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Uncle John's Electrifying Bathroom Reader for Kids Only!
Uncle John's Electrifying Bathroom Reader for Kids Only! Read online
OUR READERS RAVE
Some books print fancy reviews written by fancy book critics. Borrring! At the BRI, we care more about what our faithful readers have to say.
“Since sharing my Bathroom Reader with my friends at school my popularity has dramatically increased. Thanks!”
—Chance G., age 13
“I think your Kids Reader is stupendous, tremendous, terrific, and splenderiffic! I can’t put it down. I can’t believe how much I’ve learned. It is one of the best books I’ve ever read!!!!!!!!”
—Allison D., age 11
“On a scale of 1 to 10, I love ur books at about a…13.5.”
—Zolly C., age 14
“I got the Kids edition for Christmas! I love it. I frequently find myself in a position where my brother is banging on the door screaming at me to get out of the bathroom…tee hee thanks!:)”
—Lindsay P., age 12
“When I discovered the Bathroom Reader For Kids Only at the airport it changed my life. I would like to thank you…I’ll never be bored again!!!!”
—Dominika D., age 11
“The minute I opened up the Bathroom Reader for Kids Only, I couldn’t close it! I take it to school and all my friends want to read it! Thanks B.R.I.”
—Toria Z., age 9
“I just wanted to shout out that you are totally awesome. My mom bought me For Kids Only. You’re the best for making a book that just us kids can read.”
—Elyssa A., age 10
“I really love your Bathroom Reader, I read it everywhere. It’s better than Harry Potter and definitely the best thing since sliced bread.”
—Richard L., age 12
“I have 14 year old twin boys…one reads everything, anything, and everything. The other won’t read anything at all…except the Bathroom Readers.”
—Jonna W.
“My daughter, Mandy, loves your first Kids Reader. Now she can stop stealing my books and read her own. (By the way, Bathroom Readers are great for ANY room of the house.)”
—Michael F.
“Just finished reading For Kids Only. (OK, I’m a 50-year-old kid but my wife and mom said it was OK.)”
—Chris P.
Uncle John’s
ELECTRIFYING
BATHROOM READER
FOR
KIDS ONLY
By the
Bathroom Readers’ Institute
Bathroom Readers’ Press
Ashland, Oregon
UNCLE JOHN’S ELECTRIFYING
BATHROOM READER®
FOR KIDS ONLY
Copyright © 2003 by Bathroom Readers’ Press
(a division of Portable Press). All rights reserved. No part
of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever
without written permission, except in the case of
brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
“Bathroom Reader” is a federally registered trademark
of Advanced Marketing Services, Inc. “Uncle John” is a
trademark of Advanced Marketing Services, Inc.
For information, write:
Bathroom Readers’ Institute
P.O. Box 1117, Ashland, OR 97520
www.bathroomreader.com
Cover design by Michael Brunsfeld,
San Rafael, CA ([email protected])
Illustrations by
Lorraine Bodger
ISBN-13: 978-1-60710-688-3
E-book Edition: September 2012
11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 05 06 07 08 09
Hey Dash! Hey Skye!
THANK YOU!
The Bathroom Readers’ Institute thanks those people whose help has made this book possible.
Allen Orso
Jahnna Beacham
Jeff Altemus
Julia Papps
Thom Little
Lori Larson
Lorraine Therring
Brianna Bergman
George Ene Lidell
Janet Nelson
Paul Stanley, Banta Books
Bill Haduch
Wilderness Charter School
Gideon and Sam
Maggie McLaughlin
Bryan Henry
Angela Kern
Michael Brunsfeld
Scarab Media
Malcolm Hillgartner
Gordon Javna
Jay Newman
John Dollison
Jennifer & Gracie
Rick Rebhun
Mustard Press
Dee Edwards
Lorraine Bodger
Sharilyn Hovind
Kristin Marley
Bernadette Baillie
JoAnn Padgett
Mike Nicita
John Javna
Dylan Drake
Don Thomas
Maggie Javna
Catie Pratt
Porter the Wonder Dog
Thomas Crapper
When we think of amazing kids, one very special one comes to mind. Our friend Marley Pratt is eighteen years old and has been battling cancer for three years. Yet through it all, Marley never fails to inspire us with his smiling face and winning attitude. He’s the toughest cowboy we know. We dedicate this book to him.
Hiya Sophie! Hiya Jesse!
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Because the BRI understands your reading needs, we’ve
divided the contents by length as well as subject:
Short—A quick read
Medium—2 pages
Long—3 to 5 pages (that’s not too long, is it?)
BOO!
Medium
The Bermuda Triangle
Long
Ghost Ship
The Haunted Tomb
Ghost Dog
ANIMAL CRACKERS
Short
A Devoted Friend
Animal Tales
Medium
Pet Pals
Life on the Edge
So Do Elephants
Old R.I.P.
Elephants, Part 2
Animals to the Rescue
AMAZING KIDS
Medium
White House Gang
Long
Kids Can
Kids On Strike
Child Prodigies
Kid Inventors
EW…GROSS!
Short
Wild Spitters
Animal Acts
Space Waste
Medium
Royal Slobs
That Stinks!
BUG OFF!
Short
The Bug Awards
Royal Insect
Medium
La Cucaracha
Chirp! Chirp!
Long
Inside the Anthill
PAGE TURNERS
Short
Imaginary Worlds
Decoding Harry Potter, Part I
Decoding Harry Potter, Part II
It Couldn’t Be Done
Long
Haunted Summer
Young Authors
BAG OF TRICKS
Short
Cooking with Uncle John
Medium
Cooking with Uncle John
Camp Capers
Cooking with Uncle John
Long
Mind Reader
WILD WORLD OF SPORTS
Short
The Wave
Medium
Hiiiiiiiiii-Ya!
Have An Ice Day
Sports Superstitions
Play Ball!
Long
Sports Greats
DIG THE DI
GITAL
Short
TXT TLK
Medium
Tele-Visionary
Where It’s @
Sim Man
The Microwave
GOOFY GROWNUPS
Short
Dumb Crooks
Mark Twain Sez
Funny Ladies
Wise Guys
Duh!
Dumb Crooks
Medium
X-treme Eating
Star Power
Dumb Crooks
Long
Crocodile Hunter
HIGH VOLTAGE
Medium
Shocking!
Let There Be More Lights
Long
Let There Be Lights
Thomas Edison
AROUND THE HOUSE
Short
The Big Flush
Medium
Bathroom Inventions
Dental Floss
Lucky Accidents
Mirror, Mirror
HOLIDAZE
Short
Happy New Nian!
Medium
April Fools
Family Holidays
Trick or Treat
IT’S A MOUTHFUL
Short
Mystery Eats
Medium
May I Take Your Order?
Candy Bits
A Slice of Life
Foods That Went to War
Long
I Scream, You Scream
WATCH IT!
Short
Reel Wisdom
Reel Silly
Medium
Movie Bloopers
Cool Cartoons
Video Treasures
POP SCIENCE
Medium
Ask the Experts
Earthquake!
Phobias
Lefties
Long
Berg-Watching
LIFE IS STRANGE
Short
Amazing Coincidences
Medium
Dead or Alive?
Amazing Coincidences
Long
Real-Life X-Men
NAME GAME
Short
Name That Town
Your Name Is What?
Where’s the John?
Anima-Lists
The Name Game
Medium
Rock Names
SPACED OUT
Short
Spaced Out
No-Nos in Space
Medium
Space Toilets
Long
Roswell
Space Junk
UFOs
TRY THIS AT HOME
Short
Spark in the Dark
The Chair Trick
Medium
The Singing Balloon Trick
Long
Ecret-Say Anguages-Lay
MYTHS & LEGENDS
Short
Superstitious?
Medium
How Do Supertitions Start?
Arachne
The Devil’s Dozen
Yin and Yang
Long
If You Were Born in the Year of
TIME MACHINE: THE PAST
Short
Food Fights
Medium
Mind Your Manners
If the Shoe Fits
Bigwigs
Long
OOPAs
The Great Molasses Flood
TIME MACHINE: THE FUTURE
Short
Coming Soon
Medium
Future Perfect
Long
Dr. Future
TOYS AND GAMES
Short
Not It!
Medium
Toys ‘R’ Weird
It’s in the Cards
Toys ‘R’ Weird
Long
Games Around the Globe
Lego Master
JUST FOR FUN
Short
Riddle Me This
Brainteasers
Knock-Knock
Amazing Anagrams
C-O-D-E-Breakers
Word Origins
Riddle Me This
Medium
Masters of Disguise
Looney Tunes
QUIZ ANSWERS
RESOURCE GUIDE
***
SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE
“Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.”
—Socrates (469–399 B.C.)
GREETINGS FROM UNCLE JOHN
Hiya Kids,
We’re back with our second book for kids, Uncle John’s ELECTRIFYING Bathroom Reader for Kids Only. I didn’t believe we could top our last effort, but you know—I think we actually did.
So, here I am on a Sunday afternoon, finally putting the finishing touches on the book so it can go off to the printer tomorrow and I realize nothing’s changed since I was a kid—I’m still doing my homework at the last minute on a Sunday night! (I hope I get an A.)
First, a few announcements:
• Thanks to the thousands of kids who let us know how much they loved our last book, Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader for Kids Only. We hope you like number two as much as you liked number one.
• Special thanks to the great Bathroom Reader staff, especially to Jahnna Beecham, our head writer supreme.
Okay. Now here’s a bit of what’s in this book:
• Amazing kids, like 12-year-old Craig Kielburger, who started Kids Can Free the Children, an organization that helps young people around the world. You’ll also find stories of kid authors, kid inventors, and kid geniuses.
• Origins of everyday things—stuff you’ll find around the house, like mirrors, towels, and toothbrushes.
• Spooky stories, like the tale of the sailing ship, Mary Celeste, whose entire crew vanished without a trace and remains a mystery to this day. Woo-oo-oo-o-o-o.
• And while we’re on mysteries, you won’t want to miss our article on the Bermuda Triangle, where dozens of planes and ships have disappeared into thin air.
• We’ve got some stories of animal heroes, like Roy, the dog that rescued a baby from a building ledge. And Priscilla, the pig that rescued a drowning kid.
• How about gross stuff? Spitting camels, farting snakes, stinky flowers, and a recipe for making fake boogers.
• What else? Riddles, brainteasers, movie bloopers, space facts, real-life X-men, the origin of pizza, secret languages, myths, dumb crooks, and much more.
There’s something for everybody, so let’s get started!
From all of us at the Bathroom Readers’ Institute, including my trusted assistant, J. Porter Newman, and my talking dog, Elbow Room, remember:
When in doubt…
Go with the Flow!
—Uncle John and the BRI staff
P.S. Visit us on the Web at: www.bathroomreader.com
NAME THAT TOWN
Some town names describe the land around them: Grand Rapids, Twin Falls. Others celebrate famous people: Washington, Lincoln, Victoria. And others…what were the founders thinking?
•Burnt Corn, Alabama
•Twodot, Montana
•Toad Suck, Arkansas
•Worms, Nebraska
•Sucker Flat, California
•Lizard Lick, N. Carolina
•Yellow Water, Florida
•Frog Jump, Tennessee
•Snapfinger, Georgia
•Kickapoo, Illinois
•Gas, Kansas
•Boring, Oregon
•Grasshopper Junction, Arizona
•Toad Hop, Indiana
•Hoop and Holler, Texas
•Bug, Kentucky
•Big Ugly, West Virginia
•Soso, Mississippi
•Bumpass, Virginia
•Peculiar, Missouri
•Chugwater, Wyoming
•Yum Yum, Tennessee
•Bird in Hand, Penn.
•Possum Kingdom, Texas
•Pie Town, New Mexico
•Cookietown, Oklahoma
•Ninety Six, S. Carolina
•Chicken Bristle, Illinois
•Love Station, Tennessee
•Shaft Ox Corner, Del.
•Okay, Oklahoma (Okay, OK)
Check for yourself: Cats don’t have eyelashes.
REEL WISDOM
We go to movies to be entertained, but occasionally we can be enlightened, too.
“You know, Peter, with great power comes great responsibility.”
—Uncle Ben, Spider-man
“Never give up! Never surrender!”
—Commander Taggart, Galaxy Quest
“The future is whatever you make it, so make it a good one.”
—Doc Brown, Back to the Future, Part 3
“Never send an adult to do a kid’s job.”
—Carmen, Spy Kids
“There’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for.”
—Sam, The Two Towers
“Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen carefully.”
—Littlefoot’s mother, The Land Before Time
“You can’t stop change any more than you can stop the suns from setting.”
—Shmi Skywalker, Star Wars: Episode I
“It does not do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to live.”
—Dumbledore, Harry Potter & the Sorcerer’s Stone
“Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking.”
—The Scarecrow, The Wizard of Oz
Hola, Big Bird! Sesame Street airs in 180 countries.
PET PALS
Sure, there are a lot of stories about dog heroes—but what about rats, pigs, and raccoons? Read on.
RAT ATTACK
In Stuttgart, Germany, the Steich family’s pet rat, Gerd, is a real hero. Gerd lived in a bookcase and normally was just a friendly, mild-mannered pet. But one night two burglars broke into the house. Surprise attack! With teeth bared and feet outstretched, Gerd landed on the face of one thug, practically scaring the life out of him. Then he pounced on the other burglar’s foot, scurried up his pant leg, and gave him a ferocious bite…right where it counts. The would-be burglars were caught. It turns out that they were suspects in a series of robberies and murders, but thanks to Gerd the hero rat, the Steich family was not among their victims.
PIG PATROL
One day, a mentally handicapped boy named Anthony went swimming in a lake near Houston, Texas. Suddenly he realized he had gone too far from shore and started to panic. Anthony flailed around in the water, then began to sink. Luckily, a friend’s pet pig (her name was Priscilla) heard the boy’s cries for help and swam out to save him. Anthony held onto the pig’s harness, and she towed him back to shore. The boy was saved, and the city of Houston declared the day, “Priscilla the Pig Day.” Priscilla was later inducted into the Texas Pet Hall of Fame.