The Look of Love Read online

  “No! Much better than that!” Louise closed the door and added, “Do you want a cup of tea?”

  “Only if it’s accompanied by a good old chin wag!”

  “I think I can manage that! Come on!” Louise led the way into the kitchen. And while Louise put the kettle on, Rosanna sat down at the kitchen table.

  Rosanna and David Williams had been in the flat below since before Louise had moved in. Rosanna had liked Louise as soon as she saw her, and had quickly taken her under her wing. Louise had liked both Rosanna and David, and got on well with them. And when she told them about her sexual preferences, it hadn’t made the slightest bit of difference.

  Rosanna was thirty years old and four-foot-eleven at a stretch. Her husband was thirty-five and almost a foot taller. She worked part time in a nursery while David travelled around from building site to building site for the construction company he worked for. Because of David’s job, they often moved around the country, never managing to put permanent roots down in any one place. This was the longest they had gone without moving for quite awhile. Louise would miss them terribly if they left.

  Rosanna watched Louise intently as she made the tea and started to chat about her day. She had never seen her looking so happy and animated. There had to be only one reason for this change. As soon as they were both sat down at the kitchen table together, tea in hand, Rosanna spoke up.

  “You’ve met someone, haven’t you?” she asked, suddenly. “Come on! Who is it? Out with it!”

  “God! Talk about cutting to the chase!” Louise said in surprise. “You don’t waste any time, do you?”

  “Not when it comes to good gossip!” Rosanna replied. “Who is she then?”

  “Her name’s Victoria. Victoria Kenyon.”

  “So what’s she like?”

  It was like opening the flood gates. Once Louise started talking, she couldn’t stop. “Oh, she’s beautiful, Rosie! Really beautiful! She’s tall, and blonde. And she’s got beautiful green eyes. At first I thought she wouldn’t like me, but she was so nice and friendly! Not at all the way had she first looked. She’s even on the same course as me! You have to see her, Rosie! I like her lots! You’ll like her too, I’m sure you will!”

  Then Rosanna asked, “But is it serious?”

  Louise immediately looked deflated and sat back and hugged her mug of tea. “Well, I don’t know yet…”

  “Does she feel the same way you do?” Rosanna pressed.

  “Rosie! Give me a chance! I only met her today!”

  Rosanna held up her finger. “Exactly! But I know you! You’ll already be happily living together in your own mind, even though you’ve only just met her! Why do you do this to yourself, Louise? It’s not the first time!”

  “I know! I know!” Louise admitted with a sheepish grin. Whenever she did find someone she liked, it always started with a tremendous high like this only to end in the depths of depression once more when it didn’t work out. “I can’t help it, Rosie. It’s not often that I meet someone I like, and when I do, I know I go off at the deep end. Yes, I am being premature, and I do hardly know her. And when I see her again tomorrow, it might all fizzle out. But at least for today, I’m happy, and excited. You can’t begrudge me that.”

  “No, not so long as your eyes are open. I’ve seen you upset for long enough, Louise, it’s about time you were happy. Any longer before a smile and your face would have cracked. But I don’t want to see you let down again, either. I hope this girl is what you want her to be, but until you know for sure, come down off the ceiling, okay?”

  Louise sighed. “Okay,” she replied.

  Chapter Three

  Thursday

  Louise was in the Library well before ten o’clock. But it was only when she got there that she realised that she and Victoria hadn’t said exactly where they were going to meet in the Library, only that they would meet inside. She panicked straight away, and went around the whole Library twice to check that Victoria wasn’t already there, waiting for her. She wasn’t.

  Satisfied at last that Victoria hadn’t arrived yet, Louise settled herself down at a vacant table opposite the busy entrance. She unpacked all her files from her bag, and waited.

  Half an hour went by, and there was still no sign of Victoria. As each minute had passed, Louise had become more and more anxious, until, finally, she couldn’t stand it anymore, and had to have another quick look around the Library just to make sure that they hadn’t missed one another by some strange fluke. But no, Victoria definitely wasn’t here. Louise went back to her place by the entrance and slumped down in her chair again. Almost immediately she began to fear that Victoria might have come in while she was looking around the Library for her. Now she hated herself for getting up to look around, while at the same time, she fought the urge to do exactly the same thing all over again.

  Finally, when an hour had gone by, Louise reluctantly gave up. She had almost finished packing her things away when she heard someone say, “Not too late, am I?”

  Louise turned to find Victoria standing right behind her, a rucksack slung over her shoulder. “No, I…I thought you weren’t coming, that’s all.” Louise couldn’t think of anything else to say. For some strange reason, she was sure she could smell something sickly sweet. Chocolate, maybe?

  “I’ll have to find my watch, but I just can’t remember where I left it,” Victoria was saying. She had instinctively put her hand over her bare wrist and was looking around as if searching for a clock. She saw one on the far wall and sighed. It was ten minutes passed eleven. “I never get anywhere on time.” She turned back to Louise. “Look, if you’ve got somewhere to go, you go. But I’d still like to borrow your notes if you don’t mind. I can give them back to you tomorrow.”

  Louise had been looking closely at Victoria while she was speaking. She still wore the same battered looking jeans and sweat-shirt that she had worn the day before. “No, I don’t mind, you can still borrow them,” she managed to reply. “And I don’t have to go anywhere, so I can talk you through any of my notes that you don’t understand.”

  “Fine! But lets go and sit somewhere away from this busy gangway.” Victoria suddenly grabbed a surprised Louise and quickly led her to a different spot in the Library. Louise had to hastily grab her bag and last file as she was dragged away.

  Victoria picked a much quieter spot well away from the entrance. It was near an open window down a dead end aisle between two rows of bookshelves. She emptied the contents of her rucksack on to the table and then dumped herself down on the chair. Louise sat next to her and unpacked in a much more sedate fashion. By the time she had finished, Victoria was already waiting, pen in hand.

  “Right, pick a subject!” she announced.

  Louise passed across one of her files. “Wouldn’t it be easier to just photocopy it?” she asked.

  “Nah! This way I’ll remember it as I write it, and I won’t have to read it again later.” Victoria was already writing as she spoke.

  “Do you have a photographic memory?”

  “Something like that. But I only remember everything if I understand it.”

  “I wish I was that clever.”

  “It’s not clever, it’s just a knack.” Victoria slid the file back towards Louise and asked, “What’s that mean?”

  They spent the next two hours together like that. Victoria writing away and occasionally asking questions, and Louise answering them as best she could. Most of the time they sat in silence and Louise just watched Victoria. She watched the way Victoria seemed to concentrate so hard as she was writing, and the way she brushed her hair out of the way every so often, or at the way she swung her feet as she sat cross-legged, leaning on the table. Louise liked watching Victoria.

  Then, in the middle of scribbling away, Victoria suddenly stopped, stood up, and leaned across Louise to close the window. “It’s freezing in here,” she muttered.

  For a brief, few seconds, Victoria was very close, and as she stretched up to reach the c
atch on the window, her sweat-shirt rode up, and Louise found herself staring at her stomach. The sweet smell she had detected earlier was much stronger, and as Victoria sat down again, Louise couldn’t help asking, “What’s that smell?”

  “Ice-cream sundae sort of smell?” Victoria suggested.

  Louise nodded.

  Victoria made a face. “I knew it wouldn’t wash out! Chrissy sprayed me with one of those vanilla body sprays in Boots yesterday. Now I stink like a kiddie’s sweet shop! I could have bloody killed her!”

  “It’s probably still on your clothes,” Louise said, and reached out to hesitantly pull on Victoria’s sweat-shirt. “Anyway, I like vanilla,” she added.

  “It just makes me think of eating.” Victoria suddenly stood up again. “That reminds me,” she said as she quickly climbed on to her chair and stared across the Library. She began to wobble dangerously as she tried to stand on the tips of her toes on the chair, and Louise quickly stood up and grabbed her around the waist.

  “Careful!” Louise exclaimed in a genuinely worried tone. “What are you doing?”

  “Just checking the time!” Victoria said with a cheeky grin as she climbed down from the chair. “It’s time for lunch!”

  Louise realised that Victoria had been looking at the clock on the far wall. She glanced at her watch. They had a lecture in the afternoon, and it was already after one. Yes, it was time for lunch. “You could have asked me, you know,” she said pointing at her watch. “It would have been a lot safer.”

  “Ah! But not as much fun! Come on! I’ll buy you a burger!”

  Victoria smiled at Louise again as she began to stuff her things back into her rucksack. Louise smiled back and began to pack her own books and files away. She was becoming very fond of that smile. It was the way Victoria pursed her lips and stared at you, her eyes and whole face presenting such a cheeky and mischievous expression. Yes, it was very endearing, that smile, and it made Louise’s heart ache.

  McDonald’s was only a short walk down Oxford Street, and even though Louise was sure that they would be late for the afternoon lecture, she went without hesitation. Victoria chatted all the way, mainly because Louise kept asking her leading questions.

  “How long have you known Chrissy and Jo, then?”

  “Oh, I’ve known Jo since the second year at school,” Victoria replied. “But me and Chrissy grew up together; we’ve always been close friends. I got to know Angie a bit later. We were all quite close at school, but it was always Chrissy who would get me out of trouble whenever I messed up.”

  “Are you always getting into trouble?”

  “Yeah!” Victoria smiled mischievously. “It’s another knack I’ve got!”

  By the time they reached McDonald’s, Louise had found out that Victoria was three months younger than her, that her mother still lived in Stretford where Victoria was born, that her father was dead, and that she hadn’t been home for eight months.

  “Why ever not?” Louise asked in surprise.

  “We don’t get on any more.” Victoria’s expression was sullen as she answered, very much like when Louise had first seen her. Louise was wise enough to recognise the warning, and decided not to press her on the subject any further.

  She was thinking of something else to talk about when she saw Victoria’s eyes narrow. She seemed to be staring at someone sitting down at one of the tables. But before Louise could turn to look, Victoria thrust her rucksack into her arms and said, “I’ll be back in a minute,” and walked away.

  Louise watched as Victoria walked straight towards a scruffy looking young man sitting at a table with his arm around a pretty young woman who was drinking a milkshake. By the way the young woman was smartly dressed; she probably worked in one of the nearby offices. The young man saw Victoria as she approached. He took his arm from the woman’s shoulder and sat back, smiling arrogantly.

  “Hey, Tori!” he said. “Where’ve you been, girl?”

  Victoria didn’t say a word; she just snatched the milkshake from the surprised woman, dumped its contents over her head, and then grabbed her by the hair, pulling her screaming over the table.

  In a few seconds, bedlam erupted in the middle of McDonald’s as the staff ran to break up the fight. Louise stared in shock as fries and burgers flew in all directions as Victoria tried to murder the other woman, and the two of them rolled across the table and then fell on to the floor, screaming and pulling at one another’s hair. People jumped out of the way to avoid the flailing arms and feet. Only the scruffy young man seemed unimpressed. He just sat back with that arrogant smile on his face, holding up his hands as if to say, “It’s nothing to do with me.”

  Eventually the two women were separated, Victoria still kicking at her victim as she was dragged to the door and thrown out. A senior member of the staff tried to calm the other woman down. She was in a complete mess. Her hair was frizzed in all directions, her clothes were torn and pulled all out of place, her tights were laddered, she’d lost a shoe, and she was covered in milkshake and tomato stained fries.

  “I want the police!” she cried. “That cow tried to kill me!”

  Louise didn’t wait any longer. Like the scruffy young man, she quickly left.

  Louise found Victoria and the scruffy young man together by the side of Churchgate House. He was laughing while Victoria was still panting and out of breath from her brawl.

  “Tori! Baby! What an entrance! It couldn’t have been better!” He kept trying to put his arms around her, but Victoria kept pushing him away.

  “Piss off!” she told him. “You did that on purpose!”

  “Not me, baby! Honestly, Tori! Can I help it if the babes find me attractive? Come on. Let’s go back to your flat. You know I love it when you get jealous!”

  When she came closer, Louise saw the scratches on Victoria’s face, and the way her tee-shirt was now even more torn and dirty than before. “Are you alright?” she asked, real concern in her voice.

  Both Victoria and the scruffy man turned to look at her, as if noticing her for the first time. Victoria was the first to speak.

  “Oh, Louise! I’m sorry! I forgot about you!” she said in sudden embarrassment. “We didn’t get anything to eat, and I bet we’re late, aren’t we?”

  She sounded so upset that Louise would have forgiven her even if she had fed the other woman through a mincing machine.

  “We are a bit. But it doesn’t matter.” Louise reached out to touch the scratches on Victoria’s face, getting blood on her finger. “You better get those seen to. And that woman you attacked was talking about calling the police.”

  Victoria quickly wiped her face with her hands. “We better go,” she said, and took her rucksack back from Louise. “Thanks, Louise. This is Zach. He’s my boyfriend. Zach, this is Louise from Uni.”

  “Hi, Louise!” The arrogant smile had returned as Zach greeted her by pulling gently on her hair, before putting his arm around her shoulder, and leaning on her. “Hey, how about coming back to Victoria’s flat with us? We can all get much better acquainted! How about it, babe?”

  “No!” Louise said far too firmly, shaking him off. “We’ve got to go back to the University. We’ve got a lecture.”

  “I can’t go like this,” Victoria said, pulling a french-fry from her milkshake stained hair. “You go without me. I’ll see you in class tomorrow.” Victoria began to walk away with Zach.

  “But what should I tell the lecturer?” Louise called after them.

  “Tell Chrissy what happened. She’ll know what to say,” Victoria called back. “Now go on, or you’ll be even later.”

  Louise could only watch disappointedly as Victoria walked away with Zach. He glanced back with that smile again, putting his arm around Victoria’s waist. Then his hand slipped down into her back pocket, squeezing her buttock.

  Zach was just the kind of man that made Louise feel glad that she was a lesbian. She instinctively hated him.

  Chapter Four

  Secrets


  “Get your hair cut!”

  “Contrary to your opinion, having a short haircut and wearing short trousers is not going to solve my love life.”

  “Works for me!”

  Louise shook her head in despair. “I’m not you, Dayna.”

  Louise had gone to visit Dayna after she had finished for the day at University. They were sitting on some cushions on the floor in the lounge of Dayna’s flat, drinking coffee and talking. Dayna shared the flat with her partner, Sam. Dayna was twenty, slightly shorter than Louise, with short cropped black hair and blue eyes. She wore a shirt and waistcoat and overly long, baggy shorts. She worked in a bar on Canal Street in the evenings, which was where Louise had first met her. Louise had been friends with Sam and Dayna ever since.

  As usual, the conversation had got round to sex. Sex was Dayna’s favourite topic, second only to Louise’s sex life.

  Like Rosanna, Dayna was far too good at wheedling secrets out of Louise. Either that, or Louise was just hopeless at keeping secrets. Whichever was the case, it didn’t take long before they got to Victoria, and Dayna had heard the whole gory story of what had happened that afternoon in McDonalds.

  At first, Dayna had thought the whole escapade was a hoot.

  “You should have sold tickets!” she said. “I would have paid to see that!”

  But after Louise had explained her feelings for Victoria, Dayna wasn’t so light-hearted.

  “You’re wasting your time,” Dayna said as she lit a cigarette. “She’s straight, you’ll get nowhere.”

  “I don’t know that.”

  “Yes you do. You said she had a boyfriend.”

  “Yes, but–”

  “Lesbos don’t have boyfriends!” Dayna insisted. “It’s a fantasy, Lu! You’d be better off waiting for Becky to finish with Sal.”

  Louise shook her head in frustration. “Becky and Sal aren’t going to split up; they’ve been together for years.”