Cut & Blow_Book Three Read online

  It’s a long shower, so that I can take care of the problem that Viviana has caused with her tight little body and lusty eyes. I could feel her nipple-ring in the palm of my hand when I grabbed her against the car. Towel around my hips, I go to fill my glass.

  The only way I’m going to sleep tonight is if I pass out drunk. Lounging on my sofa with my feet up, in my towel, I finish half the bottle of Jack, floating in and out of sleep before I drag myself to bed.

  When I plug my phone in there is red bubble at Tumblr. I’ve never had that before. I don’t post anything on there. I am merely a shadow lurking to watch the classy porn.

  Without thinking, I click and it opens right where I closed on her feed. I close my eyes, trying to stop myself, but a little red dot in the top right won’t be ignored and I touch the spot where it taunts me.

  The screen opens to a video. Not a public one, no, this one was sent just to me. In fact, it was filmed just for me. The soft black and white filter allows me to imagine the color of her lace negligee. It’s pink; in my head it’s light baby-pink, to match the vibrator she is using on herself.

  Fuck me.

  The clip isn’t long, just enough to drive me crazy and make me question my own sanity.

  After that video there was just nothing. She didn’t make new posts on any of her Vivvy <3 accounts. I had stalked them enough to know.

  She didn’t send another message or video, just complete silence. It bothered me for the first three days, and then I did what we said we would and tried to forget it ever happened.

  Work has been busy. It’s coming up to wedding season and with us now offering full service hair, makeup, nails, and everything in between, it has been nonstop.

  I wait for one of Rain’s guys to drop off a parcel, lock it in the safe, and check Alistair’s appointment list so know what to expect tomorrow.

  The first name on my appointment card for the day has me feeling ill. Viviana. It’s been three weeks since that dinner party, and four since her last hair appointment. I assumed she would go to someone else.

  I scratch on Alistair’s list: Reschedule with someone else, I’ll be late.

  Shutting the frosted glass doors, I go downstairs.

  Fuck that, I can’t face her at work. Not here, where I need to be like this.

  Four

  Dark Caramel Brown

  VIVIANA:

  I am livid by the time I get upstairs to my apartment, absolutely spitting mad, but also so damn fucking horny.

  I dump my stuff on the table near the door and lock it behind me, kicking off my shoes, and walk barefoot to the kitchen where I down a glass of ice-water. I need to water down the wine I had at dinner. That must be the reason for my epic bad judgement. I can blame the wine if I have to, can’t I?

  The whole night just seems completely absurd. Five hours ago, Romi was a gay hairdresser, now he’s kissed me and watching my amateur porn channel.

  No one I know is supposed to see my secret. What man uses Tumblr for porn? Unless he is gay? But, nothing about tonight felt that way. God, the way he touched me, the way he kissed – no, not gay. Urgh! This is going to drive me crazy. What if he tells someone?

  When I shut my eyes, I can smell him; the scent of his expensive cologne mixed with cigarettes. He tasted of red wine and mint chocolate. The designer beard on his face scoured my skin when he kissed me harder.

  My knickers are soaking and I’m squeezing my thighs together just to try and relieve the sensation; thinking about it is only making it worse.

  Before I can overthink it, I strip down to my lilac undies and grab a vibrator from my drawer. Balancing my phone so it can record the best angle, I set a timer to start it and get myself worked up. I won’t take long to cum, not feeling like this, but I want him to see what he has done to me — the fucker.

  I hit the send button before I can talk sense into myself, then log off all my accounts and realize that I am so fucking lucky it was him and not Rain who saw it.

  I toss and turn all night. I keep dreaming that he tells everyone at the salon what I do, so that they won’t figure out that he’s straight. The dreams plague me and by the time I get to the family office in the morning, an hour later than normal, I am a walking train wreck.

  “Ciao, Zia.” I greet my aunt as I pass her desk and go dump the stuff I bought to make lunch in the small kitchen before I look for Dad to say good morning.

  “Ciao, Viv,” she calls, but I’m already gone.

  I have one job – feed the old man. Other than that, I basically come and go as I please. I put the lunch supplies away and fill my pink coffee cup from the machine, taking it with me to my father’s office. I knock but go in without waiting for an answer.

  My brother is with him, and I sit down next to him.

  “Ciao, Papa.” I greet him with a half-hearted smile.

  “Heavy night?” Rain asks, eyeballing me.

  “I was with you, you idiot.” I scowl at him. He smiles and shakes his head at me, like he thinks I was up to something after dinner. “I went straight home, I promise.”

  “What’s for lunch?” Dad asks, not interested in our banter. He’s busy, I can tell by the mildly irritated tone of his voice.

  “Pizza. I’m making them from scratch so they're fresh. I brought everything with me.” I answer and stand up.

  I clear his empty coffee cups and breakfast bowl off the desk, then leave them to carry on with their day’s business, or whatever they are up to in there.

  It’s already after ten, if I’m making pizza for lunch I should start preparations. I go to the tiny kitchen and get stuck in. I guess, considering I earn a paycheck for it, it’s not a bad way to spend my day.

  “Ciao, Viv.” A random voice greets me on his way past, but he’s gone before I can look up and see who it is.

  I fill the large baking trays with the fixings, and homemade dough, that I rolled out on the small counter with a rolling pin that I am pretty sure is as old as Nonna. I am dusty with the white flour and am singing along to a song on the small radio, playing from where it balances on top of the cabinets, when Rain comes in.

  “Rough night?” he asks again. I just flip him the bird. “What? You look like hell.”

  “I just didn’t sleep well. I had nightmares, that’s all. I went straight home from Chelsey’s.” He gives me a look; he doesn’t believe me. Sometimes he has me followed if he thinks I’m up to no good, so I need him to believe me. “You can ask Romi, he dropped me off.” I defend myself further.

  “Fine, you went home.” He raises his hands in surrender, not liking the tone of my voice which is reaching meltdown level. “Can you check on Nonna for me this afternoon?”

  “It’s your turn, Rain! I went every day last week. Fuck, I just want to go home early.”

  “Please, Viv.” He pulls his sad eyes and I cave.

  “Fine, but you fucking owe me.” I remind him that nothing is for nothing.

  “How long ’til lunch is ready?” he asks, opening the oven to check on the food. I push it shut and swat his hand away.

  “Not long. Don’t mess with it.”

  “I’m starving.”

  “Doesn’t your wife feed you?” I ask, knowing full well Ailee doesn’t cook.

  “I’m not answering that, you’ll tell her,” he says.

  He’s right, I would. We chat about last night’s dinner. I am fucking dying to ask about Romi, but a daren’t show my interest to Rain. The buzzer goes for the second pizza and I cut them both up into small squares and put them on a platter.

  “There’s lunch.” I kiss his cheek, and hand the plate to him on my way past. “I’m going to see Nonna, and then I’m going home. I still want to Skype with Val this afternoon.”

  “Bye, behave yourself Viviana.” It’s a warning that he doesn’t believe a thing I said about last night.

  While visiting Nonna I receive a message from Calvin. My stomach leaps, as it always does. The tickle of excitement, the anticipation that builds u
p from now until we meet up, starts as a flutter in my belly.

  Friday - The loft 10 p.m. Wear a dress, no underwear.

  I can’t wait.

  I respond, but he doesn’t. He never does.

  In the car on my way home I call the salon to book my hair, nails, and wax appointments, so I look just right for the camera. Everything shows up when you are on ‘film’.

  When I arrive for my haircut on Friday morning, Alistair greets me with a sheepish smile and an apology.

  “Romi isn’t in this morning. I had my times mixed up, but Chelsey is back for her first day and she’ll take care of you.”

  My stomach drops. I haven’t stopped thinking about him and wanted to see him, to watch him in the mirror to see if there was something I hadn’t noticed.

  I wonder if he did it on purpose, that he’s avoiding me after our kiss. Or worse, after my video. I mentally slap myself for that lapse in judgement and go sit in Chelsey’s station at the window.

  “Hey Chel’s,” I greet her. She looks good for a new momma. Her hair has been cut short, and it’s cute and sassy. It suits her. She looks a million times better than she did at dinner and I think she’s missed work. “You look great. Are you happy to be back?”

  “Yeah, I missed everyone. It’s lonely in the house. I didn’t think it would be. My sisters are both away, one to college and one to family, so it was really quiet. At least here I can talk to adults for awhile.” She runs her fingers through my hair. It doesn’t feel the same as when he does it. “So, what are we doing?”

  “Just a wash and style for me. I’m going out tonight and it’s a little fancy.” I lie through my teeth. “But, I still want it down, at least part of it,” I say, now pulling it down over my shoulders to the front a little.

  I love it this color. When Romi said ‘let’s go blonde’ I was nervous, but he was right.

  “How about some nice big loose curls, and we can pull it up on the one side in a little twist like this?” She pulls my hair and I try to imagine what she’s indicating.

  “Sure, sounds good.”

  An apprentice takes me to the basins to get my hair washed and conditioned, then ushers me back to Chesley. “Where is baby Renato while you are at work?” I ask.

  She looks at me in the mirror. “Your Nonna has him. I am only working mornings for now, until I can make a better arrangement.”

  “There’s nothing better than that,” I answer. She’s clearly worried about him. “Nonna loves us, and my cousins. Wives and kids are in and out of there all day, every day. She’s practically raised every kid in this family. Ask Rat, he’ll tell you.” I say it without thinking, it just comes out.

  “I know he’s safe and happy with her, it’s just the first day.”

  I know I made a mistake. She’s all alone and I mentioned him, and he’s the reason she’s all alone.

  We don’t chat much more while she’s busy with my hair, and when I’m done I go downstairs for the rest of my spit and polish.

  I drive the hour out of the city and park in the front of the old, semi-industrial looking building. Slipping around the side, I take the metal stairs up to the dark green door that has a grid over the little window in it — like a prison. No one is getting in or out of there easily.

  Jacki greets me at the door. She’s barefoot, and her torn jeans and shirt make her look every bit like the artist she claims to be. Her smoky breath wafts by as she kisses me on the cheek and swings the heavy door shut behind us.

  “Hello beautiful,” she says, her hand on my lower back, guiding me further inside. “Calvin is just in the shower, he’ll be with us shortly.”

  Jacki pours me a drink, like she does every time, to loosen me up a little. The neat liquor burns my tonsils and warms me from the inside out. She lights a smoke and checks her camera equipment carefully, flicking on the photographic lighting she has set up all around the open-plan loft space.

  Calvin comes in from the bathroom, steam following him out the door; he’s in nothing but a towel. My heart thuds a little just looking at him. He has long blond hair, deep sapphire blue eyes, and a body that looks like it was chiseled from marble. His pale skin makes him look almost unreal. I’m greeted with a wide smile that would melt off my panties, if I were wearing any.

  “Vivvy, you look gorgeous as always.” He comes over to where I am perched on a barstool and leans in to kiss me.

  The warm fuzzy feeling that the drink gave me comes back when his hand cups my face so he can kiss me deeper. Parting my lips, I let him in freely, opening my legs so he can stand closer.

  Against me, we make out like that for a long time while Jacki films and plays with herself. When we are both worked up, and my lips are swollen and puffy from kissing him, he lifts me off the chair and I wrap my legs around his waist.

  “I missed you, beautiful girl,” he whispers, kissing my neck softly where my hair is pulled up and to the side.

  It’s all about the show for them. He makes it seem like I am his long-lost lover, and in this place I feel like I am. I allow myself to be carried away in the fantasy, in the erotic trance he creates for us, and this surreal world where I am not Viviana the mob princess.

  No matter how hard I try, I cannot get lost in him. There are no goosebumps and I am dry when he tries to enter me. It hurts, but Calvin doesn’t seem to care. He isn’t focused on me, he has his attention on Jackie and how much she is enjoying this.

  When I push and struggle a little, because the discomfort becomes more severe, he rides me harder and rougher. It’s as if Jacki is getting off on the fact that I am not enjoying this tonight.

  When Calvin moves us so that I am on top of him, and he looks into my eyes, I know he can tell.

  Without stopping because the camera is rolling, he asks, “What’s the matter?” He holds my hips still so he can thrust up into me.

  “Nothing, I’m fine.” He moves faster, with force.

  “Don’t lie, I can feel you aren’t enjoying this. Don’t I turn you on tonight?”

  I kiss him, to distract us both. But he grabs me by the throat and fucks me, while looking into my eyes with a vicious heat and not the normal, dirty desire.

  “Someone found out, I’m afraid he’s going to tell my family.” I spill the beans, then regret it immediately when Calvin laughs, rolling us over.

  “Silly girl. Why are you afraid? Thousands of people have already seen you, and they all love you.” He lifts my leg over his shoulder so he can sink himself all the way inside me, and I can feel how close he is.

  I thread my fingers into his long blond hair and focus on the way he feels, where he’s touching me, and allow myself to enjoy this without thinking.

  When I leave it’s almost dawn, and I walk to my car alone in the darkness.

  For the first time in all the months I’ve been coming here I feel dirty, ashamed, and heavy guilt twists my insides, making me ill.

  Before I even get into my car, Jacki has uploaded the first Vivvy<3 video clip and I heave, retch, and throw up onto the pavement.

  I wipe my mouth on the bottom of my dress like a common street whore, and drive away, to home.

  Five

  Light Red Copper Brown

  ROMEO:

  I have a pretty easy life, now. It wasn’t always this way, but now I have a reasonably low-stress job, good friends, and a nice home. Things are good. At least, they were.

  It’s like I am having a midlife – or quarter life – crisis. I don’t know what they’re calling it these days, but I am restless and itching to do irrational things. The need to overhaul everything is overwhelming. I want to quit my job and look for another salon one minute, the next I want to shave off my long hair and try the bald look on for size.

  This morning I am going shopping for new clothes.

  Wednesday is my day off, so I have all day to wander through the mall to pick out something different. I do not need clothes as I have more than most women do in my walk-in closet, but I want something that f
eels like me and not this impostor I created to fit in.

  Maybe it’s time to stand out.

  I’m exchanging my pastel dress-shirts and smart trousers for white v-neck sweaters, muscle tee’s, and skinny jeans. The memories of the past, before I worked for Gina, come back; of football and friends, drinking, and making out with girls in my car. It’s a lifetime ago, when we were young and carefree.

  None of us thought about the consequences of what we chose then. I could so easily have been in the same boat as Rain, Rat, Vick and all the others, but I chose differently.

  Actions have consequences. I couldn’t live that life, and didn’t want to go to bed every night knowing there was blood on my hands.

  Gina said I was a lover, not a fighter. Yet I am currently restless and want to fight with everyone all the time. The kids in the mall, the desperate housewives, all of it is irritating me.

  With two bags of suitable clothing, far different to my usual work threads, I stand in line to get a coffee while the lady in front places a ridiculously stupid order for coffee-free coffee. It fuels my urge to punch random folks for being walking idiots

  With a double expresso in hand I head for the nearest exit, I can escape the hell that is midweek shopping and go to the gym. I need to exorcise some of this rage – aggression – or whatever the hell it is that is wrong with me.

  Sexual frustration, probably.

  The gym is the one place where I am always happy. I can just harness my issues and release them through physical exertion.

  But, it’s also where I end up seeing them all; the guys from the Calligaris family and the women whose hair I style every week. It’s a melting pot of the people responsible for this cage I'm cornered in, they’re the ones holding me hostage.

  I change in the quiet locker room. It’s not the right time of day for the guys to be here, except maybe the few who work nights at the dock. But the women are here now, doing Pilates, yoga, zumba, and whichever fad is now trending. Housewives come here to sculpt their perfect asses.