The Vow Read online

  By the time I reach the building, I’m a tiny bit out of breath, but I still don’t slow down. Pushing open the large door, I step inside, my sneakers squeaking against the linoleum. Pausing briefly, I stare at the front desk. No one. There’s just a sign that says be back tomorrow.

  Well then… Deciding that tomorrow is just too late to wait, I walk down the long hall toward the offices. When I find my advisor’s office, I lift a hand and knock on her door.

  “She’s already gone,” Sebastian’s voice rings in my ears, and I swear my whole body reacts to the deep gravelly sound.

  Goosebumps spread out across my arms, and my heart starts beating just a little faster.

  I ready myself, before I turn around, puffing my chest out to show him that I’m not scared or affected by him.

  I turn expecting to find him scowling at me, maybe even preparing to yell at me to get out, but instead, he just stares at me, his eyes softer than I’ve ever seen them. I’m so shocked by the way he is looking at me that I forget to respond.

  “Is there something I can help you with?” He breaks the silence, and a shiver runs down my spine.

  “I… I don’t know,” I admit. “Professor Berg sent me here, he didn’t say why.”

  He doesn’t look angry or irritated, and I’m not sure what to make of him at this point.

  “Come here. I can check your file on the school database.” He motions toward his office, and I follow him like a lost puppy.

  He sits down behind his desk and starts typing something into the computer, while I sit nervously in front of him, wringing my hands in my lap. I try my best not to stare at him because every time our eyes meet this stupid warmth fills my abdomen.

  “Professor Berg made a note that you failed your first test, you didn’t submit your homework, and you didn’t bring your textbook to class.” Sebastian looks up from the screen and finds my eyes. An unspoken question hangs between us.

  “I don’t have my textbooks yet, but I will get them soon and make up all the work I’ve missed,” I sigh. I was really hoping this wasn’t that big of an issue, but obviously, it is.

  “Why don’t you have your textbooks yet? You should have gotten a supply list a long time ago.”

  A flush works its way up my throat and onto my cheeks. Embarrassed, I look away, finding some spot on the wall behind him to concentrate on.

  “I just… I don’t have the money to pay for them right now.” I try my best to make my voice strong and even, anything but what I’m truly feeling, but instead, it all comes out in a rush like the air deflating from a balloon. He shakes his head and leans back in his chair. For some strange reason, I feel the need to explain.

  “I’m looking for a job right now, so it shouldn’t be much longer.”

  “Why didn’t you come to me and ask for help?” I swing my gaze back to him just to make sure he isn’t joking. His expression confirms that he’s serious, which confuses me even more.

  “Are you serious, right now? You really expect me to ask you for help? When should I have asked… before or after you told me that I’m nothing to your family?”

  Regret fills his eyes, and his face twists as if he’s in pain.

  “I’m sorry about what I said and how I acted that night.” His apology takes me by surprise, the insults I had lined up for him are now suddenly stuck in my throat.

  “You… you’re sorry?” I can’t pull my gaze from his, and not just because he’s gorgeous, no it’s because of the way he’s looking at me. Like I matter. Like I’m important to him. There’s a stark difference between who he was that night and who is he is tonight.

  He nods his head, “I am. Let me make it up to you… let me buy your books for you?”

  “No!” I yell without thinking. I shove from the chair nearly causing it to crash to the floor. Once on my feet, I move toward the door. I didn’t come here for his pity, or his money and the fact he’s acting otherwise infuriates me. Twisting around, I stare at him with fire in my eyes.

  “You can’t just buy me off to make yourself feel better, and I don’t need or want your pity.” I turn fully, prepared to storm out, but I make it all of one step before he is on his feet quickly, coming around the desk.

  Confidently, he walks across the room and over to me. “That’s not how I meant it, and you know it. I would never pity you or buy you things as a form of apology. I want to buy you the books to show you that you can count on me for help… if you need anything, just ask.”

  Exasperated, I growl, “Just ask? Just ask?” I repeat. I cannot believe him. Maybe I’m blowing up over nothing, but I’m exhausted, tired of thinking about him and wondering if he’s thinking about me too.

  Invading his space, I crane my head back and raise my hand. Sebastian gives me a confused look, but I don’t give him a chance to question me. Using my index finger, I poke him right in his perfectly muscled chest.

  “I don’t need your help.”

  Confusion bleeds into an emotion I can’t quite read, and then he does something I would never in a million years expect him to do. He grabs my finger and uses it to pull me closer. The softest of gasps slips past my parted lips. With his other hand, he gently grabs me by the back of my neck, holding me in place while he bends down, bringing his face impossibly close to mine. Too close. Breathing through my nose, I catch a whiff of lemongrass and orange, realizing a moment before it’s too late that I’m smelling him.

  Before I can think on that embarrassment, his lips crash into mine. There’s a hunger to his kiss, it’s wild, unhinged passion. He pulls me flush to his body, leaving no space between us. Our chests press together, my hardened nipples rubbing against his skin through both of our shirts.

  I want him bad.

  I need him bad.

  It’s wrong, but it’s so damn right.

  Fisting his shirt in my hands, I pull him closer, deepening the kiss. The friction against my pebbled nipples causes me to groan, and Sebastian takes my open mouth as an invitation, his tongue sliding past my lips to stroke my own.

  His strokes are steady, firm, and they make a slow heat build low in my abdomen.

  I’ve never kissed like this before, with so much passion and heat. It feels like I’m burning up, my skin burning where he touches me. When he starts to move, I don’t think twice. I let him guide us back to the couch, and then he pulls me down onto his lap.

  Straddling him, I let my hands wander over his broad shoulders, and down his sculpted chest, slowly trailing down to the abs I know he’s hiding beneath his shirt. I run my fingers over each hard indentation before coming to rest on the zipper of his dress slacks.

  In one small motion, I unzip him. I have no clue what I’m doing, or why I’m doing it, but I want this. No, I need this. As if his brain has finally caught up with my actions, he breaks the kiss and presses his forehead against mine.

  We’re both panting, gasping for air. Sebastian releases his hold on the back of my neck, and his hand falls to the cushion beside us. It seems like he’s giving up. As if he’s defeated.

  Does he want this as badly as I do? As badly as I need him? Our eyes bleed into one another, my blue into his hazel. I can see the confusion, the anger, and sadness lingering there, and I want to make it go away. I want to heal both of us, to forget just for a minute.

  Reaching for the button on his slacks, I flick it, and only then does he make an attempt to stop me, his hand coming to rest against mine. His hold is lax as if he doesn’t really want to stop me. There’s a firm bulge pressed against my core, and I know for certain he wants this, so why is he stopping? Looking up at him through coal-black lashes, I question him without even speaking.

  “We shouldn’t.” His voice is smoky, it clings to my insides like glue.

  “Please,” desperation drips from that one single word, but I don’t care how desperate I sound or look. I just want him.

  After a moment, he releases my hand, letting his fall back to where they were before. He leans back into the cushi
on, his chest rising and falling quicker, and quicker giving him away.

  I take that as an invitation and continue undoing his pants. I might have held onto my virginity, but I’m no saint. I’ve fooled around and given a blowjob or two before, not enough times to be considered a pro, but enough times that I must’ve been decent enough because it didn’t take long for them to come.

  Crawling off his lap, I drop down to my knees in front of him, freeing his massive erection at the same time. I can’t help myself. I need to see him. Peeking up at him, I take his heavy cock into my hand. His eyes are hooded, almost closed, but I can still see the lust and need swirling in the depths of them.

  Leaning in, I take the velvet mushroom head between my lips. Never breaking eye contact, I press my tongue to the underside and listen as he releases a low rolling groan.

  That sound, it zings right through me, making my core pulse with need. His hand comes up to my face, cradling my cheek, his thumb gently skimming over my heated skin.

  It’s such a simple gesture, there is something so endearing in that touch, it makes my chest swell. My heart feels full, fuller than it’s ever been. For once, I feel whole, normal, less broken. With his other hand, he threads his fingers into my hair and strokes my scalp, making tiny rivulets of pleasure cascade down my spine.

  I groan around his cock, working more of his length into my mouth.

  He’s bigger than I’m used to, so it takes me a bit to get a good rhythm going, but once I do, I start to bob my head up and down, my tongue flicking over the slit of his cock, before circling back around the head. He tastes like soap and salt, and I can’t get enough of him. He’s like a bad habit that I can’t kick.

  With every pass of my tongue, the muscles in Sebastian’s legs and abdomen tighten. His touch becomes rougher, and his fingers dig into my scalp. Intentional or not, he ends up holding my head in place while thrusting his hips upward at the same time. He’s chasing his release, asking for it without words.

  His cock hits the back of my throat, and I gag around his length.

  “Fuck, I’m sorry…” He whispers harshly, skimming his fingers over my cheek. Looking up at him, I can see his dilated eyes, the pleasure of what he just did seeping from every pore on his body. He might be sorry mentally, but physically he wants to do it again, and I’ll be damned if that doesn’t influence me to do it again.

  Breathing through my nose, I swallow as I work him to the back of my throat, but I still gag around his length, saliva dribbling out the side of my mouth and down onto his muscled thigh. Sebastian groans, his head tipping back against the cushions.

  “I’m going to come in your mouth if you do that again…” He tells me, the deep sexy tone of his voice makes it feel like I’ve been struck by lightning, and I’ll be fucking damned if I don’t make him come.

  I’ve never failed at a blowjob, and I’m not going to start now. Sucking on the head before moving down the rest of his cock, I cup his massive balls in my hand. Then, I sink down, taking him all the way to the back of my throat again. This time, I gag massively, my eyes watering, as I suck in a sharp breath through my nose.

  A knocking noise meets my ears, but I ignore it. Pulling back, so I have only the mushroom part of his cock in my mouth, I massage his balls, and smile around him as his hands ball into two tight fists that rest against his thighs.

  Yes, yes. It’s wrong, so wrong. He’s the dean. He’s ten years older than me. He’s my dead sister’s boyfriend. I shouldn’t want his cock in my mouth. I shouldn’t be wet with need for him, but I’m all those things and more.

  His muscles tense beneath my touch, his chest rising and falling in rapid succession. He’s close, so close. I’m just about to take him to the back of my throat again when the door to his office flies open. I sit up straight, letting Seb’s dick slide out of my mouth. Swinging my gaze toward the now open door, I find two people standing in the office looking at me in shock.

  Like a deer caught in the headlights of a car, I freeze.

  Shit. Shit. Shit.

  For one long, excruciating moment, no one does or says anything. Peeping over my shoulder, I find a girl with long red hair standing in the doorway, a guy beside her. The girl’s eyes are squeezed shut as if she could unsee what she just caught us doing.

  I’m so embarrassed, beyond embarrassed. I’ll never be able to show my face again at this school.

  With a mask firmly in place, Sebastian springs into action, pulling up his pants and tucking his quickly deflating dick away. Pushing up from the floor, I move away from him as if that could make the situation better.

  They already saw him with his dick in your mouth.

  “Seb, we are so sorry,” the guy who walked in on us tells him. At the same time, he grabs the girl who still has her eyes squeezed shut and starts walking backward, taking her with him.

  “Clark…” Sebastian starts, his voice brimming with shame, but the guy merely shakes his head.

  “Dude, we didn’t see anything.” The guy’s hand finds the door handle, and he pulls it closed, leaving us inside the now tension-filled room.

  My stomach churns, as bile rises up my throat. What have I done? My cheeks flame and I don’t know what to do. Do I run, or do I stay? Sebastian has his back to me, but I can still see the agony, the shame rippling through him, and I know without even asking, without even speaking, that he regrets this, regrets what we’ve done.

  “This…” He twists around, his eyes refusing to meet mine and instead fall to the floor at my feet. “This shouldn’t have happened. It… it can’t happen again. This is wrong for so many reasons.”

  I nod, not only can’t it happen again, it shouldn’t. That, however, doesn’t stop my emotions from going haywire. It feels like I’m losing a piece of him like whatever I gained from him in this room a couple minutes ago he has taken back.

  Finally, he looks at me, but instead of finding the Sebastian I need right now, the one that could make all of this okay, I find the one that dropped me off at my dorm.

  Angry, brooding, cold. His features are clear, uncut, and his eyes pierce my skin like a thousand tiny knives.

  “This was a mistake, and it cannot happen again,” he repeats. “It will not happen again.”

  Swallowing down the words I want to say, I head for the door. He doesn’t reach for me or make an attempt to stop me, and that only drives the knife deeper into my chest. Doesn’t he care? Didn’t he feel the passion between us? The heat? Didn’t his heart beat again for the first time? Gripping the knob, I open the door, walk out, and close it gently behind me. As soon as the click of the door sounds the tears I’ve been holding back start to fall.

  This was a mistake…

  That’s all I can hear. All I replay in my mind.

  I know it can’t happen again, that I shouldn’t have crossed the line for more than one reason, but I can’t help but feel the pain of his words being etched into my soul.

  This was a mistake.

  We are a mistake.

  You are a mistake.

  That’s what he thinks, that’s what everybody else is going to think. I need to make sure that I never get swept away like this again. I need to forget Sebastian Miller as much as I can.

  5

  Sebastian

  And the asshole of the year award goes to me, for being a dick… a selfish, irresponsible, utterly unprofessional dick. In my defense, Lily has found a way to slither under my skin, every single time I see her. I can’t outrun her, she’s everywhere, and when she isn’t everywhere that I am, she’s in my head, her memory etched into my thoughts. I tell myself it’s Amy that I see when I look at her, but it’s not just her that I see anymore.

  Staring at my computer screen, I try and focus on my work, it really shouldn’t be that hard for me, but it is. My eyes keep moving back to the couch across the room. Every day I have to remind myself that what happened between us can never happen again.

  And every day I’m reminded of what her hot, wet mouth fel
t like wrapped around my cock. Jesus. My cock starts to harden at the memory. I never did get to come that night. All that build-up and for nothing.

  Shaking the thought away, I open a new tab on my laptop and type in the school’s website, navigating to the university bookstore. Is there a way for me to send these books without me looking like an even bigger jackass?

  I don’t want her to think I’m buying her off or thanking her for a blowjob—which was spectacular. On the other hand, I’d be a jackass if I didn’t get her books, right? Who fucking knows anymore? My moral compass has been off, to say the least. Fuck, right or wrong. I’m ordering the damn books.

  Double-checking her class schedule, I order all the books she needs and have them sent to the on-campus bookstore. I pay with my credit card, but list Lily’s phone number and her name as the pick-up person.

  Closing my laptop, I check the time on my phone. It’s past eight o’clock, and I’m the only person left inside the building. It’s been like this almost every day this week.

  All I’ve been doing is throwing myself into work. It’s the only way I know to take my mind off her, off the image of her on her knees with that perfect pouty mouth wrapped around my cock. Damnit. I have to stop thinking about her.

  Shoving from the desk, I grab my jacket and slip it on as I’m walking out of the office. I lock up the building behind me and drive home trying to think about anything besides Lily. Spoiler alert… it’s not working.

  Once home, I strip and take a cold shower, before heating up a frozen meal for dinner, Shortly after, I brush my teeth and crawl into bed. Old. That’s what I am. Any man my age would be out having a drink or two on a Friday night, maybe even bring home a woman. Nope, not, me. I’ve been lying in bed staring at the ceiling for the last hour, trying to go to sleep, or merely trying to get myself to stop thinking about her.

  I’ve just rolled over to my side, hoping that a new sleeping position will help, when my phone starts to ring, the sound piercing through the otherwise silent night.