Wolfsbane: The Wolf Within Read online

  The Evelyn I was now and the Evelyn I was back when Aiden first met me were two completely different people. I had no self-esteem and I thought I was a nobody, not worth the time of day. Aiden slowly proved to me my self-worth and what I was capable of. He helped me find my father and uncover the truth of who I really was and how I came to be.

  When I had come clean on the years of abuse and torment I had suffered, Aiden was by my side every step of the way. All through the trial of Idaho with the High Council, Aiden had my back, being a strong support when I had to relive my darkest memories to a room full of strangers. I never would have gone through with it without him by my side.

  The night when Idaho marched on us in retribution of their sentencing was a night that would forever hold in my memory. That night I had been forced to embrace the witch I really was. If I hadn’t, I would have lost Aiden forever. My throat thickened at the thought of entering a half-life and even now my palms still sweat in fear.

  “Why are you staring at me like that?” Aiden asked as we reached the house. I shook my head dazedly as I came back to reality and hoped I hadn’t missed something important. He rubbed the back of his neck in that nervous way and I eyed that brown birthmark on his arm before flicking my eyes back to his. “Is there something on my face?”

  “No,” I laughed softly. “Come on I need to shower.”

  It was tough getting upstairs to the bathroom without getting mud everywhere. The smell was starting to really linger and by the time we made it to the bathroom, I was happy to get my clothes off. I wondered if I could ever wear those gym clothes again. Aiden had got the water running and I didn’t miss the way his eyes roamed over my body.

  “Should I cut my hair?” I asked him, secretly enjoying that amber glow in his eyes.

  “If you want to,” he smirked as he came over to me. He cupped my cheek while his other hand grazed down my bare back and I closed my eyes as our lips met. He ran his fingers through the long stands and pulled back. “Please don’t though,” he said huskily.

  I gave him a quick wink and pulled away, hopping into the shower, quickly adjusting the temperature as the hot water hit my skin painfully. Just as Aiden began taking off his pants his eyes glazed over and he frowned. I watched with interest as that frown turned into a full grimace and an eye roll as he came back to me. He picked up his shirt with a curse and it was my turn to frown as that beautiful chest disappeared.

  “Why?” I grumbled.

  “There’s a rogue at the border,” Aiden explained.

  “Why can’t your dad handle it?” I asked.

  “Because it looks like the rogue is mates with a fighter,” he said as his nostrils flared and I bit my lip. Aiden did not like the idea of rogues while I was still very on the fence about it. “Dad wants me down there now. This,” he gestured at the shower, “Isn’t over.”

  “I’d be disappointed if it was,” I said coyly.

  With one last lingering look and a muted curse word, Aiden left the bathroom and I sighed as I was forced to switch the temperature to outright freezing.

  ∞

  “I finally sent off my last college application,” Hannah told me as we sat in her cozy bedroom. “I can’t believe how grueling that process was.”

  “How about organizing a portfolio?” I said.

  Aiden and I had applied to about eight colleges, having some in our safety reserves and then of course our top three choices. We wanted to get away from Oregon and be on our own, so we had targeted colleges on the other side of the country. Aiden needed some time to himself away from the pack before he became Alpha and I wanted to be a shorter plane ride away from my family. NYU or the University of Pennsylvania were our top two and then the University of Columbus. It wasn’t as if we needed it for jobs, but the experience was not to be missed.

  Aiden was still going to major in something that would help his role as Alpha. I would major in arts and do a minor in some sort of degree that would help as Luna.

  “It’s going to be exciting, but sad that we’ll all be split up for so long!” Hannah pouted. “It should be good though, we’re all going to grow so much.”

  “I’m excited,” I said softly. “I never even thought college was on the cards.”

  She squeezed my hand and began lighting sage. “I made sure Josh told me all the colleges Katherine applied to and then made sure he didn’t have us apply there as well.”

  I laughed out loud but I understood her reasoning. Why would she want to be stuck with someone like Katherine for a few years?

  Katherine Ward was a terrible human being—and I didn’t say that lightly. She was a purest through and through. She absolutely despised that Hannah, a half-blood, was mated to the future Beta of Oregon and now held a higher rank than her. Katherine had also targeted me when Aiden and I first got together, absolutely horrified that the future Luna of Oregon was not her. When she moved away to be with her mate, life became easier without her around.

  “Alright,” Hannah sat across from me and crossed her legs. “So, just like every other time we’re going to breathe and focus on our center. We’re in control and we have the power, the power doesn’t have us. Your power is different, it’s not like normal witch powers and that’s why this is so important, to focus and centralize yourself. Taking breaks from your magic is so vital and you’ve shown tremendous control Evie.”

  “It hasn’t been easy and if it hasn’t helped…” I trailed off with a sigh.

  “I think it has,” Hannah told me. “If it hadn’t you’d have already used it by now. Come on, focus this time. Follow my voice, close your eyes…”

  Hannah began her usual mantra and I followed her words as I let my eyes flicker shut and the smell of burnt sage assaulted my senses and Hannah’s voice became central in my mind. Feel everything from the tingle in my toes to the air lightly brushing my skin.

  Focus on the way your heart is beating and focus on that fire within you that wants to be unleashed. Don’t let it.

  That was easier said than done.

  Taking a calming breath, I refocused from my own thoughts, knowing I needed to put a hundred percent into this. Hannah was smart and had been raised with magic and my father had backed her up with the meditation idea. It was worth trying and maybe it was working, sure, I was still having nightmares, but I wasn’t sleep walking as much either…

  My mind began to lose itself to the abyss of being able to put everything on pause. Hannah’s words eventually became garbled and the smell of sage barely registered with me now.

  I found myself picturing that I was running through the forest with bare feet, practically gliding as my feet hardly hit the floor. The air was cool and the smell of rain was everywhere. My feet soon disappeared and turned into paws and I was running as a wolf, the color still unknown. This was one of my favorites to slip into. Moving like a wolf, knowing exactly where to jump and turn…that feeling, it glided through me as if it was real.

  Lately, it was all I had been craving and I wasn’t sure where this incessant need had come from but shifting was on my mind almost constantly. It sucked watching the others run together while I had to stay on two feet. It was cool to have magic but I knew that feeling of shifting was exhilarating and I wanted it, I wanted my own wolf.

  It brought me down to earth hard when I knew I wouldn’t get that.

  That’s not entirely true now is it? The Shadow whispered into my ear. You can do anything…just snap those little fingers and get yourself a wolf.

  The Shadow was back, and I was lost. The fact it was urging me to even try doing that sprang alarm bells into my mind.

  Don’t trust it Evelyn. Don’t fall into it.

  It’s there, The Shadow murmured. All you need to do is take it. You have the power. Why are you letting them tell you what to do? Making you put away your magic…it’s yours. They’re jealous.

  They’re jealous? I asked dazedly as my head swam.

  Of course! It hissed. You’re the one with the power; y
ou could do whatever you want with it. You’re indestructible Evelyn.

  Indestructible… I whispered with a frown. Jealous…

  It’s your power and you can do whatever you want with it, The Shadow’s icy cold grip on my chest tightened and I gasped. It’s yours!

  “It’s mine,” I echoed.

  “Evelyn!” Hannah’s voice shocked me enough to pull me back to reality. Her face was alarmed and she held a wad of tissues to my face. “You have a nosebleed.”

  I could feel the trickle of warm liquid coming out my nose and I quickly put my hand to the tissues, leaning my head backward. Nosebleeds were not uncommon for me, especially when The Shadow managed to make an appearance.

  “Evelyn, it got really cold in here,” Hannah stressed. “You were mumbling…rambling…”

  “I mean, I pictured the forest again and running,” I shrugged as I told the truth. It was the truth just not all of it and I had mastered lying to wolves a long time ago. “I don’t know why it got cold. Is your window open?”

  “No, my window isn’t open,” Hannah stared at me for a second before shrugging. “Well that was about an hour, I think it went well. How do you feel?”

  “Light,” I said. “It doesn’t feel so close to the surface now.”

  By the time I managed to escape Hannah’s I began the walk home carrying that awful feeling that I was being watched. I was living in this constant bubble of paranoia both from a combination of all the lying and the voices that danced within my mind. I needed to work this out and find some clarity within my mind before I imploded.

  Chapter Two

  “Brake Evelyn!” Aiden cried as I let go of the steering wheel, which forced Aiden to lean over quickly and straighten us out as my foot hit the gas before the truck stalled, making an awful sound before we halted to a hard stop. Aiden’s face looked white and my hands were shaking as I gasped loudly in the driver’s side. “That was…better.”

  “It was awful,” I said shakily. “Aiden, I don’t want to learn anymore.”

  “Hey,” he took my hand and brought it to his mouth. “You’re doing great…but maybe you should learn on an automatic instead…Mom would probably lend you her car. It’s smaller and might be easier.” That was Aiden’s sweet way of saying, please learn on my mother’s car so I don’t have to worry about the safety of my truck. He already had to pull out a dent in his tray from where I had reversed into a pole.

  “Your Mom’s car might be better,” I said as I turned the truck off. “You should drive us home.”

  Aiden looked relieved to be behind the wheel of his truck and I had to hide my smile. He was trying his hardest to be helpful and to teach me, but I knew watching me overrev his truck and burning the clutch made him anxious and jumpy. It made me love him even more, no matter how much he cringed he still pushed me on with positive comments about how great I was doing—even after I had hit that pole.

  “You’re doing it again,” Aiden’s nervous voice broke into my thoughts as he drove us home.

  “Doing what?” I asked.

  “Staring at me,” he rubbed the back of his neck and I smiled at the action.

  “I love you,” I told him simply and his lips tugged upward. “You’re too good to me.”

  He snorted as if I was lying but he also took my hand and held it the rest of the way home and he couldn’t hide that slight red tinge on his cheeks. Aiden raced around my side of the truck and got the door for me, helping me down from the truck. I thanked him by pecking his cheek briefly before leading him with me up to the house. There were some gardening tools out on the rose border near the front door and a few bag bags of mulch next to them.

  The Luna was always doing something new to her garden or to the house. She took pride in how it was presented, and her house stood out as the best on the street.

  The interior always felt like something out of a catalogue. It was fancy, but it still had a warm and welcoming feeling to it. It was kind of like her really. The house exuded the same warmth and welcoming energy that The Luna mirrored in her personality.

  The Luna had been like a mother to me from the moment Aiden and I had met. She had taken me under her wing from the day I had moved in, clothing me and providing me with a kind and listening ear and good advice when I needed it. From day one, she had insisted I call her Claudia and I still struggled with the informal speech of addressing my superior.

  I’d never walk around calling the Alpha, Gregg, that’s for sure.

  A scream to my left pierced my ear and I turned around, raising my hands and preparing myself to attack whatever was coming at me. A flurry of long arms, flowing brown hair and a vibrant splash of orange barreled into me and sprawled us both to the floor. The moment those warm feelings spread through me I screamed right back.

  “Aliyah!” I cried happily as I pulled her in for a tight hug. “You weren’t supposed to be coming for another week!”

  “Surprise!” my father walked into the room with a grin on his face. “Aiden planned it, we wanted to shock you.”

  “Well I’m very surprised!” I picked myself up off the floor and wrapped my arms around my father’s neck sighing in content. “Hey dad,” I said softly.

  We held each other for a long time, enjoying the feeling of closeness. He lives so far away and it makes me sad I can’t see him as often as I like. Even though we’ve only been in each other’s lives for such a short time, we quickly formed a close bond with one another that I thought I’d never achieve with anyone but Aiden. My father guided me through controlling my magic and embracing it, helping me realize the witch I really was.

  “How’s the magic stopper?” Aliyah asked as my father and I pulled a part. “Ready to explode yet?”

  “Close to it,” I said tensely as my finger suddenly tingled. “It’s easy to forget about when no one brings it up.”

  My father smiled with sympathy as he rubbed my back. “I make all the kids do it Evelyn, you’ve had some significant emotional experiences in the last few months, and not using it will be good for you both mentally and physically.”

  I bit my lip and rubbed my arm nervously as he embraced Aiden. I wasn’t sure if I should tell my father about the sleep walking, the nosebleeds and even the nightmares. What would he even say? I was tired of always having a problem other people needed to solve.

  “So, I thought it was just dad coming,” I said as I nudged Aliyah.

  “Dad wants me to spend the summer in New Orleans with my future husband,” Aliyah said the last word like it was the vilest thing to ever fall off her lips. “I said I would, but only if I could come along with him to see you.”

  “Summer in New Orleans?” I asked with surprise. “That should be fun—”

  “Ha!” Aliyah cut me off and I bit my lip nervously.

  “Not here,” my father told her sternly. “You made the rules Aliyah, you promised that I wouldn’t have to hear of this.” He looked at Aiden and Aliyah made a face at the back of his head. “I was just speaking with your mother about that rogue you apprehended the other day. So, he’s mated to one of your fighters?”

  “Yes,” Aiden said with gritted teeth. He was far from happy about the situation but then again, neither was the fighter who was trying to get her mate out of the holding cells. Aiden had such an intense dislike for rogues, as did most pack wolves. It was going to be a hard road for this rogue to be accepted. The Luna was doing her best to talk Aiden and the Alpha down, but so far it was falling on deaf ears. The rogue wasn’t explaining what brought him to Oregon and the fighter refused to do anymore patrolling until her mate was free.

  The Luna entered the room then with a bright smile on her face. “Why don’t we all come into the sitting room and have some tea?”

  “Sounds perfect,” my father smiled as he followed the Luna and I trailed in after them, trying not to notice Aiden’s tense form. Once everyone had settled into a comfortable spot my father looked at me with an expectant gaze. “How are your driving lessons going, Evely
n?”

  I laughed nervously into my cup of tea and burnt my lips on the edge. Even that feeling was less painful than answering my father’s question. “Let’s see…Aiden has been taking me out for an hour every second day and I still can’t work a clutch. He has to help me change the gears!”

  Everyone in the room laughed as I had expected them to and they began talking about other ways to learn—automatic was the go to. Everyone began talking around me and I calmly sipped away on my tea, enjoying the company and wondering if I should be open with my father or not. Conversation quickly changed to my other siblings and Sienna’s new boyfriend. My father didn’t look very pleased about it, however, Aliyah gushed through her story and part of me wondered if she was living vicariously through her sister.

  Out of nowhere this cold, paralyzing feeling crept over me and I clutched my cup from the sensation. My mouth felt dry as those anxious feelings I’d been suppressing assaulted my senses and I struggled to pretend I was listening to Aliyah. My palms were sweating, my body felt hot and I struggled to identify where the feeling came from as I set down my cup.

  “Excuse me,” I said softly as I got up. No one really seemed to pay much attention to my leaving and that was a relief. Aiden was deep in conversation with my father, discussing life around Ohio and which colleges we were applying at. Grace and the Luna were watching Aliyah play with her magic, looking at her in wonder.

  Locking myself away in the bathroom, I dry heaved into the sink as my eyes prickled with tears.

  It’s okay, a voice whispered into my mind. I will help you.

  “Go away,” I pleaded at the voice. The Shadow just seemed to be getting more aggressive and these attacks of anxiety were not pleasant at all. Had anyone noticed anything out there?

  Maybe they were talking about me and my behavior right now. A knock on the door snapped me out of the haze I had been pulled into and I opened it a crack, spying Grace with worried eyes.