Leap of Faith Read online

  * * *

  I obviously filled out the form. Within a few days, the casting agent called back to set up a Skype interview. “So the women in our casting office are excited at the possibility of having you on the show, but we want to do a video interview so we can get a better sense of your personality.” He asked about my past dating life, my current career situation, and even my wildest stories from college.

  Toward the end of the call, he asked me to read off some sound bites for the camera. He told me it was a good way for Casting to see how I looked and sounded on camera. The one I remember best was when he had me say, “I’m just a nerdy white rapper from Maine who wants to save the world through artificial intelligence.”

  I burst out laughing when he gave me the line.

  “You really want me to say that?”

  “Yeah, I know it’s kind of corny, but it’s fun, right?”

  I hesitated, then gave in. “Oh, what the hell. Why not?”

  I delivered the line and the agent ate it up. And that was it.

  A few weeks went by. I did my best to put the show out of my mind. My job at least provided a distraction, but the further I proceeded through the casting process, the more invested I became. My office overlooked downtown Atlanta, and I’d often catch myself looking out the window, daydreaming about the experiment. I tried to imagine what the pods Production kept talking about would look like, what it would be like to date through a wall, and where I would fit into the world of reality television. I even started considering the possibility that I could actually connect with someone through this whole love experiment.

  My initial skepticism about Love Is Blind was clearly fading. Nevertheless, I continued to date during this time, though I started to feel guilty about it once I realized I actually had a chance of getting cast. I was transparent about this possibility on the dates but played down the likelihood of it, mostly because I was trying to convince myself not to get too invested in the show. I quickly realized that I could not get invested in the dates either, and that it wasn’t fair to anyone.

  The casting agent eventually reached back out to say I made it to the next round. That meant filling out multiple personality tests with hundreds of questions each, along the lines of Why do you think your past relationships have failed? and What have your friends and family said about your past relationships? and How do you know that you are in love with someone?

  I even had to do an in-person psych evaluation. The assessment took place way out in the suburbs in this nondescript psychiatry institute. I remember walking through these dark, empty corridors. It all felt very ominous. Eventually, I found my way to a conference room and took a seat. Other guys started to filter in, maybe a dozen in all.

  I looked around the room to see who else was going on this crazy journey with me. I noticed a guy on the other side of the room. He was wearing a sports jersey and shorts. I could tell he was amused by my suit. As we exited the conference room, he turned and said, “Hey, man, nice suit,” while chuckling to himself. I laughed too. That guy would turn out to be none other than Matt Barnett.

  I completed the written portion of the evaluation and was called into the next room for a face-to-face with a trained psychologist. She started asking me questions about my early childhood and how I was raised, then proceeded to assess my full history of interpersonal relationships up until the present day. I was seriously drained by the end of it.

  Another couple of weeks passed without hearing much from Casting. At this point, I was becoming borderline obsessed. Something inside was telling me this was the right path; this was what I was meant to be doing right now. I finally let my parents in on the secret. While I had told them about the initial casting phone call, I had originally assured them I wasn’t going to pursue it. A couple months had passed since that conversation, and I had not told them how far I had progressed through the casting process. As expected, my mom was none too pleased.

  I believe her precise words were, “Don’t do it, Cameron. Please, I don’t want you to do it.”

  “Come on, Mom, why not?” I asked playfully.

  “It’s flattering that they think so highly of you,” she answered. “But there’s a very good chance that you’ll end up hurt and humiliated.”

  My dad remained neutral. “I don’t think it’s a great idea,” he said. “But it’s your decision.”

  While some of my family and friends supported my journey through the casting process, such as my godbrothers Sam and Thomas and my friend Shervin, the majority of those I told about this dating experiment discouraged me from participating. There is a pervasive negative impression of reality television in our culture. Some of that negativity toward reality television is warranted—sometimes people act ridiculous or unpredictably when they’re put in front of a camera in some strange situation. Often, Casting seems to seek out people they believe will bring the drama with them. Other times, the magic of editing may obscure the truth. Either way, my loved ones seemed to think there was a decent chance I could come away from this looking like a fool.

  One of the only friends in my corner was my friend Ben, whom I’d met during my philosophy grad program. He had been witness to the trials and tribulations of my last relationship and had helped me process how to handle the low points. He never told me I needed to leave her, but he was honest about when he thought the relationship sounded unhealthy. When I told him about the experiment, he couldn’t contain his excitement.

  “You’re perfect for this,” he said.

  “It’s strange, though. I don’t fit the mold of your standard guy who goes on these types of shows.”

  “Exactly, dude. That’s why you have to do it. Think about it—you’re a sensitive guy and you’re articulate about your feelings. And I know you’re actually going to take this seriously. You have to do it, dude. And besides, what’s the worst that could happen?”

  * * *

  I took Ben’s words to heart. But I also started to allow myself to ask the question, What’s the best that could happen? The further along I got into the casting process, the more I started to feel as if everything that was unfolding with the show was meant to be. What started as skepticism was quickly turning into a feeling that fate was running its course.

  While I still had not been officially picked for the cast, I was presented with an intense contract. By this time, the casting agent had handed me over to one of the field producers.

  “This contract is scary,” I said to him during one of my many check-in calls.

  “Oh yeah, don’t worry about that,” he said. “It’s boilerplate stuff. Even if you’re just going on Family Feud, they make you sign a contract like that. The most important thing is you just be yourself and don’t try to be someone you think we want you to be. People who try to act wild and crazy because they think that’s what producers want to see get portrayed as wild and crazy.”

  I had discussions with the producer and some of the other staff in Production, and they did their best to alleviate my concerns by emphasizing that even clever editing cannot make something out of nothing. While I was not entirely convinced, I was already way deep into my leap of faith, so I decided to press on with the casting process. Besides, I knew the whole thing could still fall apart at any time.

  I tried to stay defensively pessimistic about my chances of getting cast. In my heart, I wanted it more each day. If I’d been phoning it in at work before, now I was completely checked out. I’ve always taken pride in working hard and getting the job done, but I just could not bring myself to care anymore.

  August turned into September. It had been three months since the first text message from the casting agent came through while I was out to lunch at the Vietnamese restaurant. I knew that October 1 was the official start date for production, so I was starting to get anxious, despite the reassurances from the producer that everyone at Netflix and Kinetic really liked me.

  One day toward the middle of the month, I gave Ben a call to see if he wanted to
meet for a beer after work. The anticipation was getting to me. I thought it would be good to blow off a little steam. We made a plan to meet at Moe’s & Joe’s Tavern a few miles from my office.

  It was around six o’clock and I was in my car driving to the bar. I came to a red light and looked down at my phone. There was a message from the producer.

  “You’re officially in! CONGRATULATIONS!!!” it said, with a bunch of champagne bottle emojis.

  Even in my most excited state, I’m a pretty calm guy. But when I saw that message, I completely lost it. I started banging the steering wheel with the palm of my hand and cheering louder than I had cheered for anything before. Whoever might have been watching in that moment probably thought I’d come completely unhinged.

  In a sense, the opposite was true. I hadn’t become unhinged from reality—far from it, I had just been cast on a reality show! But in that moment, I knew that my life had just changed forever. I could not wait to see where this dating experiment would take me.

  * * *

  Training Days

  Though I was skeptical at first about Love Is Blind, as soon as I came around to the idea, I was all in. That resulted in several months of intensive mental and physical preparation (even though I didn’t get the final green light until a couple weeks before the start of shooting, I wanted to be well ready, just in case). I was not oblivious to the fact that thousands, maybe even millions of people would be watching the show and forming their own judgments about me. I definitely wanted to look and feel my best for the cameras. I also wanted to look my best for myself, and on the slim chance that I connected with someone, my future partner. The preparation was not just about appearances, however. I truly believed that the more I put into the experience, the more I stood to gain. I think that’s a good rule to follow for all pursuits in life, including the pursuit of a meaningful relationship.

  So, what did my training regime look like?

  While I had seen reality TV shows before, I did not know much about dating shows. I wanted to get a sense of what I was in for, so I started watching shows like Bachelor in Paradise and Married at First Sight. I quickly realized that I have a very different personality than those I saw represented on these shows. Often the men and women tend to be over-the-top and in constant competition with one another for the spotlight. You do not go on television so that you can hide in the corner. But I saw myself more as the calm, cool, and collected type. To get ready for the show I thought at length about how I could stay true to myself, while still being engaging and entertaining. I eventually concluded that the best way to be engaging on the dates and on camera was to fully embrace who I am and to be completely vulnerable. I wanted the person on the other side of the wall to love and appreciate my true self, not my representative self. While I had always been confident in who I was, I ended this period of mental preparation more sure of myself than ever before.

  I also invested time and energy into looking my best. I was hitting the gym more than I’d ever done before, while also whitening my teeth and working on my tan (hard to believe, I know, since I still came off as pretty pale under the harsh studio lights!). I upgraded my wardrobe too. These might sound like shallow pursuits, but like I said, I took the process seriously. At a certain point, I realized I was not simply trying to look my best for the show, I was relishing the opportunity to take better care of myself, without criticizing myself for being vain. Looks are not everything, but it is important to care for yourself and to feel confident in who you are.

  Last but not least, I spent hours with my journal, thinking deeply about what I wanted in a partner and in a relationship. This is something else that I encourage everyone to do as a way of working through dating, especially if you have a history of dating the wrong type of people. It’s easy to fall into the pattern of dating people who seem to be a good match on the surface but lack the qualities you need in a partner for long-term compatibility. You can break out of this pattern by thinking deliberately about the qualities that matter most to you and your absolute deal breakers for a relationship. Here are a few actual journal entries from that time:

  Turnoffs: someone who thinks they’re better than others; infidelity (ask if they’ve ever cheated before); lack of empathy; bad hygiene; prejudice; does not think critically.

  Turn-ons: someone who is thoughtful; little reminders that show they care; empathy; faithful; someone who accepts all people; strong communicator; they’re not afraid to nip a relationship problem in the bud before it gets out of hand.

  Focus on learning as much about the other person as possible, rather than talking about yourself. Make a conscious effort to listen and ask questions more than you talk. Try to ask questions beyond simple yes-or-no questions—ask open-ended questions.

  Some questions to ask: What’s one of your biggest regrets? What are the biggest priorities in your life? Who are you closest to? What makes you happy? What’s your idea of the perfect date? What’s your current plan for achieving your goals?

  I’m grateful that I took things seriously for the show. I believe people receive from life’s opportunities what they put into them. Dating and relationships are no exception. I believe it was my commitment to being my best and being honest with myself about who I am and what I need that allowed me to find my soul mate.

  chapter seven ABOUT TO GET REAL

  Hey, it’s Lauren and Cameron here. We’ve been talking to you separately so far in the book because our stories up until this point have been our own, the paths that led us to Love Is Blind. But now that the story is about to enter our shared experience on the show, we’re going to start to tell it as one. As you heard in the preface, we wanted to write this book to share the details of our extraordinary love story but also to impart some of the best relationship advice that we’ve gathered along the way. It’s easier to do that if we’re talking together.

  We don’t pretend to have all the answers about love and marriage. But we feel like the process of coming together in the pressure cooker setting of Love Is Blind gave us many unique insights into what works and what doesn’t in a relationship. As we like to say, it felt like we packed a year into the seven weeks of the Love Is Blind experiment. And the journey since then hasn’t slowed down.

  Okay then, back to the story, beginning with the long-awaited arrival on the set of Love Is Blind.

  Lauren

  So, as you know, I found out that I made the cut for the show three days before taping was scheduled to begin (according to one of the producers, this was due to a delay with my background check, though who knows, it may well be that another girl dropped out last minute). And oh yeah, I was still in Europe at the time! You could say my preparations were a whirlwind. Unlike Cameron, I didn’t start preparing months in advance. I arrived back in Atlanta from Paris late Saturday, so I basically had one day to pack, not to mention fill my parents in on the news. My dad was still like, “Baby, this is crazy.” And my mom was still like, “Well, hey, go out there and find yourself a husband!”

  Honestly, I was thinking more about the other girls during that mad thirty-six-hour sprint. Were they going to be mean and catty? I’d never been on a reality show, but I’d seen enough of them to know not everyone is the kind, caring type. Mentally preparing for all that in less than two days was insane. A year earlier I had been battling depression and crying fits. It’s amazing how much your life can change so quickly. It goes to show that life is filled with ups and downs, and that it’s worth fighting through even the lowest of lows.

  As for my actual packing, the producers didn’t offer too much guidance. They told us to bring different options—outfits we’d wear on dates but also beach clothes and comfy attire like sweatpants and pajamas. I’d later learn that a lot of the girls had hired stylists and personal shoppers to help them assemble the perfect looks, down to the last accessory. They were like Cameron times a hundred with their prep work! Jessica Batten, the blond-haired, blue-eyed beauty who would be at the center of the show’s thorn
iest love triangle, even talked about having a friend who owned a clothing boutique and hooked her up with a full wardrobe. Meanwhile, I was raiding my closet, grabbing whatever I could find. I know what colors look good on my skin, luckily, so a lot of bright greens and oranges made it into the suitcase. I was also sure to pack my killer dresses: the really cute, formfitting numbers. My boobs are my secret weapons. Like I always say, they won’t look this way forever!

  Cameron

  Because I got the news that I was officially cast a few weeks before filming, my experience wasn’t quite the mad dash that Lauren went through. I’m not sure why they let me know so much earlier than Lauren—it probably had something to do with the fact that I was constantly checking in with the producer to see if there were any updates. I had been preparing since the start of the casting process, but once I got the official green light it was all systems go. A small part of me was still worried that I’d be dropped at the last minute, which apparently did end up happening to some people. That would have been devastating for me. But the producer was very reassuring. “You’ve got nothing to worry about; you’re good to go,” he’d say. “Just go out there and be yourself.”

  It was difficult to tell my parents that I was going on the show when I had denied how serious I was about the opportunity over the last few months. My mom still wasn’t happy. A few days before departure, she called and sounded more serious than I’d ever heard her sound.

  “I’m just worried about you getting humiliated or getting your heart broken. You know they can edit you to make it look like you said something you didn’t,” she said.

  “I appreciate your concern, Mom,” I told her. “I understand that they can edit me to look a certain way, but I feel like if I stay true to myself, then they’ll have a harder time painting me in a bad light.”