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  He shook his head. He found it difficult to believe that a woman as strong as Lynsey could ever be lonely or vulnerable. “You have to convince her that Caleb is wrong for her,” he insisted. “Try to keep encouraging her towards Evan. He’s the right man for her.”

  “No, Nicky, you’re the right man for her. But you’re too stubborn—or stupid—to believe it. I can only fight for you for so long. You’re going to lose her forever, you know. If it isn’t Caleb, and I was a gambling woman, I’d bet my money that it will be Owen Mitchell.”

  He considered this. He liked Owen, and he had gotten to know him on a personal level when Evan was injured. Owen was a good guy. Still…

  “I could live with her being married to Owen.”

  Although he said the words out loud he didn’t really believe them in his heart. Yet, he pressed on with his little speech.

  “Granted, he is a little odd. If she can see past the metal teeth, he might be very good for her. He’s a wee bit aggressive, but she could tame him easy enough.”

  “So, you’re just going to give in, then?” She tilted her head and sipped her coffee.

  “There’s nothing to give in to, Suzy. There is no Lynsey and me; there never will be,” he said quietly.

  “Ah Nicky, stop with the act.” She rolled her eyes. “Just admit to me, finally, that you love her. I already know. I see it in the way you look at her, and I can hear it in your voice. Just admit, it, damn it!” She slammed her hand on the wooden table so hard the take-out coffee cups nearly spilled.

  “Fine! I love her! I’ve always loved her! I’m not good enough for her! I never have been, and I never will be! Is that what you wanted to hear?”

  He hadn’t meant to yell so loudly, but there was a point to be made. Across from him, Suzy covered her ears with her hands.

  “I’m sorry,” he said lowly.

  “Did that feel good?” she asked, uncovering her ears.

  “Damn good, actually,” he admitted.

  “Nicky, I’m only going to say this one more time and I’m dropping the subject forever because it’s straining my friendship with Lynsey. Please, please tell her how you feel. I know that she loves you too. You are a good man, and you are good enough for her. She would be very lucky to have you as a husband.”

  Suzy didn’t understand that he and Lynsey shared too much negativity in their past to see their way to a future together. He knew he had broken her heart beyond repair or forgiveness, and everything that happened was entirely his doing.

  “All I can say Suzy is, don’t get your hopes up for something that will probably never happen.”

  ***

  When Nick got home, he climbed the stairs in search of Lynsey. The door to her bedroom was open and she was lying on her stomach, propped up by her elbows. She was so absorbed in the newspaper that she didn’t notice him standing in the doorway.

  Dressed in a little pair of denim shorts that accentuated her shapely bottom and a green shirt that hugged her curves, she was without a doubt the most beautiful woman he had ever known, and he still loved her as much as he had twenty years earlier. He only wished he could explain to her that he had loved her enough to let her go all those years ago so she could become the success that she was now. But he didn’t know how to approach the subject, or if she would even want to discuss it with him.

  “Lynsey?”

  She looked up from the newspaper and smiled at him. “Hi, Nicky.”

  His stomach clenched painfully when he realized that their time together, even as chaste as it was, would soon come to an end. She would be in her new home being romanced by that pig Caleb Smith.

  “I know that Suzy’s pressuring you to tell her what went on between the two of us all those years ago, and that it’s straining your friendship. I just want to say that it’s okay with me if you want to tell her. I would rather it came from you. I wouldn’t feel comfortable speaking with my sister about something so personal.”

  Lynsey maneuvered herself into a sitting position on the bed. “Are you sure, Nicky? I’m perfectly happy to keep our past between the two of us. It’s really not anyone else’s business but ours.”

  He leaned against the doorframe. “I know it is, Lynsey, but if you feel you want to tell her, just do it. I’m not ashamed of what happened between us.”

  He was ashamed by what happened—not for falling in love with her, but for the shabby way he had treated her after they made love. It set off a chain of events that drove her into Caleb Smith’s arms.

  He forced a smile that he didn’t feel and walked back downstairs to start the kettle on the stove. As he waited for the water to boil, he couldn’t stop thinking about the past. There was so much he wanted to say to Lynsey. He wanted to ask her why she had kept their secret for so long. At any time, she could have gone to Kelly and blown his marriage to smithereens. But she hadn’t, even though he had hurt her beyond forgiveness.

  But realistically, he knew that even if Lynsey was out for revenge, and had gone to Kelly with the truth that he had been unfaithful to her just two weeks before their marriage, it wouldn’t have changed things. After all, he suspected that Kelly knew all along, anyway. No, that wasn’t quite right—he was sure that Kelly knew.

  When the coffee was ready, he took a seat at the kitchen table and thought back to the tension between him and Kelly over the years whenever the subject of Lynsey surfaced.

  Every time there was an article or photograph in a newspaper or magazine about Lynsey, Suzy would bring him a copy. When Kelly would make a snide comment about Lynsey and her success, he mostly just held his tongue to keep the peace. Kelly was an extremely jealous woman, and there was no sense inciting her wrath.

  But the time came when he could hold his feelings inside no longer. A national magazine ran a story on Quinn Michaels that hinted at his involvement with Lynsey, and speculated that Quinn and Lynsey would soon announce their engagement. A photo spread of the couple covered several pages, and Lynsey had looked absolutely radiant on the arm of the popular blond singer.

  Kelly pulled the magazine from his hands, abruptly closed it, and tossed it aside. “Lynsey Reznor is nothing but a lucky little whore who gets by on her looks, not her talent,” she had said.

  Enraged, Nick jumped to his feet, his eyes burned pure blue fire as he glared down at his wife. “I should have married Lynsey when I had the chance! I would have been happy now!” He spat the words out with venom.

  Kelly said nothing. For a long moment, she simply stared at him. She then grabbed her handbag and walked out of the house.

  When he didn’t hear from her for a week, he began to realize that divorce was finally an option. He felt so liberated without Kelly constantly in his shadow, making all the decisions for him. Sure, he would probably have to pay out a good portion of his paycheck to her in alimony, and he would most likely lose the house to her, but he no longer cared. He would be free!

  After two weeks passed, he came home from work to find Kelly in the kitchen cooking dinner. She just walked back into the house and acted like she never left. Nick figured that her parents sent her back to make the marriage work.

  He was determined to ask her for a divorce. The decision had been put off far too long. Before he had a chance to speak with an attorney, her Lupus flared up and she was hospitalized. This time, she didn’t recover.

  Now, as he looked around his old-fashioned kitchen with its outdated appliances and ugly metal cabinets, he suddenly was struck by the realization that he didn’t like this house and never really did. Kelly and her parents picked the house without asking for his opinion. It was just a shell full of old, bitter, and unhappy memories that he felt desperate to shed.

  Sure, the lake and the surrounding land were fabulous, and maybe that would attract a buyer. There was plenty of space to m
ake an addition to the house. Maybe it was time to sell and start over on his own terms. Finally.

  Chapter Six

  When Suzy showed up at the door unannounced, Lynsey was wary, as their last get-together had ended so badly.

  But Suzy actually had a smile on her face and a peace offering—a coconut frosted layer cake. Lynsey felt her resistance melt. She didn’t want to be angry at her best friend.

  “I thought my brother would be here this morning,” Suzy commented as she got the plates and cutlery from the kitchen cupboard while Lynsey started a pot of fresh coffee.

  “I heard him leave a while ago. Sometimes he goes to have breakfast with Evan. But we don’t keep track of each other’s comings and goings.”

  “Well, that gives us some girl time together,” Suzy said as she cut into the cake.

  When they finally settled down at the table, Suzy continued “I’m so sorry about what happened at the diner, and for hurting your feelings. I just wanted to see you and my brother together. It’s obvious you love him, and I know he loves you.”

  Was she really that transparent? Lynsey wondered. Maybe it was time to just give in and tell Suzy the truth. Afterward, Suzy would realize why she and her brother could never be together.

  “Suzy, I want to tell you something personal.”

  “Listen, Lynsey, you don’t have to…”

  “No, I want to.” She reached for Suzy’s hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “I’ve been holding this secret in for twenty years.”

  “Okay.” Suzy nodded.

  Now where to start? “You were right—all those years ago, there was a lot more going on between your brother and me then I ever admitted. We were sort of seeing each other at the same time he was engaged to Kelly. We fell in love…” She paused when she felt her face heat. “Well, I was in love.

  “Anyway, he told me that he was going to break the engagement with Kelly and we were going to be together. He told me all kinds of silly stuff that he never really meant, and I built up a huge, childish fantasy that he was going to marry me. Then about two weeks before the wedding, my mother was out of the house at a dental appointment and we wound up in my bedroom and one thing led to another…”

  Suzy startled. “Are you saying that the two of you…”

  Lynsey really, really didn’t want to explain any further what was already evident, but she continued. “It was classic, clumsy first-time sex. He didn’t get undressed, three thrusts and it was over. Nicky got up off of me, zipped his jeans, apologized, and left. I never heard from him again until he asked me at his wedding reception if I was pregnant. That’s really all there is to tell,” she said as she picked at the coconut on her slice of cake.

  “Wow, I knew there was something going on, but I had no idea that my brother was your first lover. He was your first, right?”

  “Yes,” she said tersely. “I guess if anything satisfying came from it, it’s the knowledge that I had your brother first, not Kelly,” she smugly added.

  Suzy chuckled. “I always thought that Swiss ice hockey player was your first.”

  “Jean-Luc? No, he wasn’t my first lover. Do you know that he’s a coach for a National Hockey League team now? I still see him for dinner once or twice a year.”

  “Just how many men do you have on a string?” Suzy asked.

  Lynsey’s dark lashes flew up at the accusation. “Are you insinuating that I’m some kind of a whore? Just because I have friends who happen to be men doesn’t mean that I sleep with them all,” she hissed.

  “I didn’t mean that at all, Lynsey. I’m jealous of your beauty and your success, okay?” she admitted. “You have everything—a successful career, an incredible house, men who fall at your feet…” she shook her head. “You are so lucky, Lynsey, and you don’t even realize it. You have everything anyone could ever want .”

  “And I would trade it all to have what you have. We had it all planned out, remember? We were going to be best friends forever, and get married, and live in the same neighborhood, and have our babies together, and our kids would be best friends as well...”

  “I think you’re just romanticizing that idea,” Suzy interjected.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, you had that chance, Lynsey. When you went to Switzerland it was only supposed to be for one year. If you really wanted to be a wife and a mother, you would have come home and married Caleb. That man was so in love with you back then that he was willing to wait as long as it took for you to return from Europe. Only you never came home. You stayed on for four more years.”

  What Suzy was saying was the uncomfortable truth. She could have been married now to Caleb for almost twenty years. They would have had a home and children. But would she have been happy?

  “I understand what you’re saying, Suzy, really I do. Still, you have everything I’ve ever wanted—a home with a man who loves you, and gorgeous, healthy children.”

  Suddenly, Suzy stifled a sob.

  “What is so wrong, Suzy? Please tell me so I can help,” Lynsey said gently.

  “Everything is wrong, Lynsey. Doug wants a divorce. He got someone at his office pregnant. He hasn’t been on the road like I said, he’s been with her!”

  Suzy’s thin body shuddered.

  Lynsey always thought Suzy and Doug were the perfect couple. Rock-solid and unshakeable. Now she was just stunned. “I’m so sorry.” She moved her chair next to her friend. “What are you going to do?”

  “I have no idea. Doug wants to sell the house. We’re deep in debt, we have no savings, and I have no skills to get a job. All I’ve ever been is a wife and a mother. Who’s going to hire me now?” Tears streamed from Suzy’s eyes.

  “You’ll be entitled to alimony and child support. You have children who are under eighteen. I doubt that any judge in his right mind would make you sell the home your children live in. Have you seen an attorney yet?”

  “I called Legal Aid, but they said because I have a house and a car, I can pay for my own attorney. I told them that if I have to pay for an attorney then I’ll be living out of my car with my children because I won’t have a home.”

  Suzy looked utterly humiliated and defeated. It was still such a shock that her life was falling apart all around her. No wonder she had been so distant.

  “Well, I can solve that. I’ll lend you the money for an attorney, and you can pay me back when you’re financially stable…or never.”

  Suzy shook her head vehemently. “I’m not taking money from you, Lynsey. Money and friendship don’t mix. Just be my friend; that’s all I want from you.”

  Lynsey reached over and hugged her friend tightly. “I’m here for whatever you need, remember that.”

  “Lynsey, what am I going to do? What do I tell my kids? DJ is going to graduate this year. How do I tell him that I can’t pay for college?”

  “There are all kinds of scholarship and grants available. It’s not hopeless. You’ll know what to say when the time is right,” she answered honestly.

  “You’ll think I’m crazy, but I don’t want a divorce. I mean, I know he cheated, and he’s in love with someone else he’s starting a new family with, but he was my first love—the only man I’ve ever loved and the father of my children.”

  Lynsey’s heart actually hurt at the thought of Suzy’s pain. Even after everything that Doug had done to her, she still loved him, and wanted a life with him. She didn’t know what to say or how to comfort her friend. A stream of tears ran down her face too.

  The kitchen door rattled and Nick stepped inside. Immediately he frowned. His T-shirt was plastered to his chest with sweat. He had obviously been out for a run.

  “You need to talk to Nicky, now. Tell him everything,” she implored. “But remember that I’m here for anythin
g you need, and I mean anything,” she whispered into Suzy’s ear.

  Standing up from the table, she wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. “Nicky, I’m going to go out for the afternoon. Your sister really needs to speak with you.”

  When he walked up to Lynsey, she could see concern in his blue eyes. Gently, he caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. “Are you okay, my angel?” he asked.

  “I am perfectly fine. Suzy needs you now. I’ll see you when I get home.” Reaching up on tip toes, she pressed a kiss to his smooth cheek. “Bye.”

  ***

  It was early evening when Lynsey returned to Nick’s home. She found him at the kitchen table going through stacks of paperwork.

  He looked up. “You’ve been a popular girl. Caleb and Owen called here looking for you—twice. They would both like for you to call them back.”

  “Oh? Owen has an idea for a book he wants to collaborate on with me.”

  “Owen is a good guy. I could see you and him together for the duration,” he said.

  After Suzy’s admission regarding the dismal state of her twenty-year marriage, Lynsey was in no mood to think about a romance with Owen Mitchell—or anyone else for that matter.

  “How’s everything, Nicky?” She hoped that he could help Suzy resolve some of her troubles. But realistically she knew her friend’s problems were far from over. With children in the mix, her problems would probably never end.

  “I’m just looking over my finances to see how I can help my sister. She needs an attorney—fast.”

  Lynsey went to the stove and started the kettle to make coffee for both of them. “I offered to lend her the money, but she won’t take it from me. She says it will ruin our friendship. That’s so not true, but I know she’s hurting and she’s confused.”

  “Well, I’m going to have to do a lot of convincing for her to take any money from me. But I can’t just sit around and allow that cheating bastard she’s married to, take her life away from her.”