Perfect Christmas: A Paper Dolls Novel Read online

“I love you,” I said, hoping she was right and we'd actually hang-out together soon. I needed my Natalie time.

  “Love you too. Always,” she said, pulling away.

  Nat moved to Avery and I watched her pull her in for a big strong hug. She squeezed her tight and rocked her.

  “You didn't tell us you were going on a date with Layla Turani. She won a fucking Grammy,” Avery whispered.

  It was probably a little louder than she intended it.

  “Natalie?” A smoky perfect voice cut into the air and commanded attention.

  “Lay, hey,” Nat said, moving to give her a hug. It was more restrained but still warm.

  I looked to Avery, knowing she was thinking and feelings about ready to jump off the patio. Famous people, in person, excited her to no end.

  “This is Olivia and her wife Avery.”

  “Wife, huh?” Layla smiled- all sly and mysterious. “Wish I had one of those.”

  “It’s nice to meet you,” I said. I always got shy around celebrities. I just wanted to be normal and not bother them. I acted just the same as if my parents had been introducing me to someone they wanted me to know.

  “I love your music. I literally have every album. Olivia likes to tease me about it. She plays the piano too, ya know. She's really good. That's how she got me,” Avery babbled nonsense.

  “I'm a little jealous,” Layla smiled, looking between us. “You ready babe?” She looked up at Natalie.

  “Oh yea,” Nat said. “I'll see you guys later,” she smiled nervously.

  “Be nice to her,” I teased, yelling after them as they traveled down.

  “Shut up,” Natalie blushed, looking back at me with a bit of amorous fire.

  “Yeah! Have her home by curfew and no funny business,” Avery called out.

  Natalie pointed at Avery and gave her a warning look.

  “Let's go, gorgeous,” Layla laughed, pulling herself elegantly back inside the driver’s seat of her impressive car.

  There was something so right about watching Natalie get inside the car with a stunning and talented woman like that. My chest burned a little. There was sadness but also I was grateful. I always knew I wasn't the best person for Nat. She just deserved so much more- fame-monster more.

  It was overwhelming really. I felt overwhelmed. I don't know why I felt like crying but I hated it. My best friend came over, dropped some bombs, and then spent her entire day having fun with my wife before kissing me and getting in a car with that.

  See, this was more the Christmas I was accustomed to. Salt in wounds. The absence of delicate personal care.

  “Let's go to the treehouse,” Avery said.

  “Okay,” I laughed and smiled. Avery had become my relief from whatever it was rushing over me like some dangerous rogue wave. My stunning lifeguard.

  We went back in the house and I struggled to get the cookies all stacked up for later. If my parents came home I'd feel like an ass for the mess we’d made.

  “Baby,” Avery said.

  She stopped me from moving and picked me up, hoisting me into her arms and stealing me.

  “We can do that in the morning,” she whined.

  All of a sudden we were on the move. She rushed for the back door and opened it with one hand. Her arms kept me but I definitely held on for dear life.

  “What's gotten into you?” I laughed, amused.

  “Not enough Olivia,” she said, passing the pool and going into the foliage.

  “We live together,” I laughed. She rushed us through the palms and up the stone steps that ran along the secret side of the fence.

  When we got to the steps she had to put me down.

  “You go first,” she said.

  I felt her hands spin me and lead my hands up onto the wooden rails.

  If I was having doubts or whatever, moments before, that was all lost on me.

  “I can't help it- have you…. Met you?” She said, pushing on me a little.

  “You know. You were kind of ignoring me earlier,” I reminded. I didn't count the time I ran away. Obviously, I was upset with good reason and it was better I didn't make all of that worse by sticking around. But when I came back down, she came and got me and then just sort of didn't notice me much and I'd actually been pretty happy with the cookies and just helping her but then the topics took a turn and I didn't exactly want to watch her and Natalie compete like they do.

  “Yeah, I'm an idiot sometimes,” she said.

  “I didn't say that,” I protested softly.

  “No you didn't. I did,” she said.

  “You're not an idiot,” I said, stopping on the rails so she’d have to really listen to me.

  “I am when I make cookies rather than making time for you,” she said.

  Having her warm body behind me in the dark with the cool breeze moving in was intense.

  “That's not true,” I said, pulling myself up the rest of the way. “I steal all of your time. You deserve more time for all of this stuff. I don't want to stifle you.”

  “You're not going to stifle me. I know we don't have to do everything together and we aren't always gonna be in the same mood but I don't want you to ever feel like I don't want you around because I do. Always. Even when we’re doing our own things in the same place. I like knowing you're there to see and touch and feel,” she said.

  “If you even notice me,” I teased, taking her hand and pulling her up with me, allowing her to get me to walk backwards so she could trap my back against the balcony rail.

  I was smiling. Of course just fucking with her.

  “I notice you. I always have,” she purred.

  She put her hands on my chest and pushed me to the side, so we’d make it into the treehouse rather swiftly.

  I could tell she wasn't kidding about how much she wanted me right now. Aggressive Avery was fifty shades of hot. To the point of getting me to lose my footing and my reasoning and my care.

  She caught me before I could fall and stood me up, stooping so she could pull my dress down off my body. In less than a second it was pooled around my feet and I was standing in my underwear in the quiet treehouse. Familiar smells of burning embers and fragrant candles his my nose. Avery’s hands quickened to my underwear and she got rid of those too, pushing me back onto the bed. My body bounced like a rag doll but as soon as I landed I used my elbows to crawl back for her. I pushed my hair back out of my face. It’d become long over the semester and I hadn’t gotten in cut and styled in a while. I wanted to. I’d do it soon.

  Avery stood before me, quickly parting with all of her clothes. I barely had time to look at her before she crawled onto the bed and up my body, until her face was at my navel.

  She kissed my stomach and then wrapped her arms under my legs, holding them open. She was forceful, pulling me apart and diving into me, kissing my thighs and biting them hard enough that I knew there would be marks- love bites, telling hickies. I loved them. She knew that about me. I could spend hours just stroking them during a boring conversation with someone else who didn’t know. She pulled me closer and trailed her tongue up my sex, giving me little time to adjust to how fast she was going.

  “Ah fuck-" I pinched out through pleasure and pain. Her bite was enough to make me feel like I'd cum and this was more. Every part of my body screamed out but my voice was pinched and unable to properly respond.

  My legs were shaking- muscles weak- of course, she was so strong, they probably didn't look like they were.

  I moaned and arched my back, sliding on the bed in my attempts to gain some type of control as she properly played me.

  My eyes shut up tight and my fingers sunk down into my lover’s hair.

  Chapter 11

  Avery

  This happened sometimes. I didn’t want it to be fueled by any guilt I felt about that kiss. Right and wrong had always been instilled in me in more black and whites than shades of grey. I was still getting over that and realizing that there was no definitive.

  Different p
eople were different and I couldn’t put us in these little boxes. We didn’t live in that kind of world. I didn’t care anymore. I wanted Olivia and I had her right here and now.

  I didn’t want her to cum too fast though. It was too easy. I let go of her legs and pushed her into the bed, moving up to her face. She opened her eyes and I looked at her for a moment before kissing her, letting her taste herself in my mouth.

  I wanted to fuck her and hear her beg me for it. She might think I ignored her but sometimes I needed to know she wanted me too and that she was mine.

  I stopped the kiss so I could watch her face as I slid two fingers inside of her. Almost sneaky.

  Her mouth fell open and her eyes closed again as a look of shock and possession came over her. From her throat came an intense building moan. Her hands on my back pressed harder into my skin until her nails bit, a defense mechanism she couldn't control.

  When her eyes opened again they flared wide momentarily. Her pupils were large and I could see all the hunger for me.

  All my feeling took over and my mind cleared. All that counted was Olivia, me, and how we felt. My movements became more frantic and strong. I thought I might break her but she showed no signs of it.

  We had made love so many times but it was always a little different. I felt an unfamiliar wetness on my face and didn't realize what it was until it rolled off my cheek and dropped onto Olivia’s stomach.

  They were tears. Letting go with her was making me let go of everything. I didn't hide it. There was no way I could and keep going.

  I needed her to show me her love.

  “Open your eyes,” I said.

  She was slow but she obeyed, finding me.

  “Baby?” She asked, hand reaching up to feel the liquid on my face. “What is it?” She asked, worried about me.

  “Shh,” I shushed. “Just look at me.”

  I moved just right inside of her so I could see the way I made her feel. I moved my body into hers in time to our own rhythm. She was close to falling over the edge and that’s what I wanted to see now so I moved faster into her again, picking the pace back up.

  Her eyes flicked closed for a second before she opened them again and I knew from the look and her clenching that she made it. I watched her until her head rolled to the side. I’d exhausted her. I removed my fingers and set her body gently on the bed.

  She was beautiful and spent. I rolled to the side of her and cuddled into the curve of her body. With the hand that hadn’t just been inside of her I moved the hair out of her face. Tears were still finding their way out of my eyes.

  “I love you,” she said.

  “I love you too,” I said.

  I pulled her body into mine with my other arm and folded around her, now letting the sobs come. It was everything I refused to feel for the last week.

  “Oh, baby no,” she said, twisting to hold me in her arms and be there for me.

  “I miss him,” I choked out.

  She was the only person I could ever do this with. I was safe with her.

  “I know baby,” she whispered, kissing my face in several places and trying to sooth the unbearable hurt.

  My body shook but I felt a little lighter already. No one could take my pain but Olivia let me get it out myself.

  “No one cared for a long time. You… Were the only one,” I gasped out the words slowly.

  “I love you so much,” she said painfully. I could feel I'd transferred some of it over to her. She just kept softly kissing me and holding me tight.

  “I love you. More than anyone else. I’m yours,” I sniffed.

  The tears slowed and my face was all puffy. I rarely cried but when I did it was a big event. Olivia was always there to get me through it.

  That need to recreate the perfect Christmas had been part of the loss. The damage had been done over years and there was no getting that time back but we didn’t have to have a stereotypical Christmas.

  As long as we were together.

  I felt heavy now but not with the pain, with the need for sleep. I rested my head on Olivia’s shoulder and squeezed her.

  “No leaving,” I mumbled. “Ever.”

  “I would never want to,” she whispered.

  I let myself fall asleep. Sometimes logic and knowing didn’t cover the fear that preyed on my mind. I knew that Olivia wouldn’t leave but I was always so scared that she would find someone smarter, less damaged. Someone who hadn’t been diagnosed with multiple mental disorders.

  Chapter 12

  Olivia

  It was dark in the tree house and I lay beneath her, holding her warm body against mine.

  I was such an idiot sometimes. I severely underplayed the importance of mourning around the holiday time. That's why Avery was so set on having a perfect Christmas. If she had a perfect Christmas she might actually be distracted enough to not feel as sad as she was used to feeling about him…

  Rain pattered down on the roof of our structure. I lay awake, regretting so many things.

  The love of my life was not one to cry if she could actually help it. The fact that she cried tonight meant something huge. So much had to be building to get her there and I wasn't aware.

  I kissed her skin and rubbed it, unable to stop thinking about her.

  Pretty soon it'd be freezing. Winter nights were growing colder and the tree house needed the fire to keep it warm.

  I got up after a while. It must've been 2 am or later. I walked to the other room and put an old robe on that I’d left to hide in my drawers. A fire was needed and Avery had drank so much that the alcohol would keep her out cold.

  If I wanted alone time now I could surely have it. Time to stay up and try and see all the other signs I missed and the other ways I could've been better for her.

  I prepared the fire and lit it. Looking around the room, I remembered all the time we spent up here during the year.

  Long love drunk nights. Nights of confessing in a very secret space. Nights of sex, like the one we’d started to have before the tears.

  Why I got so passionate about Natalie in my head was really bothering me now. Avery was my everything. My person. My favorite thing.

  I walked to the closet and found a box of only decorations I'd packed up some time ago. They weren't exactly Christmas decorations but they were something and all the unused energy inside of me wasn't about to disappear on its own.

  I found some string lights and started to hang them. After a while it got so warm I decided to pop out and fetch some other things to maybe set up a little tree.

  The moon was large, a shining friend in the sky. Walking outside though, alone, around my own house still found ways to somehow terrify me.

  There were some things I could never forget. People. Bad things. I tried not to think about Ben but I thought of him often and didn’t say.

  I snuck into the guest house and changed into my comfy Victoria’s Secret sweats. My mom had gotten a little table tree that she put in the kitchen to add holiday flavor. I paled in comparison to the large one that towered over us in the living room. I decided I’d take it upstairs to Avery, surprise her with a private pre-Christmas.

  I gathered decorations and paper. Tape and ribbon. A couple of the presents I'd gotten Avery when she wasn't around.

  Walking back up to be with her again I realized I was still silently shedding tears. My everything…

  All those Christmases she had to spend virtually alone with nothing but a card from her dad and a mother who was too out of it to buy presents or even think of herself. It was far too sad but I couldn’t get it out of my mind.

  I wiped the tears away and tried to get it together. The rain had soaked me a little and I had to take two trips up the slippery ladder to get everything into the tree house.

  Maybe that's why I didn't like to think about Christmas, it was always an extra layer upon an already depressing thing.

  As I decorated our little room I tried not to think about it, tried to drive all the thoughts away
.

  My baby was here with me. Silently sleeping, entirely safe in the place where I watched over her with all of the love in my heart.

  I wrapped her presents and tried to make the little tree stand out more by placing it high on a little table.

  When the room was so very Christmas that I couldn't possibly think of a way to make it more so, I laid down on the rug and began to writer her a letter.

  Dear Avery,