The Vow Read online

  Lily

  Sebastian was different. Yes, I expected him to be different given the last time I saw him I was only nine, but I just didn’t expect him to stir all these feelings inside me.

  It left me breathless, and dare I say, flustered. Age looked good on him. Tall, toned, and tanned. Sebastian was gorgeous, and he knew it. Guys like him always knew how good looking they were. At first glance, I thought maybe he was a student and not the Dean of the school, he looked young, and very much like the rest of the men that I had seen roaming around campus.

  I tried to stop myself from thinking about him, his face that looked like it had been carved from stone, his lips, full, and his eyes dark and brooding.

  He’s the same guy I remembered him to be, but without the sparkle, the life in his eyes had dimmed. I knew all too well about that. Every day, I thought about how I was still here, and they weren’t.

  Every day, for the last decade, I’ve beaten myself up for being alive; breathing air, and doing all the things Amy never would, because she’s dead. Dead. All of them are dead, and a part of me wishes I was too.

  Stop. I mentally tell myself. I need to stop thinking like that. I need to live up to my family’s wishes because, in the end, that’s all I have left of them. This is where Amy and my parents would’ve wanted me to be… in college, living my life to the fullest.

  Sipping on the piping hot cup of hot cocoa that I’d ordered, I make my way to a corner seat near the window. My roommate, Delilah, is still upfront trying to decide what she wants. I can see her from where I’m sitting, her long brown hair bobbing in a high ponytail, while she has her hands on her hips and stares up at the menu board like it’s her enemy.

  When she demanded we come to this place, I wasn’t so sure about it. I didn’t intend to make more friends than I needed to while at school. All my focus needs to be on my art and my homework, not on expanding my social circles. I don’t have the same luxuries that many of the other students do here.

  I’m riding high on a scholarship; one I’ve worked exceptionally hard for.

  Finally, having made up her mind, Delilah walks over to me, her own steaming cup of mystery goodness in her hands.

  “What did you get?”

  “Tea,” she answers before bringing the mug to her lips to take a tiny sip.

  Wrinkling my nose at her, I reply, “Ewww, tea is gross. What’s it got in it? Flowers?”

  Delilah’s blue eyes narrow. “Maybe? What’s it matter? You drink your disgusting chocolate stuff, and I’ll drink my flowers steeped in water.”

  Shaking my head, I smile. Back home, or at my grandparents’ house, I had only a handful of friends, and none of them were anything like Delilah. She’s goodness, with a touch of light. She makes me smile when I don’t feel like smiling, but above all, she’s the friend I wish I’d had in high school.

  Bringing my mug to my lips, I’m seconds away from taking another sip when the bell above the door sounds, and I glance up, seeing him walk in. Sebastian, and he’s not alone. It only takes me a second to recognize who it is standing beside him. Remington Miller. He looks so grown up now, mature, his body having filled out from the little boy that I remembered him to be.

  My gaze flickers back to Sebastian. Is it wrong that my stomach starts to flutter in his presence, and my heart hammers against my ribcage, threatening to break free? If so, then I don’t want to be right, at least not until the guilt trickles in a second later. He hasn’t noticed me yet, so I use the moment to my advantage and drink him in.

  His suit is tailored to his body, showing off all his sharp edges. My teeth sink into my bottom lip as I wonder what he looks like beneath that expensive suit.

  Does he have an eight pack? Does he work out?

  I can tell just from his frame that he does, the bulging of his shoulders, and biceps. The way he carries himself and how the fabric clings to him. He’s hiding a whole lot of deliciousness under that suit, and I’ll be damned if I don’t want to peel back all that fabric and take a peek. Just a peek. A tiny little one.

  Those hazel eyes of his swing around the room as if he knows I’m staring at him. At the last second, right before his eyes land on mine, I look down into my mug, watching as the little marshmallows dissolve. Stop thinking about him, Lily. I scold myself.

  “Earth to, Lily. I’ve been calling your name for like ten minutes now,” Delilah huffs, dipping her tea bag in and out of the hot water, as if that could possibly make it taste any better.

  “Don’t be so dramatic, you were not.”

  “I was, and you were off in space, gazing at…” Delilah’s voice trails off, and she twists around in her seat to look at what I was staring at. Leave it to D to draw more attention to a subject than it needs.

  “Stop, you’re going to embarrass me,” I growl, slapping her arm like a small child, after a second.

  “Please,” she twists around, but not before locking eyes with Sebastian who is still standing in place, off to the side, just inside the door. He looks like I feel—uncomfortable. Why is this so weird? It didn’t feel this weird the other day in his office, did it? Maybe I’m just making it out to be weird. It must be all in my head.

  “You aren’t the first to drool over the newly appointed Dean, and you won’t be the last. He looks young enough to be a senior attending the university, never mind, running the place. Don’t be embarrassed.”

  She’s right, but that doesn’t mean I should be staring at him, basically drooling over him. Other students don’t have a connection to him like I do. He’s your dead sister’s boyfriend. The thought appears like a bright blinking warning sign in my mind. As if I need a damn reminder of how wrong it is for me to want his attention or affection. He might as well be fucking forbidden at this point. Not only is he the Dean of the university, but he’s also everything I shouldn’t want or need.

  Pretending not to exist, I wait for the floor to swallow me whole as he goes up to the cash register with his brother and orders. This is normal, right? Us being in the same place at the same time? It’s not weird besides the fact that I kinda-sorta-want him?

  My stomach twists and knots, so badly I’m certain I won’t be able to unknot myself later. I feel sick like I might actually vomit on the floor.

  “You’re staring at him. Like staring deeply. Like maybe you know him?”

  Know him would be an understatement.

  My lips press into a hard line, and I avert my gaze back to Delilah, brushing a few strands of blonde hair from my face. I try my hardest not to take notice of him as he and Rem take a spot a few tables away from us.

  “Oh, that’s it. You know him. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be turning pink in the cheeks, and look like someone’s taken your panties, and hung them up next to the school flag in the quad.” Del announces in a whisper.

  If I could will knives from my eyes right now, I would. Luck must not be on my side because as if they can hear what she’s said both of the Miller brothers look up, and in my direction. Sebastian, of course, looks away first, but Remmy holds my gaze, his eyes narrowing but not in a way that is worrisome, but more of an I-think-I-Might-Know-This-Chick.

  The brothers lean in and start talking amongst each other, and I let out a heavy breath, thanking God that I wasn’t forced to face them right this second. I don’t know why, but Sebastian makes me nervous, antsy, like a crack addict on the search for her next fix.

  Taking a sip of my drink, I nearly spit the now somewhat cool liquid on Delilah when she leans in and whispers, “Shit, they’re getting up and walking over here.”

  Dear Lord in heaven…

  “Lily Kline, is that you?” Remington stops at the edge of the small round table. His presence is one you couldn’t ignore even if you tried. Peering up through my lashes, I give him a smile. Remington Miller is as beautiful as he was the day I left. All the Miller boys are, taking after their mother. Toned, tanned, and a smile that owns every room.

  “That’s me,” I chirp, trying not to sound
nervous, or excited, or anything at all.

  Sebastian grunts beside him, and I let my gaze slowly drift to him. He’s holding the paper coffee cup in his hand so tightly it looks like he’s going to crush it at any given second. Does my presence annoy him that much? He seemed fine in his office the other day.

  “What’s it been, ten years?” Rem strikes up a conversation like time never passed between us. Like we’re the same two kids that lived a few houses down from each other.

  “Yup.” I pop the P.

  “Are you studying here?” Rem asks.

  “Yeah, I’m starting classes on Monday. I just moved back here,” I explain.

  Glancing over at Del, I wish I hadn’t. Her blue eyes look like they’re about to burst out of her heart-shaped face. An awkward silence settles over the four of us, and Del nibbles on her bottom lip nervously.

  “Cool, do you remember, Jules?” Remington asks, breaking the silence.

  “Yes,” I smile. How could I forget such a kind person? She was one of my first friends in elementary school, even though she was a year ahead of me, we used to ride the bus together, and play on the playground after school.

  “She is a student here too, you know,” Remington smiles, and elbows Sebastian in the side not so subtly.

  What the hell is that about?

  “Jules’ birthday is this weekend, and we’re having a little gathering at my dad’s place. Think maybe you would want to come and hang out?”

  I chew the inside of my cheek. Say no, Lily, say no. The last thing I should do is hang out with Sebastian, considering that I’ve basically just lusted after him for the past ten minutes. Against my better judgment, I still agree.

  “Of course, that would be awesome. It’s been forever since I’ve seen her.”

  Rem’s smile widens, and his eyes glitter with happiness. “Cool, Seb, can bring you over to the house if that’s okay, or Jules and I could swing by whatever works.”

  “It doesn’t matter.” It sure as hell does, but I don’t say that. Thinking about being inside a car with Sebastian has my heart racing.

  “Perfect, let me give you my number, and then I can let you know the exact time on Friday.” I pull out my phone and type the numbers he rattles off into it. Then I save his number and send him a text message with a smiling emoji, so he knows it’s me.

  When I look up from my phone, I see Sebastian staring at me, his gaze pierces through my skin, and into the deep layers that hold all my secrets.

  I wonder if when he looks at me, he sees her?

  The thought vanishes into the air when Rem clears his throat and says, “Okay, well I’ll see you this weekend, can’t wait to catch up. I know Jules is going to flip when she finds out you’re back in town.”

  I try and smile, but my lips don’t move. Rem doesn’t wait for me to say anything and instead starts for the door. Sebastian remains standing there like a statue with his feet sinking into the concrete. One look at his face and I see the anguish flickering in his eyes, and even though I didn’t ask the question out loud, I know what the answer is.

  Yes, he sees Amy when he looks at me.

  * * *

  The day of the shindig arrives, and I get up, straighten my hair, and search through my closet for something to wear. Delilah crawls out of her bed after I’ve tossed the third pair of shoes from our shared closet toward her. Each pair landing harder than the next.

  “Okay, okay, I’m up. Quit throwing things at me!”

  “I don’t know what to wear,” I huff, blowing a piece of hair from my face. “I need your help picking something out.”

  “It’s just a birthday party with old friends. Who are you trying to impress?” Delilah questions with one eye open and the other half-closed.

  “No one,” I say defensively. “I just want to look nice, that’s all.”

  “Nice for whom? Mr. Miller?” By now she’s fully awake, her eyes twinkling with amusement.

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I told you how I know him. He dated my sister. Not to mention that he is ten years older than me, and the Dean of the university that I’m attending as a student.”

  “First of all, that was a long time ago, Lily. You are not a child anymore, and even though you might be a student here, you are still an adult. If you’re willing and he is willing...”

  I can’t with her. I literally can’t.

  “It doesn’t matter how long ago it was. They would still be together now if… if she was still alive.” I look down at my hands. “I saw it in his eyes the other day at the coffee shop. I’m just a reminder to him, a reminder of my sister, of what could have been. He’ll never see me as anything else, and I’m not sure if I want him to anyway. Every time I look at him, it feels like I’m betraying her.

  Delilah rolls her eyes at me. “You don’t know that. You’ve only seen him twice, and both of those times were brief. It’s obvious there’s chemistry there. Anyone with a pair of eyeballs can see that. I didn’t know your sister, and I don’t know you all that well yet, but I’m sure your sister would’ve wanted you to be happy.”

  She is wrong. I just know. He doesn’t want me.

  “It’s just a dinner party with old friends. Nothing more, nothing less.”

  Delilah doesn’t look like she believes me, but she doesn’t say anything. An hour later, I end up picking some leggings and pairing them with boots, and an oversized sweater that falls off one of my shoulders. It’s not overly sexy, but it’s cute.

  “I’d bang you.” Delilah giggles as she shoves a spoon full of cereal into her mouth.

  “Does that mean I’m decent enough to be seen in public with you?”

  “It means,” crunch, she pauses as she shoves another bite into her mouth, “that you’re gorgeous, and that if I were Mr. Miller, I would snatch you right up, and make you mine.”

  “Stop calling him Mr. Miller and stop talking with your mouth full of food.”

  “Okay, Mom.” Del taunts, and I twist around, pinning her with a grin, that she returns.

  Five minutes later, I’m standing outside, waiting for Sebastian to pull up. Rem and Jules were originally going to pick me up, but Rem messaged me last minute asking if his brother could instead. Everything inside me screamed no, but my fingers typed the word yes instead, and I hit the send key before I could think any longer on it. Fiddling with my phone, I try and do something with my hands to curb the anxiety I’m feeling. It’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. It’s just dinner with his family. It’s not a funeral, not a date. Just dinner.

  Tires crunch against the road and I look up from my hands, my gaze colliding with his through the window of his blacked-out jeep. I don’t know why, but every time I’m in his presence, I’m pulled toward him. Even through the window, I have that weird feeling, like he’s a black hole and I’m the galaxy just waiting to be sucked into his darkness.

  God, please don’t let me screw this up.

  3

  Sebastian

  Time. It’s supposed to heal you, make things easier, but I think that’s a lie. Time doesn’t heal shit. It isn’t time that makes things easier. It’s you. You either learn to cope with it, or you let whatever’s eating you fester. I thought I was coping well, but the moment Lily walked into my office, I knew that was a heaping pile of shit.

  One look at Lily and I knew I still wasn’t over her, or anything that had to do with her for that matter. Maybe this whole thing would be easier if Lily didn’t look like the spitting image of her sister. Maybe I could look at her without feeling like my heart is bleeding, shattering into a million pieces all over again.

  When I pull up to the dorm, she’s already waiting for me, standing at the curb like she’s waiting at a bus stop. As soon as I see her all the feelings in my gut swirl together.

  Guilt, anger, loss, and… lust, the worst feeling of all. They all blend together like a wet painting, the colors bleeding, seeping into one another, making it harder to decipher one from the other. She climbs into t
he Jeep, sliding slowly on to the leather seat.

  She isn’t wearing anything sexy, thank fuck for that. Still, I can’t help but look at her legs as she buckles up, and I have to fight the urge to not reach over and run my hand over her thigh.

  Not, Amy. Not fucking, Amy.

  “Thanks for picking me up,” she says softly, as I pull out of the dorm’s parking lot. I try my best not to white knuckle the steering wheel. The last thing I need is for her to realize she has any type of effect on me. That would make all of this worse.

  “No problem,” I respond tight-lipped.

  A second, then two, then three passes, and I exhale a breath, but as I’m sucking in another, I’m assaulted by her sweet but exotic scent. She smells like what I would consider a tropical island; coconut and vanilla.

  Fucking Christ. I choke on the air in my lungs and start to cough. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Lily watching me cautiously like I’m a hungry lion who hasn’t eaten in days. Truthfully, I haven’t eaten in about a year, but that’s none of her business.

  “Are you okay?” Again, her voice penetrates my skull, and while her voice is a pleasant sound, it still finds a way to annoy me.

  “Fine.” The word comes out more like a hiss, the message behind it is clear… back off and leave me alone. Even in the low light of the car, I catch her shocked expression. Her beautiful features twist into confusion before she turns away from me.

  I know I’m an asshole for brushing her off, it’s not like it’s her fault that she looks like her sister, but I don’t know what else to do other than to push her away. I just can’t bear to be around her and if that makes me a selfish prick, so what. I won’t stop. If she’s uncomfortable around me, she’ll stay away, which is the entire purpose.

  The rest of the drive she stares out the window, and I stare out onto the road. Neither of us speak, making the tension in the car so thick it’s hard to breathe.

  I’m anxious as fuck by the time we arrive at my father’s house and all but bolt from the car. Sucking a sharp breath into my lungs, I exhale her stupidly good scent. It clings to my nostrils, refusing to let go, just like her presence.