Uncle John’s Impossible Questions & Astounding Answers Read online

  The mess took months to clean up, and although Purity’s lawyers tried to blame the disaster on saboteurs, in the end the company was held liable for building a faulty tank and forced to pay out millions in damages. This disaster occurred nearly a century ago, but some Bostonians claim that on a hot day you can still smell molasses rising up from the ground.

  Multitasker

  What do all these things have in common: glue, asbestos insulation, plastics, aspirin, synthetic rubber, industrial alcohol, crayons, chewing gum, baby powder, carpets, latex paint, firecrackers, paper plates, toothpaste, wallboard, shaving cream, and whiskey?

  Te Kill Ya

  Who first put a dead worm into a bottle of tequila…and why?

  Multitasker

  Corn is an ingredient in all of these products. Bonus question: Of all the corn grown in the U.S., what percentage ends up being eaten by people? Answer: About 1 percent. That’s the type known as sweet corn. The other kind, field corn, is used to feed livestock and make ethanol…plus a slew of other things.

  Te Kill Ya

  Ancient Mexican tradition? Hardly. And technically, it’s not even tequila that gets the worm; it’s mezcal, another type of liquor that’s also made from the agave plant. The practice of placing worms inside the bottles began in 1950 when Jacobo Lozano Páez, a savvy businessman from Mexico City, was faced with a problem: The gusan rojo worm, which is not a true worm but the larva of the Hypopta agavis moth, lives inside the agave plant. During the manufacturing process, worms occasionally found their way into the bottles. Although the worm is edible and even considered a delicacy in Mexico, many American tourists were grossed out by finding a bug in their booze.

  Páez’s big idea: Put a worm in every bottle of mezcal and boast that it improves the taste of the liquor. Macho drinkers were all too eager to prove him right. And as the worm found its way north across the border, along with it came some juicy urban legends: that the worm is an aphrodisiac, or that it’s hallucinogenic (some people confused mezcal with mescaline, a psychedelic drug made from an entirely different plant). Neither is true.

  The Hole Truth

  Why do doughnuts have holes?

  The Hole Truth

  There are at least three theories, but one thing’s for sure: Doughnuts didn’t always have holes. Fried balls of dough have been around for centuries in several cultures. The earliest literary mention of “doughnuts,” though, comes from Washington Irving’s 1809 work History of New York, in which he described “balls of sweetened dough, fried in hog’s fat, and called dough nuts.”

  Who was the first person to put a hole in a doughnut? One legend is that Native American hunters showed off their skills by piercing doughy pastries with arrows. Another story comes from New England in 1847, when a sea captain named Hanson Crockett Gregory claimed that he invented the doughnut hole while steering his ship. He had no place to put the doughnuts his mother had given him, so he impaled them on the spokes of the ship’s wheel. It worked so well that he ordered his cook to put holes in all subsequent doughnuts.

  Captain Gregory’s claim, however, is full of holes. Food historians believe the real reason for doughnut holes has to do with surface area. When chefs dropped their dough balls into boiling oil, the outside cooked first. The bigger the ball, the harder it was to cook the inside before the outside got burned, so the balls had to be quite small. The first modern doughnut-makers created the now-familiar ring shape to give us a larger, more evenly cooked doughnut. And for that, we thank them.

  Tipping the Scales

  If you’re an average American adult, how many pounds of food will you eat this year?

  The Riddler

  This famous personality wears more makeup than a Vegas showgirl, speaks dozens of languages, and has the job title of “Chief Happiness Officer,” but many people are not happy with that job. Who is it?

  Tipping the Scales

  The average American adult eats close to 1,700 pounds of food per year (about the weight of a compact car), which works out to 4.7 pounds per day. If that sounds like a lot, it is. In the last few decades, U.S. annual food intake has increased by 25%. Health officials cite this phenomenon as the cause of the “Great Obesity Epidemic.” Of the average adult’s annual intake, meat makes up 195 pounds, 57 pounds more than during the 1950s. Good news: Fruit and veggie consumption also went up. Bad news: So did grain products (flours, breads, cereals); Americans eat 200 pounds of them annually, 45 more than in the 1950s. And most of it is refined flours instead of healthier whole-grain products. Not surprisingly, nearly two-thirds of American adults are classified as overweight, up from less than half in 1980. And more than one-fourth today are classified as obese.

  The Riddler

  Ronald McDonald. He’s so well known in so many countries that he’s among the most recognized figures in the world. And while health-advocacy groups criticize the clown for advertising less-than-healthy food to kids, he evens out the score (somewhat) thanks to his 305 Ronald McDonald Houses, which are located in 52 countries. Started in 1974 by McDonald’s founder Ray Kroc, the Houses help more than 4.5 million kids each year with everything from dentalhygiene tips to cancer treatment.

  $picy $tigma$

  Up to 75,000 of what living thing must be harvested in order to make a pound of saffron?

  Spreading Lies

  Throughout much of the 20th century, the _______ industry pressured lawmakers to ban _______. That attempt failed, so they tried to get a law passed that required the naturally white food to be colored pink. That failed, too. The industry’s only success: getting a law passed that the food couldn’t be the color _______. Fill in the blanks.

  $picy $tigma$

  Crocus flowers are the main ingredient in saffron, the most expensive spice on Earth—up to $5,000 per pound. That pound of saffron requires thousands of crocus stigmas, the part of the flower that receives pollen. Botanists have bred saffron crocuses to have extra long stigmas, so long that they’ve become useless for receiving pollen naturally, rendering them sterile. The only way they can reproduce: Farmers must dig up their bulbs, break them apart, and replant them manually. This painstaking work requires hundreds of hours of labor and a football-field-sized crocus bed to yield one pound of saffron. So what does the world’s most expensive spice taste like? We’re told it’s kind of bland.

  Spreading Lies

  The industry is dairy, the food is margarine, and the color is yellow. Invented by French chemists in the 1860s at the behest of Napoleon III, who wanted a cheap butter substitute, this hydrogenated-oil copycat has long been the bane of the dairy industry. It’s naturally white and was originally called oleomargarine; yellow coloring was added to make it look like butter. In the U.S., Canada, and Australia, the dairy industry pushed through laws to make sure consumers wouldn’t mistake the substitute for the real thing. To that end, yellow margarine was banned in Minnesota until 1963, and in Wisconsin until 1967. Today, margarine outsells butter by two to one.

  Ancient Chinese Secret

  A more accurate name for the Chinese delicacy known as bird’s nest soup could be bird’s _______ soup.

  Through the Grapevine

  Wine is manufactured in every U.S. state. After California, which state produces the most?

  Sack It to Me!

  What cynical writer referred to human beings as “primarily bags for putting food into”?

  Ancient Chinese Secret

  Did you think poop? Good guess, but the answer is…saliva. Bird’s nest soup, called yàn wo (“swallow’s nest”), has been served as a delicacy in China for 400 years. It’s actually made from the nests of cave swiftlets. It takes the male swiftlet more than a month to excrete enough saliva to form a small cup-shaped nest that he attaches to a cave wall. After the nest is removed, the chef dissolves it in water, creating a thick, gelatinous material that’s both tasty and, some say, medicinal. It purportedly sharpens the mind, reduces asthma, boosts the immune system, aids digestion, and raises the libido. As
such, the birds’ nests are among the most expensive animal-based food sources in the world, costing up to $4,000 per pound and fueling the economy of North Sumatra, Indonesia, where the nests are most commonly found today.

  Through the Grapevine

  California is the leader, generating 90 percent of U.S. wine production. Number 2 is New York (3.7 percent), followed by Washington (3.3 percent). The last state to become a wine maker: North Dakota in 2002.

  Sack It to Me!

  In his 1937 essay about British socialism, The Road to Wigan Pier, George Orwell—author of 1984 and Animal Farm—referred to people as “food bags.”

  AMERICAN HISTORY

  Time to test your knowledge of all things Yankee, Doodle, and Dandy!

  The Past Menagerie

  If you were alive during the latter half of the 18th century, where might you find some now-famous pieces of Americana that contained bits of a horse, a donkey, a hippopotamus, an elephant, a cow, and a human—but, despite rumors to the contrary, no part of a tree?

  The Past Menagerie

  Inside George Washington’s mouth. Although he was a strong military leader, the Founding Father was sickly for most of his life—suffering bouts of smallpox, dysentery, and malaria, among other maladies. One of the many medications with which Washington was treated was calomel, now called mercurous chloride. That’s most likely what wreaked such dental havoc on his mouth: Washington started losing his teeth at just 22 years old, and had only one tooth left when he was sworn in as the first U.S. President in 1789.

  Over the years, as Washington endured toothaches, abscesses, gum disease, and painful extractions (sans anesthesia), dentists fitted him with all sorts of toothy contraptions made from the bone and teeth of many animals—but, contrary to common mythology, no wood. According to dental historian Barbara Glover, Washington’s first full set of dentures, purchased for about $60, “had a base of hippopotamus ivory carved to fit the gums. The upper denture had ivory teeth and the lower plate consisted of eight human teeth fastened by gold pivots that screwed into the base. The set was secured in his mouth by spiral springs.” And this was one of Washington’s more “comfortable” sets—most were much bulkier, causing his teeth to jut out and his cheeks to look puffy. Yet despite the dour expression on his face in his portraits (you wouldn’t smile much either if you had all that stuff in your mouth), by all accounts Washington was a jovial man who enjoyed hosting music parties at his home.

  Battle-hmm of the Republic

  Can you hum the melody to an old British drinking song called “To Anacreon in Heaven”?

  Battle-hmm of the Republic

  Sure you can—just go, “Hmm hm hm hmm hmm hmmmm / hmm hm hmm hmm hmm hmmm.” That’s the start of the national anthem of the United States, “The Star-Spangled Banner.” The now-familiar melody comes from a British drinking song that 35-year-old American lawyer (and poet) Francis Scott Key borrowed to accompany his four-stanza poem, “Defence of Fort McHenry.”

  Here’s the story: Two years into the War of 1812 against England, U.S. President James Madison sent Key and fellow lawyer John Stuart Skinner on a diplomatic mission to negotiate the release of a Maryland doctor being held prisoner on a British ship. Key and Skinner sailed into Chesapeake Bay from Baltimore Harbor and boarded the vessel. Once there, the two lawyers dined with the British commander and eventually convinced him to release the doctor. Only problem: During dinner, the commander had mentioned his plan to attack nearby Fort McHenry that night, so neither Key nor Skinner was allowed to leave (so they couldn’t warn the Americans).

  From the ship’s deck, Key witnessed the “bombs bursting in air” all night long and felt certain that Fort McHenry would fall. But then, “by the dawn’s early light,” he was overjoyed to see that “our flag was still there.” So that day, Key began penning a poem to honor the tattered flag. The song became popular soon after, but it would take more than a century for it to become the official U.S. national anthem.

  Not Like May Flowers

  What did the Mayflower smell like when the Pilgrims boarded it in 1620?

  Uncivil Apparel

  What article of clothing sparked the Battle of Gettysburg?

  Not Like May Flowers

  Exactly what history smelled like remains a mystery, but most historians agree that a lot of it stank of human and animal feces. However, the Pilgrims who boarded the Mayflower in 1620 to escape religious oppression in England got a bit of a break: Unlike most cargo ships—which reeked of livestock—the Mayflower was carrying barrels of sweet wine. So for the first week or two, the Mayflower smelled fruity. (No word on what the Pilgrims’ ship smelled like at the end of the voyage.)

  Uncivil Apparel

  Shoes—or more precisely, the lack of shoes. Rumor had it among Confederate soldiers that somewhere in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, was a warehouse full of new shoes. And Southern troops were in desperate need of warm footwear to prepare for the upcoming northern winter. Confederate Army Major General Henry Heth had heard the rumors and ordered his men to loot the Yankee town. On the way, however, they encountered a brigade of Union soldiers, sparking a battle that drew in nearby battalions from both sides. Over the next three days in July 1863, Gettysburg was the site of the bloodiest battle ever fought on American soil—50,000 soldiers were killed.

  Footnote: There was no truth to the rumor—Gettysburg had no warehouse full of shoes.

  Moo-ving Right Along

  What was the typical pace of an Old West cattle drive?

  States’ Plights

  Virginia leads the nation—it has seven. New York comes in second, with six. Ohio is third, with five. What are we talking about?

  Moo-ving Right Along

  Let’s put it this way—you could probably walk across the country faster than cowboys could move their cattle across it (unless there was a stampede, in which case the cows moved very fast, though rarely in the right direction). A good day’s travel would get the cowboys and their herd about 15 miles from where they started out that morning. Why so slow? Because cows require an enormous amount of food every day—about 100 pounds of grass, even more if they’re expending energy (like stampeding). The cowboy’s job was (and still is) to know when to get them dogies moving and when to let them stop and refuel, which was often.

  States’ Plights

  Dead presidents. Buried in Virginia are Washington, Jefferson, Madison, Monroe, Tyler, Taft, and Kennedy (the latter two in Arlington National Cemetery). New York City’s most famous presidential resting place is Grant’s Tomb. Others buried in the Empire State: Fillmore, Van Buren, Arthur, and both Roosevelts. Ohio’s five dead presidents are Harrison, Hayes, Garfield, McKinley, and Harding.

  In all, 18 states host the remains of former commanders-in-chief. Only one western state has more than one: California, the final resting place of Presidents Nixon and Reagan.

  Good-Buy

  Did you get a good deal the last time you went shopping? Was it as much of a bargain as Peter Minuit’s purchase? No way. What did he buy?

  Good-Buy

  Peter Minuit bought Manhattan, and according to legend, he bought it “for a steal.” But the Indians made out all right, too (at first, anyway).

  A former diamond cutter turned merchant explorer, Minuit was sent to the New World by the Dutch West India Company in 1626 to serve as the Colonial Governor of what was then called New Netherland. His mission: to establish a civil government among the colonists, secure land rights from the Indians, and look for goods other than animal pelts to ship back to Europe. History books tell that Minuit offered a few “beads and trinkets” worth 60 Dutch guilders—about $24—to the Lenape tribe in exchange for ownership of the island. But these were more than mere trinkets: Minuit traded advanced European farming technology including duffel cloth, kettles, axes, hoes, drilling awls, wampum (sacred shell beads), and “diverse other wares.” And the value was closer to $72.

  In a way, it was Minuit who got hosed: The Lenapes didn’t even “o
wn” the island; they shared it with the Mohicans and Mohawks. And all three tribes were fighting over who would control the fur trade with the Dutch. Minuit built a fort and a home on what is now the southern tip of Manhattan, and ordered the Dutch colonists living inland to move there, mostly to stay out of the Indians’ war.

  Although Minuit could make it there, he couldn’t make it anywhere: Twelve years later, he was killed during a hurricane in the Caribbean while searching for a good source of tobacco.

  Incoming!

  Who bombed Florida on June 8, 1959…and why?

  Incoming!

  Arthur Summerfield—President Eisenhower’s over-enthusiastic Postmaster General. “Gentlemen, we stand on the threshold of rocket mail,” he announced in 1959 to the crowd gathered at the Naval Auxiliary Air Station in Mayport, Florida. “Before man reaches the moon, mail will be delivered within hours from New York to California, to Britain, to India or Australia. How? By guided missiles!”