Hagen & Missy Read online

  “Yes, Hagen. I get it.”

  “Good. Now, I suggest that we go and talk to my father, but you obviously feel more comfortable talking to Dr. Denise. Why don’t we make an appointment tomorrow to go and see her together? Let’s make the decisions on what’s next as a married couple. How does that sound?” Like I don’t deserve him. But damn it, I want too. Could he be any more perfect?

  “I married the perfect man. I love you Hagen. I know we did everything backwards, but it doesn’t change the fact that I know I did the right thing. You are everything to me.”

  “Same here baby. Same here.” With those words we get undressed, he pulls me into his arms to sleep, and for the moment there is nothing wrong. Everything is just right.

  Chapter Seven

  Hagen

  Three Weeks Later

  When she told me her about her condition, my only thought was how can I help her? I felt as if I needed to be strong for her, but at the same time that's not what she needs. Children were always something I wanted, but I need her more. She is the air I breathe.

  Over the last three weeks, I have tried to make her see that she isn’t less than extraordinary because of what her body is going through. Tonight, I have settled on a movie in St. Paul, followed by dinner at an Italian restaurant. Promptly at eight I pick her up and we make the twenty-minute drive in silence. The movie and dinner are okay, but Missy's mind is elsewhere, and I don't blame her for that. I parallel park in front of the building, but neither of us make a move to get out of the car.

  "What are we doing here, Missy?"

  "I made desert. Aren't you coming up?"

  "I'm a man without a home. Haven't you had enough of this yet?"

  "Don't you have two homes? And enough of what? Are you done with me now that I can't give you a family?" she asks, her voice wavering.

  "Fuck no, baby. I take my vows seriously. And I have no home, because you aren't in it. A house isn't automatically a home. I have had enough of this pussy footing around." I grab her hand in mine.

  "Come home,” she says softly letting her tears fall.

  “Come home?”

  “Yes. This was stupid. I'm sorry about making you jump through hoops to be my husband. You must really love me."

  "More than you'll ever know." She grins before leaning over and kissing me.

  We get out of the car and head upstairs. She looks so fucking pretty in that little black dress. I pin her to the door and kiss her like the deviant I am feeling like. She moans as I lift her into my arms. Her legs go around my waist tightly. I kiss her again as I carry her to the bedroom. I set her down and she immediately lowers herself to her knees. Opening my belt, she pulls my cock out and sucks it into her mouth. I can do nothing but grip her hair tightly. She knows just what she’s doing and before I come, I pull her off of me.

  “I wanted that, husband,” she says looking up at me pouting a little. I use my thumb to wipe her saliva off of her face.

  “I want that pussy on my fucking face.” She grins and hops up quickly.

  “We don’t always get what we want, do we?” She asks, shrugging. Then she strips quickly, and I do the same. There is a fury of clothes flying. She lays on the bed and spreads her thighs for me. Her pretty pink pussy is glistening for me. I lean down and lick her from her clit to her ass. Her hips grind against me and she comes loudly. I move up her body to kiss her.

  “I love you,’ I say as I slide into her.

  “I love you, too.”

  I spend the rest of the night making love to her as I make up for lost time. Waking up beside her in the morning is everything I have ever wanted when I married her.

  A couple of days later my brother’s Troy and Tori kidnap me for a night of debauchery, which I am not interested in at all. I haven’t been spending a lot of time with them outside of work. My work is very different from theirs. They go out on assignments, while I stay in the office assisting from here. In fact, Danhy has been gone for a while now and no one knows where is exactly. He’s off the grid right now. I find that extremely dangerous and downright out of character for him, but it is what it is.

  When we pull up outside a strip club in St. Paul, I shut this shit down immediately.

  “Let’s go to a bar instead,” I say.

  “What do you mean?” Troy asks.

  “I am not going in there,” I say pointing at the Pink Gentleman gentleman’s club. It is not only that strip clubs are not for me as I am already married but seeing another woman naked is the highest form of disrespect and I refuse to do that.

  “We aren’t going in there, douche,” Troy says laughing.

  “So where are going?” I ask hesitantly.

  “There is an indoor paintball field right there. Afterwards there is a cigar lounge down the block. Everyone else is inside.”

  “Everyone?” I asking, quirking my eyebrow.

  “All the guys,” he says, clapping me on the back.

  We walk in the building and my brothers, minus Danhy, nephews, and my nieces’ husbands are all there wearing camo and holding paintball guns. I grin. This is what I’m talking about.

  Chapter Eight

  Missy

  I hate this. I hate that we have to be here in the doctor's office talking about my inability to give my husband the one thing a woman is supposed to be able to do.

  “So, Mr. and Mrs. Jorgensen, I understand you want to try IUI. Is that correct?” Hagen grabs my hand and squeezes it giving me the encouragement to answer her.

  “That is correct. We have been having sex every day for the past four and a half months and nothing. I got diagnosed with PCOS a month ago and well, I just want to have a baby with my husband. Is that too much to ask?” Talking about it is proving too much for me. I can’t stop the tears of shame and failure. Can I even be called a woman?

  “Mrs. Jorgensen, I see women come through here dealing with all sorts of issues. None of them are any less a woman and neither are you. Sometimes the body needs a little boost and that is what we are going to give it. Have you read up on IUI?” Hagen and I both read the pamphlets, but I still want her to explain it.

  “Yes. But if you wouldn’t mind going over it one more time, I would be grateful.”

  “Absolutely. Intrauterine Insemination. You will receive an amount of follicle inducing hormone medicine daily. It is to aide you in producing more than one mature egg follicle. Then you will come in and I will do an ultrasound to check the maturity. Once we have determined the eggs are ready your husband will have given us a sample of his sperm, which we will treat with a little something extra to give it more motility and strength to break through the egg. We then insert the sperm directly into your cervix, giving the sperm less distance to swim. In a couple of weeks, you come back in for a pregnancy test. That's it.”

  That’s it? The whole time she is talking, I am thinking how the sexiness we once had has been taken out of the baby making. Also wondering how quickly he is going to get tired of shooting me up every day. What if my body doesn’t make any eggs? There is so much uncertainty and she says that is it. The fuck?

  “If you want to proceed, I will send you home with a script for your shots. Take it to the pharmacy. Based on information you shared, you should already be ovulating so now is the perfect time. I will see you back here in two weeks.”

  And with that, she hands us a prescription and sends us on our way. Well here goes nothing.

  It has been four days since the doctor’s office and already I feel like a pin cushion. Every day I take a hormone pill then at night Hagen sticks me in the abdomen. The medicine is making me cranky, anxious, and I hate every second of it. But I would do anything for him. To be able to give him what he wants. He says that not having a baby isn’t a deal breaker for him. I am what he wants above all else. But I can’t help but feel like it's wishful thinking on his part.

  “Baby you ready for your shot?” NO!

  “Yea. What choice do I have?” His eyebrows shoot up at my negative atti
tude. I feel bad as usual about my demeanor, but fuck…this hurts my heart. “Sorry Hagen. I know it's not your fault. I’m tired. Please forgive me. Go ahead.” He looks at me a bit longer before sticking me. When he is done, I lay in the bed on my side trying to not cry, yet again.

  When he wraps his arms around me and pulls me back further into him, the tears that were at bay show themselves once again. “I’m so sorry you got a bum wife.” I say through the waterfall.

  “Look at me Missy.” he pulls my chin up staring at my mess of a face. “You know what I see when I look at you? I see my Þrúðr. My warrior. You are stronger than any woman I know. You can do this. No, fuck that. We can do this. Together. I love the fuck out of you baby. If this doesn’t work, we can try again if you want. If you don’t, there are other options. The only thing that matters is that we go through this together.” He leans in to kiss me and my body calls for him to make me forget.

  “Fuck me, Husband.”

  “With pleasure. Wife.”

  And he does. All night long. I just wish it helped.

  Chapter Nine

  Hagen

  Six weeks later

  Sitting in the diner, I watch my beautiful wife bustling around. The last six weeks have taken a toll on us in more ways than one. We had the insemination and now we wait. The effects of this medicine have been hard on her and I fucking hate it. She’s irritable and not really acting like herself. Something's got to give. When she comes over to the counter, I stop her.

  “We can’t do this anymore,” I say.

  “Are you breaking up with me?” She asks angrily. “I know that I can’t’-”

  “Fuck, no,” I respond, shutting that shit down. I know she was going to say that she can’t give me kids, but that doesn’t matter to me. No matter how many times I tell her that she doesn’t believe me. I don’t know what I can do to make her see.

  “Then what?” She says whisper shouting. I know some of the customers are staring at us. I can’t say that I blame them. This shit is like a telenovela.

  “These treatments. The hormone shots. Whatever the fuck it is that you drink every morning that smells like dirty gym socks. You seem miserable,” I respond calmly, standing. “It’s my job as your husband to make sure you are happy. I haven’t been able to do anything, Missy. Can’t you see? I just want my wife back.” She scoffs and it seemingly echoes off the walls.

  “Of course, I am miserable, Hagen. I want babies and my body isn’t cooperating. You’d be miserable too.” I hear the bell above the door tinkle, and I turn away for a split second.

  I see my nephew’s wife come in. I call Erik and let him know where his wife is. I am not actually sure why I’m doing this. Just a feeling really, she doesn’t look like herself either. What’s up with the women in this town? No one looks happy anymore, but that is a thought for another time.

  “Look at me when you’re arguing with me.” She goes on and on. Using her hands getting really animated.

  “Missy, please. Try and think about what this is doing to me too.”

  “You? Think about you? I only ever think about you, fucking jackass.” My eyes widen. Her vitriol has never been aimed at me quite like this and I am inclined to think her hormones are all jacked up right now.

  “I’ll see you at home. I think we are both acting irrationally. This has escalated quickly. I love you,” I say before moving to walk out.

  “Ugh,” she says loudly, before I see a sugar jar wiz past me in a terrible throw situation. The front window collapses in ward spraying glass all over Lanie, who sits there looking confused. It’s was like a slow-moving train wreck, then time speeds up.

  “Oh fuck. I'm so sorry, Lanie. Are you okay?” Missy shouts.

  “Um. No,” Lanie responds touching her head and coming away with blood. So much blood.

  The sheriff who I didn’t realize had come in lifts Lanie out of the booth and they exit. I turn and look at Missy who has slid to the floor and is sobbing and struggling to breathe. The manager Missy recently hired, Lisa, is already cleaning up the mess.

  “I’ll send a repairman to fix the window today. I am going to get Missy home now.”

  “Of course. Let me know how she’s doing,” Lisa says.

  “Will do.” I head over to the heap on the floor that is Missy and lift her up into my arms. I carry her out to my truck and put her in the passenger seat.

  “Hagen. Oh my God. Do you think she’ll be okay?” She asks. “We have to go to the hospital.”

  “Yeah. I am sure she’ll be fine,” I say heading for the hospital. We get out and walk into the ER. “Nephew! How is she?” I shout as soon as I see him in the hallway.

  “I don’t know yet,” he responds looking shaken up.

  “I’m so sorry, Erik. I don't know what happened. I picked up a container and was about to fling at your uncle when it flew out of my hand. I would never hurt her or anyone in your family,” Missy says.

  “I know, Missy,” Erik says offering a tight smile.

  Missy begins to cry leaning against the wall. I walk over to her and though she is tense in my arms initially, she eventually burrows into my chest and sobs. A doctor comes out and scans the room settling on Erik.

  “Morris. Is she ok? Can I see her?” Erik asks. He must know this guy or something.

  “She is ok. She has suffered a severe concussion and as a result lost consciousness. She is awake but groggy. And she is going to have a migraine for at least a week. I wouldn't leave her alone during that time. Nor would I leave her with the baby. She has ten stitches, which will need to be removed in about ten days. If all else checks out, she can go home in the morning. You can see her now.” Erik takes off and leaves us in the waiting room.

  “Oh my god,” Missy mumbles, feeling like shit. “She’s gonna hate me.” I shake my head, but I know she’s not hearing me right now.

  “Let’s get you home and into bed.” Her tearstained face is red and splotchy. Once we’re home, she puts on actual pajamas and climbs into bed. I have never seen her wear pajamas.

  “Will you hold me?”

  “Of course,” I say stripping down to my boxers and I get into bed beside her.

  Tomorrow I will go over to Erik and Lanie’s and make sure everything is okay, but I am sure it will be.

  Chapter Ten

  Missy

  I feel horrible. There is no way I would have hurt Lanie on purpose. I have no clue what has gotten into me. I am inclined to think that maybe Hagen is right. Maybe my hormones have gone defcon 30. Right now, though, I just want to stop crying. Usually being in his arms is the remedy, but it’s not working right now.

  “Baby, please can we stop the medication for a bit? I know how much you want this, but it is destroying the woman I love. To be honest, our marriage is suffering. I want us to get back to us, reevaluate in a little while, and decide together.” I hear what he is saying and the rational part of me agrees. But the emotional, woman part of me is not trying to hear it.

  “Have you changed your mind now?” I would die.

  “Fuck no, baby. I want a family with you so much. But there are other ways we can go about it. Look at Brand and Jaymes. We don’t have to decide that right now. Right now, I want you to get your body back and for us to get...us back. OK?”

  What else can I say to that? He is right. Plus, adoption is another alternative. I can’t deny that he would be a great dad. Blood or no blood. I think it is time to wave the flag for right now.

  “Ok Hagen. I will make an appointment with the doctor in the morning. I love you so much.” I say, wrapping my arms around him and holding on for dear life.

  “Love you to Missy.”

  We are sitting in the doctor's office and although I know we went over this, I feel like we are giving up too soon. But if it will somehow save my marriage, I am willing to try. One thing is for sure, it would be nice to not feel like a pincushion hopped up on bipolar meds.

  “Missy. Hagen. What can I do for you?” I know I agr
eed to this, but the words are stuck in my throat and the tears are building fast. I squeeze his hand, silently asking him to please do this. He looks at me with love and understanding and squeezes me back.

  “Dr. Denise, we would like to stop everything for right now. It is all too much on her emotionally and physically. We need to put on the brakes and reevaluate.”

  “I understand. A lot of couples find it daunting and emotionally taxing. I am glad you picked up on it sooner. We can certainly halt things. I do need to take some blood and vitals. You know to make sure nothing else has changed that shouldn't have, and we will discuss what’s next.”

  I exhale the breath I didn’t realize I was holding and nod at her. The nurse comes in, takes my blood, and then we wait. Instead of sitting on the bed I sit in his lap, needing to be close to him. More and more lately. It seems like forever, before the doctor comes back in. In her hands are a bunch of papers and a bag. I assume it is information on adoption or like a support group or something.

  “Alright. So, it seems the first insemination took. Congratulations!!! You’re pregnant.” I have no clue how long I sit there in the chair. Mouth open, heart beating a mile a minute. I look at Hagen and he is staring at me with much the same look.

  “What?” I whisper. Needing to hear it again. “I thought it was too soon to tell?”

  “By urine it would have been. That is why we take blood. It’s true. You’re having a baby.”

  “Oh my God!! Hagen we’re...having...baby.” I cannot get the words out. I am so beyond anything right now.

  “Missy. You did it. Baby, we’re having a baby.” He picks me up out of the chair and spins me around.

  We kiss, not worrying about the audience we have right now. Eventually, she gives us all the stuff in her hands. Information on the first trimester. I make an appointment to come back in five weeks for our first ultrasound. Information on the signs of miscarriage, the do’s and the don'ts, and a bottle of prenatal vitamins.