal. Chateau Orquevaux was castle-like, as was Queen Nia with all of her imperfections. She liked the familiar ring to that thought. Arjan frequently referred to her as his “Queen.”

  The following day, Nia pondered the patterns evident in the lives of the women who had great influence and impact on her life and how they interfaced with her own. Monique’s resistance and betrayal of her parents’ choice cost her the peace and contentment she always desired. Nia’s mother didn’t have the resilience or mental health to sustain her fortitude. Monique was devoted to Flynn; however, she offered him nothing but codependency. Her God was a punishing God. She broke all the rules with her choice in marriage, and she spent her life trying to make it right with her God. Despite her challenges, Monique’s end was graceful as well as beautiful.

  Nia and Lily stayed by their mother’s death bed. Monique had metastatic tumours palpable all over her failing body. The oncology doctor told them she even had tumours in her heart. It hurt their hearts to witness the brutal reality of end-stage metastatic cancer. At the time, in May 2004, Nia was surprised at the progressiveness of the management of a palliatively assisted death. Monique was hooked up to a pain pump loaded with morphine. The physician intuitively knew Nia understood what was taking place when she said, “Press this button every five minutes.” Monique passed gently on to heaven within a few hours, and Nia knew her mother finally was reconciled with her God. Nia also had absolute faith Flynn was waiting for her in paradise with joyous splendour finally surrounding them both.

  The next morning wasn’t so sunny. Nia crept back to her memories of the multitude of previous mornings where the dreaded feeling of a barrel of a loaded pistol pressed into her furrowed brow. She persisted with her recollection of the pistol mornings, of the fear and fight just short of self-destruction daily. Nia needed to sit in her recalled, self-centred life of an active alcoholic. She needed to reset and refresh her mindset to acceptance and gratitude. Those days would be forever behind her as long as she stayed true to living the Twelve Steps of recovery. The aroma of French pressed coffee and just-out-of-the-oven croissants gently redirected Nia’s journey from past to present.

  In quiet reflection with her coffee and croissant sitting on the table in front of her, Nia saw with utmost clarity the directions she took with her choices and the resultant consequences in many ways reflected her mother’s journey. It was time to give absolute distance to her previous husbands.

  Nia had learned so many life lessons about love. She had learned true love and the union of heart, body, and soul can only thrive in a garden well-nourished with a desire to bring one’s best, authentic self to the marriage every day. A life partner needed to truly cherish and encourage the dreams, ambitions, spirituality, and creativity of the other while loving fearlessly.

  She believed a true love existed for everyone. Nia had to let go of control to find the wisdom in being patient and letting life unfold as intended. She had great clarity of the qualities necessary for true love and no longer believed in true love appearing as in a fairy tale. Following the lives lived with two “wasbands,” she finally knew what she absolutely didn’t want in a husband.

  After being single before she met Arjan, Nia reflected on what she desired in a man. To keep her on track, Nia wrote out fifty-five things she needed in a man if she were ever to think of another life partner. She was happy to pull out her journal with her notations of the fifty-five things from her suitcase.

  There wasn’t a better place than Orquevaux to reaffirm her long list before her wedding to Arjan. She opened her journal and read the first: “I desire an affectionate man.” She knew with absolute certainty she was a woman who wanted passionate kisses and to be lovingly held in the arms of her partner every day. She reviewed her whole list and fell blissfully asleep.

  By mutual agreement, Nia knew she wouldn’t see Arjan until he was standing at the end of the aisle at the altar in the village church.

  Nia approached the church steps and climbed each one with confidence in their love for each other. She opened the door to the church and saw the multitude of villagers who came to witness the Canadian couples’ marriage. The crowd seemed to fade when her eyes locked with Arjan’s brilliant turquoise eyes. His gaze seemed to be latched on to his queen, who was proceeding down the aisle toward him.

  Nia wore a stunning starry-night blue gown with a matching satin suit jacket and crystal buttons, designed by Canadian Sunny Choi. Notwithstanding the exquisite elegance of her wedding attire, she had never felt more beautiful. Nia also felt her mother’s approving presence by the fragrance in her bouquet of yellow roses.

  Nia continued her walk down the aisle toward Arjan with absolute clarity and a profound sense of love, joy, and enlightenment.

  Here comes the Bride Doll, all dressed in twilight.

  Book Club Discussion Points

  Monique and her parents, Adele and Jacque, are portrayed the timeless conflict of inter-religious and cultural marriages. Do you feel Monique made the right choice to marry Flynn?

  Do you believe Monique was being authentic with Flynn when they first met? Was she truly in love with Flynn, or was she mistaking love for emotional attachment?

  Why did Flynn take several days to decide to get married, and did he make the right decision?

  What was Simon’s superpower over Nia, and what was the origin of it?

  What red flags did Nia overlook when she began her relationship with Simon, and why was she blind to them?

  Why was Christophe, Nia’s French lover, so important to her?

  What reoccurring potholes, and what new ones did Nia fall into when she started her relationship with Fernando?

  Autism profoundly affected Nia and Fernando’s marriage. Why was Fernando detaching in Nia’s time of greatest need?

  Assuming every new relationship will have challenges, for example Nia disclosing to Arjan why she didn’t drink and why he decided not to bolt. what were the key elements that had already been established and nurtured in their budding new love relationship?

  If you could tell your younger self three red flags to absolutely observe and avoid in a potential lover, what would they be?

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Elizabeth Nancy Jansen is an expert in knowing what it takes to find and nurture true love. Through her speaking, coaching, and workshops, she helps people establish the clarity and focus they need to find their love partner.

  Elizabeth struggled to find her own path to love. As a young woman, she suffered feelings of not being enough and made many poor choices by living under someone else’s values, judgements, and control.

  Although she had a full and highly successful career as a health care professional in a directorship capacity, her personal life choices did not have the same fruition.

  Today Elizabeth is a woman fulfilled with an abundance of love. Her purpose is to help lonely people find meaningful, loving relationships with her step by step finding true love program.

  Elizabeth is living in the “happily ever after” part of her life with her husband Arnoldus in Ontario, Canada.

  Connect at www.elizabethnancyjansen.com

  www.facebook/groups/nurturingloverelationships

  YOU HAVE JUST FINISHED READING BRIDE DOLL

  Nia’s love journey took the long way, lined with pot holes and detours to find her Arjan. Your love journey does not have to be as painful. Now is the time for you to find your loving life partner.

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  www.elizabethnancyjansen.com

  [email protected]

  www.facebook/groups/nurturingloverelationships