Shadow of Love Read online

  This woman was bothering him very much. She was a wonderfully attractive woman. And she was an experience he couldn't explain, even to himself. Marilyn had a beautiful face with kind brown eyes set into it. Her auburn hair was shoulder length, and her whole upper body was strong and beautifully proportioned.

  I exercise a lot.

  What? She was leaving him in the dust again with her answers without questions.

  You're looking at my body. I'm flattered. I exercise a lot. I exercise within the range of my physical strength. I love to do that. It makes me feel good when I exercise and it makes me feel good because I can look at myself in the mirror and see a reasonably attractive woman.

  Your attraction runs deeper than the physical, Marilyn.

  That's nice of you to say.

  Look, I feel bad that I so thoroughly made an ass of myself the other day.

  You didn't make an ass of yourself, Jim. It was my fault. Sometimes I don't cope with my physical problems very well. I try too hard to be normal. I'm not normal. I never will be normal. I want you to know that I would love to be friends with you, but I'll be satisfied with whatever the friendship turns out to be. I'm realistic about my situation. I don't pity myself, but sometimes I become very angry with my state of being. I should not take it out on you. I'm sorry.

  Jim smiled. Since you insist on apologizing, I accept your apology.

  They talked for a long time. In fact, they were still talking when the lights blinked on and off as a signal that the mall was about to close. They slowly strolled back out to the parking lot. Come see my van, Marilyn said.

  Sure; where is it?

  Over there. She pointed to a red van parked just three rows down from Jim's Corvette. They went to it and she pulled up along its right side. Got to go home. I've got a lot of work to do tomorrow. Big client on my back. Big bucks at the end. Got to finish the job tomorrow. She pushed a button on her key chain. The side door slid open and the loading platform slowly ground its way down to the road. Want to come see my operation?

  I'd love to, Jim said. Where do you live?

  I'll go home and draw you a quick map with the help of Super Vector. Then I'll e-mail it to you tonight.

  Uh, can't you just tell me the directions? I follow directions well.

  Marilyn laughed. She patted his sunglasses pocket. Don't worry, hot shot. I promise I'll e-mail you as soon as I get home. She backed her chair onto the loader, pushed another button, and the platform lifted her into the van. As she shifted her chair to move into the driver's space, and as the platform retracted and the side door closed, Jim opened the right front door so he could still talk to her. Don't forget to e-mail me.

  Marilyn laughed again. Her infectiousness was killing him. Patience, hot shot. Go home and read your e-mail. I'll see you tomorrow. Now close the door. He closed it. She grinned, put the van in gear, and backed out of the parking space.

  ---

  The house was nice, at least from the outside. There was a ramp leading up to the front door, so he was sure this was the right house. He walked up the ramp and rang the doorbell. A woman greeted him, but it wasn't Marilyn. Hello, Jim said. I'm Jim Cutler. I've come to see Marilyn. Is she home?

  Why, yes. I'm Mary's mother. The woman put out her hand. Very nice to meet you, Jim.

  Nice to meet you as well, Jim said.

  Is that Jim? he heard Marilyn call.

  Yes, dear. I'm bringing him to your office. The woman said to Jim, My name is Katherine, by the way. Katherine led Jim to the back of the house. They arrived at an open door and Jim peeked into it. Nice office, Jim said.

  Thanks. I like it.

  The room had two computers in it. There were bookshelves filled with manuals, and print-outs lay strewn about in what Jim perceived to be some kind of order.

  Yeah, Jim said, this is really nice.

  Marilyn glanced at her mother. Oh, her mother said, Well, I'll leave you two alone. Nice to have met you, Jim.

  You also, Jim said, nodding a smile.

  When Marilyn's mother left, they began to giggle softly. Mother is uncomfortable with this. I don't exactly have men beating down my door and she doesn't know how to act.

  I can understand that. Jim stood, slightly uncomfortable at being on Marilyn's turf. Maybe I should have left my jacket in the car. I'm afraid I might not have made a good impression on your mother.

  Marilyn laughed quietly. My mother loves you already, Marilyn whispered. Close the door so I don't have to whisper.

  Jim quietly closed the door. Then he sat down. Quite a mess in here. That means you're working. That means you don't just spend time in here. He emphasized the word time, making an exaggerated face, bringing back that horrible conversation they had suffered through previously when Marilyn had so thoroughly berated him.

  You're a nut case, Jim. I swear, you are a bona fide nut case.

  Face it, Marilyn, that's why you think I'm so damned cute.

  Marilyn sat back as if evaluating him. Hmmm, you may be right. I just may be attracted to nut cases. By the way, most people call me Mary. I thought it might be a good idea to tell you that right off.

  I'm glad you did, Marilyn. The name Marilyn twists up my tongue and ticks me off, he teased. He laughed softly.

  Mary smiled and turned to the computer that was booted up. Let me show you what I'm doing. She clicked the mouse and moved windows around until she had the one she wanted. Then she double-clicked the index.html file. There. The file opened and the introductory screen of a website appeared.

  That's my company! Jim said, awed. The name, 'Xenon Software', was at the top of the screen in a glowing purple font. This is terrific, Marilyn, uh, Mary. This is really fine work. Your menu is nicely done.

  Super Vector, she said. Your program.

  Yeah. But we just design the programs. I couldn't use it to that advantage. This is highly professional work.

  I'm almost finished with it. I have to call your boss tomorrow and knock out a few fine points, but other than that, it's about finished.

  Have you ever been to Xenon?

  No. I've wanted to pay your boss Viktor Sanders a visit, but he is one of these overprotective types that tries to make it easy for me.

  Would you like to meet him in person?

  Love to. But he's adamant about doing this on the phone. I put up on my test site what I've done so far, and then he looks at it from his computer. Then he tells me what he wants added or changed. It works out okay. This is the biggest client I've ever had and I want to do a stellar job for him.

  Why don't you come to Xenon tomorrow? I'll introduce Viktor to you. And if you come at lunch time, I'll have an excuse to take you out to lunch.

  Well . . . uh . . . yes, I like that idea very much. Do you think Viktor would mind? He seems nice on the phone, but . . .

  He'd love to meet you. You're right, Viktor is a caring person, and it's typical of him to want to make things comfortable for you.

  Then I'll be there at . . . what time do you think I should be there?

  How much do you two have to talk about?

  It would probably take an hour or so.

  How about ten thirty?

  Great. The deal's done. I'll even let you pay for my lunch.

  I think we're making progress here.

  ---

  Viktor is a very nice man.

  I know. Mary had passed Jim the ketchup and Jim was slathering his french fries with it. He capped it and set it on the table. He's a very easy man to work for. Say, you made quite an impression on the staff this morning. You should have come in weeks ago. Then we would have known each other longer.

  Just what do you mean by that remark, nut case?

  Well, I guess I mean that I really enjoy your company and I only wish we could have known each other a long time ago.

  There were others I met in that chat room, you know, Mary said teasingly.

  Other guys?

  Yes. Several, in fact.

  So why did you pick
me?

  I picked you because I could tell you were a decent, sincere person. The other guys were shoveling on the bull and I knew it.

  But when we first met, you thought I was a hot shot.

  No, I knew you weren't a hot shot. That's what made me so angry. I knew you were trying to impress me with your expensive jacket and Corvette.

  And you didn't like my glasses. Don't forget the glasses. Jim smiled warmly.

  You're right, I didn't like your glasses. I still don't, but they do make you look kind of . . . well . . . kind of cool sometimes. I can stand them on you once in awhile.

  Then I can keep the glasses? Jim grinned and popped a french fry into his mouth.

  You can keep the damned glasses.

  Good. Jim paused, then abruptly said, I want to take you to a movie.

  Oh, I don't know about a movie, Jim.

  That's where everyone goes on a first date. It's safe. It's fun. It's what we do on first dates.

  I'm a real bother to those who sit behind me, Jim. The back of my chair is high, and the few times I've tried to go has been a disaster for me. When I realized my chair was a visual obstruction, I began parking against the back wall behind all the seats. I might as well watch the movie on my TV screen.

  Hmmm. There's got to be a way to overcome that problem. Jim scratched his chin in thought.

  I've tried several different approaches. One time I parked down in front of all the seats, but I parked against a side wall so others could see by me. That didn't work because the screen was so distorted from that angle I couldn't enjoy the film.

  That's it. Jim put his hamburger down. We'll go down to where you just said. Then I'll carry you to a theater seat. We can even sit in the middle, if you like. Can you sit in a theater seat comfortably?

  Well, I don't know. I've never tried that.

  Jim could see Mary fidgeting in mild panic but becoming enthused with this new possibility at the same time. Then you'll go with me?

  I'll look stupid with you carrying me in front of all those people, Jim.

  Jim put his hand on the back of hers. He felt comfortable in doing that now. She didn't pull away from him. You won't look stupid. The theater goers will see two people who really care about each other. It will be good for them to see that. We may be able to present a moral lesson to them.

  Nut case, you always seem to have a way to make me feel comfortable.

  Then you'll go with me?

  Yes. But I have to drive.

  Fine. Let's go tonight. You pick me up and I'll take care of the details.

  ---

  It was fun riding with Mary. She was an excellent driver. The van had been rigged with levers that gave her precise control with accelerating and braking. He felt safe with her driving him. I'll take you for a ride in my 'vette sometime, he said.

  Mary turned to him. I, uh, don't ride well in cars. Sorry.

  Well, that's all right. He smiled. I like riding with you.

  It was a week night-Thursday-so the parking lot wasn't filled with many cars when they arrived. Jim thanked God for that because if Mary was to be embarrassed at him carrying her to her seat, the fewer the patrons, the better.

  They went in; Mary let him pay. More progress. Would you like some popcorn? he asked.

  Yes.

  And a soda?

  Yes.

  Are you nervous about me carrying you to your seat?

  Yes.

  He tried to give her a smile of reassurance.

  They made their way slowly down the aisle to the front. This is good, Mary. Park it here.

  She backed her chair against the wall. He could see her pale face even in the semi darkness. Let's leave your drink and popcorn in your chair and I'll, he stooped down, put my stuff on the floor.

  Jim, I'm becoming very apprehensive about this. Perhaps we should forget it.

  Jim got down on his haunches so his eyes were level with hers. We can stay here if you like. I don't care. But I think you are making a mistake.

  You don't have to do this for me, Jim.

  I want to do this for you. I'll do it quickly and smoothly. I doubt if anyone will even pay attention.

  She hesitated.

  Would you rather drive your chair to the seat and then I can help you transfer to the seat?

  No . . . Then I'll really be obvious.

  So . . . is it a go?

  It's a go, she said.

  Jim stood up and leaned over her. Now, just be quiet when I transfer you. Don't give me a bunch of orders like you usually do, he said.

  I won't.

  First row, center?

  She put her arm up and wrapped it around his neck. Yeah, first row, center.

  Okay, here we go. He picked her up as carefully as if she were made of glass. He was strong, and carrying her was easy for him. He glanced quickly at the people in front. They weren't looking at him. Only a few steps took them to front row, center, and Jim gently put Mary into the seat. He again got down on his haunches. He helped her adjust her feet on the floor. Her legs hadn't developed as well as her upper body, and the closest she could come to walking was when she wore her leg braces with the knees locked. She could walk haltingly on crutches; at least well enough to get out of her chair and go to the bathroom. Jim hadn't seen her do this. She had only described it to him in a previous conversation. Comfortable?

  Very. Thank you.

  Thank you for letting me help you, Jim said. It wasn't pity he felt for Mary. Rather, it was respect and admiration for a woman who had everything going against her. I'm going to get our popcorn. He got up and retrieved the popcorn and drinks. Then he sat down next to her.

  That was quite an experience, she whispered.

  Would you be willing to experience that particular experience again?

  Yes, she said.

  Good. We'll share that experience again.

  ---

  The next three weeks were the happiest of Jim's life. He had fallen madly in love with Mary. He had kissed her only a few times, and he continued to treat her with the greatest respect. They both had become somewhat comfortable in working through Mary's physical barriers. He was careful to help just enough, but often he found himself cringing for her as she made gigantic physical efforts to do the simplest things. It was during those times that he was sure he made her uncomfortable with his over attentiveness.

  They went to different places and had wonderful experiences. They were patient with each other. Mary's direct, bossy ways, had disappeared at the same rate that she was falling in love with him.

  I have an idea, Jim said. They were sitting in a park, eating fast food fried chicken.

  I'm afraid to ask what this idea might be, Mary said, laughing.

  Just listen to me. Don't say no until I finish telling you my idea.

  Okay, tell me.

  The weather is beautiful right now.

  That's your idea?

  No. Let me finish. The weather is beautiful and we are heading into autumn and then to winter. We need to take advantage of these beautiful days. So I think we should go camping this weekend.

  Mary dropped her drumstick on her paper plate.

  What did I say that shocked you so?

  I know you mean well, Jim, but I'm afraid a trek like that would do me in.

  No, it wouldn't, Mary. It would be the best thing for both of us.

  I . . . don't know. She shook her head slowly and grimaced.

  Are you worried about you and I sleeping in the same tent? Is that it? We'll take two tents.

  Jim . . . ?

  Please, Mary. Think about it. You know I'm capable of helping you. We've been going together for . . .

  One month, Mary interrupted.

  So you don't trust me?

  Of course I trust you. I'm surprised you would think I don't.

  Then what is it? You've been living in that chair all your life. Now it's time to get out of it.

  Mary sat, silent. She twisted her paper napkin into knots w
hile she sat. Finally she said, Okay, I'll try it.

  Yay . . . !

  Once, Mary interrupted. I'll try it one time. If I have to struggle more than I think it's worth, we drop the idea.

  All right. Wonderful. One tent, or two?

  Two.

  ---

  Jim could live with the idea of two tents. He didn't want to crowd her. That was fine. He understood that. He was about to dial Matt and ask him if he could borrow an extra tent from him, when the telephone rang under his fingers. He jerked away from it, afraid that Mary was calling him to back out. Hello? he said, dreading it was her on the other end.

  Hello, Jim? This is Katherine, Marilyn's mother.

  Why hello, Katherine. He was fearful, now. Is Mary all right?

  Yes, Katherine said pleasantly. She's fine, but she isn't here right now. That's why I wanted to call you. I didn't want her to hear what I'm about to tell you.

  Jim couldn't begin to imagine what Katherine wanted with him.

  You see, I'm rather worried about Mary going camping with you.

  Oh, Katherine, you know I'll take good care of Mary.

  Of course you will. I'm not concerned about how you will treat Mary. I knew you were a good boy the first day I met you. It's just that Mary has had some frightening experiences when we would take her camping.

  She's been camping before? Jim said, surprised. She never told me this.

  I'm sure she didn't. Her father and I would take her camping almost every weekend when she was a child.

  Then why are you concerned for her now?

  Because the nightmares she suffered while we were out in the woods finally became so traumatic for her we had to stop going.

  What kind of nightmares, Katherine?

  The nightmares are difficult to describe. She would wake up screaming as if she was possessed. At first when we would go out, she would sleep the nights through. But as she got older, the nightmares she experienced gradually got worse. Finally her father and I just couldn't drag her through that anymore.

  I . . . don't know what to tell you. I don't want Mary to suffer with this. She wasn't overly thrilled I had come up with the idea in the first place.

  I don't want to spoil your fun, Jim.

  I know you don't. I'll talk to her about it. Don't worry. We'll work this out. Thanks for calling.