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  Chapter Five

  Nathan fell asleep hoping he’d wake to a new life. He didn’t. Apparently he needed to do more than delete a file to make a difference.

  He spent the morning following a woman whose husband suspected her of cheating. Nathan trailed her from her home to her parents, where she dropped off her two kids, on to her place of work, supposedly closed for the weekend, where her boss waited. Nathan took several shots through a window. It annoyed him they weren’t even being careful. A quick fuck before they returned to their respective families, thinking if no one knew, then no one got hurt.

  Nathan had clenched his teeth so hard while he’d watched that his jaw ached.

  Lives destroyed because one couldn’t keep his dick in his pants and the other couldn’t say no. He was furious with them and even more furious with himself.

  Just over a year ago, Alison had told him Jack wanted her so much, she couldn’t resist. Nathan pointed out he’d wanted her, too. Why did she think they were getting married, for fuck’s sake? He wanted to be with her for the rest of his life. Had wanted.

  Nathan knew innocence and guilt weren’t always clear-cut. Simplistic to believe only selfish people cheated, those who thought too much about their own pleasure and not enough about those they’d hurt. Nathan was paid for proof of treachery, not to find out why. But sometimes, that knowledge came, too.

  He was surprised how many reasons there were for infidelity. Abused women seeking kindness in gentler arms, desperate men craving affection because their wives wouldn’t kiss them anymore, those trapped in loveless marriages for the sake of the children, for convenience, for money. And those like Jack, who didn’t give a shit, who just liked to fuck and to hell with the consequences. And those like Alison, who’d looked for something Nathan had been unable to give her. Was Jack a better listener? Kinder? Better at making her come? What?

  ***

  Kate stared out of the window. The blacktop shimmered in the heat, the land flat as a chessboard. Maybe someone would miss Charlie. They’d find his car and the ID she’d dropped. The guy who’d come out to the car would have realized something was wrong. There could be a road block ahead. Kate imagined police cars, lights flashing. Safety. The image rippled like a heat mirage and vanished to be replaced by chilling reality. If Jack hurt Charlie it would be her fault.

  Jack turned and held out two closed fists. “Choose.” What now? Kate hesitated, then tapped the left. Jack opened his fingers and showed her the two identity cards. Her heart slammed into her throat.

  “Wrong hand, darlin’.”

  Fear grew again, consuming morsels of hope like a greedy cancer. Kate closed her eyes to force back tears.

  “If you hadn’t tried to run, I wouldn’t have found them.” And Charlie wouldn’t be in danger.

  “What will your wife do when you don’t come home, Charlie?” Jack asked.

  “She died seven years back.”

  No, you idiot. “Someone will miss you though, won’t they?” Kate asked.

  “I was buying lunch for my neighbors’ kids. How much farther do you want me to drive? I really need to get back. They’ll be hungry enough to eat the dog.” Kate sagged. How did he think he’d get back? Why did he get in the car? He’s going to hurt you.

  “Just keep driving, Charlie. Nice and steady,” Jack said.

  “I don’t have any money. If I did, would I be eating Sunday lunch at Burger King?”

  Charlie gripped the wheel so hard, his knuckles looked like fleshless bones.

  “Next exit.”

  Crash the car! The words stayed in her head.

  “Turn off here and head for that bunch of rocks,” Jack said. “We’re going to find a nice place to leave you.”

  “Not too far from the road. I’m not so good at walking.”

  Kate could tell he was trying to sound cheerful and gulped back a sob. The terrain grew more rutted. No sign of life, only scrub land. After ten minutes bumping around, Jack told Charlie to stop.

  “Out of the car.” Jack passed Kate her glasses. “Wouldn’t want you to miss this.”

  Kate could have run but there was nowhere to go and a high price to pay for disobedience with a chance Jack would let Charlie go. Jack crawled over the driver’s seat and followed Charlie out of the car.

  Charlie grasped Kate’s hand. “It’s going to be fine.” Jack stood in front of them, the knife in his hand. “If either of you move, I’ll kill the other.”

  “I won’t say anything,” Charlie said. “Leave me here and I’ll walk back to the highway. But I’d appreciate a bottle of water, if you have one.” Jack moved toward them and Kate took a step back, tried to pull Charlie with her.

  “Oh, you moved. Lesson number one, Kate.” Jack thrust the knife straight into Charlie’s stomach and twisted it. “Your fault, your responsibility.” Kate stared in horror as Jack yanked the knife out. Charlie’s hand fell from hers, and he clutched at the wound. Dark blood poured between his fingers.

  “Oh God. Run,” Charlie gasped.

  Kate took two steps.

  “Move and I’ll slit his throat,” Jack said.

  Charlie sank to his knees. Kate was torn between trying to help him and running. One pace forward and Jack grabbed her arm.

  “I told you to stand still.”

  He forced the knife into her hand and wrapped his fingers around hers.

  “This is your fault, Kate. You dragged him into this.” Jack pushed the knife into Charlie’s throat. His eyes opened wide and he looked straight at Kate. The scream froze in her throat. Jack yanked the knife out and pulled Kate away from the spray. Charlie deflated, blood gushing from his neck to sink into the sand.

  Only when the light left Charlie’s eyes, did Jack let her go. Kate scrambled away on hands and knees, retching.

  “We’re in this together, Kate. You’re guiltier than me.” Get up and run!

  Jack laughed as she stumbled away. She might have started slow but fueled by fear she was soon flying, even faster when she heard the car’s engine. Kate tried to pick the bumpiest route but what made problems for him, were the same for her. He drove right up behind her, so close that if she stopped, he’d run her over.

  “Had enough exercise yet?” he called through the window.

  Kate launched herself sideways, trampling through the scrub toward a gully.

  Sprawling desert plants and sharp grasses scratched her legs. A car door slammed. Faster. She slithered down into the dry riverbed and tripped on the sun-baked, uneven ground. Her sandal flipped off, but she still ran, head down, headlong, still believing she could get away, even though she heard him coming behind her. Faster. Closer.

  Her head snapped back as he grabbed her hair and they crashed to the ground in a tangle of limbs. Her glasses flew off, her diaphragm went into spasm and her lungs locked. Jack rolled to one side and for a moment neither of them moved. As her chest stopped cramping, Kate caught her breath and tried to get up. Jack dragged her down and grabbed her breast.

  Pinpricks of blood blossomed on her arms and legs as she writhed on the rough ground, struggling to get free. She was no match for Jack. On her back with him astride her hips, his hands pressing on her shoulders, she couldn’t move. The cut he’d made started to bleed again.

  “Why did you kill him? Why did you do that?”

  “The way I look at it, sweetheart, it wasn’t me who killed him. It was you.” His eyes were so dark, they looked black. “I warned you. See what happens when you don’t do as you’re told?”

  Kate tried to buck him off but he pressed her harder into the dirt.

  “The truth is, he tried to fuck you and you stabbed him. I was taking a piss and came back to find him dead. You’re a bad girl, Kate. A bad, stupid girl.” He pulled up her T-shirt, and Kate yanked it back. “No.”

  Jack wrenched it over her head and tossed it aside. His hands moved to her breasts and she grabbed his wrists. “Oh God! Please, don’t. Please, let me go.”

  “You’re m
ine, Kate. You’re not going anywhere.” Fury filled her, choked her throat, drove her mouth. She’d done nothing to deserve this. She’d been in her apartment, not bothering anyone. She hadn’t fought four years ago when the rapist attacked and afterwards wished she had.

  She’d fight now.

  “You pathetic little worm,” she snapped. “Is this the only way you can get a woman? You disgust me.”

  Kate saw something animal in his eyes then, the cold gaze of a predator and in that instant knew she’d lost the battle, but she wouldn’t go down without fighting.

  She scratched at the ground for ammunition and bombarded his face with stones and dirt. He caught hold of the front of her bra and tugged so hard, Kate arched up and the fastening at the back broke. He tossed the bra away and she crossed her arms over her chest.

  “I’m HIV positive,” she blurted.

  “Don’t insult my intelligence.”

  Taking both her wrists with one hand, he pinned them above her head, and slid his weight further down her legs. Kate struggled but did little more than grind her back into unyielding earth. He moved his head to hers and she turned away. Teeth sank into her shoulder and tears filled her eyes. His knee forced her legs apart and he ripped off her panties.

  “Please. Please.” It was all she could say.

  Kate closed her eyes. Before, she’d not been able to see her attacker’s face.

  Now, she didn’t want to. But she could hear. The zipper on his chinos. His grunts.

  When he released her hands to unfasten her last item of clothing, she clenched her fists and swung at his face. Nothing made any difference. In moments she lay naked on the hot, rough ground.

  “Please,’ she whispered.

  He began to thrust, his hands squeezing her breasts as he jerked his hips against her. Within seconds he stiffened and Kate felt him spurt inside her before he slumped. She could feel his heart beating fast against hers.

  Time should have stopped. Kate expected the sky to darken, thunder to ring in her ears and lightning to strike him dead. None of that happened. She was cold in the sun, sticky between her legs.

  Jack pressed his lips to her ear. “Way more fun this time, darlin’.” He pulled out of her, zipped himself up and walked off.

  This time?

  Kate looked up at a blue sky that went on forever.

  This time.

  Everywhere hurt.

  She wanted to curl up and die.

  She wanted to kill him.

  Rolling onto her side, Kate pushed herself up. Her heart pounded so hard in her chest, she thought it might burst through her ribs.

  This time.

  When she saw the sticky blobs of semen on her thighs, she turned her head and vomited. Once the spasms had passed, she drew the back of her hand over her mouth and reached for her torn panties to wipe between her legs. She ignored her bra, pulled on her skirt and crawled to her T-shirt, caked in Charlie’s blood.

  Her arms trembled as she pulled it over her head.

  This time.

  The words wouldn’t go away. She found one sandal, not the other.

  Kate climbed out of the gully to see Jack leaning against the car, the other sandal and her glasses dangling from his finger. She looked around but there was nowhere to go. She limped back, stood in front of him and raised her head. “Was it you last time?”

  He smiled.

  “You fucking piece of shit!” She launched herself at him, kicking and thumping, reaching for his eyes, finding a greater strength in anger than she had in terror.

  Jack pulled her back against his chest. He pinned her arms at her sides but Kate continued to struggle, her heels hitting the car more than him. He held her until she stopped, then dropped her.

  Kate was too exhausted to resist when he sank his fingers into the side of her jaw, pinched her nose and dropped in a pill. He kept her mouth open and tipped in water.

  Locked in the back of the car, Kate curled up with her face pressed into the angle at the bottom of the seat. She’d tried to make her world safe and failed. Had he watched her for the last four years? Enjoyed raping her so much he had to do it again? He’d killed a man because of her, held her hand on the knife. Kate pressed herself deeper into the seat, trying to burrow into a rabbit hole that wasn’t there.

  Chapter Six

  Nathan took a deep breath before he rang the bell at his sister’s house. Elisa, thirty-seven weeks pregnant with her first child, flung open the door and scowled.

  He stuck a smile on his face. “You look beautiful.”

  “You’re late.”

  “Sorry. Working,” Nathan lied. “Sunday seems to be the most popular day to commit adultery.”

  “Why I never let Bob out on the weekend.”

  Nathan handed a bottle of wine to his brother-in-law.

  “She’s invited another desperate woman, you lucky guy,” Bob said.

  Nathan gave a grim smile. He was used to his sister trying to pair him off. He rarely came for dinner without her having invited an available friend. Women thought private detectives were sexy and mysterious. TV and the movies made the job look glamorous and exciting when it was mostly tedious and often sordid.

  He’d taken out a couple of Elisa’s friends, but nothing went further than one date.

  The older the women, the more desperate they seemed. Two dates and they wanted engagement rings. Nathan didn’t have a problem with commitment—only with trust. How could he trust anyone, when those he trusted the most had let him down? First his mother, then Alison.

  He followed his sister into the kitchen and kissed her. “Love you.”

  “Love you back.” Elisa took his hand and placed it on her stomach. “Feel that kick? This child’s a football player.”

  “Serves you right for all the kicks you landed on me.”

  “Mom and Dad are coming for Thanksgiving, Nathan. I’m expecting you, too.”

  “Okay,” he said.

  “Much too quick. I know it’s hard, but please?” She put on her best puppy-dog look.

  Nathan had been three years old when his mother walked out, and a year later his father, Will, had met and married Inez Ayala. Then along came Elisa and life

  was never the same again. Inez loved him, but Elisa had her heart and Nathan had always known it.

  “I’ll do your favorite dessert,” Elisa said.

  Nathan rolled his eyes.

  “And I’ll let you sit between me and Bob.” They both knew she wouldn’t get away with that.

  Nathan had been in his teens when things started to go wrong. He’d wanted to know about his birth mother, someone he thought was dead. His father saw his persistent questions as an insult to the woman who raised him. Nathan hadn’t meant it that way but the bad feelings it caused had never been dispelled. When he found out he’d been lied to, that his mother was alive and had two more sons, the shaky bridge between him and his father had broken completely.

  But Nathan had no problem with Elisa. She adored her big brother, and he adored her. She’d always come to him for advice and affection. If it hadn’t been for her, he’d have run away from home and never gone back.

  The doorbell rang. “That will be Marie,” Elisa said. “She’s really sweet, works for a computer company and she’s just broken up with a long-term boyfriend. Be nice.”

  Elisa waddled off and returned with Marie and a bouquet of flowers.

  Nathan’s mind was only half on the introductions and small talk. The flowers made him think about Jack. Jack didn’t buy flowers. Didn’t mean to say he hadn’t bought them when Nathan wasn’t watching, but it felt wrong. He wondered if he could make an excuse Elisa would believe and leave. Probably not.

  “Nathan, are you listening?” Elisa asked.

  “I always listen. You thump me if I don’t.”

  “Marie was asking about your job.”

  Nathan turned to face her.

  “It must be so exciting,” Marie said.

  “Yeah.”

>   Nathan glanced at his sister. She knew how much he disliked what he did.

  Elisa tried to convince him it wasn’t the job that was sordid, just some of the people he dealt with, but to Nathan, it was all part of the same thing. She worried about his personal life too, because he wouldn’t tell her why he and Alison had split up.

  “Do you carry a gun?” Marie asked.

  ***

  Outside Tucson, Jack drove into a violent storm. The swirling wind and torrential downpour made it impossible to distinguish where sky ended and land began. He pulled over for a while and watched Kate, curled up behind him in a drugged sleep. She was covered in blood and dirt. Jack had buried Charlie in a shallow grave, then washed with a bottle of water and changed his clothes. He looked okay but he could still smell Charlie’s blood.

  It was a couple more hours to Phoenix. Jack helped himself to a drink from the cooler, grabbed a bag of chips and waited for the worst of the weather to pass.

  He reached the city limits at eight in the evening and pulled off the I-10. Jack selected a motel at random from the line of neon lights. Safe Haven. These dumps looked the same outside and would be identical inside: anonymous units with frayed carpets and cheap bedspreads. He drove the Suburban to the darkest side of the lot and switched off the engine. Kate opened her eyes as he pressed tape to her mouth but didn’t resist when he fastened her hands behind her back with a cable tie. About fucking time. Jack locked the car, walked over to the office and paid in cash.

  Back at the car, Kate lay exactly as he’d left her. He drove to the end of the line of units and once Jack felt certain there was no one around, he cut the tie around Kate’s wrists and put a couple of new ones in his pocket. He carried her to the room and held her against him while he unlocked the door.

  King-size bed, threadbare carpet dotted with cigarette burns and wall-mounted TV, secured by a thick chain—as if anyone would want that antique. The decor was mock Native American, a gory print of the Sun Dance dominating the wall behind the bed. The heater clattered but the room was warm.