He Used to Love Me Read online

  He Used to Love Me:

  Renaissance Collection

  Dorothy Brown-Newton

  www.urbanbooks.net

  All copyrighted material within is Attributor Protected.

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Acknowledgments

  Prologue

  Chapter One - Jakiyah

  Chapter Two - Jakiyah

  Chapter Three - German

  Chapter Four - Jakiyah

  Chapter Five - Tyhiem

  Chapter Six - Jakiyah

  Chapter Seven - Jakiyah

  Chapter Eight - German

  Chapter Nine - German

  Chapter Ten - Tamia

  Chapter Eleven - Tamia

  Chapter Twelve - Jakiyah

  Chapter Thirteen - Jakiyah

  Chapter Fourteen - Jakiyah

  Chapter Fifteen - Jakiyah

  Chapter Sixteen - Qua

  Chapter Seventeen - Tamia

  Chapter Eighteen - Jakiyah

  Chapter Nineteen - Jakiyah

  Chapter Twenty - Jakiyah

  Chapter Twenty-One - Tyhiem

  Chapter Twenty-Two - Jakiyah

  Chapter Twenty-Three - Tamia

  Chapter Twenty-Four - Qua

  Chapter Twenty-Five - Tamia

  Chapter Twenty-Six - Jakiyah

  Chapter Twenty-Seven - Jakiyah

  Chapter Twenty-Eight - Tyhiem

  Chapter Twenty-Nine - German

  Chapter Thirty - Tamia

  Chapter Thirty-One - Jakiyah

  Chapter Thirty-Two - Qua

  Chapter Thirty-Three - Jakiyah

  Chapter Thirty-Four - Jakiyah

  Chapter Thirty-Five - Qua

  Chapter Thirty-Six - Jakiyah

  Chapter Thirty-Seven - Qua

  Chapter Thirty-Eight - Jakiyah

  Chapter Thirty-Nine - Jakiyah

  Chapter Forty - Qua

  Chapter Forty-One - Jakiyah

  Chapter Forty-Two - Qua

  Chapter Forty-Three - Jakiyah

  Chapter Forty-Four - Ty

  Chapter Forty-Five - Jakiyah

  Chapter Forty-Six - Jakiyah

  Chapter Forty-Seven - Qua

  Chapter Forty-Eight - Jakiyah

  Chapter Forty-Nine - Qua

  Chapter Fifty - Jakiyah

  Chapter Fifty-One - Qua

  Chapter Fifty-Two - Jakiyah

  Chapter Fifty-Three - Jakiyah

  Chapter Fifty-Four - Qua

  Chapter Fifty-Five - Qua

  Chapter Fifty-Six - Jakiyah

  Urban Books, LLC

  300 Farmingdale Road, NY-Route 109

  Farmingdale, NY 11735

  He Used to Love Me: Renaissance Collection

  Copyright © 2017 Dorothy Brown-Newton

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without prior consent of the Publisher, except brief quotes used in reviews.

  ISBN-13: 978-1-6228-6548-2

  ISBN-10: 1-62286-548-0

  eISBN-13:978-1-6228-6549-9

  eISBN-10:1-62286-549-9

  This is a work of fiction. Any references or similarities to actual events, real people, living or dead, or to real locales are intended to give the novel a sense of reality. Any similarity in other names, characters, places, and incidents is entirely coincidental.

  Distributed by Kensington Publishing Corp.

  Submit orders to:

  Customer Service

  400 Hahn Road

  Westminster, MD 21157-4627

  Phone: 1-800-733-3000

  Fax: 1-800-659-2436

  Acknowledgments

  First, I have to thank God for giving me the gift that allows me to keep sharing what I love to do. I can honestly say that my dream is now a reality, and I still have a hard time believing that at times.

  I want to thank my family and friends who always support me, whether it’s sharing my posts, getting the word out, or buying my books when they drop. I just want you all to know that I appreciate the love, and if you haven’t heard me say it, I’m saying it now. I love you all, and thanks.

  I have to give thanks to my husband, Rodger, who always gives me my space to let me do what I love doing. You always take care of the kids when it’s time for me to write or do research, so I just want to tell you thanks, and I love you so much.

  Special shout-outs go out to my supporters who have been rocking with me from the time I put out my very first book. This journey hasn’t been easy, but I have to say that all the love that has been shown makes it a lot easier. I also want to give a big thank-you to Racquel Williams and everyone on the team. You have all proven that teamwork makes the dream work, and I appreciate every one of you.

  Before I go, I have to say thank you to Shawna Brim for always being there when I need you. Thanks for all the feedback, and I’m honored to say that you’re my friend, because you have shown me nothing but love from the first day we interacted with one another.

  I hope that you all enjoy reading He Used to Love Me as much as I enjoyed writing it. I dedicate this book to anyone who has loved and lost or has been betrayed by someone whom you trusted. Just remember that forgiveness is key!

  Prologue

  I crept slowly out of my bedroom into my daughter’s room, trying to be as quiet as possible so as not to wake my husband. Tonight was the last straw, and I was leaving his ass. I had been married to Andris for two years, and lately, it had been hell living with this man. I had really believed him to be a good man, one who would never put his hands on me. At first, he had been disrespectful with his mouth sometimes and a little controlling, but that had been it. But then he had started putting his hands on me.

  He had been accusing me of cheating on him for the past six months, and I had no clue what would give him that idea. I didn’t even leave the house, because I was home all day caring for our child. You would think that he would use common sense and realize I had no time to cheat. No matter how many times I told him that I wasn’t cheating, it just went over his head, because somewhere in his sick mind, I was cheating on him. I hadn’t told my family what had been going on in my marriage. If I did, they would only remind me that they had tried to warn me about him. But being young and in love, you saw what you wanted to see. Basically, you were in the relationship with blinders on, acting oblivious to the obvious. But tonight was the last time that I would allow him to put his hands on me.

  He had come home intoxicated, wanting sex, and I promise you, I never denied my husband sex, but I’d been nursing my daughter, so all I had asked was that he wait until I was done. He’d hauled off and slapped me without warning, and I’d fallen out of the chair I was sitting on, taking Andrea down with me. He didn’t care that she was screaming at the top of her lungs as he picked her up off the floor and placed her on the sofa. He walked back over to me, grabbed me by my hair, and continued to assault me. All I could think about was my baby taking another fall as I pleaded with him to let me go to her, but my pleas fell on deaf ears. He started to kick me, causing me to get into the fetal position, trying to protect as much of my body as I could.

  I prayed he got tired, so that I could get to my baby, who was still crying like she was about to choke on her own saliva. After one last kick to my stomach, he screamed at me, telling me that if I ever disrespected him again, he would kill me. Then he ran out of the room. I rushed over to my baby as soon as he was out of sight, and checked to make sure that she was okay. I think she was more upset that I had stopped feeding her than she was about the chaos around her, because, even though I was in pain, I began to nurse her again, and once I put my breast back into her mouth, she quieted down.

/>   Allowing Andris to abuse me was one thing, but I wasn’t going to stay around and allow him to abuse our child too. I lifted Andrea out of her crib, and after grabbing her bag, I quietly walked down the stairs. Thankfully, I made it to the garage without incident. I was in so much pain and needed to soak my body in a tub of water, but that would have to wait, as my safety and Andrea’s were more important right now.

  I put Andrea in her car seat and made sure to strap her in before getting into the driver’s seat and pulling out of the driveway slowly. I took a deep breath once I reached the corner, then headed toward the highway, praying the whole way. Andris and I lived in New Jersey, so I had at least a two-hour drive ahead of me to my parents’ house in New York. But I knew that once I made it to my parents’ house, I would be okay.

  Just as I was about to get on the highway, my gas light came on, causing me to cry out in frustration. The last thing I wanted to do was drive to a gas station. I hated pumping gas, so I always waited until my tank was damn near empty before filling up. I would have felt safer if I were now on the highway and knew that I was headed in the direction of my destination. Stopping here meant possibly being caught by my husband, but I had no other choice.

  A few minutes later, I pulled up to the gas station on Washington Street, cursing under my breath that I hadn’t got gas today after leaving the grocery store, when I noticed that it was extremely low. I looked back to make sure that Andrea was okay once I pulled into the gas station. She was okay, but I wasn’t, as I saw my husband’s car pull up behind my car. This motherfucker must have put a fucking GPS locator on my car, because there was no way he could have figured out I was on Washington Street. I quickly locked the doors and prayed that he would just leave me alone. I scanned the area and not a soul was in sight, which caused me to panic, in fear of my life.

  He climbed out of his car and approached my window. “Open the fucking door, Cydney,” he shouted, hitting the window, causing me to jump and Andrea to start crying.

  He had this crazed look in his eyes as he threatened that if I didn’t open the door, he was going to kill me. I knew if I opened the door, I was as good as dead—I could tell that he wasn’t going to spare my life for disobeying him. My eyes got big as I watched him pull out a gun and point it at the window. I screamed. I heard the gas station attendant asked Andris if everything was okay, saving my life in the process. Andris called me a bitch before walking back to his car and pulling off.

  Once my heartbeat returned to normal, I reached over and grabbed my bag to get my debit card so that I could get gas and leave. I thought that Andris might be waiting for me to leave, and that scared the shit out of me. I reached for the door handle and froze when the first bullet struck me. Bullets continued to strike me until my body leaned to the side. I heard my baby’s cries until everything went black as I took my last breath.

  Chapter One

  Jakiyah

  I couldn’t stop the tears from falling as I got off the phone with my mother. She called to tell me that my baby sister, Cydney, had been found murdered at a gas station not too far from her home. Someone had shot my sister and had left her for dead. My four-month-old niece had been left in the car, unharmed. When they’d found her, she was screaming her lungs out. I was thankful that they hadn’t hurt my niece, but it really hurt that they hadn’t spared my sister’s life as well. My mother told me to wait until tomorrow to travel to New York, since I was just about to leave for work. She didn’t want me to travel right away in the state of mind that I was in. It didn’t matter if I left now or next week; my state of mind wasn’t going to change, so there was no need to delay my departure.

  I booked my flight to New York as soon as I hung up with her, and I had a flight that left in a few hours. I called work to let them know that I had a family emergency and that I would keep them updated. I also called my best friend, April, to tell her about my sister’s passing, and she offered to go with me, but I told her that I would be fine. I would never ask her to leave her daughter with her mother just to accompany me, even though I knew she would have.

  I packed a suitcase and then waited for my cab to arrive to take me to the airport. I lived in Georgia and hadn’t seen my family since last year, when they came to visit for the Christmas holiday. They used to visit at least once a month, but after my dad got sick, they stopped making the trips. I kind of felt bad that I hadn’t seen Cydney in about two years, but once she married Andris, she kind of distanced herself from the family. None of us really cared for Andris because he had always been a control freak, needing to dictate her every move.

  My mom had talked to Cydney and had tried to get her to understand that even though Andris didn’t put his hands on her, he was still being abusive. She had explained to her that being controlling, disrespectful, and hurtful all fell into the category of abuse, but Cydney hadn’t tried to hear anything my mother was saying. After that conversation, Andris had moved her to New Jersey with him. They’d married six months later, and none of her family members had been invited to the wedding. And when she got pregnant with my niece, we’d wanted to be there for her, but she shut us out once again. She really hurt my mother, but it didn’t make us love her any less; we just had to love her from afar.

  The detective whom my parents spoke to when they went to identify my sister’s body told them that Andris was wanted for questioning. The police wanted to know why my sister was even at the gas station at that time of night and not at home with him. I swear, if he was responsible for killing my sister, I was going to jail for killing him. I grabbed my suitcase when I heard the cab outside. The cabbie was laying on his horn, annoying the hell out of me. His ass just blew his tip, and I didn’t care if he helped with my suitcase. He wasn’t getting shit but the fare.

  I arrived at the airport and boarded the plane, trying to prepare myself mentally to be strong for my parents and my brother, Tyhiem. My sister was only twenty-five years old and didn’t deserve to be gunned down the way that she was. Cydney was a good person, a little stubborn, but still a good person. She would have given up her last dollar, so I knew in my heart that this wasn’t a robbery, which was what my dad had suggested, trying to give Andris the benefit of the doubt. Cydney would have protected my niece, without question, so I knew she would have given a potential robber whatever he demanded to save her daughter. I had to admit that even before my mother mentioned that the detective said Andris was wanted for questioning, my first thought was that he was a suspect. I hadn’t trusted him before this happened, and I wasn’t about to trust that he didn’t kill my sister.

  * * *

  After departing the plane and getting my baggage, I walked over to Avis to get my rental car so that I could head to my parents’ home. I called my father to let him know that I had arrived and would be there soon. He said that Tyhiem wanted to pick me up, but I told him that I had already rented a car when I booked my flight.

  I pulled into my parents’ driveway about thirty minutes later and said a silent prayer, asking God for strength. I had promised myself that I would be strong, but I needed some assistance with this one. I felt the tears trying to fall already, and I hadn’t even gotten inside yet. I walked inside and gave my mom a hug, holding her tight and not wanting to let her go as my tears fell. Trying to be strong went out the window as soon as I saw my mother. It really hurt that I had stayed away from my family for so long because of my own selfish reasons. I let her go and went and hugged my dad. I’m not going to lie. I was a daddy’s girl. My tears continued to fall. He told me that it was going to be okay, but was it really going to be okay? My brother sat quietly, wearing an expression that I couldn’t read, but I promise you that he had murder on his mind. I walked over, and he stood to hug me, and I really tried not to cry again but failed miserably because the shit hurt and didn’t make any sense.

  We all went and sat in the living room, and then we listened to my dad speak about what the officers on the scene reported to the detectives handling the case. He wa
s told that Cydney’s body was badly bruised and showed signs of abuse, causing me to see red. He said that until they received a full report from the medical examiner’s office, he couldn’t say for sure, but if he had to make a guess based on the bruises, he would say that they were inflicted hours before the shooting. Tyhiem got up and walked out of the room, but in that moment, I was having a different emotion. I became upset with my sister because she had said nothing about domestic violence. If she was being abused, why did she say nothing? All she had to do was say something, and my family would have bodied his ass. Now she was gone, and we would never see her again, because she didn’t trust her family to have her back.

  I now wondered if her being out that late on the night she was killed had anything to do with her leaving him. But by then it was too late for her. She should have left his ass the first time he laid hands on her. I just didn’t understand why she’d been so weak for this man. Growing up, we never saw our parents fight, but our mother was never a pushover for my father, either. We were raised with the notion that if someone hit you, you hit their ass back. Cydney was always fighting while she was growing up, whether it was against male or a female, so I didn’t understand what he had over her that would cause her to permit him to put his hands on her.

  Chapter Two

  Jakiyah

  My mom and I arrived at Browne Funeral Home to start making arrangements for my sister. I basically handled all the decisions because it was too much for my mother to have to bury her child. I picked out a coral-blue casket with a silver lining. For as long as I could remember, coral blue was Cydney’s favorite color. I had to close my eyes briefly and take a few deep breaths before completing the process. My heart was heavy: making the funeral arrangements made it all final, drove home the fact that I would never see my sister again. My mom stepped out for some fresh air, but I knew she didn’t want me to see the tears in her eyes. I decided to just wrap it up so that we could leave, because this whole process was overwhelming. I chose to have the viewing and funeral this Friday, and the burial would be on Saturday.