Uncle John's Top Secret Bathroom Reader for Kids Only! Read online

  KNOCK-KNOCK. WHO’S THERE?

  The Crime: In Hermiston, Oregon, an unarmed man in a red shirt and white hat ran out of a bank with a handful of stolen cash.

  Gotcha! Forty minutes later, a police officer searching a parking lot two blocks from the bank heard pounding coming from inside the trunk of a car. It was the robbery suspect. He had planned to make a quick change of clothes inside the trunk, then get out and walk off in his new disguise. When he got locked inside, the thief panicked and yelled for help.

  ROADSIDE SHENANIGANS

  The Crime: Every police officer has a favorite hiding place for catching speeders. And they almost always work. However, one day an officer got suspicious when every car passing his hiding place was under the speed limit. He drove up the road and found a 10-year-old boy standing there, holding a sign that read RADAR TRAP AHEAD.

  Gotcha! A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy’s accomplice: another kid about 100 yards beyond the speed trap with a sign, reading TIPS, with a bucketful of change at his feet.

  TV quiz: On Star Trek, what color is Mr. Spock’s blood? A: Green.

  MATH MAGIC

  Astound your friends and relatives with this simple, yet mystifying feat of mathematical wizardry.

  PICKPOCKET TRICK

  Use this trick to guess someone’s age and the amount of loose change in his pocket by having him do this simple math:

  1. Take his age and multiply it by 2.

  2. Add 5.

  3. Multiply this sum by 50.

  4. Subtract 365.

  5. Tell him to add the amount of loose change in his pocket up to 99 cents (the amount must be less than $1.00). Example: 37 cents = 37, which gets added to the sum from #4.

  6. Add 115.

  7. Ask him to tell you the total.

  The first two digits will be the person’s age, and the last two digits will be the amount of change in his pocket. Amazing!

  Music star Prince is 5′-1″ tall.

  TREASURE HUNT

  Ever dream of digging for buried treasure? Grab your metal detector! The world still has plenty of lost treasure buried in holes and caves…you just have to know where to look for it.

  BILLY BOWLEGS’ BOUNTY

  Treasure: $50 million in pirate loot

  Where It’s Buried: Florida

  The Story: William “Billy Bowlegs” Rogers is said to have hidden hoards of stolen treasure all over Florida during his pirating days. Supposedly there’s $50 million worth buried somewhere upriver from Choctawhatchee Bay.

  Another $3 million reportedly lies in a secret cavern below Fort San Carlos in Pensacola. According to legend, the old Spanish fort was built with two concealed tunnels leading to a large hidden chamber. One tunnel began from inside the fort; the other was outside the thick stone walls. Billy Bowlegs discovered the tunnels and the secret chamber in the early 1800s, and thought it was the perfect place to hide his booty. Both the Choctawhatchee loot and the Fort San Carlos treasure remain undiscovered to this day.

  OKLAHOMA CANYON GOLD

  Treasure: $11 million in stolen Spanish gold

  Where It’s Buried: Oklahoma

  The Story: Local legend has it that 200 years ago, robbers hid the gold in a cave in the Oklahoma canyon country, southwest of Oklahoma City. They sealed the cave entrance with a huge iron door and secured it with a tremendous padlock. Sounds easy to find, right? Yet neither the cave nor the treasure have ever been found. Experts think that’s because the iron door and lock have rusted and now match the color of the brick-red clay so common to Oklahoma, perfectly camouflaging the entrance from fortune hunters.

  A car will get better mileage if the gasoline is cold.

  POST OFFICE TREASURE

  Treasure: A fortune in gold and cash

  Where It’s Buried: Southern Oregon

  The Story: In the 1800s, the Swan Lake post office served as a stagecoach stop between Lakeview and Kla-math Falls, Oregon. It also became a handy place for one bandit to hide his stolen loot.

  Here’s how it happened: After robbing several stagecoaches, the bandit and his partner decided to split up to foil their pursuers. One went south to California; the other one (the one with the gold) headed east toward Klamath County. Along the way he got worried about being caught with all that loot, so he buried it behind the post office. He soon began to regret his lawless deeds and decided to go straight. He took up farming—and never saw his partner or the loot again.

  Years later, just before he died, the old bandit told the rancher he worked for all about his former life of crime. And he revealed exactly where he had buried the gold.

  • Stand at the back door of the post office.

  Crocodiles sleep with their eyes open.

  • Walk 190 paces due east.

  • Back up 9 paces (the robber hit a rock when he started digging, so he had to backtrack).

  • Step 3 paces to the north.

  The only problem: The post office isn’t there anymore. Treasure hunters have searched long and hard for the Swan Lake cache, but the loot remains hidden.

  PIRATE BOOTY

  Treasure: Stolen jewels

  Where It’s Buried: Southeastern Florida

  The Story: Pirate José Gaspar is said to have buried a large chest of jewels in the middle of a muddy lake near Placida, Florida. He used a huge heavy chain to anchor the chest to a nearby palm tree, and he even left directions:

  • Begin at the southern tip of Placida Island.

  • Go due north through Cape Haze.

  • Turn right.

  • Go east one mile until you come to the lake.

  • Wade out to the middle and start digging.

  But beware! The lake is infested with poisonous snakes.

  * * *

  TREASURE FACTS

  According to experts, 10 years after a treasure has been buried there is only a 50% chance that it will ever be found. The more time that passes, the worse anyone’s chance of finding it…so start digging!

  Shoes on the right foot usually wear out faster than shoes on the left foot.

  FAMILIAR NAMES

  Some people achieve immortality because of their names. You know the names—now here are the people.

  Jules Leotard (1839–1870). This famous French acrobat felt that he could perform his flying trapeze act better if his loose pants weren’t always getting in the way. So he invented snug-fitting tights, which he named after himself—leotards.

  Jean Nicot (1530–1600). While serving as the French ambassador to Portugal in the 1550s, Nicot brought tobacco back to his native France. When nicotine was found in tobacco leaves in 1828, it was named after him.

  César Ritz (1850–1918). Ritz was a Swiss businessman who owned a chain of fancy hotels. When Nabisco introduced a new cracker in 1934, they named it after the fanciest thing they could think of: the Ritz.

  R. J. Lechmere Guppy (1836–1916). He was a minister in Trinidad who sent several species of fish to British scientists, including one tiny specimen they named in his honor, the guppy.

  Adolphe Sax (1814-1894) Sax was a Belgian instrument maker who wanted to create a new horn that would have “the flexibility of the strings, the variety of the woodwinds, and the power of the brasses.” His invention was an instant success that changed music forever. He called it the saxophone.

  How did the Romans write zero? They didn’t—there is no Roman numeral for it.

  KNOCK-KNOCK

  Who’s there? These jokes. They may get a bad rap…but we love ’em.

  Knock-knock #1

  Knock-knock.

  Who’s there?

  Ida.

  Ida who?

  Ida called first

  but the phone’s

  not working.

  Knock-knock #2

  Knock-knock.

  Who’s there?

  Deluxe.

  Deluxe who?

  Deluxe-smith. I’m

  here to fix de lock.

  K
nock-knock #3

  Knock-knock.

  Who’s there?

  Cows go.

  Cows go who?

  No. Cows go

  “moo.”

  Knock-knock #4

  Knock-knock.

  Who’s there?

  Panther.

  Panther who?

  Panther no

  panth, I’m going

  thwimming.

  Knock-knock #5

  Knock-knock.

  Who’s there?

  Danielle.

  Danielle who?

  Danielle. I heard

  you the first time!

  Knock-knock #6

  Knock-knock.

  Who’s there?

  Ya.

  Ya who?

  Yahoo! Ride ’em,

  cowboy!

  Knock-knock #7

  Knock-knock.

  Who’s there?

  Omelette.

  Omelette who?

  Omelette smarter

  than I look.

  Knock-knock #8

  Knock-knock.

  Who’s there?

  Comma.

  Comma who?

  Comma little

  closer and I’ll tell

  you.

  Knock-knock #9

  Knock-knock.

  Who’s there?

  Saul.

  Saul who?

  Saul there is—

  th’ain’t no more.

  The art of ringing bells is called campanology.

  GHOST TOWN

  Imagine a thriving city being completely swallowed by the sea. That’s just what happened to England’s Lost City of Dunwich.

  NOW YOU SEE IT…

  A thousand years ago the English seaport of Dunwich was the capital of powerful kings. At its peak during the 12th century, the city covered more than a square mile and was home to 4,000 people. It had 10 churches, a king’s palace, a mayor’s mansion, hospitals, a monastery, and a harbor full of merchant ships. Perched on the coast of England, it looked east toward Denmark across the stormy North Sea. But the town’s days were numbered…because Dunwich had been built on sand.

  …NOW YOU DON’T

  In 1342, the people of Dunwich got their first lesson about building a city on sand: In a single storm, 400 houses were washed into the ocean. And that was just a start. Between 1535 and 1600, four churches disappeared. By 1677 the sea completely covered the center of town. St. Peter’s Church was lost in 1702, followed by its graveyard in 1729.

  After a particularly bad storm later in the 18th century, St. Peter’s Church and graveyard reappeared. It was a ghastly sight: The wooden coffins had rotted and disappeared into the ocean along with the soil. All that was left of the graveyard was a group of headstones and skeletons scattered across the ground. Then, just as quickly as the graveyard had appeared, it vanished, covered again by the sea.

  A square piece of paper can be folded in half no more than 7 times.

  GHOSTLY BELLS

  Over the next 200 years, the sea ate away at the rest of the town until the last church toppled into the surf in 1912. Dunwich was gone.

  Today all that remains of the ghost town are a few fishermen’s cottages that cling to the cliffs. A person standing on those cliffs at low tide can sometimes catch a glimpse of a church steeple peeking out of the water. Even more remarkably, occasionally the church bells can be heard ringing—underwater. Sailors take those bells as a warning that a storm is coming and don’t put out to sea. It’s an eerie reminder of the once-thriving city of Dunwich, now resting beneath the waves.

  The first recorded account of the Loch Ness Monster was made in 565 A.D.

  THE L-O-N-G-E-S-T…

  Why is it some people will go to any length to be…well…long?

  …HAIR

  When Hoo Sateow’s hair was measured for the Guinness Book of World Records in 1997, it was declared the longest hair in the world—16 feet, 11 inches! (His brother Yee came in second at an even 16 feet). Hoo, from Chiang Mai, Thailand, believed his hair gave him magical healing powers. When he died at the age of 89, he had not had a haircut for more than 70 years.

  …BEARD

  Hans Langseth, a Norwegian who emigrated to the United States, quit shaving when he was 30 years old. Over the next 51 years, his beard grew to an astonishing 17 feet, 6 inches in length! His beard was cut off when he died in 1927 and later donated to the Smithsonian Institution in Washington, D.C.

  …TOENAILS

  Louise Hollis of Compton, California, decided to grow out her toenails one summer—and she never cut them again. As of 1991, when they were measured for Guinness World Records, the combined length of her toe-nails was 87 inches—about 8 inches each!

  That ’70s shoe? Ashton Kutcher’s middle toes on his right foot are webbed.

  Hollis loves her long nails. She spends two days a week painting and filing them but refuses to trim them.

  …FINGERNAILS

  As a young boy, Shridhar Chillal of Poona, India, aspired to do something “unique and outstanding.” So he stopped trimming the fingernails on his left hand and just let them grow…and grow…and grow…for 48 years. When they were measured in 1998, their combined length was more than 20 feet (about 4 feet per nail).

  Growing super-long fingernails may sound easy, but it requires great sacrifice. Chillal had to give up any activity where his fingernails might be accidently damaged, including reading, writing, cycling…even walking.

  …MOUSTACHE

  Sixty-two-year-old Mohammed Rashid of Turkey travels the globe, meeting people and showing them his record-breaking 5-foot 3-inch long moustache. You can have your picture taken with him and his amazing moustache for a mere $5.

  …EAR HAIR

  Fifty-year-old Radhakant Bajpai of India has bushy black hair sprouting out of his ears—and it’s 5 inches long. He told reporters, “Making it to the Guinness records is indeed a special occasion for me and my family. God has been very kind to me.”

  Do you? One in ten people in the world lives on an island.

  FUGU!

  No, it’s not an insult—it’s a fish. And even though some people consider it a delicacy, you can die from eating it.

  SPIKY AND POISONOUS…

  Fugu is the Japanese name for the poisonous puffer fish, or blowfish. Instead of scales, the fugu has spines like a porcupine. When it’s scared, it puffs up and looks like a spiky balloon with fins.

  But the spikes are only half the story: The fugu’s liver and intestines contain tetrodotoxin, a powerful poison that is 1,200 times deadlier than cyanide. In fact, the poison in one fugu can kill 30 people. Yet this fish is a favorite in many Japanese restaurants.

  …BUT VERY TASTY

  If this fish is so poisonous, how can restaurants be allowed to serve it? They have highly trained “fugu-certified” chefs who know how to remove the poisonous parts. Still, even experts can make mistakes—about 100 people in Japan die from eating fugu every year.

  The most poisonous fish, tora-fugu, is also the most delicious…and the most expensive. One plate of this fugu can cost anywhere from $100 to $200.

  Despite the danger and the expense, the Japanese eat more than 10,000 tons of fugu annually. Dying to try it? Not us—we’ll skip the fugu and go right to dessert.

  The fugu is the only fish that can close its eyes.

  WHERE’S THE POTTY?

  There are many important questions in life. Here are 16 ways to ask the most important one.

  Hawaiian: Ai hea lua?

  Gaelic: Ca bhfuil an leithreas?

  Armenian: Our eh paghnikeh?

  Portuguese: Onde fica o banheiro?

  French: Où sont les toilette?

  Swahili: Choo kiko wapi?

  Greek: Pu′ i′ne i tuale′ta?

  Zulu: Likuphi itholethe?

  Thai: Hong nam you tee nai?

  Romanian: Unde este toaleta?

  Hungarian: Hol a mosdó?

  Icelandic: Hvar er snyrtingin?r />
  Slovak: Kde je WC?

  Mandarin: Xiv shouv jian-zai-na li?

  Italian: Dove é il bagno?

  Korean: Hwa-jang-sil-i O-die Isum-ni-ka?

  Louisiana loses 60 acres a day to coastal erosion.

  SCOOBY-DOO!

  Who’s our favorite canine (besides Uncle John’s talking dog, Elbow Room)? Scooby-Doo! Here’s his story.

  SATURDAY MORNING SCARES In 1969 Fred Silverman, a programming director at CBS, had an idea for a Saturday morning cartoon called House of Mystery. It would be centered around a group of teenagers who chase ghosts and solve mysteries. Silverman brought the idea to TV’s most popular animators at the time, Bill Hanna and Joe Barbera (creators of The Flintstones and The Jetsons).

  The Hanna-Barbera team loved it and quickly created the characters. They called the show Mysteries Five, then renamed it Who’s S-s-s-s-cared? It was about four teenagers and their dog (who at that time only had a small part). Silverman took the idea to New York and presented it to top CBS executives. To his surprise, they rejected it. Why? Because they thought it would be too scary, especially for little kids. That posed a big problem for Silverman: he had already reserved his best Saturday morning slot for the show. He was determined to change their minds.

  A SONG SAVES THE DAY

  Silverman spent most of his flight back to Los Angeles trying to figure out some way to sell the show. Finally, to relax, he put on his headphones. The first thing he heard: a Frank Sinatra song called “Strangers in the Night,” which ends with the nonsense lyrics “scoobydooby-doo.” Silverman suddenly had an inspiration—that could be the dog’s name! And if he made the dog the star of the show, it would be funny, not scary! The CBS executives bought it, and Scooby-Doo was born.

  Celebrity fact: Scooby-Doo is his nickname. His real name is “Scoobert.”

  IT’S A HIT!

  The show, finally named Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!, was an instant success. It took over Saturday morning in the 1970s and eventually set a still-unbroken record as the longest-running children’s animated show. Over the next 18 years there were 11 different television series with the name “Scooby-Doo” in the title. Ten other dogs appeared in the series, all related to Scooby. The most famous, but least liked, was Scooby’s nephew, Scrappy-Doo. In a recent Internet poll, Scrappy was voted “Most annoying cartoon character of all time.”