Putting the Fun in Funeral Read online

  “You might want to pour drinks,” I said, sitting down at the kitchen island. “And I think there’s cheesecake in the fridge.”

  Stacey made up a pitcher of something with cranberry, pomegranate, and pineapple juice in it, plus vodka, mint leaves, and who knew what else. I got a glass of iced tea with mint leaves. I made a face at it.

  “You get the good drugs, so you can’t drink,” she said.

  Jen cut generous slices of the turtle cheesecake and passed around the plates. I dug in because I was seriously hungry. Plus, there was the added benefit of delaying the inevitable.

  “You going to tell us who has Ajax?” Lorraine asked.

  God, but I loved her. Nothing mattered as much as the furbaby. “His name is Damon,” I said, picking up a bite of cheesecake on my fork. “We met when he tried to kidnap me a couple days ago.”

  They squawked. Literally. Then they pelted me with questions. I kept eating until Jen banged the countertop with a flat hand. Stacey and Lorraine fell silent.

  “Explain,” Jen said, pointing a finger at me.

  I couldn’t get to Damon until I got to the magic. I made a light on the tip of my finger and flicked it onto the island. It bounced and spun. I did another and another. I kept going, changing the colors until there was a little cloud of spinning, dancing colored lights between us.

  The girls stared wide eyed at the display, mouths gaping. I’d never seen them stuck for words before.

  “I can do magic,” I said. Then, “More cheesecake?”

  Since they didn’t respond, I reached across and slid the platter over and helped myself. I wondered how long it would be before they got themselves together. Because I was entertained, I decided to make the lights spin and swirl in a spiral and then create a waterfall effect with them rising in a little tube and bouncing down along the outside. I made a big smiley face out of them and spun it in a slow circle.

  I started feeling tired again, and the hurt started flaring. On top of that, the mosquito bites itched something fierce, and I couldn’t do a damned thing about them. I pulled an invisible thread and the light bubbles popped and vanished.

  “You can do magic,” Lorraine repeated slowly.

  “Magic,” Jen echoed.

  “’Fraid so.”

  “That’s so cool,” Stacey said. Then rounded on me. “You kept that a secret from us? All these years?” She jumped up and stomped around the island and snatched my plate away from me.

  “Hey!”

  “You so do not deserve cheesecake. How could you keep something like that a secret from us?”

  “Seriously, Beck. What kind of friend hides something like that?” Jen asked.

  “I was already freak,” I said. “I didn’t need to be more of one.”

  “Magic,” Stacey said, frowning. “Like the real thing. Does that make you a witch?”

  “What’s a witch? I don’t spend time coming up with spells or boiling newt eyes in cauldrons if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “I still don’t get why you didn’t tell us,” Jen said.

  I might as well tell the truth. I chewed my lower lip, looking away. “I thought you guys would finally figure out that being friends with me wasn’t worth it. I was already trouble enough with my mom, and then suddenly I can do magic and turn people into frogs.”

  “You can turn people into frogs?” Stacey squawked.

  I rolled my eyes. “No. Well, I don’t think so. I’ve never tried.”

  “What can you do?” Lorraine asked.

  I shrugged. “I don’t really do stuff with it. I didn’t want my mother finding out.”

  “Could she do magic?”

  I hesitated. “Yeah.”

  “Wait a second,” Jen said. “You were telling us about this guy Damon who tried to kidnap you and has Ajax. This magic thing is all interesting, but you’re trying to distract us from the important stuff. So spill.”

  “Actually, I told you about the magic so I could tell you about him.” I explained what had happened in the parking garage, then went on to tell how Damon kept showing up. “I guess Mom put a curse on me. Deathbed kind of thing and really potent. That’s how I ended up in the water.” I told them how Damon had taken me to the sanctuary pool and everything that happened after, including his visit to the hospital.

  “How did the bastard get into your room? They made us stay in the waiting room,” Jen complained.

  I had to smile. Of all the things I’d just revealed, that was what she focused on. Trust her to be pragmatic. I could always count on her in an emergency. “Magic, probably. Or maybe he’s just sneaky. The bitch is he has Ajax and I don’t know how to get in touch with him.” I didn’t tell them he thought I’d tried to kill myself. That hurt too much. What if they thought the same thing?

  “You aren’t telling us something,” Lorraine said, watching me.

  I should have known I couldn’t hide from them. Not if they didn’t want to let me. All these years and I thought I’d been hiding really well. Turns out, they knew something was up and just didn’t call me on it. I caught my top lip between my teeth and then looked down. “He thinks I tried to kill myself. So do the cops.” I mumbled the last.

  “Bullshit!”

  “That’s ridiculous.”

  “What an asshole!”

  Not an ounce of suspicion in those responses. I lifted my head. “You don’t think they’re right?”

  The three of them stared at me.

  “You’re kidding, right?” Jen asked. When I didn’t reply, she scowled. “If your mother didn’t make you kill yourself, then nothing ever will. Plus, you wouldn’t do that to us.”

  “Or Ajax,” Lorraine added.

  “You’re the least likely person to kill yourself,” Stacey added. “You like living too much, and now that your mother is out of the picture, you’ve got more reasons to live than ever.”

  “This Damon guy is a total jerkwad,” Jen said. “Who is he to judge you? Fuck, he tried to kidnap you! Why didn’t you call the cops?”

  “He’s actually not that bad,” I demurred, my cheeks flushing.

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” Jen shot back, but Stacey put up her hand, interrupting before Jen could get on a rant.

  “Wait a minute. You’re not telling us something. What?”

  Leave it to her to see right through me. “He kissed me,” I mumbled.

  “What was that?”

  I made a face at her. “He kissed me. Twice.”

  “He what?”

  “What a bastard!”

  “Did you like it?”

  Trust Stacey to ask the last question. Heat washed my face. “Uh....”

  “You liked it!” Jen said, accusingly. “The bastard tried to kidnap you. What were you thinking?”

  “He’s really, really pretty,” I said weakly.

  Jen sighed. “There are a lot of pretty men out there, Beck. You’re gorgeous and funny and smart. You can have your pick. You don’t need to fall into the arms of some jerk.”

  “He’s not that bad.”

  She just stared at me, brows raised.

  “She’s right,” Lorraine said, reaching over to cover my hand. “Your mother stunted your sexuality. You might even think you don’t deserve better than this scumbag but you do.”

  I found myself wanting to defend Damon. “I’m not saying he’s perfect or anything like that—I mean, mostly he’s an ass—but he has been trying to look out for me. He brought me breakfast after the night with Ajax, and he tried to save me from my mom’s curse. I’ve never been afraid of him. He didn’t force himself on me.”

  “That’s the problem,” Jen said, exasperated. “You think that just because he didn’t force himself on you, that’s good enough. But he’s been stalking you.”

  Lorraine and Stacey nodded agreement, though Stacey looked reluctant. She liked a good Beauty and the Beast love story, and she believed in True Love and was always hoping that one of us would find it. Not that I was in love with Damon
. And I wasn’t sure which one of us qualified as the beast in this scenario. Maybe it was more a beast and a beast story, only with lust instead of love.

  “You’re right,” I said, deciding that arguing wasn’t worth it. Damon and I were never going to be an item, no matter how well he kissed. I didn’t have time for a boyfriend, and even if I did, Damon wasn’t exactly promising material. He was pushy, arrogant, and probably had herpes or something.

  I yawned and shook my head a little, feeling twinges of pain all over. I needed sleep and more painkillers, but I wanted to see Ajax and reassure him that he could still count on me. Poor guy must be feeling so abandoned.

  “I’m not planning on kissing Damon anymore. I just wish he would bring back Ajax.”

  “Maybe he’s out there, waiting for us to leave,” Stacey suggested.

  I looked at them hopefully. “It’s possible.”

  “Let’s go look,” Jen said, standing. She pointed at me. “You stay here.”

  The three of them went trooping out. I sat a long moment and then decided I wasn’t an invalid and I could damned well go help.

  I carefully slid my feet into a pair of ancient running shoes without lacing them up then hobbled down the front stairs. It was Sunday and the shop was closed. I unlocked the front door and walked out. Really, it was more of a Frankenstein stagger. Both feet hurt. More than I wanted to admit.

  The girls had gone out the parking lot to the main road and started walking down the street looking in parked cars and up alleys. I didn’t see any sign of Damon’s truck. I contemplated going back inside, but if Ajax was out here, I wanted to find him.

  When the girls brought me home, they’d parked out front. It would be just like Damon to go around back and hide in almost plain sight. I turned right and went down to the corner of the building. It was a good thirty yards, and by the time I got there, I was panting and leaning against the wall of the building. I turned. The side yard was empty.

  I heaved a sigh and eyed the walk to the next corner. It was at least as far as I’d already come. I mentally kicked myself. I’d walked two or three miles on my hamburger feet. What was a few more yards? Plus, I was on painkillers. This should be as easy as falling off a bike by comparison.

  I pushed myself away from the wall and started walking like I meant it. I clamped my teeth together and sucked hard breaths between them. God, but that hurt.

  I refused to give in to the pain. I got to the next corner and came around back of the shop. Disappointment walloped me over the head. The big box delivery truck was parked in its spot, but otherwise, the area remained empty. I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes against the stupid rise of tears. This was getting so old. I’d never been a crybaby before. But somehow I’d become incredibly attached to Ajax, and everything in me just ached to see him.

  I decided to go back out front again. This time my pace was slower, and I felt moisture in my left shoe. I’d probably opened up some stitches.

  I’d just got to the corner when Damon’s truck came squealing into the parking lot at NASCAR speeds. He shrieked to a stop in front of me and came lunging out.

  “What the fuck are you doing? Do you want to cripple yourself forever?”

  I ignored him in favor of Ajax, who jumped out behind him. I gracelessly dropped to my knees and got a couple more bruises for my trouble, but really, who was going to notice? I slid my arms around the wiggling dog. He licked my face and pressed against me, making little whimpering sounds, clearly happy to see me, his tail wagging fiercely.

  “I’m happy to see you too,” I whispered, and now I really was crying and I didn’t even care.

  Damon said something I didn’t hear. Then he pulled me up to my feet. I protested and Ajax growled. Damon ignored us both. The next thing I knew, he’d swung me up in his arms and was marching back toward my apartment.

  “Of all the stupid, ridiculous, braindead, stupid things you’ve done....”

  “You said ‘stupid’ twice.”

  “I could say it a dozen more, and it still wouldn’t begin to cover your idiocy.”

  I liked the sound of his growl and the way it rumbled through his chest, which was totally ridiculous if I thought about it for more than a millisecond, so I decided not to. I also liked the scent of him. Masculine and tangy. Kind of like cedar and smoke and something that was just him. I rested my head against his shoulder and took a deep breath of him. Tasty.

  He climbed up the stairs and shouldered inside my loft and straight to my bedroom. He set me on the bed. Ajax bounded up beside me. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he’d never been hurt. The damage around his neck was gone and the hair already growing in. The same for the cuts he’d had. He was still far too thin, but his eyes were bright, and he was wagging his tail ninety miles a minute as he licked me.

  Damon pulled off my shoes and dropped them on the floor. I hadn’t put on socks.

  “You’ve split your stitches,” he said in a rock-hard voice.

  “I know.”

  His head jerked up, and he locked his gaze with mine. “What the hell did you think you were doing?”

  “Looking for you. Ajax, really. I figured you were out there doing your stalking thing, so the girls and I went out to look for you.”

  His lips clamped together, and he shook his head in obvious disbelief. “You should have waited. You knew I’d be back.”

  “I knew Ajax had to be climbing walls. Anyway, the girls are taking care of me. You can go away.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.” He folded his arms in the classic “make me” stance.

  “What? Are you worried I’ll climb in the bathtub and slice my wrists?” I asked bitterly.

  “Who the fuck are you?” demanded Jen as she stormed in.

  Lorraine and Stacey came in right behind.

  “He’s Damon,” I said.

  “The kidnapper,” Lorraine said. “Get the fuck out, assbite. And stay away from our girl.”

  Damon flicked me a look of surprise, as if he hadn’t expected me to tell them about him.

  “Jesus Christ, Beck. What did you do?” Stacey asked, catching sight of my bleeding feet.

  “Lorraine can fix them,” I said and pulled Ajax closer. “And Ajax is home.”

  “You need to go see a human doctor,” Lorraine replied.

  “Nope. You or nobody. I’m done with hospitals.”

  “I don’t have my truck here or any supplies.”

  “I’m not going anywhere. Go get them.”

  “And leave the three of you alone with him?” She pointed at Damon.

  “Get used to it,” he said. “I’m not leaving.”

  “Yes, you are,” I said. “All of you are. Go away. I need to sleep.” I sounded really crabby.

  “Do you need a pain pill?” Jen asked. She checked her watch. “Shit, you’re overdue by two hours.” She zipped out of the bedroom without waiting for a reply and returned in less than a minute with my medication and a glass of water. “Here. You can’t go forgetting. The doc was clear. You have to stay ahead of the pain and not wait until things start to really hurt. You’ll heal slower if you don’t.”

  I scooched upright and swallowed the pill. Now that I was lying down, I could admit—if only to myself—that I was in serious pain. I barely paid attention as Lorraine dug in my bathroom and came back with gauze, vet tape, and antibiotic ointment. Supplies I kept on hand for athletic injuries.

  She wrapped my feet up as I lay there in quiet agony. “I need a shower,” I mumbled against Ajax.

  “Later,” came Damon’s obnoxiously high-and-mighty decree.

  “Bite me.”

  “Don’t threaten me with a good time,” he said. “At least not until you’re well enough to put your money where your mouth is.”

  I lifted my head and glared. “Not funny.”

  “Wasn’t supposed to be.”

  The thought of his biting me—nibbling on my neck and lower—made me flush from head to do. I was burning up with em
barrassment. I turned my face away so he wouldn’t be able to read what I was thinking. Because thoughts of biting had progressed to thoughts of rolling around in the bed under and on top of him.

  I took a deep, shuddering breath. I wasn’t a one-night-stand sort of girl, and there wasn’t a chance in hell that we’d ever be more than that. I didn’t even like him. So why was my brain playing reruns of his holding me in the water, his bare chest wet and sculpted?

  Lorraine finished her ministrations, and I rolled on my side so I didn’t have to look at any of them. “All of you go away now. I want to sleep.” I sounded like a three-year-old.

  I burrowed into my pillows and put an arm around Ajax. He whuffled my ear and snuggled closer, laying his head along the top of mine. After a moment of silence, my other four companions left, shutting the door. Outside I heard the murmur of voices. Then the door opened and shut again. Gentle hands pulled the covers over me. Probably Stacey. She was the one who looked out for the rest of us.

  “Thanks,” I said, my voice muffled in the pillows.

  “You’re welcome.”

  Damon’s deep voice made me tense and want to fly up in the air like a startled cat. “I thought you left.” In fact, I was shocked the girls hadn’t kicked him out a window.

  “You hoped I’d left,” he corrected and didn’t sound all that happy about it.

  “Same thing. How did you get the girls to let you back in here?”

  He didn’t answer immediately. I twisted to look at him. “So help me, if you used magic on them, I will cut off your balls with a rusty knife.”

  “I didn’t.”

  “Then how come you’re here without them?”

  He sighed. “I told them somebody was after you and I was the best person to protect you from another magical attack.”

  “Please. That curse came from my mother.”

  Another silence, pregnant with things he wasn’t saying. I sat up, whimpering only a little bit at the pain. “That curse came from my mother,” I repeated, my stomach curdling. If it hadn’t been from her—

  He shook his head. “I don’t think so.”