Putting the Fun in Funeral Read online

“Why not?”

  “I can’t say.”

  I clenched my fingers on the covers, tightening them into fists. “Why not?”

  He sighed. “I want to, but it’s not my story.”

  I flung myself back on the pillows and tossed my hands in the air. “And we’re back to meeting your employer, who can’t be bothered to make an appointment like a normal human being. What’s his problem, anyway?”

  “He sent me. Some would call that the personal touch.”

  “Personal my ass. You won’t even tell me his name.”

  “You know mine.”

  “If that is your real name. It probably isn’t. I bet your name is really something like Bubba Eugene or maybe Ted Bundy.”

  He chuckled. “Bubba Eugene is my superhero name.”

  “What’s Bubba Eugene’s power? Redneck beer bowling?”

  “As fun as redneck beer bowling sounds, Bubba Eugene’s superpower is catfish wrangling.”

  “Sounds unimpressive.”

  “It’s very difficult.”

  “I wouldn’t know.”

  “You’re missing out.”

  “Why do you think the curse didn’t from my mother?”

  Damon sighed. “I can’t say.”

  “What good are you, then? Go away.” I turned on my side, facing away from him. My inner ten-year-old was in a snit, and she’d taken the rest of me with her.

  The edge of the bed sank behind me. He brushed his fingers along my cheek, pushing the hair from my face. “Why would you think your mother cursed you?”

  Oops. Didn’t mean for him to ask that. “She was a raving bitch and hated my guts.” I told myself to scoot away from his fingers as they continued to stroke my cheek and hair, but I didn’t listen. I didn’t purr either, which, given how good it felt, I counted as a win.

  “That doesn’t mean she’d curse you to death.”

  I’d lost track of the conversation already, and it took me a second to refocus. I blamed it on the narcotics. “I’m just surprised the curse didn’t hurt more. Totally out of character for her to just let me go to sleep. She was into the torture side of things.”

  His hand stilled. I managed to bite back my whimper of protest.

  “Torture?”

  What would he say if I told him the real story? He wouldn’t believe it. Who would? The fact that my mother had been psychotic and enjoyed hurting me didn’t match with her public persona. Maybe if he saw the wall, the pool, the track, or the basement— Thinking about the last made me shudder. I pushed those memories away. That was over and I wanted to forget what had happened there.

  “You know, making me eat squash and broccoli and beets. Torture.”

  Damon didn’t answer immediately. I could tell he didn’t believe me but tough titties. He didn’t need to know, and anyhow, he wasn’t telling me about his employer. Why should I tell him about my mom?

  “You need to go away,” I mumbled through a yawn.

  He drew his hand back. “I’m staying right here.”

  “That’s right. You’re still on the job. Get me to see your employer at all costs. Can’t let me out of your sight. I might just kill myself if you’re not looking.”

  I was surprised at how bitter I still felt about his thinking that I might commit suicide. No matter what, no matter how much shit my mother had thrown at me, I’d never even once thought about taking the easy way out. If I was going to die, I was going to make her work for it. Now that she was gone, I had everything to live for.

  “We’ll talk when you feel better,” he said finally.

  “I’m still going to tell you to go to hell. You and your stupid employer.” Lazy bastard. Why couldn’t he get off his ass and come meet me himself? Give me a call? Make an appointment? No, he had to send Damon Hotpants to annoy me and get me all hot and bothered. Well, it wasn’t going to work. I could put up with a lot more and a lot worse shit than he knew how to dish out. Nobody topped my mother in that department.

  Damon chuckled and startled me when he bent and pressed his lips against my cheek. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

  Chapter 17

  I woke up sometime late in the night. Well, not so late, really. Close to midnight, so hardly late at all. But the Vicodin had worn off and I hurt. I groaned as I turned over to sit up and came face-to-face with Damon, who was sitting in a chair beside my bed. At least I didn’t scream, though I did make a startled noise.

  “What are you doing in here?” I demanded, a little too loudly. “Where are Lorraine, Stacey, and Jen?”

  “Asleep. They won’t be waking up anytime soon, so we have time.”

  I frowned. “Time for what? What did you do to them?”

  “I made sure they’ll stay asleep for the next few hours, while I take you to get better.” He stood and reached out a hand to help me up. “Come on.”

  I stared at his hand and shook my head. “I’m staying right here and healing up on my own.”

  He sighed exasperatedly and planted his hands on his hips. “I just want to take you to your sanctuary and get you fixed up.”

  I started shaking my head as soon as he said sanctuary. “I’m not going back there.” The feeling of the place had shattered, and going there would be too hard to handle at the moment.

  “But it could help you,” he insisted.

  “It’s broken.”

  Deciding that making an exit would end this conversation, I stood and bit back my yelp as I hobbled around the end of the bed and to my bathroom. Inside, I found my medication bottles. I checked the prescription information then took what I was supposed to. I eyed my shower wishfully, but I wasn’t going to shower with Damon standing outside.

  You were naked in his arms hardly more than twenty-four hours ago, I reminded myself. I flicked a glance at the mirror and instantly looked away. No reason for him to be interested in me now. I looked like Edward Scissorhands had attacked me. Stir in a patchwork of bruises, and I had all the appeal of rotten hamburger.

  I waved a hand and the mirror fogged white. I didn’t need to see myself again anytime soon. I washed my hands and face then rebrushed my hair. I decided it was a good time to brush my teeth again, and so I did. When I couldn’t find any other reason to dawdle, I went back out to my bedroom. Ajax lay just outside the bathroom door. I nearly tripped over him. He gave me a how could you look as he rose and returned to my bed, flopping down in the middle.

  Damon leaned against my bedroom door. Did he think I was going to make a run for it? I flipped on the light and went to sit on the end of my bed, eyeing him with unconcealed annoyance.

  His arms were folded over his chest. They were nice. Tanned and muscular. Like the rest of him, at least, what I remembered of him in the pool. I hadn’t seen his legs, but his jeans couldn’t hide the slope and curve of his hard muscles.

  “You could be a nude model,” I said without thinking.

  “What?” His startled response made me want to laugh. He wasn’t the type who got thrown easily or often. It felt like an accomplishment to do it.

  “You’re handsome. Spanking-hot body. I bet artists would love to sculpt and paint you. And you wouldn’t have to do anything but look good. Has to be a better gig than following me around.”

  His lips threatened a smile. “You think I’ve got a ‘spanking-hot body’?”

  I rolled me eyes. “Duh. I’m not blind. Jen, Stacey, and Lorraine would say the same. Plus, you seem to have a brain to go with the Norse god looks, which doesn’t really matter for being a nude model but is useful for interacting with other humans.”

  “Thanks. I think.”

  “Truth is truth. No point lying about it. Anyhow, it still doesn’t explain why you’re still here.”

  “I’ve got a job.”

  That’s when I figured out that he probably thought I needed to be on suicide watch. I might wake up and gnaw my wrists open or something equally dire. I practically grew sharp spikes all over me at the realization. He didn’t know crap about me, and
he’d decided I’d be such a coward that I’d kill myself.

  Ajax must have felt the change in me. He sat up and nudged his nose under my arm. I stroked his head. Damon needed to leave. My loft, my building, my life. He needed to get the fuck out.

  I didn’t realize I’d said the words until he replied.

  “Not going to happen.”

  I looked at him. I was starting to shake. It took everything I had to keep the tremble out of my voice. This time I didn’t want to cry. I wanted to kill.

  “I’ve had all I’m ever going to take of someone forcing me and torturing me. I will not let anybody else do that to me again. Not you, not your fucking employer, not God himself. Do you understand? I’m done.”

  He flinched as if the words were bullets. Abruptly he thrust away from the door and stalked over to me. He crouched, grabbing my arms painfully and giving me a little shake. “What did your mother do to you?”

  His reaction startled me and inflamed my anger. Hadn’t he paid attention to a word I’d said? I pushed his arms away. Or I tried. They were iron bars.

  “What does it matter to you?”

  His mouth worked. “It matters,” he said finally.

  It made no sense, and I didn’t believe him. I lifted my knee and shoved my foot against his chest. Instead of letting go and falling back, he took me with him. I sprawled on top of him, crying out as pain slashed sharply across my stitched wounds. Ajax leaped down beside us, barking and snarling. He snapped at Damon, darting his head forward. The man beneath me twisted away.

  “Don’t you dare hurt him,” I told Damon. With his magic, he could crush the dog. “Let me go!”

  I tried to push off him, but it was like struggling with an iron octopus. His fingers dug into my hips, holding me fast against him. I lay between his legs, my chest on his. We were bumping uglies through our clothing, and I had to make myself not flush with embarrassment.

  “What is wrong with you?” I demanded.

  “God help me, you are,” he said and then one hand knotted in my hair, the other wrapped my back, though oddly gently as if he remembered I was hurt.

  I was too stunned to do anything. He pulled me down until his lips touched mine. Despite his ragged breathing and the tight grip on my hair, his kiss was gentle. His mouth teased, his teeth nibbled. I should have fought him, but his kiss sent streaks of electricity through me, all the way to my toes.

  I gasped at the shock of it, and he took advantage. He nudged my mouth wider and teased my tongue with his. I was still frozen in stunned surprise, and yet the heat in my belly had shifted from anger to something else. I tentatively slid the tip of my tongue over his lower lip. He made a pleased sound, and his hands moved to cup my cheeks, holding me as if I were delicate china.

  I let it go on for long, delicious moments. Hell, who was I kidding? I reveled in it until some semblance of sanity returned and I pushed up against his chest. He let me pull away, his hands sliding down my body to rest on my hips. I shivered at the sensations that flickered through me. It was like skydiving over a live volcano. I felt his heat against me and the distinct hardness of arousal. I couldn’t help but feel both proud and a little bit awed that I excited him, even all Frankensteined up as I was.

  I met his smoky gaze, and my stomach did a flip. Then as though he couldn’t resist, he tugged me down again. I closed my eyes so I could focus better on the feel of him, the smell of him, the taste. My head was starting to spin, and I couldn’t tell if it was him or the Vicodin kicking in.

  I lifted my head again. I was breathing as if I’d just sprinted a half mile. Beside us, Ajax whined and nosed my face. I reached out and petted him. “It’s okay.”

  I frowned down at Damon. I could feel his heart thundering against my palm. With one hand, he rubbed the back of my neck, and with the other, he pushed my hair away from my face so he could see me better.

  “Why do you keep kissing me? Is this just a ploy to make me stop being mad at you and agree to meet your employer?”

  That earned me grimace and then a rueful laugh. “Jesus. What’s there to understand? You fascinate me. I’m pulled to you like a fly to sugar, and dear lord, but you are scorching. I couldn’t stay away from you if I tried. I tried to tell you the other night when I busted up your meeting.”

  I recognized the words, but they didn’t make any sense at all. I wasn’t the kind to inspire that kind of anything in any man. I was in the used goods business. I sold the possessions people didn’t want or couldn’t take with them wherever they went. I was about as ordinary as it got. I was definitely not fascinating. Plus, I looked like a quilt made by Hannibal Lecter.

  “When was the last time you saw a psychiatrist? You might want to get an appointment. Like right now. You’re having a seizure or something. You should probably have checked in to the mental ward when you were at the hospital instead of visiting me.”

  His chest jerked as he gave a quiet laugh. “You don’t believe me.”

  “It’s not that I don’t believe you; it’s that you’re nuts. Though I’ve heard you should humor insane people. Otherwise they could get dangerous.”

  He gave me a lazy smile. “Yes. Humor me. Definitely do that.”

  He kissed me again. Thoroughly. By the time it ended, I was on fire and I could barely breathe.

  “And you say I’m scorching.”

  His smile was smug. “It’s good to know I’m not the only one who went up in flames.”

  “This is weird. I think I must be asleep. Or hallucinating. Narcotics do that, right? This isn’t really happening.” I let out a long sigh of relief as my world righted itself again. “That makes more sense. You aren’t really here. You’re just a figment of my imagination.”

  “The hell I am,” he growled and then proceeded to kiss me breathless again.

  “Wow,” I said incredibly articulately when we came up for air.

  “Do you still think I’m just a hallucination? I’ll kiss you all night if that’s what it takes for you to believe me. I want to be sure I get it through your thick head so I don’t have to convince you again tomorrow.” He smiled that lazy smile again, his gaze full of sensual promise as he rubbed his thumb over my swollen mouth. “Though I’m enjoying convincing you more than I can say.”

  He sobered. “For the record, I don’t believe you tried to commit suicide. I did,” he said, when I opened my mouth to challenge him. “I forgot how crazy independent you are. Nobody else I know would have up and flung themselves out into a nightmare of a river to break a curse. It shouldn’t have worked. I don’t even know why it did. The idea that you thought it would was more incredible than the idea that you tried to suicide. But I realized I was wrong. Very wrong. You just aren’t the type to give up. You don’t have any quit in you.”

  “And don’t forget it,” I said, somewhat mollified.

  “That worries me too,” he said cryptically. “Now can we get up off the floor? I’ll take you to the sanctuary.”

  The man was tenacious and relentless. Well, so was I. I shook my head. “No. It’s broken.”

  He sighed. “It’s not. The buddha reset the protections.”

  “It’s not the same.” I couldn’t explain that it wasn’t the magic that was gone. It was the sense that it was my space, that I could close it around me and find peace. Maybe I’d feel differently later but not now.

  He studied my face. “Okay. The hard way it is.” He rolled me off him onto the floor and then got to his feet and helped me up. Ajax squeezed between us, still bristling.

  “It’s okay,” I told him. “Damon’s not going to hurt me.” On the other hand, the river had done a hell of a job. My body was feeling achy, and pain flickered over me in little bursts. Rolling around on the floor with Damon hadn’t helped, but the kisses had been worth it. I had to admit that much.

  “I need to go back to bed,” I said and then awkwardly hobbled around to crawl under the covers. Ajax hopped up beside me and nosed my face. I stroked him to reassure him that I was
all right.

  “He’s healing a lot faster than he should,” I said sleepily.

  “He went into the pool when you disappeared. It appears to have done wonders for him.”

  “I told you sos are so childish.”

  “You only say that because you deserve it.”

  I flipped him off and flopped over on my side, putting an arm over Ajax as he curled up against me. The last thing I heard as Damon turned off the light was his quiet laughter.

  Chapter 18

  Healing took longer than I’d have liked, but I still wasn’t going to the river with Damon. Jen, Stacey, and Lorraine kept around-the-clock shifts staying with me. They didn’t want to leave me alone with Damon, and I couldn’t exactly blame them.

  Not that I wanted them to leave. I still didn’t know how to interpret his kisses or his professed interest in me. The more I thought about it, the more unbelievable it all was and the more likely it was a ploy, either to get into my pants or to get me to meet his employer, though what the hell the bastard wanted me so bad for that he’d a) try to kidnap me and b) have Damon stalk and live with me, was a total mystery.

  Basically neither scenario made any sense to me at all, which left me feeling pretty sure Damon was playing some kind of trick on me. A con job of some kind. I’ve always hated pranks and practical jokes, and I hated being the butt of any of it, and I most especially hated someone messing with my head.

  Having one of the girls around all the time buffered us. I followed the doctor’s rules, which meant staying off my feet, and I tried not to be alone with Damon. I had plenty of work to do, so I spent a lot of my time with my head buried in that. Garrett hadn’t called and I decided I needed to reach out to my other brokers to see if they were interested in the things I’d set aside. Sitting inventory only cost the shop money. I also spent a lot of time sleeping, per the doctor’s rules, not to mention the fact that I couldn’t stay awake.

  Damon didn’t seem bothered by my distance and set up a laptop on the kitchen table alongside stacked-up piles of folders and notebooks. He studied them and typed things into the computer and talked on the phone a lot. It wasn’t nine to five either. More than once, I woke up in the middle of the night to hear the low rumble of his voice in the other room.