Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Golden Plunger Awards Read online

  PRETTY IN PINK

  Turn to Hollywood, of course. A few years ago, director and wine-maker Francis Ford Coppola wanted a different way to package his Niebaum-Coppola Winery’s “Sofia Blanc de Blancs,” a sparkling wine named for and created in honor of his daughter, herself a noted film director.

  “Sofia” is a combination of pinot blanc and sauvignon blanc grapes—a bit drier than most French sparkling wines. It’s blended with 8 percent Muscat grapes to make it sweeter, too. Coppola and his team wanted to put the wine into splits, but couldn’t find a small enough cork of sufficiently high quality. Then they thought . . . why not cans? Wine in a can is more portable, chills more quickly, and has a hipper feel than screw-top bottles.

  Today, Niebaum-Coppola packages single-servings of Sofia Blanc de Blancs in cool pink cans adorned with posh-looking type and an extendable pink straw. The four-pack—in its metallic pink octagonal box—looks like a classy hostess gift.

  THEY’LL ALWAYS HAVE PARIS

  Niebaum-Coppola has banked the success of its canned bubbly on a younger crowd, more Sex and the City than The Sopranos. After all, many twenty-somethings don’t have the cash to shell out for a full-sized bottle, but don’t mind ponying up $4.99 for a can. Of course, if they did the math, they’d realize that at $20 for a four-pack, Sofia Blanc de Blancs is priced in the same league as some really excellent full-sized bottles of sparkling wine. But no matter. The younger generation loves it.

  To keep that younger crowd happy, other wine-makers started putting their sparkling wines in cans too and hiring hip people to hawk it. In 2007, wine-maker Rich Prosecco signed Paris Hilton as its spokesperson.

  Hilton, a hotel heiress who is famous for . . . well, being famous . . . has done a number of scantily clad ads for this particular canned treat, made with one of Italy’s better-known sparkling wines. (The Rich Prosecco cans come in original, passion fruit, and strawberry flavors.) Hilton’s latest photo shoot features her in a desert, covered with nothing but gold body paint.

  NOT-SO-SNOOTY “FLOOT”

  With Sofia Blanc de Blancs packaged in pink and Rich Prosecco available in fruity flavors, one of the best attributes of canned bubbly might be overlooked: the trend takes a drink that for decades was the province of the monied classes and makes it fun and accessible to all.

  Another brand, Floot, makes that point. Its name is a playful spelling of the kind of glass often used for champagne, and its yellow-and-orange cans have a more unisex appeal—its semi-dry, unfruity taste has a more unisex appeal, too. And Floot can be ordered by the case, making its per-serving cost a little more wallet-friendly than the other two brands.

  TINY BUBBLES, TINY RATINGS

  But wait! These mini-cans of sparkling wine are cute, chic, fun, and easy. Does their taste live up to its packaging? (Niebaum-Coppola and others line the cans with plastic so that the wine won’t pick up an unpleasant metallic tang.) Consumer Reports brought in wine consultants who sampled Sofia Mini in blind taste tests and noted that it is a “simple, light-bodied” wine that rates “good” overall, though it tastes better consumed from a glass than the can.

  We couldn’t find a review of Rich Prosecco, but last year, it sold 10 million cans worldwide, so somebody must like it. One group that doesn’t, though, is the wine growers association of Treviso, the Italian region where “prosecco” (a specific type of wine) is made. The association wants stricter standards for what can be labeled prosecco, much like the rules that govern what can be called champagne. Since its fruit flavors are lower in alcohol than its “original,” Rich does not label those as prosecco.

  The jury is still out on Floot, too, but according to the press on its Web site, it’s being seen at lots of places and parties. So maybe we’ll get to try it soon.

  WEIRD JAPANESE DRINKS

  • Kidsbeer. It looks like beer, it comes in six-packs of tallboys, but it just tastes like an extra frothy regular soda.

  • Canned Coffee. Sold primarily out of vending machines, coffee in eight ounce cans are extremely popular in Japan. Some brands include BM Coffee, Deepresso, and God Coffee.

  • Pepsi Ice Cucumber. Cucumbers are cool and refreshing, sure, evidently even more so if you add their flavor to fizzy water. It’s one of Pepsi’s bestselling products in Asia.

  • Mother’s Milk. Exactly how it sounds. It’s a carton of actual human breast milk.

  THE BELLS AND WHISTLES AWARD

  Cupholders

  Whether you’ve got a hot cup of coffee or a cold soda,

  cupholders make it easy to drive without spilling.

  How did we ever manage without them?

  THE POWER OF THE CUPHOLDER

  A survey posted on carsmart.com revealed that more than 70 percent of drivers use their cupholders every day or at least two to four times a week. Nearly 25 percent of responders wanted bigger holders to accommodate our nation’s growing use of giant bladder-bursting beverages. Forty percent were more creative—they wanted cupholders that would expand and contract to hold large and small beverages equally well. The most surprising finding, though, was that more than a quarter of those surveyed said they’d base their decision to buy a car on whether or not it offered the perfect cupholder. So much for horsepower or a GPS.

  SERVINGS PER CUP

  G. Clotaire Rapaille is a French cultural anthropologist who has a second career as a consultant for American automobile manufacturers. His research into the car-buying habits of the general public has led to some interesting revelations. First, he found that there was a correlation between the presence of cupholders and feelings of safety in many consumers. In 2004, he told the New Yorker,

  [W]hat was the key element of safety when you were a child? It was that your mother fed you, and there was warm liquid. That’s why cupholders are absolutely crucial for safety. If there is a car that has no cupholder, it is not safe [in the car buyer’s perception].... It’s amazing that intelligent, educated women will look at a car and the first thing they will look at is how many cupholders it has.

  It’s not just women, though. Overall, consumers are attracted to cupholders. A 2008 study conducted by CNW Marketing Research found that cupholders and heated seats were more important to consumers than gas mileage—73 percent ranked the first two amenities as important, compared to 67 percent for gas mileage. Also, a research paper commissioned by BMW in 2007 called “The Secret Life of Cars and What They Reveal About Us” contained this rather telling notion about cupholders:

  For all the sophisticated electronics now at their disposal, for all the issues affecting drivers in contemporary society, few things prompt more eager debate than the humble cupholder . . . One could even talk of the ‘cupholder principle’ in connection with small, emotional experiences that prompt disproportionately warm, positive feelings in the user.

  HAVE A SIP

  Early automobiles offered much too bumpy rides for anyone to even consider taking a drink of something while the car was moving. But by the early 1960s, car suspensions improved, and some manufacturers—thinking that people needed a place to put a beverage while at a drive-in movie—put small indentations on the inside of the glove compartment door. These first cup holders worked well enough when the car was parked, but they didn’t hold the drink in place when the car was in motion.

  Over the following years, cupholders took on different forms—even standalone devices that clipped onto the window. Those weren’t terribly popular with consumers, though, because they left the drink to be jiggled when the door was opened. During the Space Race of the 1960s, some cupholders even came in the shape of Mercury capsules, although those didn’t keep the drinks particularly steady either.

  By the 1980s, cupholders were standard inside nearly all American cars—sometimes as a pop-out plastic contraption in the console near the radio and sometimes in the doors. European and Asian car manufacturers didn’t catch on until the 1990s. Today, many carmakers don’t just offer a couple of cupholders in each car—multiple cupholder
s have become a great selling feature, and in a large SUV, you might find more than a dozen.

  CUPS THAT DON’T RUNNETH OVER

  For the carmakers, keeping up with lifestyle changes can be tricky. Here are some of the things, they have to consider:

  • Cupholders have had to adapt as average American beverage sizes have gotten larger. Now, they have to fit 12-, 32-, and 64-ounce drinks—and even larger. It’s much harder than it seems, because larger drinks have a different center of gravity than smaller ones. So one drink might be fine while turning a corner, but a larger one in the same cupholder might spill.

  • Different sizes have to be comfortably accommodated in convenient places, too. If a cupholder doesn’t hold its drink securely, it can rattle while the car is moving, and prospective buyers don’t like that at all. (Carmakers know that little things like this turn consumers off and make them less likely to buy the same model in the future.) It gets even worse if a retracting cupholder breaks inside its compartment and causes a constant rattle. Cupholders have to be sturdy and withstand years of wear and tear.

  • People don’t just drink soda and coffee in their cars, so the cupholders have to be able to accommodate an aluminum can, a coffee cup, a plastic cup, a juice box, a water bottle, and more.

  CUPHOLDER TRIVIA

  • In 1998, 7-11 redesigned the Big Gulp cup so that it would fit in standard cupholders.

  • Cars in the United States (even foreign makes designed to be sold in the United States rather than overseas) have larger cupholders than in the rest of the world.

  • Companies have started to design consumable products other than drinks to fit into car cupholders—like fruit cups, salads, and soup.

  THE “NICE TEAMWORK, GUYS” AWARD

  The International Space Station

  The International Space Station symbolizes a lot more than the

  end of the Cold War. It stands out as an international

  effort to propel humanity into the 21st century.

  AND . . . THEY’RE OFF! In 1961, President John F. Kennedy announced that the United States would put a man on the moon by the end of the decade. Amid a staggering arms race between the U.S. and the U.S.S.R., as well as threats of aggression and war, the space race became the symbol of economic and scientific superiority. The race to the moon was as much about bragging rights for who got there first as it was about scientific discovery.

  Perhaps nothing symbolizes the end of the Cold War as much as the construction of the International Space Station (ISS). It wasn’t that long ago when several of the countries involved wanted to destroy, or at least outdo, each other. Instead, now they’re working together to build a home in the vast ether surrounding the globe.

  It all began when America’s team lost funding for its own space station and had to turn to a former enemy for help.

  LIFTOFF

  While America began its race to the moon with the Gemini and Apollo programs, the Soviets turned their attention toward building a satellite, one that could sustain a crew for an extended period of time. They built the first space station, the Salyut 1, in 1971—two years after American Neil Armstrong walked on the moon.

  America followed suit in 1973 with Skylab. Not to be outdone, the Soviet Union continued to launch space stations, including a military space station, throughout the 1970s. Space stations did-n’t have a very long life span, and technical problems plagued the entire program. But the Soviet’s persistence paid off in 1986, when they launched the first piece of the space station Mir.

  Mir was operable as a space station immediately, but it wasn’t officially completed until 1997, when it reached its full weight of 137 tons. For 10 years, from 1989 until 1999, Mir was occupied by humans—and in a precursor to the peaceful cooperation of the International Space Station, Mir entertained both Soviet and American guests, as well as astronauts from 10 other countries. All told, 23,000 experiments were performed there in the name of science.

  WHAT IT TOOK

  Mir laid the foundation, but the origin of the International Space Station begins in 1984, when President Ronald Reagan announced plans for the American space station Freedom. But building Freedom would be costly, and by 1993, the project was stalling amid lack of funding and support.

  Under President Bill Clinton, the plan for Freedom changed, and the former Soviet Union (now Russia) came in as a partner—along with Japan, Canada, and several European countries (under the European Space Agency). The project got a new name: the International Space Station. Russia had been planning its own new space station (Mir-2) and folded plans for that into the international effort. The space station would have to be built in sections, because it was so big, and the Russians launched the first component into orbit in 1998.

  Today, 17 countries are part of the effort to build the ISS. When it’s finished (NASA hopes for 2010), the space station will be 356 feet long and 100 feet high, and will weigh more than 900,000 pounds—or at least it would weigh that much on Earth. And when it’s completed, the space station will have the largest laboratory ever built in space, with six separate and fully functional research stations.

  CALL THE LANDLORD FOR REPAIRS

  Who owns the space station, however, is a bit tricky. Complex agreements have been drawn up between all the participating countries that include basic laws and codes of conduct for astronauts onboard, as well as strict guidelines for who can use which lab and when. Teamwork only goes so far, and all the participants want to protect their own little piece of the investment.

  NASA’s estimated costs alone are in the neighborhood of $30 billion for the entire project (from 1994 to completion). Although the space station is the most expensive thing ever built, its success will be short-lived; it will shine in the sky only from 2010 to 2016 because space stations (like all satellites) still degrade over time and aren’t known for their longevity.

  WEIRD GRAMMY MOMENTS

  • At the 1998 awards, Bob Dylan performed his song “Love Sick” while surrounded by young fans in a mock coffeehouse setting. Somehow, a performance artist named Michael Portnoy leapt onto the stage and danced wildly with the words “Soy Bomb” written on his bare chest. Security removed him, and Dylan didn’t miss a note. (We still don’t know what “Soy Bomb” means.)

  • Also in 1998, at the end of the show, as Shawn Colvin took the stage to accept the award for Record of the Year for “Sunny Came Home,” Wu-Tang Clan rapper Ol’ Dirty Bastard got to the microphone first and went on a strange rant about how it was disgraceful that the Wu-Tang Clan lost the Best Rap Album grammy to Puff Daddy because “Wu-Tang is for the children!”

  • In 1988, Metallica performed the hit song “One” and waited in the wings of the stage. The next award to be presented was the Best Hard Rock/Heavy Metal Grammy, for which they were considered a lock. The winner was announced and it was . . . 1970s progressive rock band Jethro Tull, who was so far removed from heavy metal that its lead singer played a flute. • In 2001, country rock singer Shelby Lynne won the award for Best New Artist. It was a strange honor for Lynne. She’d recorded her first album in 1988 and had released six albums since.

  THE SCI-FI IN 2-D AWARD

  Michael Whelan

  By definition, every painter is a visionary—but only a select

  few can envision worlds that have never been seen by

  human eyes. Here’s the best in the business.

  THE GO-TO GUY

  Even if you’re not into fantasy or science fiction, chances are you’ve seen at least a few of this heavily influential artist’s images—especially if you browse bookstores. Over the last 30 years, Michael Whelan’s art has graced the covers of more than 350 books and dozens of album covers, including Meat Loaf’s Bat Out Of Hell II and Michael Jackson’s Victory. But it is in the world of fantasy and science fiction novels that Whelan has made his biggest impact, illustrating covers that boast the names of such prominent genre writers as Isaac Asimov, Arthur C. Clarke, Robert A. Heinlein, Ray Bradbury,
H. P. Lovecraft, Anne McCaf-frey, and Stephen King—who said on more than one occasion that Whelan illustrates the horror author’s characters “exactly as I had imagined them.”

  And writers aren’t the only ones who have recognized Whelan’s abilities—he’s picked up 16 Hugo Awards, which celebrate sci-fi and fantasy works, as well as a slew of other awards and honors. He’s also done commissioned work for the Franklin Mint and the National Geographic Society.

  AN ENGROSSING EDUCATION

  When looking back at Whelan’s formative years, it’s not surprising that he ended up painting strange creatures in alien landscapes for a living. Born in Culver City, California, in 1950, Whelan spent his childhood moving to a different town nearly every year (his father worked in the aerospace industry). The one constant was art. He’s always had a natural ability to draw and as a kid he loved the work of popular artists like Norman Rockwell and Maxfield Parrish. Combine Rockwell’s expressive people with Parrish’s imaginary worlds, and you get an idea of Whelan’s work.