Dreaming of Christmas Read online

  ‘I’m so glad you enjoyed the experience. I thought it would make a bit of a change from snow and beer. Right, now hang on and let’s see if we can do this without falling over.’ He took Daniela’s arm in his left and Zoë’s in his right and marched them towards the doors. ‘The restaurant’s only a block away and the city authorities have done a great job of clearing the snow, but hold on tight anyway. Here we go.’

  Zoë saw Juliet grab hold of Daniela’s other arm for support, and then felt a hand on her free arm. She turned and saw that it was Grant. Before she could object, he gave her a smile.

  ‘With Billy on one side of you and me on the other, you’ll be fine. We can’t have you falling over on the cobbles.’

  ‘I can manage, Grant.’ She thought about pulling out of his grip but decided he was probably right – if she were to fall over, it could spoil the evening for everybody. In the end, she didn’t object, but avoided any more eye contact with him.

  Assisted by the two men, she managed the short walk without falling, although negotiating the cobbles in her heels did require a bit of care and attention. As promised, the restaurant was barely five minutes away, and as soon as they got there, she withdrew her arm from Grant’s grip and murmured a brief ‘Thank you.’ Deep down, she had to admit that the feel of his hand on her arm hadn’t been anything like as unpleasant as she had feared. What this meant was something she wasn’t prepared to start considering at this moment. There would be time for that later.

  Unusually, the name of the restaurant had nothing to do with Mozart, but it was a fine old Gasthof with low beamed ceilings and a series of interconnected rooms. As ever well organised, Billy – or one of his staff – had booked a table in one of the smaller rooms, and they had it to themselves. Here, too, there was a fine ceramic-tiled stove belching out heat, and they stood round drinking excellent local draught beer or sparkling Sekt while the waitress took their orders. On Billy’s recommendation, most of them went for goulash accompanied by dumplings. Zoë couldn’t help commenting.

  ‘Austrian food isn’t exactly low in calories, is it? Hot chocolate comes with a huge pile of cream on top, the choice of cakes is amazing, and the meat dishes are good hefty mountain food. How come the Austrians don’t all look like the Michelin man?’

  ‘They don’t call them calories for nothing, Zo.’ Dr Juliet was the first to respond. ‘A calorie is a unit of heat energy. Even if you’re just sitting about doing nothing, you need far more calories in a cold climate than a warm one. Throw in the fact that we’ve been out in the fresh air, taking fairly strenuous exercise all day, and I reckon we can safely eat whatever they serve us and not end up overweight – at least, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.’

  When they sat down at table, Zoë scrupulously avoided Grant and found herself sandwiched between Mandy and Lorna. She was soon hearing all the details of how they had spent their day. By the sound of it, they had had a really good time, seeing the numerous sights of Salzburg, although Mandy had a strangely distracted air. At the end of the meal, as they were all getting to their feet, she surprised Zoë by gripping her arm and pulling her close enough to whisper in her ear.

  ‘Zo, could you and I talk some time – in private? I always used to turn to you for support and advice back at university, and I need a bit of both now.’

  Intrigued, Zoë was quick to agree.

  ‘Any time, Mand. I tell you what, why don’t you come to my room when we get back? I’m in 607.’

  ‘Thanks, Zo. I will.’

  All the way home in the minibus, Zoë found herself wondering what might be on Mandy’s mind, hoping it was nothing serious. It was half past ten by the time they reached the hotel, and Martin volunteered to take Bella off to bed. Mandy came straight to Zoë’s room, where she sat down on the sofa against the side wall and took a deep breath before launching into her tale.

  ‘You see, Zo… it’s about Martin and me.’

  Zoë was genuinely surprised. She had very definitely got the impression that all was going so well for the little family. Mandy and Martin had always seemed to be an ideal couple.

  ‘Is there a problem with him?’

  Mandy shook her head. ‘No, the problem’s with me.’ She cleared her throat before continuing. ‘You see, Zo, I did a very stupid thing.’

  ‘We all do stupid things from time to time, Mand.’

  Mandy nodded absently. ‘I know, but I’ve been very stupid.’ She took another deep breath. ‘Three months ago, back in September, I had an affair.’

  Now Zoë was properly surprised.

  ‘An affair?’

  ‘No, not an affair really. It wasn’t even a one-night stand. It was an afternoon in bed with another man.’ She hesitated. ‘An old friend I just happened to bump into. It’s not important who it was. We had lunch together and then one thing led to another. I don’t know what made me do it, and I didn’t even enjoy it that much. But the fact is that I did it, and I’ve been feeling like a worm ever since.’

  ‘Have you told Martin?’

  Mandy shook her head.

  ‘Are you going to tell him?’

  ‘I don’t know, Zo. That’s why I need your advice. Part of me wants to tell him everything – how stupid I’ve been, how it meant nothing to me – and beg for his understanding and forgiveness. The other part of me – the cowardly part – thinks I shouldn’t say a word.’ She looked up from the floor and caught Zoë’s eye. ‘I love Bella and I love Martin. I don’t want to do anything that might hurt them or split us up.’

  Zoë leant back against the back of the sofa, turning the revelation over in her head and wondering what to say. Of all her friends, Mandy was just about the last one she might have expected to do anything like this. And now, being asked to give advice put her in an awful position. What if she told Mandy to reveal all, and it resulted in the destruction of their marriage? Alternatively, what if she told her to say nothing, and the shame continued to eat away at Mandy until she had some sort of breakdown? To buy herself a bit of time, she tried a few questions.

  ‘This man, this old friend, do you have feelings for him?’

  ‘No, not at all – and I didn’t even then. Like I say, it was a moment of madness. I really don’t know what made me do it.’

  ‘Did he know you were married?’

  Mandy nodded. ‘Oh yes.’

  ‘And it didn’t bother him that he was sleeping with somebody else’s wife?’

  ‘Not in the slightest.’

  ‘He doesn’t come out of it looking too good, does he?’

  ‘I know, but neither do I.’

  Zoë could see tears in Mandy’s eyes now, so she reached out and stretched an arm around her shoulders.

  ‘Don’t cry, Mand. We’ll talk this thing through. Tell me something. Do you really, honestly, think Martin’s the one for you?’

  Mandy nodded her head against Zoë’s shoulder.

  ‘No question, Zo. I know I love him. That’s the thing. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be in such a mess. I love him and I love my daughter – and he loves us. He and Bella have had a wonderful time this week and we’ve all been so happy together. If I broke up with him, I’d be ruining everything.’

  ‘Sorry to labour the point, but just to be sure – are you saying you want to stay with him?’

  ‘Yes, absolutely.’

  Zoë looked around the room, her mind inevitably filled with all the thoughts that had been plaguing her since Grant’s departure. Ever present was the nagging doubt that she had somehow been at least partly responsible for Grant’s infidelity and his decision to leave. She had been working so hard in the preceding months and as a result had maybe been neglecting him. Had this been the problem with Mandy?

  ‘Mand, you must have thought about this a lot. Tell me, did you come to any conclusion about what made you do it? Are you sure you and Martin are made for each other? Or was there something missing in your marriage?’ Now it was her turn to take a deep breath before speaking. ‘What
about in the bedroom?’

  Mandy was sobbing now and Zoë hugged her tightly. It was a while before she was able to reply.

  ‘We still had sex – we still do, sometimes – but to be honest, it was getting purely mechanical and it just wasn’t doing it for me.’ She wiped her nose with the back of her hand and Zoë passed her a tissue from the box on the bedside table. She looked up at Zoë and blushed. ‘If the truth be told, I haven’t really enjoyed it for I don’t know how long.’

  ‘What about that afternoon in September?’

  Mandy shook her head violently. ‘Not a thing. I felt nothing but shame and disgust at myself.’

  ‘Well, you can take comfort from that.’ Zoë was trying to phrase things very carefully. ‘Let’s face it, Mand. If you had suddenly felt the earth move that afternoon, you could have pointed the finger at Martin for being unable to make it happen. But you now know that that’s not it. As far as sex is concerned, you can get help and advice from therapists or your doctor – or Jules, even. I’m sure she’d be able to help.’

  ‘I was wondering about that myself. You don’t think she’d mind?’

  ‘Of course she wouldn’t. That’s what friends are for. I tell you what, don’t let’s make any decisions until you’ve spoken to her. Why don’t you try to get her alone tomorrow – maybe while Martin and Bella are skiing – and then you and I can talk again when you feel like it. All right?’

  Mandy nodded and gradually regained her composure. Zoë made herbal tea for both of them and they took their time over drinking it. By the time Mandy left, it was close to midnight and, after a long day, Zoë was dying to get some sleep. As soon as she heard the door close, she changed into her pyjamas, slipped into bed, slid down under the duvet and reached out to switch off the light. As she was drifting off to sleep, she found herself wondering if the next knock she would hear would be Grant again. And if it was, how would she react?

  Chapter 10

  If Grant knocked on her door that night, she heard nothing. In fact, she must have gone out like a light and it was already seven thirty when she opened her eyes and stretched. She kicked back the duvet, got up and went across to the window. This morning there were a lot of grey clouds in the sky and it looked as though the promised snow was on its way. She and Billy had been talking about going off piste today, but she wondered if he might prefer to wait for the fresh powder snow tomorrow. She flexed her legs and was pleased to feel her thigh muscles a lot looser and almost pain-free. She went into the bathroom with a smile on her face.

  At the reception desk opposite the lift, Erika had been replaced this morning by one of the male staff members she recognised from downstairs. She gave him a smile and risked a bit of A-level German.

  ‘Good morning. Is this Erika’s day off?’

  He gave her a smile. ‘You speak German? Excellent. Yes, I’m on duty today. Erika will be going snowboarding, I have no doubt. She loves it.’ He had a noticeable Austrian accent but Zoë was delighted to be able to understand him pretty well all the same.

  She glanced at his name badge. ‘And what about you, Marcel? Are you a skier or a boarder?’

  He shook his head. ‘I’m a skater. Now that the lake has frozen over, it’s a fabulous natural ice rink. You should try it. They’ve got skates down there for hire.’

  Now it was Zoë’s turn to shake her head. ‘Not for me, I’m afraid. My…’ She racked her brains for the German word for ‘balance’. ‘I keep falling over. I’m no good on bikes either.’

  ‘Ah, you have Gleichgewichtsstörung. But you can ski, no?’

  Zoë felt better about not having been able to come up with the correct term. When it came to long, complicated words, German was quite some language.

  ‘Yes, I can ski surprisingly well. I know it’s weird. I’ve been skiing for two days now and I haven’t fallen over yet. But I’ve almost lost count of the number of times I’ve fallen over when I’m just out for a walk.’

  ‘Don’t speak too soon. Everybody falls over on the slopes sooner or later. But if you’re going skiing today, you’d better go out early. The forecast’s for heavy snowfall, starting late morning and lasting all afternoon.’

  ‘Thanks for the warning, Marcel. I’ll be careful. I don’t want to be caught in a white-out.’

  This had happened to her a couple of times in her skiing career and she knew only too well the disorientating effect of the horizon disappearing and snow and sky merging into a single entity. People had been known to die in such conditions. However, her German certainly wasn’t up to explaining something like ‘disorientation’ to Marcel, so she gave him a smile and a wave and headed into breakfast.

  Juliet was already there, sitting at a table with Fergus. Zoë helped herself to fruit salad and juice, ordered another omelette, and went over to join them. It looked as though Juliet had just arrived and Fergus was just finishing.

  ‘Morning, you two. Did you sleep well?’

  ‘Hi, Zo. Yes, like a log.’ Juliet gave her a smile. ‘Fergus has just been telling me he dreamt he was playing the violin with Mozart.’

  ‘Playing very badly.’ Fergus looked up from his plate and grinned. ‘And Mozart was giving me a really hard time – like Imogen does when she’s in one of her moods.’

  Zoë decided not to pursue that topic. ‘Are you coming with us today? I’ve just been told there’s a big dump of snow on its way, so we’ll only be out this morning.’

  He nodded. ‘Yes, I think the plan is to come with you and Billy for an hour or two, and then we’re meeting Erika – you know, from the reception desk. Grant’s palled up with her. She’s a mad keen boarder and she’s going to show us a place where there are a bunch of jumps. We’ll be all right if we’re with her, even if it does start to chuck it down with snow.’

  Just for a moment Zoë found herself wondering exactly what kind of pals Grant and Erika were, but she did her best to dismiss the thought. Surely what her ex did was no concern of hers now. Or was it?

  She returned to the matter in hand and did her best to sound matter-of-fact.

  ‘That’ll be fun, I’m sure, but the word is that the snow’s coming late morning, so we’d better watch out. I’m sure Imogen wouldn’t want to lose you.’

  ‘You’d hope so, wouldn’t you?’ There was a funny expression on his face as he wiped his mouth with his napkin and stood up. ‘Anyway, I’ll see you shortly, girls.’

  As he left the room, Zoë and Juliet exchanged looks.

  ‘That was a bit strange.’ Juliet sounded puzzled. ‘Do you think there’s trouble there?’

  ‘Goodness knows. Imogen’s a prickly character. No doubt we’ll find out more as the week progresses.’

  They both fell silent for a few moments, before Zoë changed to a more cheerful subject.

  ‘So what’s the plan for today, Jules? You’re up for a few hours’ skiing before the snowstorm, aren’t you?’

  Juliet nodded cautiously. ‘Yes, but only if we stay on the main runs, and preferably close to the bottom. I don’t want to be caught out by the snow high up on the mountainside. What about you? Are you going to be all right skiing with Grant?’

  ‘I’ll be fine.’ For a moment, the same old doubts about Grant came running through her head. Surely she was just plain crazy to be even thinking about giving him a second chance after everything that had happened. She put on a brave face. ‘We’ll be a big group this morning and that lessens the chances of me finding myself alone with him.’

  Zoë’s omelette and cappuccino arrived and she settled down to eat. Juliet, though, was clearly still thinking about Fergus’s comment.

  ‘Maybe you should have a word with Imogen, Zo. Check that everything’s all right with her and Fergus. You always used to be our agony aunt at uni, didn’t you? We all came to you with our problems from time to time.’

  Zoë snorted. ‘I’m hardly the best person to give advice after the train wreck of my own relationship. I couldn’t even spot that my man had got another woman.’
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  ‘Not at all. Anyway, you and Grant have both moved on. Spread your wings and fly again.’

  ‘I hope he has. He’s being unexpectedly nice.’

  Juliet glanced up at her. ‘Do you seriously think he’s trying to get back together with you?’ She sounded sceptical.

  ‘No… Oh, I don’t know.’

  ‘But you wouldn’t want anything more to do with him, surely?’

  ‘No, of course not.’ Zoë crossed her fingers under the table.

  ‘If you want my opinion, he’s after anything in a skirt.’

  ‘I’m sure you’re right.’

  Thought of Erika crossed Zoë’s mind once more, but she did her best to shrug it off. As for Imogen and Fergus, in spite of what Juliet had said, she had no intention of getting involved with somebody else’s marital problems unless they asked her. She had enough on her plate with her own uncertainties – not to mention Mandy’s.

  * * *

  Billy and Daniela, along with Fergus, were waiting for them in the lobby when she and Juliet came down at eight thirty, and Grant turned up five minutes late – as usual. Billy confirmed what Zoë had been expecting. They would stay on the pistes and ski until mid morning, at which point Grant and Fergus would go off to meet Erika if the weather conditions allowed, while the rest of them would stop for a coffee in the restaurant at the top of the chairlift. That way, if the snow arrived early, they would be able to take the lift back down to the hotel.

  This time, Zoë found herself sitting on the chairlift with Juliet on her right and Grant on her left, Grant pressed hard up against her in the cramped conditions. She did her best to ignore the sensations this produced in her and chatted mostly to Juliet, who must have realised she was finding Grant’s proximity challenging and did her best to keep the conversation going. In one of the inevitable lulls, Grant was quick to intervene.

  ‘If we get a load of fresh snow, that should make the conditions tomorrow really awesome.’