The Wonder Weeks Read online

  “This is a very practical and entertaining window into the baby’s first year and a half. van de Rijt and Plooij have observed and found the vulnerable times in an infant’s development that I independently came to in my book Touchpoints (Perseus). The authors’ observations and practical suggestions are wonderful.”

  —T. Berry Brazelton, M.D., professor emeritus, Harvard Medical School

  “Anyone who deals with infants and young children will want to read The Wonder Weeks. This book will open parents’ eyes to aspects of their children’s growth, development, changing behavior, and emotional responsiveness that they might otherwise not notice or find puzzling and distressing.”

  —Catherine Snow, Ph.D., Shattuck Professor of Education,

  Harvard Graduate School of Education

  “van de Rijt and Plooij’s work on infant development has enormous value for clinical use and scientific application. Not only have they explained the periods of puzzling, difficult behavior in infancy which so worry parents, they have also shown how these behaviors mark developmental leaps and have described the stages in the infant’s understanding. Together, this gives parents and professionals soundly based insight into babies’ developing minds.

  What’s more, van de Rijt and Plooij have described the play and communication that work best with babies at different ages and thus helped parents understand and connect sensitively with their babies. This parent-child connection is the major prerequisite for the development of secure, well-adjusted children. The Wonder Weeks is essential reading for everyone who works with infants— pediatricians, social workers, psychologists, and, of course, parents.”

  —John Richer, Ph.D., Dip. Clin. Psychol., consultant clinical psychologist

  and Head of Pediatric Psychology, Department of Pediatrics,

  John Radcliffe Hospital, Oxford, England

  “van de Rijt and Plooij will help you see the world the way an infant sees it. As the child grows, displays of emotion (such as crying) tell us the child is summoning reserves of energy and is calling out for help in finding new ways to perceive the changing world. Because van de Rijt and Plooij have discovered predictable stages in the widening of the infant’s perceptions and skills, they can enable you, with their superb examples, to recognize the onset of these stressful episodes and to join your child in coping with them. So rich, indeed, are the implications of finding new perceptions and new skills in the midst of stress that whether or not you are a parent, it can never be too early or too late to profit from this book.”

  —Philip J. Runkel, Ph.D., professor emeritus of psychology and education,

  University of Oregon

  * * *

  “Portrait of the first author, Hetty van de Rijt, created by her grandson Thomas on September 12, 1998, when he was 23 months old. Grandson and Grandma had a very close relationship and during her last seven years he was the sunshine in Hetty’s life, which was restricted by disease.

  On September 29,2003, Hetty passed away. Till the very last moment she worked on the extended edition of this book in Dutch. When she died, the first draft of the last chapter was ready. Through her life’s work Hetty hoped to empower parents and give them peace of mind and self-confidence in their role as upbringer and socializer in such a way that they could enjoy their little sunshine.”

  How to stimulate your baby’s mental development

  and help him turn his 10 predictable, great, fussy

  phases into magical leaps forward

  Hetty van de Rijt, Ph.D.,

  and

  Frans Plooij, Ph.D.

  To our children, Xaviera and Marco,

  and to our grandchildren,

  Thomas, Victoria and Sarah,

  from whom we have learned so much

  Notice

  This book is intended as a reference volume only, not as a medical manual. The information given here is designed to help you make informed decisions about your baby’s health. It is not intended as a substitute for any treatment that may have been prescribed by your doctor. If you suspect a medical problem, we urge you to seek competent medical help.

  Mention of specific companies, organizations, or authorities in this book does not imply endorsement by the publisher, nor does mention of specific companies, organizations, or authorities imply that they endorse this book.

  Internet addresses and telephone numbers given in this book were accurate at the time it went to press.

  © 2012 by Kiddy World Promotions B.V.

  First published in 1992 as Oei, ik groei! by Zomer & Keuning Boeken B.V., Ede and Antwerp

  Kiddy World Promotions B.V. 1992, 2010

  Hetty van de Rijt and Frans Plooij assert the moral right to be identified as the authors of this work.

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any other information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher.

  Translation by Stephen Sonderegger and Gayle Kidder

  Book design by Convorm Ontwerp, Niels Terol

  Illustrations by Jan Jutte

  van de Rijt, Hetty 1944 – 2003

  Plooij, Frans X. 1946 –

  [Oei, ik groei! English]

  The wonder weeks : how to stimulate your baby’s mental development and help him

  turn his 10 predictable, great, fussy phases into magical leaps forward

  / Hetty van de Rijt and Frans Plooij.

  480 p. 24 cm.

  Includes index.

  ISBN 978-90-79208-05-0

  1. Infant psychology 2. Infants – Development 3. Child rearing. 4. Baby books.

  5. Life change events. 6. Emotions in infants. 7. Attachment behavior in infants.

  8. Cognition in infants. 9. Parenting.

  I. Title II. How to stimulate your baby’s mental development and help him turn his 10 predictable, great, fussy phases into magical leaps forward.

  BF719. V3613 2010

  649’.122-dc21

  v. 0212

  Kiddy World Promotions B.V.

  Zijpendaalseweg 73

  6814 CE Arnhem

  The Netherlands

  Contents

  About this Book

  Introduction

  Leap Alarm

  Chapter 1: Growing Up: How Your Baby Does It

  Chapter 2: Newborn: Welcome to the World

  Chapter 3: Wonder Week 5:

  The World of Changing Sensations

  Chapter 4: Wonder Week 8:

  The World of Patterns

  Chapter 5: Wonder Week 12:

  The World of Smooth Transitions

  Chapter 6: Wonder Week 19:

  The World of Events

  Chapter 7: Wonder Week 26:

  The World of Relationships

  Chapter 8: Wonder Week 37:

  The World of Categories

  Chapter 9: Wonder Week 46:

  The World of Sequences

  Chapter 10: Wonder Week 55:

  The World of Programs

  Chapter 11: Wonder Week 64:

  The World of Principles

  Chapter 12: Wonder Week 75:

  The World of Systems

  Postscript: Countless Wonders

  Further Reading

  Index

  Internet

  About this book

  Having completed our studies in Educational Psychology, Physical Anthropology and Behavioral Biology, and just married, my wife Hetty van de Rijt and I left for the Gombe National Park, Tanzania, East-Africa to study chimpanzees with Jane Goodall. The particular research project we had prepared for proved impossible under the prevailing circumstances, so we
had to change topic. There and then we realized that there was no place on Earth where one could observe freeliving newborn chimpanzee babies at such close range. We did not have any theory or hypothesis at hand for testing, but we were trained in systematic, direct observation of animal behavior in the field, in the tradition of Nobel Laureate Niko Tinbergen. So that is what we did for nearly two years.

  When we returned to Europe to work in Robert Hinde’s Medical Research Council-unit on the Development and Integration of Behavior, University Sub-department of Animal Behavior in Madingley, Cambridge, England, we had to analyze reams of data. Out of this analysis emerged the notion of regression periods—difficult periods where the baby clings more closely to the mother. Previously, such regression periods had been found by others in no less than 12 other primate species. The results of the data analysis also supported the idea that in the course of early ontogeny a hierarchical organization emerges in the central nervous system that underlies the behavioral development of the freeliving chimpanzee babies and infants.

  It was only after we had analyzed our data and discerned a hierarchical organization that our friend and colleague Lex Cools, a neurobiologist, suggested that we compare our findings about the capabilities of infants at the different stages of development to the levels of perception spelled out by Hierarchical Perceptual Control Theory (PCT) developed by William T. Powers. PCT turned out to explain our findings very well. In the following years, the core postulates of PCT have been further tested by other researchers and results published in the scientific literature. Readers who are interested can go to the website www.livingcontrolsystems.com for an overview of PCT.

  Once we had earned our Ph.D. degrees in Cambridge, England (Hetty) and Groningen, the Netherlands (Frans), we moved on to observe and film human mothers and infants in their home environment. These studies demonstrated clearly that human babies, too, go through difficult, age-linked regression periods in a similar way. With each difficult period, babies make a leap in their mental development. Each time another layer of perceptual control systems is superimposed onto the already existing, hierarchically organized layers of perceptual control systems.

  Based on our research, Hetty and I wrote the original Dutch version of The Wonder Weeks, published in 1992 and followed in subsequent years by German, French, Swedish, Italian, Danish, Spanish, English, Japanese, Korean, and Russian editions. Our original research in The Netherlands has been replicated and confirmed by other researchers in Spain, Britain and Sweden. For information about the research upon which The Wonder Weeks is based, and about editions in various languages, see www.thewonderweeks.com.

  Unfortunately, Hetty contracted a rare tropical disease during our stay in Tanzania and following a long, brave battle with the disease, she passed away in 2003. Hetty’s legacy is alive and well as her life’s work continues to bear fruit and The Wonder Weeks continues to make life easier for parents and contribute to the healthy development of children.

  Frans Plooij

  Arnhem, The Netherlands

  Introduction

  Jolted from a deep sleep, the new mother leaps from her bed and runs down the hall to the nursery. Her tiny infant, red-faced, fists clenched, screams in his crib. On instinct, the mother picks up the baby, cradling him in her arms. The baby continues to shriek. The mother nurses the baby, changes his diaper, then rocks him, trying every trick to ease his discomfort, but nothing seems to work. “Is there something wrong with the baby?” the mother wonders. “Am I doing something wrong?”

  Parents commonly experience worry, fatigue, aggravation, guilt, and sometimes even aggression toward their inconsolable infants. The baby’s cries may cause friction between the parents, especially when they disagree on how to deal with it. Well-meant but unwelcome advice from family, friends, and even strangers only makes things worse. “Let him cry, it’s good for his lungs” is not the solution mothers wish to hear. Disregarding the problem does not make it go away.

  The Good News: There Is a Reason

  For the past 35 years, we have studied the development of babies and the way mothers and other caregivers respond to their changes. Our research was done in homes, where we observed the daily activities of mothers and children. We gleaned further information from more formal interviews.

  Our research has shown that from time to time all parents are plagued by a baby who won’t stop crying. In fact, we found that, surprisingly, all normal, healthy babies are more tearful, troublesome, demanding, and fussy at the same ages, and when this occurs they may drive the entire household to despair. From our research, we are now able to predict, almost to the week, when parents can expect their babies to go through one of these “fussy phases.”

  During these periods, a baby cries for a good reason. She is suddenly undergoing drastic changes in her development, which are upsetting to her. These changes enable the baby to learn many new skills and should therefore be a reason for celebration. After all, it’s a sign that she is making wonderful progress. But as far as the baby is concerned, these changes are bewildering. She’s taken aback—everything has changed overnight. It is as if she has entered a whole new world.

  It is well known that a child’s physical development progresses in what we commonly call “growth spurts.” A baby may not grow at all for some time, but then she’ll grow a quarter inch in just one night. Research has shown that essentially the same thing happens in a child’s mental development. Neurological studies have shown that there are times when major, dramatic changes take place in the brains of children younger than 20 months. Shortly after each of them, there is a parallel leap forward in mental development.

  This book focuses on the ten major leaps that every baby takes in her first 20 months of life. It tells you what each of these developments mean for your baby’s understanding of the world about her and how she uses this understanding to develop the new skills that she needs at each stage in her development.

  What This Means for You and Your Baby

  Parents can use this understanding of their baby’s developmental leaps to help them through these often confusing times in their new lives. You will better understand the way your baby is thinking and why he acts as he does at certain times. You will be able to choose the right kind of help to give him when he needs it and the right kind of environment to help him make the most of every leap in his development.

  This is not a book about how to make your child into a genius, however. We firmly believe that every child is unique and intelligent in his own way. It is a book on how to understand and cope with your baby when he is difficult and how to enjoy him most as he grows. It is about the joys and sorrows of growing with your baby.

  All that’s required to use this book is:

  One (or two) loving parent(s)

  One active, vocal, growing baby

  A willingness to grow along with your baby

  Patience.

  How to Use This Book

  This book grows with your baby. You can compare your experiences with those of other mothers during all stages of your baby’s development. Over the years, we’ve asked many mothers of new babies to keep records of their babies’ progress and also to record their thoughts and feelings as well as observations of their babies’ behavior from day to day. The diaries we’ve included in this book are a sample of these, based on the weekly reports of mothers of 15 babies—eight girls and seven boys. We hope you will feel that your baby is growing alongside those in our study group and that you can relate your observations of your baby to those of other mothers.

  However, this book is not just for reading. Each section offers you the opportunity to record the details of your baby’s progress. By the time a baby has grown into middle childhood, many mothers yearn to recall all of the events and emotions of those first all-important years. Some mothers keep diaries, but most mothers—who are not particularly fond of writing or who simply lack the time—are convinced they will remember the milestones and even the minor details in th
eir babies’ lives. Unfortunately, later on these mothers end up deeply regretting the fact that their memories faded faster than they could ever have imagined.

  You can keep a personal record of your baby’s interests and progress in the “My Diary” sections provided throughout this book. They offer space for you to record your thoughts and comments on your child’s growth and budding personality, so that you can easily turn this book into a diary of the development of your baby. Often, a few key phrases are enough to bring memories flooding back later on.

  The next chapter, “Growing Up: How Your Baby Does It” explains some of the research on which this book is based and how it applies to your baby. You will learn how your baby grows by making “leaps” in her mental development and how these are preceded by stormy periods when you can expect her to be fussy, cranky, or temperamental.

  “Chapter 2: Newborn: Welcome to the World” describes what a newborn’s world is like and how she perceives the new sensations that surround her. You will learn how nature has equipped her to deal with the challenges of life and how important physical contact is to her future development. These facts will help you get to know your new baby, to learn about her wants and needs, and to understand what she is experiencing when she takes the first leap forward.

  Subsequent chapters discuss the Wonder Weeks—the ten big changes your baby undergoes in the first 20 months of life, at around 5, 8, 12, 19, 26, 37, 46, 55, 64 and 75 weeks. Each chapter tells you the signs that will let you know that a major leap is occurring. Then they explain the new perceptual changes your baby experiences at this time and how your baby will make use of them in his development.

  Each leap is discussed in a separate chapter, consisting of four sections: “This Week’s Fussy Signs” describes the clues that your baby is about to make a developmental leap. Reflections from other mothers about their babies’ troublesome times offer sympathetic support as you endure your baby’s stormy periods.