Here and Now Read online

  He reminded himself that he was indebted to Suzanne and would do whatever she asked in return for her kindness. He couldn’t even imagine what might have happened to him had she not come along and taken him into her life.

  “Ouch…”

  His attention was drawn to Suzanne as she clutched the metal railing of the bed.

  “Are you all right?” he asked, wanting to hold out his hand to her, yet afraid to let go of the baby.

  She nodded as she slowly, carefully, made her way past him to the chair. “Just a little sore. I had a baby yesterday, remember?”

  “How could I forget?” he asked in return, and was pleased when she glanced up at him, for she was smiling.

  “You know, Charlie,” she began, as she picked up the bag of clothing, “in spite of everything that’s happened to me, I am probably one of the happiest women alive right now. I can’t wait to bring Matty home.”

  Charles simply nodded as Suzanne took tiny steps toward a small bathroom. “Take your time,” he spoke softly out to her back. “Matthew and I are doin’ just fine here.”

  She turned around at the doorway and stared at him for a few intense moments. It looked to him as though tears were gathering at her eyes as the tip of her nose suddenly got red.

  “I can see,” she murmured, and then took a deep breath and closed the door behind her.

  He patted the baby’s back and thought he heard a tiny burp, but not being positive he continued. “You sure lucked out when it came to picking a mother, young fella,” he whispered to the infant while still staring at the closed door.

  Thirty minutes later they were all in the elevator. He was holding the bag and flowers and Suzanne, clothed in a cornflower blue dress, was seated in a wheelchair holding her son as a young nurse stood behind her. No one spoke during the short ride down. When they came to the admitting desk, the nurse stopped wheeling Suzanne and turned to them.

  “If you bring your car around to the front, Mr. McDermott, we’ll wait here.”

  Charles merely blinked at the woman.

  “Charlie?” Suzanne called out. “Can you get the car for us?”

  He simply nodded once before walking toward the exit.

  Suzanne let out her breath as she followed him with her gaze. Clearly, he was upset being called her husband’s name, yet why try and explain anything when they were minutes away from making their escape? She felt a twinge of guilt for allowing everyone to think otherwise, but now was not the time to examine how she had deceived the hospital staff. Charlie had brought her purse along with clothes for her and the baby, so they were prepared for anything, plus she’d taken care of all the insurance red tape when she’d done the preadmission forms last week. Funny how it all was working out. She didn’t need Kevin at all.

  Just thinking of her husband made Suzanne hold her son tighter to her heart. She would have to notify him of Matty’s birth, but she just didn’t want to see him yet. All she could think about was taking the baby home and getting settled in peace and quiet. Bless Charlie’s heart for everything he’d done for her.

  “He seems like a really good baby,” the nurse murmured, looking down at her sleeping son. “What’s his name?”

  “Matthew. Matthew Charles,” Suzanne answered, smiling at her precious child dressed in the white designer outfit she’d bought for him months ago. She’d known it was extravagant to pay so much for something he would soon grow out of, but her heart had melted at the detailed white-on-white stitching at the collar and the almost tissue-fine cotton of the gown and hat. The soft white receiving blanket that came with the set was wrapped around him and Suzanne touched his tiny fingers, watching as they curled around her own. She was in love. So deeply in love. “Am I prejudiced, or is this baby just beautiful?”

  The young nurse laughed. “Yes, you’re prejudiced… and yes, he’s beautiful. With a husband as handsome as yours, you’d have to have beautiful children.”

  Suzanne froze, trying to banish Kevin’s image from her mind. The young woman wasn’t talking about Kevin. She thought Charlie was her husband. Again, guilt assaulted her as she thought of her many lies of omission. Her mind told her Kevin was the liar. He had lied to her for over a year… maybe more than that. What she was doing was to protect herself. And she had even greater reason now, she affirmed with a loving glance at Matty.

  “And speaking of your husband… here he is.”

  Startled, Suzanne’s head jerked up, half expecting to see Kevin storming in the front door of the hospital. Instead, she saw Charlie walking calmly toward them.

  The nurse came behind the chair again and began pushing her and Matty to the door.

  “The automobile is waiting,” he announced to the nurse.

  Suzanne almost grinned at his serious tone. Just a few more minutes and they would be away from this place and she could relax. As they left through the doors, the sun shone directly on Matty and he started sneezing.

  “Oh my,” Suzanne murmured, holding her hand up to cover his face.

  “It’s not unusual,” the nurse counseled as they stopped in front of the car.

  “He’s not allergic to sunshine, is he?” Suzanne asked.

  The young woman laughed. “Actually, it is an allergic reaction, but it will stop soon. Don’t look so worried. It’s nothing to be concerned about. Now, let me have him while you get into the car.”

  The nurse held the baby while Charlie helped her stand. Taking a deep breath of clean air, Suzanne looked into the back and saw the car seat. “Oh, I have to fix that,” she announced, and Charlie immediately opened the door.

  “Just tell me what to do,” he said, reaching in and holding the seat.

  “You have to turn it backward and fasten it with the safety belts.”

  He turned it backward, then grabbed a belt and pulled on it. Holding it in his hand, he started to weave it through the seat and then looked up to her. “Now what?”

  “You hook it, buckle it to that side.”

  “Buckle it?”

  “New fathers,” the nurse said with a chuckle.

  “Here, allow me,” Suzanne suggested, seeing that Charlie had absolutely no idea how to buckle a seat belt. He moved away from the door opening and she reached in and fastened the car seat. “Now, we’re ready to take him home.”

  The nurse handed her the baby and Suzanne carefully placed Matty in the seat. She made sure he was secure and then sighed deeply as she faced the young woman. “Thank you for all your help,” she said sincerely.

  “You’re very welcome.” The nurse stood back and smiled at them as Suzanne slid gently onto the front seat. “You make a wonderful family. Good luck.”

  “Thanks again,” Suzanne murmured, not daring to look at Charlie as he shut the door and walked around the front of the car. She waved at the nurse and then watched as Charlie opened the door and got inside. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “It’s all right, Suzanne,” he muttered, inserting the key and starting the car.

  Obviously, he knew why she was apologizing. It must be terribly awkward for him when everyone assumed he was not only her husband but also Matty’s father. She watched as he shifted into drive and then turned her head and saw the nurse wheel the chair back into the hospital. As they left the building, Suzanne glanced once more at the man next to her. “You certainly seem much more comfortable driving today.”

  He smiled slightly. “I’ve had a bit of practice.”

  “Really, Charlie, I can’t thank you enough for everything. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

  Shrugging, he said, “You don’t have to keep thanking me. It’s the least I can do. You saved my life, remember?”

  “God, that seems like a lifetime ago. Was it just yesterday?”

  “You’re right,” he answered, applying the brakes as they approached a stop sign. “For me, it was a lifetime ago.”

  Hearing the tone of his voice, she wanted to reach out and touch his arm, yet held back. “I’ve been
thinking about what you told me last night… about… time traveling.”

  “And?”

  She marveled at his ease as he pulled out into the traffic. It was like a totally confident man was now behind the wheel of her car. “Well, it’s not something I ever thought was possible, but I will admit you do make an interesting case for it. I don’t know what is possible anymore. I never thought I would be bringing my child home from the hospital without his father even knowing he’s been born. I never thought my best friend would betray me. I believed in so many things and they proved false… so, I’ve decided to keep an open mind. Like I said last night, we’ll help each other figure out our lives… okay?”

  He nodded. “Okay, but I will make myself useful. I’m no freeloader. Whatever you want done, Suzanne, I’m your man. I don’t mind hard work.”

  I’m your man.

  The words repeated inside her brain and she shook them out as Matty made a noise behind them. Turning her head, she realized she couldn’t see him. “I hope he’s all right back there.”

  “It’s not far to your house. He’ll be fine.”

  As if in protest to that announcement, the baby began to cry and Suzanne fidgeted in her seat. “I wish I could hold him, but it’s the law to keep babies in car seats.”

  “A law?”

  “Yes. You could get a ticket if the police see you holding him, plus it’s really unsafe to carry a baby in the front seat.”

  “I’ve never heard of such a thing as a mother not being allowed by law to hold her own child.” He shook his head.

  “A lot of things have changed in the last seventy-five years, Charlie.”

  “I should say so. I saw a store with a big sign that sells liquor. Obviously, there is no longer a prohibition on alcohol. And this morning I saw a woman with green hair running on the side of the road in pretty scandalous attire.”

  In spite of Matty’s crying, Suzanne chuckled. “That was a jogger and I’m sure the green hair was… well, a fashion statement of some kind. Despite all our laws, there is still freedom of expression.”

  “That was some expression,” he answered, concentrating on the road.

  Suzanne smiled at his serious mood. She had no idea where he came from, if his story was fact or fiction, but she knew that she could trust him, and trust was something very precious in her life right now. Suddenly, listening to Matty’s cry, she felt an odd tingling at her breasts and was shocked to discover that the front of her dress was beginning to stain a darker blue.

  “Oh no,” she muttered as she stared in shock at the ever widening circles.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, darting a quick glance in her direction.

  She watched his eyes widen as his gaze connected with her dress and she immediately crossed her arms over the front of it. “Nothing,” she muttered in embarrassment. It was one thing to nurse her son calmly in front of him, but to have her breasts leak whenever Matty cried was quite another! “Can you step on it?” she pleaded, looking at the speedometer. “You can go five miles faster.”

  “I’m trying to be careful,” he said, pushing down on the accelerator. “But I can see we have a bit of an emergency here.”

  “Right,” she mumbled as tears came into her eyes. She tried reaching back behind her seat to touch Matty, yet his cries became even louder. How could she have been so happy only a short while ago in the hospital and now it seemed that everything was falling apart?

  When they pulled into her driveway, she gulped down her tears and breathed a sigh of relief. Matty hadn’t stopped crying the entire way home. She wondered if he was all right. What if it wasn’t just hunger? What if something was really wrong with him? What did she know? She’d gone to all the classes, but they’d stopped at delivering the baby. No one told her what to do when she got him home. Maybe she should have stayed the extra day at the hospital instead of insisting that she be released as quickly as possible. They would know, the nurses would know. She was on her own and she hadn’t any idea of what to do, except feed him and clean him and love him and— She stopped the mental anguish when she realized that Charlie was out of the car.

  She opened the door by herself, not waiting as Charlie came around the front. Easing her way out, she hissed with a sudden burning pain at standing upright.

  “Suzanne, let me help you.”

  Aware of how she must appear, she shook her head. “Don’t look at me. Just open the back door so I can get Matty.”

  “What do you mean, don’t look at you?”

  “I mean don’t look at me,” she reiterated, trying to shield herself as she passed in front of him. Unlocking the straps, she lifted her son to her chest and soothed him while his cries were interrupted by a quick sneeze as the sunlight hit him full force. She shielded his face with her hand and berated herself for not being a more attentive mother.

  “Suzanne, it’s all right,” he said as he closed the door.

  She swallowed down fresh tears and nodded as she looked up at her home. It seemed like such a long time ago that she’d run out of it in sheer terror. “Let’s go in.”

  He held her elbow as she slowly walked up the steps. When they were on the porch, she waited as Charlie unlocked the door and held it open for her. Once inside, she sat down on a rocker by the French doors and unbuttoned the front of her dress. “I’m going to feed him,” she announced, praying that Charlie would go away.

  He did. “I’ll empty the automobile. I should leave Matty’s seat there?”

  “Yes. Leave it,” she called out to his retreating back. As her son latched onto her breast, she felt such a strong surge of emotion rush through her body that she simply couldn’t stop the tears. She had a son, but no husband. Her best friend had slept with him. Her life was out of control. Her body was out of control, and her only friend at the moment was a man who claimed he had time traveled! How much more insane could it get?

  She sniffled and whispered, “I’m sorry, Matty. I wanted so much more for you.”

  Matty didn’t seem to care as he nursed contentedly.

  Suzanne felt like a failure. She hadn’t even minded at the hospital that she had to wear a maternity dress home. Her belly was still swollen and soft, but now she didn’t know if she would ever get her figure back. Her breasts were also swollen, bigger than they had ever been in her pregnancy, and she felt like a cow that needed milking!

  “What else can I do, Suzanne?”

  She turned her head and saw Charlie standing there in the foyer with her flowers and her bag, and she burst into fresh tears. Unable to stop them, she covered her mouth with her hand and just sobbed.

  “Suzanne! What’s wrong?” He put the flowers on the hall table, dropped the bag to the floor, and rushed to her.

  She couldn’t speak. Her throat was closing so she just shook her head.

  ‘Tell me. I can help.”

  “You can’t,” she managed to say, and turned her face to the French doors as sobs racked her body. Matty pulled away from her breast and she hurried to cover it with the damp material of the dress. “Here,” she said, thrusting her son out to the man. “Take him… please.”

  Charles immediately took Matty away from Suzanne and just held him out between them. “What’s wrong?”

  Suzanne merely shook her head and pushed herself up off the rocker. She kept shaking her head and her hand, as though she couldn’t stop crying. “I’ll be all right,” she sobbed. “I… I just need to change, to pull my act together.”

  “What can I do?” Charles demanded, holding Matty to his chest, as the infant seemed to pick up the emotions of his mother and joined her in crying.

  “Nothing. No one can do anything,” she wailed over the noise and walked out of the room toward the stairs.

  Charles simply stared at Suzanne’s back as she slowly climbed each step away from them. He shifted Matty to his shoulder and started patting his back. “We’re on our own here, lad,” he murmured, still shocked by Suzanne’s actions.

  Didn’t s
he say in the hospital that today she was one of the happiest women alive? What had happened? And then he remembered that older woman in the elevator and her advice.

  “I guess this is post-something blues, my boy. Patience. All we need is patience.”

  Matty answered with a quiet satisfied burp and immediately stopped crying.

  Hey, was it possible he was getting the hang of this?

  5

  She stood in front of the mirror in her bathroom and stared at her body. Even in familiar surroundings, she simply couldn’t recognize the reflection. She looked like she’d been through a war, and she bit her bottom lip to stem the onslaught of fresh tears. It was as if she now possessed a stranger’s body! Her breasts were so huge, she thought she could use them as life preservers if the need ever arose. Her once smooth stomach resembled a large balloon that had suddenly been deflated. Her hips and thighs were wider. Only her face looked familiar, yet those eyes that stared back at her were near frightening, for she appeared like a woman on the edge.

  She touched her cheek, wanting to connect with something vaguely resembling her old self, but couldn’t seem to stop the torrent of emotions rushing through her. “Oh, God,” she whispered through her tears. “What have I done?”

  No wonder Kevin didn’t desire her any longer. What member of the male species could desire something that looked like the Pillsbury Doughgirl in dire need of Prozac?

  Wait a minute, her mind commanded, stunning her out of her misery. She had been in pretty decent shape when she’d become pregnant, and Kevin had said he had been having the affair with Ingrid for over a year, so… that meant he’d been sleeping with both of them at the same time!

  Suddenly, her being was suffused with righteous indignation. That bastard didn’t have the right to make her feel like this. Of course she was out of shape! She’d just given birth to a human being who had inhabited her body for almost nine months, gaining every life-sustaining nutrient from her. No wonder her skin wasn’t radiant and her hair looked lifeless. Less than twenty-four hours ago she had delivered a baby through natural childbirth, though she knew if anyone had seriously offered her drugs she would have taken them. Still, here she was being critical of a body that really had been through a war, a war of life.