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  “You won’t love this one.” I shuddered. He sat us both down on a bench nearby. He stroked at my thick hair gently.

  I was trying to calm myself down. Or rather, Jensen was doing that part. I just had to convince myself to stop being such a crybaby. I usually wasn’t this emotional. A while back I was just a body but my mind seemed detached. I didn’t want to feel anything anymore. I thought if I did I would burst and let every emotion back into my life – including love.

  I wanted, more than anything, for this agonizing fear to dissolve into nothingness, along with the man I once loved more than life itself; the boy I would have died for, would have sacrificed anything and everything – without question – for. But he was only interested in getting one thing in the end. Jensen wasn’t like that surprisingly. He didn’t overly ogle at with me lust in his blue eyes. He didn’t stare at me like I was something to play with, rather than a human being. I could tell he cared about me. Why? I had no clue whatsoever. But he did. And that was all that mattered . . . for the moment.

  “So,” he said, “are you going to tell me about this story of yours? Or should I change the subject?”

  “I’m not even sure how to begin,” I admitted. I shook my head twice and breathed in. “I haven’t dated in almost a year. H-he,” I stuttered, “and I ended on bad terms. Since then I’ve been…different.”

  “How so?” Jensen’s voice was soft, soothing.

  “I don’t think now’s such a good time to talk about this. We’re on a date, remember?” I felt guilty this was happening.

  “On dates, most people like to get to know their partner a little better,” he chuckled. “I won’t judge you in a negative light. So please don’t feel frightened to tell me.”

  “It’s not that,” I said. “I’m scared to even…think about it.” He saw the pain on my face and a look of sympathy filled his sapphire-like eyes. He waited for me to compose myself before I spoke again. “I just need some time…if that’s alright with you.”

  “Of course,” he smiled. “Whenever you’re ready. It doesn’t have to be today, tomorrow or even next year. At whatever time you feel most comfortable is when I’ll be prepared to listen.”

  “You really think you’ll want me around in a year?”

  “You haven’t given me a probable reason not to.”

  My stomach sank. In time I would give him a reason for not wanting to be with me anymore. If I told him what happened to me last year – and all the baggage I’d been carrying because of it – he’d leave me for sure. I was damaged goods, used. What guy would want a used product?

  . . . . But I couldn’t not tell him. I didn’t even know how to begin my horror story.

  “Mmm,” I assented.

  “Ava,” he broke off before continuing, “may I call you Ava?” he asked.

  “Sure.” I was surprised that would be his nickname of choice for me; Tory was the only one to ever call me that. But I liked the way Jensen said it more so than her. It sounded better coming from his voice – so silky and inhuman.

  “Ava…why are you so timid in front of me at times? It’s as if you’re afraid I’ll abandon you suddenly.”

  Well if he isn’t an observant fellow . . . .

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he added. “So please don’t worry about that. If anything I’m worried about you leaving me,” he sighed.

  That caught my attention. “Why?”

  “Have you seen yourself?” he chuckled.

  “Yeah.”

  “And…?”

  “And what?”

  “Do you not notice how unbelievably amazing you are? Avalon, your charm and charisma mixed with your striking good looks and intelligence is so compelling to all of the Plain Jane’s out there.”

  “Are you comparing me to a Plain Jane?” I asked skeptically, amused.

  “Yes.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at his statement. “I can’t believe you just said that. You are the one I have to worry about regarding all that…and more.”

  He snickered. “Ava, I’m less than what you think I am, trust me.”

  I couldn’t believe my ears. Did he just say he was less than what he was?

  “Jensen, you are the most extraordinary man I’ve ever met. And that’s an understatement.”

  Jensen bit his bottom lip. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

  “I don’t?” I looked him in the eyes without any fear. “Tell me I’m lying to you.”

  “I’m not saying you’re lying,” he said in defense. “I’m only admitting I don’t believe what you say is true.”

  “That makes two of us.”

  “Why do you doubt yourself so much?” he asked timidly. He caught me off guard with that one. “I’m sorry,” he apologized, “that was unacceptable. You don’t have to answer.” His eyes looked as if they’d been defeated – like he’d lost a war he knew he’d never win.

  “Because of what happened to me last year…I guess I don’t think I can do anything anymore.” I thought for a moment. “Be anything anymore,” I added softly. My eyes focused on a small little girl holding hands with her father about forty feet away.

  “You can.”

  I chuckled. “Sure I can,” heavy sarcasm oozing from every word.

  “I don’t believe you’re a negative person, Ava. You’ve just…lost faith.”

  “I haven’t lost faith.”

  “Not in G-d. In yourself.”

  “I’m perfectly fine.” What was the point of lying to him? He could see right through me anyway.

  “You’re not.” Like I said, he could see right through me.

  “You don’t know me.”

  “I know more about you than you think, Avalon. And another thing, I can read people. You’re only acting this way because you’re afraid of the unknown. Take a risk or two…maybe even with me. You have to have an open mind. Otherwise you’ll be stuck circling this same crippled outlook for the rest of your life. And I don’t think you’d enjoy that too much.”

  “What I went through…the kind of pain I went through…I can’t go through that again,” I admitted, a thick lump forming in my throat. I tried clearing it away but it wouldn’t budge. “It hurt – hurts – too much, Jensen.” The beginning of tears burned my eyes. I was flabbergasted with myself to say the least. “And for the record I am open minded. My heart just isn’t.”

  “But you can’t live your life in fear of losing someone again. You need to hold your head up high and say ‘I’m Avalon Montage and I’m the best darn thing out there. Pain, get out of my way!’”

  His theatrics were a bit overdone with all the hand movements and whatnot but he did have a point . . . although I didn’t want to listen to him. Not about this – about the one situation that controlled my life; the way it had been running for over eleven months now. I was safe in my own little cocoon until Jensen showed up. Now I guessed the butterfly was slowly emerging from the cozy home it had once built for itself. I just needed a push.

  “You ready to go back inside?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  We walked back to the convenience store to eat the meal Jensen had prepared. Afterwards we cleaned up our mess and Jensen locked up the store. We were now strolling down the deserted street.

  “Thank you for the remarkable dinner,” I told him, feeling fuller and more satisfied than I had in a long time. Throughout the meal I – not once – felt even the slightest bit self-conscious while eating in front of him. He was already helping me with some of my issues and he didn’t even know it.

  “Absolutely anytime,” he smiled. “Anything for you.”

  We were walking relatively slow, not wanting our delightful night to end.

  “Where did you learn to cook like that?” I asked.

  “Since I’ve traveled all over the world I’ve picked up a few things,” he winked. “I intentionally didn’t go overboard tonight not knowing what you liked and didn’t like. So I made something simple.”

 
“Well it was delicious,” I admitted, grinning.

  “Do you cook?”

  “I dabble.”

  “And that means?” he laughed.

  “I used to cook a lot. But this year I haven’t done much of that. Much of anything, really.”

  There was an awkward silence I knew I caused.

  “Well then,” Jensen said, “looks like we’ll have to cook together sometime.”

  “You’d like that?”

  “I certainly would.”

  “Sounds good to me.” I was happy. “I have a question that’s been on my mind for a while.”

  “Shoot.”

  “If you inherited all this money from your parents why do you work at Old Tily’s? I mean, wouldn’t you rather work some place…nicer? Or…not work at all?”

  He chuckled. “Working at Old Tily’s humbles me, Ava. Money was basically the substitution for my lack of parents during my childhood. For a long while I let it consume me. Then one day I decided I didn’t like that way of living any longer so I decided not to flaunt what I’d acquired and began blending in with society the best I could. Old Tily’s was hiring, I applied for the job and got it. The owner really likes me because I apparently bring in the most customers.”

  I could only imagine why. His looks alone were enticing; having him speak was a whole other aphrodisiac for the common public.

  Then he said, “So he lets me work the hours I like without much hassle. He’s told me numerous times his sales have gone up since I began working there.” He shook his head, rolled his eyes and laughed. “There’s something about sweeping a dirty floor that’s really soothing to me.” He closed his eyes. He could make any conversation sound intriguing. “It’s nice to see a positive outcome appear from such a simple act – I clean the floors, it makes people want to walk into the store. It makes my boss happy, which makes me happy. And when I’m happy –”

  “Then I’m happy.”

  “Precisely,” he grinned. I could listen to him talk for hours.

  “You have this way about you, Jensen, that I can’t quite understand. But at the same time, I get you.” At least I thought I did.

  Jensen’s smile was warm. “It’s truly astonishing how sweet and loving you are. You light up every room you enter with your kind words and beautiful smile.”

  Without delay heat rose up to my cheeks and I was blushing once more.

  “You think too highly of me.”

  “Or maybe you don’t think highly enough of yourself?”

  “Touché,” I responded, smiling to myself.

  “Tory has told me what you’ve done for her recently.”

  “Told you what? All we did was watch a movie and go through some old pictures,” I chuckled.

  “That’s more than enough, don’t you think?” he smiled.

  “I guess so.”

  “You’re a very caring person. Don’t forget that.”

  Man, oh man, he’s amazing.

  This night had gone even better than the one before. It seemed unreal, almost illusory. I noticed when I said things about Jensen unreal was the first word to pop into my head. It seemed like he wasn’t truly here with me or even in existence – that he was all an unbelievably vivid allusion in my psychotic brain.

  Jensen Marx was faultless and dreamlike. I had to convince myself that maybe – just maybe – someone human could be this way. Someone so gracious and bighearted could actually want someone like me – ruined and unaided – afraid of the unknown and even more fearful of what I did know because it all could turn on me someday. Yet he thought I was sane. For what reason? I didn’t know. And a part of me didn’t want to find out. I liked that he thought I was normal, whatever that meant.

  “Jensen?”

  “Yes?”

  “Just wondering,” I began, not sure how to say what I wanted without sounding skeptical, “but how many girls have you treated this well on a date?”

  “Just one,” he paused, “you.” A crooked smile appeared on his glowing face. “You don’t seem to think so.”

  “No, no. It’s just that…you’re so different from other guys. I just can’t believe you haven’t found…your one and only yet.”

  “Don’t be so sure about that.” He bit his bottom lip and stared at his feet as we walked.

  “Are you saying you’re in love with me?” I stuck out my tongue in a teasing manner.

  “Not necessarily.” He mimicked the tongue ordeal. “I just feel a deep connection with you – something no other woman has accomplished before. Ever.”

  “Hmm, I see.” Butterflies fluttered around in my stomach.

  Hope was now on my mind. Hope that he and I would have a fairytale ending and live happily-ever-after, hope that he was the one to love and protect me for the rest of our lives, hope that I would get over my past problems to commit my thoughts only to Jensen’s goodness, his kindness. Jensen would be mine in no time, I was sure of it.

  Was I afraid? Yes. Was I uncertain as to what might happen between us? Yes. But truthfully did I want to know? No. Because life wouldn’t be exciting if I did know.

  …Although there was a part of me that wished I could only see the bad things coming my way. If I had my own approach to this I’d let the good things in life be surprises.

  “Are you tired?” he asked.

  “Not at all.”

  It was a little after twelve and I was still pumped.

  “Ready for the date to continue?”

  “Of course,” I grinned.

  He took my hand and we ran down to the beach, the sand beneath our feet. We took off our shoes and got into the cold water. The moon was so bright; the water glistened underneath it.

  “It’s freezing in here!” I laughed as Jensen splashed me.

  “I think it’s the perfect temperature,” he teased sticking his tongue out at me while splashing me once again.

  I yelped playfully and hiked up my dress. “You can’t catch me!” I ran in and out of the water running away from Jensen as he attempted to capture me.

  “Wow, Avalon,” he grinned, “you’re one fast girl.”

  “I was on my high school’s track team all four years.”

  “Running’s always good.” He walked over to me as we entered the water again. “Do you still do that?”

  “No,” I told him honestly.

  “I mean you’re in good shape,” he smiled. “It’s not like you need to work out or anything.”

  I chuckled. “I guess I got a little lazy.”

  Okay, so that was about half of the truth. I didn’t want to bring my rape situation into the conversation, which had to do a lot with why I stopped running recreationally recently. I didn’t do much for recreational purposes anymore.

  “Well maybe over the next week we could run together at some point?” he suggested.

  “Only if you can keep up.” I began to run again, feeling the familiar ache in my muscles.

  Jensen caught up to me and pulled me in by the waist to look me in the eyes. “Where have you managed to hide all my life?”

  “My bedroom.”

  He shook his head with a playful grin and tickled me until I collapsed on the floor, gleefully grateful for one of the best evenings of my life.

  SEVEN.

  The birds chirped and the sun shone bright through the clouds as Jensen and I ran along Lake Michigan Beach.

  “I want to know more about you,” he told me, playfully bumping into me.

  “We’re supposed to be running,” I reminded him, “not talking or playing bumper cars.” At this point I now felt more at ease around Jensen; like I didn’t have to pretend to be someone I wasn’t.

  “Oh come on, Ava,” he laughed, “don’t take the fun out our time together. At least not out of my bumping.”

  “Well it’s not fun for me,” I told him, laughing. I tried very hard to concentrate on the running I was doing but Jensen was just too gawk-worthy to look away from. I spent quite a bit of time staring at him. I hoped it was
n’t too obvious.

  “So if I bumped you again you’d hate me?”

  “No, I wouldn’t hate you. I’d just be annoyed for a second.”

  “Okay, I can handle a second.” Once more he bumped into me. But this time I fell onto the sand, my arm hitting a sharp rock buried beneath. “Oh my gosh, Avalon, I am so sorry!”

  Blood trickled down my arm and onto the side of my light sweatshirt. “It’s okay.” I got up, brushing the sand off of me.

  “Here, let me help you.” He pulled out a bandana from his shirt pocket and wrapped it around my arm to keep the blood from flowing.

  “You carry a bandana with you?” I chuckled.

  “You never know when a bandana can come in handy. Fixing a car and don’t want to get your hands dirty, wiping the sweat off of your forehead or even aiding someone’s injuries.” His eyes dulled as he said the last several words.

  “Ah. Well thank you.”

  “Ava, I’m so –”

  “Save it,” I cut him off. “Let’s just finish our run, then bring me home…without bumping.” I winked at him and he smiled in return. When our run was over we departed in front of the beach house. I didn’t like it but Jensen had to work for a while so there wasn’t much of a choice in the matter.

  “Ouch, Avalon,” Tory said when I came into the house, “what happened to you?”

  The blood had seeped through Jensen’s bandana. But it was dry.

  “Jensen and I were running and I fell on a rock,” I told her.

  “Did you trip?”

  “He bumped into me.”

  “On purpose?”

  “He was only fooling around. It’s not even like he did it hard or anything,” I chuckled. The way I’d explained the situation made it seem as though I was with an abuser. I truthfully wasn’t. Jensen was actually very gentle.

  “I’m sure,” she muttered, flipping through a magazine. “How was the run besides the fall?”

  “Enjoyable,” I grinned, heading to the refrigerator to grab a bottle of iced cold water.

  “I bet,” Tory beamed. “Did he kiss you?”

  “No,” I nearly choked on my drink. And even if we had Tory didn’t need to know about that.

  “Well I think it’s so adorable how you two are running together now. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you run.”