Wolfsbane: The Wolf Within Read online

  WOLFSBANE

  The Wolf Within

  By

  Bethany Shay Porteous

  Wolfsbane: The Wolf Within

  Copyright © 2017 by Bethany Shay Porteous

  All rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in ANY form without the direct permission of the author. Wolfsbane is the work of fiction, any similarities to real people or events is purely coincidental.

  Read in the order of

  Wolfsbane: Evelyn & Aiden

  Mine: Charlotte and Kyron

  Wolfsbane: The Wolf Within

  This is the part where you find out who you are.

  -Anonymous

  Table of Contents

  Preface

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Prologue

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Preface

  The air was thick with the stench of death and held a cold chill. Violent screams of anger and hate echoed through the field. Flesh could be heard being ripped from bodies, bones were being broken and the final gasps before a life was lost hit me to my core. Why was I here again? How many times did I have to keep coming back to this night?

  With the battle taking place around me, I watched like a ghost. I couldn’t see them, and they couldn’t see me, yet I felt everything. The cries of mates beginning half-lives as they held the ones they loved or a cheer of victory when an enemy was taken down. Both sides were fighting for a cause they believed in, but there was only going to be one winner.

  Watching Aiden’s death all over again forced me to relive the agony of the mate bond being torn from me. The frantic cries that emitted from my lips as my hands shook over my mate’s lifeless body. Death was everywhere, and I had brought it here.

  Yes, a voice crooned into my ear. You bring nothing but destruction. Look at how many lives have been torn apart for you.

  “Stop,” I pleaded with The Shadow.

  You got your mate back, It taunted. But so many didn’t get that chance, did they?

  “I tried—I tried to help—”

  No, you didn’t! The Shadow snarled so viciously it sent my skin prickling as I clutched at my head. The battle cries ceased and the field was blanketed in silence.

  The air had become so cold that white mist escaped from my mouth with every breath. My hands were bathed in blood and dirt, as they should be. They were the hands of a killer and the power that could come from these hands frightened me to no end. The field was void of life, the bodies gone, both living and dead. The grass was collecting dew and with each step I took, my feet were cleansed of the dirt and blood stains.

  Why was I back here again? My question still hadn’t been answered.

  Suddenly breathing became difficult and my hands went to my throat as my body began to tighten and constrict movement. What was happening? My hand began to raise itself and I watched in wonder as sharp claws spurted from my fingertips—like a wolf beginning to shift. When my hand attacked my own body, raking its way down my chest, I screamed in agony, writhing in pain as I cried out for anybody to help me.

  My body was assaulted with feelings of fear and regret, shame and hatred. I couldn’t stop the emotions as they took hold of any kind of conscious thought I had. It was as if a dark cloud had descended over me and was following me with each stumbling step that I took. Hot liquid was trickling out of my nose, my ears and my eyes and I quickly identified it as blood, as the fat ugly red drops entered my line of sight.

  “What’s happening to me?” I gasped as The Shadow reappeared. “H-help me.”

  This is the pain you put your enemies through, The Shadow murmured. This is the kind of pain you are capable of. You have no need to fear anyone; instead you desire to be feared.

  “I don’t w-want t-that!” I cried out.

  You crave power and death gives you a rush like no other, The Shadow said. Look at all these lives you have taken. The Shadow gestured to the mountain of corpses that now filled the once empty field. The pain I was going through seared through my body, like I was being both stabbed by a million knives, but dunked in hot lava at the same time.

  “I was p-protecting my p-pack!” I screamed.

  Were you really? The Shadow chuckled. Or was there another motive behind your actions, Evelyn?

  I dropped to my knees as the pain went away and instead was replaced with the anguish I had been feeling since the battle. This darkness was starting to consume me and the more I fell into this tortuous fight with my mind, the harder it was to climb back out.

  “I don’t w-want to h-hurt anyone,” I cried as the blood from my eyes turned into tears. “I d-don’t want power—I want to be normal. I’m sorry—I’m sorry, I can’t t-take it back. I protected my pack, yes, that’s w-what I w-was doing. Stop it. Stop doing this to me! Stop it!”

  The anguished cry echoed throughout the field and The Shadow disappeared. The blood and the bodies disappeared and rain was dropping slowly over me as I stood shaking in the middle of the field. In the distance a wolf howled, and I blinked out of my haze looking around me. I glanced down at my body and noted I was still wearing my yoga pants and Aiden’s shirt that I had put on before bed.

  The taste of salt from my tears lingered on my lips and my tongue darted out over them for a moment as I regained my bearings. My feet were encased in the mud the rain had created and as it beat harder, my body shook with relief that I was back in this dimension but also terror, that I knew this wouldn’t be the last time I’d wake up in the middle of this Hell.

  My body was drawn here and that dark shadow taunted my subconscious when I wasn’t awake to fight it off. How many times would I have to apologize to Morgana? I thought that had been taken care of when my father cleansed me. After the battle I had been fine for a short time but then the sleep walking and the nightmares persisted to a point where I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hide it from everyone.

  The rain began to get harder and the howls became closer. I couldn’t risk being seen out here by a patrol. Think like the rain, I told myself softly as I began to move with the water. It felt as if my feet no longer hit the ground as my body blended in with the cold wet drops from the sky. The patrol didn’t even notice me when they ran past.

  I found myself standing in the back of the yard, gazing up at Aiden’s open window and trying to work out how I had got from there to the field with no injuries and how I had managed to succeed on that journey so many times before without being caught. Was it The Shadow? Was it a real entity? Or was it the dark place in my mind that was trying to fight its way to dominance?

  You aren’t alone, the voice ghosted through my mind and I scrunched my eyes shut tightly.

  Go away, go away! Leave me alone, I’m not listening to you!

  In the human world, hearing these voices would earn you a trip to the psyche ward and a high dosage of medication. For me, I wasn’t sure how to handle it. The Shadow was a crue
l darkness that took over me and made me relive my worst memories. The other voice was calmer and gentle but by this stage I had grown suspicious of everything going on in my mind. Trying to distinguish between the two was near impossible.

  I wanted to scream both in anger and irritation. These days, I felt like it didn’t take a lot to aggravate me and lose control of my temper. These late-night adventures to the killing fields did not help my plight whatsoever. I had become so exhausted I was almost paranoid. The thought that I was being watched sat on my shoulders constantly, leaving me feeling vulnerable and edgy.

  Scaling up the side of the house I crept into Aiden’s bedroom and slipped off my soaking clothes and threw them into the basket. It was a relief for a change to know Aiden was on a patrol, he hadn’t yet caught me during my bursts of sleep walking and I prayed it stayed that way. How was I meant to explain it without knowing what it was myself?

  I hadn’t even spoken to my father about it.

  I perched on the edge of the bed and rested my head in my hands as I trembled. Hot tears fell from my eyes and I sniffled as my chest ached. I just wanted it to stop, to be over. I wanted to be able to move on with my life but lately it had become increasingly difficult and I couldn’t trace back to when my mind began losing itself in the past.

  I’d never felt so lost before and it frustrated me to no end that when I felt ready to tell someone what had been happening, it was as if a trap door was shut across my throat and the cry for help I so desperately wanted to release would stay buried within me until I lost my moment of courage.

  No one will understand, the cold voice told me. You’re alone on this, they’ll judge you. Make excuses.

  “Go away,” I cried brokenly as I threw myself under the blankets. “Just go away.”

  Chapter One

  My shoes felt like they were slipping off as I careened through the forest, dodging branches or running into them altogether. Aiden was close on my tail, but he hadn’t caught me yet—this was the first time I’d made it this far without him catching me and not being allowed to use magic. I was getting faster and stronger thanks to the training we’d been doing on a constant basis.

  I gasped when the edge of my jacket was caught and Aiden laughed from behind me as he tugged me backwards. Sliding my arms out and contorting my body out of it, I took off again, smiling to myself at Aiden’s loud groan. I leapt off a large boulder and tucked my body as I rolled a few meters on the floor before gaining my footing and taking off again. I only had a mile to go and I would be back to where we started, I was so close!

  “I’m coming Evelyn!” Aiden called loudly.

  If he caught me I knew what I had to do, I just didn’t want to. We’d been working on my hand to hand combat for months and we were at the stage of me using my full force against Aiden and I hated it. He healed instantly but that wasn’t the point, I hated watching him bleed or grunt because I’d hurt him. If he caught me now though… I don’t think I’d feel so bad. I had to make it back; I had to prove to Aiden that I could defend myself without magic.

  Aiden’s arms wrapped around my waist as he dragged us both to the floor and I felt the air knock out of me as we rolled. He was on top of me in a second, pinning me to the Earth as I struggled beneath him. He began his assault, his blows never hard; it was as if I was being tapped. I blocked as many as I could, begging for an opening and when I found it I wasted no time in bringing my fist up to his jaw, cringing at the crunch of his teeth.

  “I’m sorry!” I wheezed as I lifted my hips and threw him over my head, scrambling to my feet and running. “I’m sorry!” I called back over my shoulder.

  “…Evelyn let’s go!”

  I must have been getting closer to the start point now if I could hear them. Grace and Lucy were waiting for me and I knew Trey and Josh had to be out here somewhere, they were my final hurdle. The moment the thought went through my mind, Josh jumped out of a tree right in front of me.

  I screamed in fright and did the only thing I could think of. I clasped my fists together and hit him right in his crown jewels before sweeping my legs in between his and tripping him on the floor.

  “Sorry!” I called out again as Josh waved me off.

  “It’s f-fine,” he groaned into the dirt.

  My legs pumped harder as I saw Lucy and Grace cheering loudly from the white rope. I was about to make it, I was about to finally finish this leg of the training.

  Out of nowhere a weighted force took me down and my attacker and I landed in a giant puddle, left from the rainstorm last night.

  Trey gripped my pony tail as he controlled my neck before wrapping an arm around my throat and pulling me into a chokehold. As his grip tightened logical thinking disappeared and was replaced with panic at the thought of having to tap out. If I gave in now, I’d have lost and then the entire course would have been for nothing. My forehead was beginning to sting as my thoughts raced and I flailed frantically in Trey’s arms.

  “Tap out Evie!” Trey shouted.

  “Time!” Hannah shouted.

  Trey released me straight away and helped me up to my feet while I gasped for breath. He quickly began inspecting my forehead, frowning. For someone who had just been manhandling me so strongly, his fingers were deftly soft. “Sorry Evie, I didn’t mean to land us in that puddle. Crap, I think you hit a rock.”

  “It’s fine,” I gasped as I tried to catch my breath. “A real attacker isn’t going to care where I land anyway.”

  “You were so close this time,” he pat me on the back. “Good job.”

  “I’m never going to make it,” I sighed as Lucy and Grace began making their way down.

  “You’re getting closer each time,” Hannah said with a smile. “Remember when you first started and couldn’t even make it a mile before Aiden caught you. Now look at you, almost six miles and you’re breaking out of people’s attacks.”

  “Why do you always go for my balls?” Josh grumbled as Hannah rubbed his back with a sympathetic smile.

  “Sorry,” I laughed softly.

  “How did it go?” Aiden came bursting through the forest, taking in my mud caked appearance and wounded forehead. He was by my side in an instant, checking the injury and checking my body all over for anything else.

  “Trey got her again,” Grace told Aiden.

  “You got closer this time,” he told me with a grin. “You kicked my ass.”

  “She punched my—” Josh was cut off by Hannah who slapped him on the back of his head. “Um… ow?”

  “Stop whining,” she told him.

  “Goddess you stink,” Lucy wrinkled her nose at me. “What the hell did you two fall in?”

  The smell was strong, and I prayed I didn’t fall into animal leftovers. It made me feel sick just to know whatever that was had been in my mouth.

  “Come on,” Aiden took my hand. “I want to get you cleaned up and look at that cut on your forehead.”

  “I could just get rid of it myself,” I suggested.

  “That would defeat the purpose of not using your magic,” Hannah chided. “You only have two more days Ev.”

  “Well my fingertips feel like they’re about to explode,” I told her as I flexed my hands. It had been my father’s idea to take breaks from my magic. I had been struggling with it for a few months now; it just seemed to be budding and sometimes I’d do things accidently without meaning to use it. It had been growing since the nightmares had started and just like the dreams…it was getting worse. Putting my magic on hold for the last month had been torture and it hadn’t stopped the dreams.

  Not being able to use my magic was torture.

  “Alright well, we’re going to split,” Trey announced. “We’re going to start our training for the day.”

  “Thanks for your help guys,” Aiden clapped Trey on the back and gave Josh one of those brief man-hugs. “We’ll catch up on the patrols later.”

  Lucy gave me a wink and said, “Go on Evie. Get your mate to clean you up.”
/>   “Lucy,” Hannah pushed her shoulder. “I’ll take these two. We still on for meditation later?”

  I nodded tightly, trying my best to smile. The meditation didn’t help me at all but I was at the point now of doing whatever I had to do to please people so they would think I was okay. I was tired of the focus always being on me and if I could act like I was coping then that was all I needed.

  “Your time is really improving,” Aiden told me as he took my hand and began to lead us out of the forest. “Your self-defense has come really far as well. It doesn’t matter what size you are, if you just take that moment to use your head and use your enemies weight against them…”

  I watched Aiden as he spoke, admiring how passionate he looked whenever he discussed my training. It made me happy that he was proud of how far I’d come, and I had come far. I was a long way from the frail girl who had first showed up in Oregon all those months ago. Aiden had played a huge part in getting me to where I was today both emotionally and physically.

  I had grown up in the Idaho pack an outcast and an abomination in the eyes of our elders. It was believed I was half-human and half-wolf. A pack that was renowned for its purity, I was an embarrassment. To cover up the truth of my conception and my true heritage, my mother had spun the perfect lie about being raped by human. This in turn hid her indiscretion when in truth, she had engaged in a secret affair with my father—a witch that neighbored her packs border—which in result, led to me. This lie however, while protecting her, left me open for both emotional and physical abuse. I was treated more like an Omega than the daughter of a Beta wolf.

  The trip to Oregon I thought would just turn into more torture but instead turned into a trip that would set in motion a course of events that would change my life forever.

  We had been invited to Oregon to celebrate the alliance between our two packs. My former Alpha also had grand plans to wed his daughter Fiona to Aiden, the future Alpha of Oregon. Those plans backfired when Aiden approached me and declared that we were mates. I didn’t believe him at first. The years of abuse and torment had left me untrusting of everyone and it took him and his entire family to make me believe and encourage me to stay.