Perfect Christmas: A Paper Dolls Novel Read online

  You're asleep right now and more beautiful than I could possibly describe. I held you for hours and lay awake just thinking about how much I love you, how no matter how much time passes I only seem to love you more. Please remember that I have you. That I want to have you. That I need you to be mine. I'm poor with my reasoning sometimes and I make mistakes and I probably drive you up the wall but I love you so so much and sometimes I can't even think when I try to explain it.

  So just, please remember. You're all I ever want. If I had a thousand Christmases and was given no songs and no gifts I'd still feel like the luckiest person on this planet because I would still be the one who was blessed to have you.

  I know I'm sappy. I'm sorry about that. And I know I shouldn't apologize and that you'll probably hit me with this paper tomorrow while I'm finally sleeping since I spent so long staying up and fretting about the state we’re both in.

  I just love you, my beautiful wife.

  And I can't wait for you to wake up and kiss me again, every minute of every day.

  XoXoX

  Your Olivia

  Chapter 13

  Avery

  I woke up in a room tinted by different light. My first waking thought was that I could feel Olivia holding me. I lifted my head and looked down at her. Her lips were slightly parted and her face was relaxed. She was perfect but my head wasn’t so much. It ached and last night came flooding back. I hadn’t gotten that water. Then, the flash of that moment with Nat flooded me and I looked away from Olivia.

  A shiny flash caught my eye and I started to notice that the room was not at all the way it was when I’d fallen asleep. I lifted up onto my elbow and turned to look around the room. Christmas was everywhere.

  There was a tree and a few presents, lights and decorations all around. A fire was going in the fireplace. It was cozy. Either she had gotten up while I was asleep and did all of this for me or there actually was a Santa.

  I turned back over and extricated myself from Olivia’s body. I slid out of bed. The floor was warm from the fire and I was shaded in different colors from all of the different lights. I tiptoed over to the tree and looked down at the presents. There was a letter sitting on top of one of the boxes.

  I picked it up. It had my name in Olivia’s elaborate cursive handwriting. I glanced over at her before opening it. She would do all of this. No one could ever say she wasn’t a romantic. I unfolded the paper and focused on her script.

  The whole thing was so Olivia and so wonderful. I took the paper and went back to the bed, crawling in and laying on my side next to her. She was on her back with her head turned away from me.

  Like she said in the letter I smacked her arm with it until I saw her eyes flicker open.

  “Hey Santa,” I cooed.

  “Mm… Hey,” she said, shifting over to face me and hold me loosely against her body. Her eyes were sleepy and her lips twitched into a smile as she stared down on mine.

  “How late were you up doing all of this?” I asked, smiling back at her.

  “Too late,” she said. “I saw the sun start to rise and knew it was my very last chance.”

  “It’s wonderful, all of it. I love it and I love you for doing it. You’re the best,” I said.

  The ache in my head made itself known again and I knew that was my cue.

  “Baby, I need to tell you something,” I said.

  “What is it,” she asked, tugging me closer to her and resting her head down against my chest. Resting her eyes and holding me, Olivia’s hand stroked the side of my naked stomach.

  “Well, last night when Nat and I were in the study…” I scrambled for the best way to say it. “We kind of kissed. Not kind of, we did. It wasn’t anything else and I’m sorry. I know I should have told you sooner but it wasn’t a big deal.”

  I stopped talking and closed my eyes for a second, not wanting to see her face.

  “Well, that is certainly interesting,” she said, still rubbing my stomach lovingly. “I mean, I knew something must've happened. Nat doesn't usually snap at me.”

  Olivia breathed me in calmly. I felt her softly kissing my skin.

  “Are you mad?” I asked.

  Being drunk was no excuse. There was something behind that kiss but it in no way changed how I felt about Olivia and what I wanted.

  “I'm not mad,” she said, petting me. There wasn't a hesitation in her movements and her voice was the same soft caring tone. I think I'd probably know if she was lying about this.

  I opened my eyes and looked at her.

  “Why not?” I asked.

  She started to laugh and smiled up at me. “Do you want me to be mad?” She asked honestly. “Is that why you kissed her?” Her eyes searched me lovingly. I felt her hand on my face, stroking it.

  “No, it just happened. I didn’t think about it. She kissed me and I kissed her back. I don’t want you to be mad. I’m just kind of amazed that you aren’t. If you had known about it before or you were there I wouldn’t feel guilty but you weren’t.”

  “If I had been there I would've attacked you two,” Olivia laughed darkly. “But no, you were both really drunk. Like, really drunk,” Olivia smiled and flared her eyes. “And I'm fully aware I disrupted your mental state yesterday. Obviously I didn't know how much until the end of the night,” she sighed regretfully. “But no, we hadn't seen Nat in a long time. We all have all this chemical energy that swirls around and intoxicates us. You already know I've been very physical with her. It's not like I can erase that.”

  She seemed to actually be thinking about it.

  “Okay, you’re right but I just want you to know that it’s you I want in a forever, married way,” I explained.

  Olivia propped her head up on her hand and leaned back to look at me. “Are you thinking about really cheating on me?”

  “No, the opposite. I’m thinking about how I have no desire to cheat on you,” I said.

  “Okay good,” she said darkly. “I don't know what it is, if I'm just fucked up, but a drunken kiss- specifically with Natalie- after I've accidentally fucked with your head actually makes a lot of sense to me.”

  “Sometimes I really want to be inside of your head just so I can see what you see and feel exactly what you feel. Nat is special. I feel like she fits into us somehow. I just can’t really wrap my head around it. I think we both need her. I feel sad for her though,” I said.

  I didn’t want to explain why. She knew the reason already.

  “Well, don't tell her that please,” Olivia said. “The last thing Natalie is going to want from you is pity.” Olivia sighed. “She's a great person- and we're compatible in ways, but in others we fall short. And you've had to deal with all the confusion and mixed messages about that. Natalie is truly lovely and we all have different problems,” Olivia went on.

  “I’d never say that to her. She would be so mad and I don’t want to be on the end of one of her verbal lashings. They’re way worse than when you’re mad at me,” I said.

  Olivia started to chuckle. “Well, yea,” she smiled.

  “I still think you’re cute when you’re mad. I’m just scared of her. It’s like I just wanna dig a fox hole and hunker down to wait for the war to be over,” I joked.

  “Way to make me sound like a pushover,” Olivia grumbled. “You know, I can be scary, I just try my best not to be whenever I'm around you.”

  “I’m sorry but I don’t think I could be scared of you. I’ve only ever been scared that you’ll get tired of me but I know I can take you so there’s that,” I admitted.

  She was so cute sometimes. Thinking of her trying to scare me made giggles come to the surface but I held them back. I didn’t want to insult her. After all, she’d just shown amazing understanding and kindness about something that would have pissed off most people.

  Olivia sighed, possibly annoyed with what I’d said.

  “See, I wasn’t mad at you at all but now I kinda am,” she said, moving to get up and find some clothes.

&n
bsp; “You're mad at me because I said I'm not scared of you?”

  Hiding my amusement was starting to be too difficult.

  She didn’t say anything, just walked into the other room to find herself some clothes.

  “No seriously. How did I piss you off? I didn't mean to do it!”

  Near the white dresser where she had found some old light wash jeans and a black shirt to throw on, Olivia stared up at me mid-change. “You’re not supposed to tell people they’re cute when you make them upset. That’s really fucked up,” she scoffed, smiling through some obvious anger. Her fingers were tight around the tops of her jeans and she pulled them on the rest of the way, snapping the button shut, slyly zipping the zipper, and looking for jewelry to wear. Anything to avoid me a little. With just pants and no bra, I found her so addicting, my eyes followed her everywhere.

  “Oh come on, I didn't mean it like that. I just find you attractive in any situation. I don't think that's bad. I'm sorry I pissed you off though,” I soothed.

  “Stop trying to placate me,” she said, running her fingers through her wavy dark hair. The chlorine and rough bedtime had only made her look effortlessly fabulous. “You’re not sorry. Obviously. You think it’s hot,” she darkly said. “I’m going out,” she decided. “I want to go to the bookstore. And I want to get quality coffee since everything is going to be boarded up tomorrow.”

  “I am sorry and I want to go with you. That is if you don’t mind. If you want to go alone it’s fine,” I said.

  “Oh,” she said, slowing and looking over at me. “No, I was definitely assuming you were coming.”

  “I didn’t want to assume since you said “I’m going out.”” I explained, mimicking her.

  “Mm. right,” she said, finding a necklace and putting it on. “I meant. You’re taking me out.”

  “I’ll get dressed,” I said glumly.

  It was such a great morning and I wasn’t supposed to find her anger hot so I just didn’t show it. I was sad and turned on at the same time. Not the depressed kind of sad, just the I got in trouble kind of sad. It would go away in thirty minutes or so.

  I got up and went through the clothes she had up here. There had to be something that would fit me. I didn’t even know what to look for. Her clothes were a little smaller than mine.

  “Umm, can you just pick something and throw it at me. I’m having some kind of stupid clothing crisis right now,” I said.

  I also just liked when she dressed me and she knew it.

  A grinding sound of an old wooden drawer-track alerted me to the truth that Olivia was obliging my request.

  It took a minute but then she came over to me and dropped some jeans, some new underwear, and a shirt in my lap. She leaned in over me and pulled my face up as she seriously kissed me.

  “You left a hoodie in my car,” she remembered, swallowing real close to me and staring into my eyes. Her lips twitched into a smile and she kissed me again, pushing me back like a bully as she kissed me and held at my neck. She didn’t want me to fall, just wanted me to know I was both adorable and frustrating to her. “Come on,” she said, opening the door to the furnace and finding some shoes for us both from the other room.

  “Yes ma’am,” I said, hopping up and following her.

  Damn, my wife was so fucking hot and amazing. I stopped to put the clothes on, and then took the flats she handed me and shoved my feet in them. She kept giving me those looks over her shoulder and she knew she had me in the palm of her hand.

  It was that simple.

  We left our holiday wonderland and descended into the real world. Her car was warm from the sun when I got in. The leather seats had soaked it up all morning. I looked in the back and saw my swim team hoodie and pulled it up front.

  She got in the driver’s side and started the car up while I pulled the hoodie over my head.

  “I wonder how Nat’s date went,” I said looking over at Olivia. “Should we text her?”

  “Hm. I'm sure it was intense,” Olivia smiled. “And that depends. Are you honestly curious or are you looking to hookup?” She was teasing me, trying to hide the blush she got whenever she was devious.

  “Wha- no! I just wanna know…” I narrowed my eyes. “You’re evil, and I love you for it. No, I want to know what Layla is like. She’s kind of mysterious. She does stuff on social media but nothing super revealing. Plus, I want to know if Nat likes her. She deserves someone amazing,” I said.

  “Oh that’s right. Layla Turani,” Olivia said darkly. “She’s cute online but I must confess, in person she was simply stunning. No wonder Nat was nervous. She doesn’t usually get that way. Something’s up.”

  Olivia was concentrating on the drive, probably running on fumes since she’d barely slept a wink. She had her sunglasses on and she was all slow in her movements, like a person who doesn’t need to move much to do the most complicated of things.

  “Yeah, I really like her music and I should have asked for an autograph but it was just… BAM! There’s Layla Turani in your face and all I could do was gawk and babble like an idiot. Typical,” I finished.

  “Ooookay,” Olivia said, tightening her fingers and then loosening them.

  “See, I’m even an idiot right now.” I leaned over and put one hand on her arm and pressed my lips to her cheek. “You’re the hottest and the only woman I want to be with. It was just cool to meet a famous musician whose music I love.”

  I couldn't see her eyes behind her sunglasses so I gave up and leaned my head on her shoulder and hummed, trying to think of ways to show her why I picked her.

  “You’re the only person who has ever made me feel special,” I said.

  “Maybe I should disappear for a while,” Olivia said.

  “Um, why?” I asked.

  “You’re more impressed by holidays and pop stars and my annoyingly hot best friend,” she smiled over at me. “Kinda makes a girl feel obsolete.”

  “No, I’m not. If I was I’d have married your hot best friend and divorced her to be with the pop star during the holidays,” I said.

  “Funny,” Olivia said, without laughing.

  “Hmm, I sense some sarcasm in that word but I’m going to let it go since you’re really hot.”

  Her driving always lulled me or excited me and right now I was in the lulling phase due to the hangover. I bet Nat was hangover free. She was special like that.

  “What do you want from the bookstore?” I asked.

  She was getting quiet and I needed to hear her voice.

  “I actually don’t know,” she said. “I just want something new and I never have time like this. I’m all antsy. Mad at myself for not leaving time to explore.”

  She pulled to the side of the road across from her favorite coffee shop and parked. After she parked she stayed still and waited incase I wanted to talk some more in private. Often she’d wait for my cues and let them guide her.

  “Sounds good and maybe I can find something I want to read. We can have a reading day where we just drink tea and hang out by the fire,” I suggested.

  It sounded amazing. We didn’t go back to school until after the New Year of course so maybe we could have a lot of reading days.

  “You know I’d love that,” she said, breathing in deep and running her hand up my neck lovingly.

  “Then it’s settled. We’re having a reading day and nothing can stop us,” I insisted.

  I took my seat belt off and got out of the car, running around to her side and opening the door.

  “I need coffee,” I said, holding out my hand to her.

  She took my hand and got out, locking her car as we walked across the street.

  “Yes please,” Olivia said. Her hand felt right in mine as if there was never a question to whether or not it would ever be held. I felt her wedding ring against my skin.

  “Oh! They have the holiday spice latte. That is my drug,” I said.

  There was a new bounce to my step. The little things excited me. I opened the cafe d
oor for her and followed her in, still holding her hand. It was mildly busy. There were several people in line and a few at booths and tables around the cafe.

  I looked around, checking out the Christmas decorations they had up and that’s when I saw her. The perfect hair, tall, athletic body and very busy face of my friend Skylar. The busy part of her face was attached to that of a girl with blonde hair that was definitely not her girlfriend. First me, then Holland, and now this girl? Sky definitely had a type.

  I let go of Olivia’s hand and walked straight over to her stopping a few feet away. I got my phone out and started to snap a photo.

  “Say cheese!”