Cut & Blow_Book Three Read online

  Money isn’t something I need, but the idea of it fed the rebel in me and I wasn’t hard to convince. I was new to sex when we began. I had fumbled around with boys from school once or twice, and dated a guy on the sly for a few months; that was the extent of my experience.

  Calvin taught me things I never knew. He showed me how to be sexy, that it is something you do with all of your senses, and experience – not an act.

  It was an act though. It was a show for Jacki’s camera, and that’s it. They are a couple and I was included for their enjoyment. There was no emotional or spiritual communion in what we did, or cuddling after, and no dinner dates or texts. The sheer lack of attachment and expectation made it the most fun I have ever had.

  I never wanted it to stop. The comments and followers only made me crave it more. There are thousands of men jerking off to my videos and it makes me feel like I am finally in control of something. I have some power.

  The fear of getting caught, the high of being deviant and the way my body reacts to Calvin, all make this habit impossible to snuff.

  Rain is dragging me with him and Ailee to dinner at Chelsey’s tonight, so they can fawn over the baby and he can make her want one of her own.

  My brother is so predictable. Rain won’t just tell her he wants to start a family, or needs to because of pressure and expectation from the elders. Instead, guiding her focus where he wants it is part of his manipulative behavior, and his subtle hints are meant to be deciphered.

  Since I couldn’t say ‘no I’m going to the boonies to film soft porn with a guy who’s dating the camera lady’ here I am, the third wheel in this already awkward-as-fuck relationship.

  Ailee is trying and deserves a medal for even giving him a chance. My brother, God love him, is a lunatic on a good day. On a bad day he’s a creepy weirdo who likes to kill people himself, instead of using the help like a regular mob boss would.

  It’s strange being in this house without Rat or his father Sal being here, and without my crazy drunk aunt yelling at the top of her lungs. Instead, there are baby things scattered around and the furniture has been moved.

  Rat is in exile; the family sent him away. I am female and thus not privy to all the details, but I’m not an idiot. I can piece it together. Rat sacrificed my uncle Sal to save Chelsey, or to get her for himself, but either way he’s been sent away.

  We don’t kill family; he should have known better.

  In the kitchen, downing a glass of red, is Romi. He’s been doing my hair for me since my brother, Rain, laid down the law about me going to his wife’s salon.

  “Hi.” I walk to where he stands, glad to at least have someone to talk to over dinner.

  The long strands on his edgy haircut hang in his face, and he swallows half the glass before answering. “Hi.”

  It’s a bit strained so we just stand together without conversation. While Chelsey is pouring the sauce over the pasta she’s talking to Ailee and Rain over the countertop.

  “Can I get a glass?” I ask, watching Romi refill his wine.

  “No, I’m going to need it all to get through tonight,” he says, with a snarky half-smile.

  His voice is rough. He sounds like he chews glass and gravel. I love the sound of it and make him chat constantly while he cuts my hair, but tonight he’s acting weird.

  “Fine.” I reach beyond him and grab a bottle of white off the small wine rack. “I’ll get my own. I wouldn’t want to catch the mood that bottle has given you anyway.”

  What a dick.

  I walk away with my full glass of wine to join Ailee and Chelsey. Neither of them can cook for shit, so I get stuck in and help.

  “When are you going to bring some handsome man for dinner, Viv?” asks Chelsey, who hasn’t realized how this family works yet. “You and Romi need to find yourselves dates before you are both past your prime.”

  I hear Romi’s snort but don’t turn to look at him. He is behaving like a complete stranger. The cute and bubbly guy from the salon is now surly. He’s being a typical male and it doesn’t suit him.

  “Have you met my brother? That guy over there yelling at some idiot over the phone? He is the most effective birth control on earth,” I say. We all laugh. “Guys are too afraid of ending up dead to date me, Chelsey, and you’ll soon see, any guy who tries to get near you will get the same treatment. You are family now, you know.” I see the sadness in her eyes right away. She’s all alone, even with all of us. She lost Sal and it’s still hurting her.

  “I’m a single mother, they are lining up around the block to date me,” she says, trying to bring the lighter conversation back from the dead, but it’s too late. “I’ll just buy a good vibrator.”

  I choke on the wine I had just sipped and spot Rain’s face. He’s on a call so we don’t get words, just the look. Ailee slaps her on the shoulder playfully and blushes ten shades of red.

  “Chelsey, you are embarrassing Romi,” she says, but I can tell she wants to die a little.

  “I know my way around a vibrator, and woman talk. I work in a hair salon with you two, remember,” he pipes up behind me.

  Something is so different about him tonight. Like he’s acting, putting on a show, or trying to be all alpha. It’s uncomfortable, well more than these dinners usually are, having him here.

  Ailee throws a dishcloth at him and misses, when Rain finally hangs up his phone and joins us.

  “Jesus Christ you two, I’m trying to work and you’re yacking about vibrators,” Rain says, putting his arm around Ailee and pulling her into him. “Poor Romeo. You women just bulldoze the guy.” He looks past me to where Romi is still chugging wine, now sitting up on top of the counter. “Sorry man.”

  I’m looking at him now while he swallows, shaking his head at Rain. “It’s fine. I’m used to them.”

  “I do not know how you handle it, being surrounded by women all day long.” Rain keeps talking over my head to him.

  “He’s one of the women,” Chelsey chimes in.

  My brother gives her an odd glare and snorts out a small laugh. “Yeah, that’s what you all think.” Shaking his head, Rain drinks the water that Ailee poured for him.

  Romi gives him a look, and they exchange a conversation without words.

  “What do you mean?” Chelsey asks, while she mutilates lettuce into a salad bowl.

  The baby’s little cry comes through the baby monitor and Ailee jumps. “I’ll go get him.” She darts out of the kitchen and I can hear her feet on the stairs.

  “Yes, what do you mean Rain?” I ask, because I want to know what that was all about. Through that curtain of dark hair, I’m now getting the death glare from Romi. He usually pushes it out of his face but now he’s hiding behind it. This is fun, it’s making him uncomfortable.

  “He is one of us. What are you on about, Rain?” Chelsey says, also now facing Romi.

  “You all think he’s gay, don’t you?” says Rain.

  A fountain of red wine sprays from Romi’s mouth all over the kitchen floor. Chelsey dives to wipe it up with the cloth that was being tossed about earlier, but my focus returns to him.

  His dark eyes look at my brother from under his glowering frown, and his lips are pulled tight while he fights to keep them shut.

  “Romeo isn’t gay, he just likes to cut hair and draw pictures. He even takes photographs. But, he’s not into boys. I’m almost certain he’d run if someone came at him with a penis.” Oh, my brother is like me, he loves this. He’s enjoying making the man squirm. “Being straight is just bad for business, isn’t it?”

  Romi doesn’t say anything, he just nods his head to Rain. Acknowledging what he said, but not denying or confirming it.

  Chelsey giggles, tossing the stained cloth in the trash and pulling a clean one out of the drawer. Looking Romi up and down and then looking at Rain, she pulls up her nose; it wrinkles like a bunny. “You need your eyes tested, Rain,” she says, pointing now. “Romi is the poster boy for gay.”

  “Really? Have
you ever seen him with a dude, romantically? Or heard him talk about a guy? Met his boyfriends?” Rain rounds the counter so that he is standing with us, in the center of the kitchen. “No, I didn’t think so. Because the Romeo I know, he screwed the entire cheer squad at school. He used to bring girls from the hairdressing college down to the docks and fuck them in his car. This…” he motions to Romi, “is all a very elaborate show.”

  Ailee saves Romi from the awkward discussion about his sexuality by bringing the tiny human into the room, and everyone’s attention is stolen away. Except mine.

  Why would you pretend to be gay? That’s just weird.

  The question is bothering me, and I am sure that my brother has it all wrong. I need to know. It’s a gnawing tickle in my mind that will keep me up all night.

  Luckily I have an entire dinner to sit through, and cook up a plan. I want to get him alone so I can test the theory. He’s caught me staring at him a few times now, sitting diagonally across from me. I keep looking for the animated personality I see at the salon, but it’s not here tonight.

  After dinner we all sit in the living room with coffee, and mint chocolates that Chelsey put on a tray because she forgot dessert. My brother and Ailee are getting a bit fresh with each other. I can’t watch so I move seats to sit next to Chelsey. But when they start kissing Chel’s throws a scatter cushion at them.

  “Ugh, go home you two. I don’t need to see that.”

  They laugh and stand up. I don’t. I was counting on this, because they seem to be all about inappropriate PDA’s these days. Pulling a face at them I lean so I can see Romi.

  “Could you give me a lift to my apartment? I don’t want a live porn stream all the way home.” His eyes bug open a little and he looks to Rain, who has his back to him and can’t see anyway. With a sweet smile, and a flutter of my lashes, I say. “Please, Romi.”

  He rubs the scruff on his chin, bites his bottom lip, thinking about it, then nods. No actual answer, just a look that says ‘I don’t like this’.

  “Thank you,” I say. Some of my overexcitement comes out with the words.

  We say goodbye to Rain and Ailee, help Chelsey tidy the kitchen, but when she whips out a boob to feed the baby, Romi excuses us real fast.

  He runs away from boobs — not great for Rain’s theory.

  Three

  Luminous Blue Black

  ROMEO:

  “I’ve never seen a guy run from boobs so fast, you are so gay. Rain has his panties in a twist.” Viviana chuckles, leaning against the car, waiting for me to unlock the doors.

  An irrational anger boils inside me. I know I created this illusion, the image that they all see, but for some reason her thinking it makes me furious.

  I shove her against the car, trapping her by slamming my body against hers. Her mouth opens to yell but I quickly cover it with my palm, her pretty little eyes wide with shock at my sudden attack. I get right in her face so she can see me, gripping her skinny little hip with my other hand. She feels soft in my hold, my body flush against hers. She’s so warm. I know she can feel my dick getting hard from it.

  “There isn’t a gay bone in my body, Viviana.” I thrust against her to make my point patently clear. Sliding my hand up her side, shifting my weight, I grasp a handful of her breast. She whimpers. The moistness of her breath in my hand, and the fruity scent of her perfume, only agitates me more. “And I am quite comfortable around these.” I squeeze her breast hard enough that I know it hurts just a little.

  Her eyes water. Tears well up at the corners and I slowly remove my hand from her face. She pants for air, as if I was suffocating her even though she could breathe just fine. No. This is something else. Viviana is enjoying this.

  The fear in her expression changes to something else entirely. She looks me in the eye as if daring me to take this further. Begging me to kiss those little pouty pink lips, she licks the bottom one just a little and my cock twitches against her.

  The smug smile on her face as we stare off is as if she thinks she’s won some sick game. That look, I’ve seen it before, and the realization of what she does for fun stops me.

  I would have kissed her, but I saw her kissing the dude in her videos, I saw her riding him, kissing him, pinned up against a wall just like this; hand on her boob. Suddenly she’s not so appealing. Letting go I reach behind her and open the door a crack.

  With my lips only a breath away from hers, I say, “Get in the car, Vivvy.” I deliberately use her not very clever screen-name.

  A flicker of panic is in her eyes as I step back and leave her to open the door all the way and get in herself.

  I dropped her home after the hospital the day Chelsey gave birth, so I just drive, my focus on the road knowing where I’m going. Because if I look at her I will want what I can’t have, and worse – what thousands of eyes have already seen.

  She’s quiet. She fidgets with her phone, careful to hide the display from me, but I know she’s afraid. She knows I know.

  “Oh, God,” she says softly, looking from the screen to me. “You are @WhereforeArtThou. Fuck.” She closes her eyes, gripping her phone tight, her hand shaking. “You can’t tell anyone Romi, please. And unfucking follow me.”

  I won’t. I know I won’t because I am already thinking about watching her again when I go to bed tonight.

  “How about a compromise?” I offer. She glares at me. “I won’t tell your brother what you do for fun, I won’t unfollow you, and you will pretend this entire night never happened.”

  Her cheeks turn a deep red and her lips purse like she’s about to explode into a string of insults. “Fine,” she snaps, shoving the phone inside her purse. Crossing her arms, she looks out of the window, away from me.

  I stop in front of her building and turn off the ignition, but don’t unlock the doors. Letting her go isn’t something I want to do yet. She pulls the handle, then looks at me, her face flushed and her body stiff with irritation.

  “Unlock the doors, Romi.”

  I place the blame for my actions on her perfume. The fragrance has soaked into my brain and made me go mad. Smiling at her we just stare at first, but I want to feel her again.

  Her little hand flies up at me and I catch it before she can connect with my face. “Let me out dammit,” she hisses.

  She’s sexy when she gets mad.

  “Why? Is your boyfriend waiting up there for you?” The jealousy shows, and it’s never pretty when it does.

  “I don’t have a fucking boyfriend, just let me go.”

  She tries to wrangle her wrist away from me and I just grip it tighter. “Really? So who’s the guy you fuck for the cameras?” I growl, squeezing her arm.

  “None of your fucking business. You are acting like a serial killer. Let me out of the damn car. We can pretend this night never happened, just like you said.”

  I yank her by the arm so she slams into the middle console. She is close enough that I let her arm go, grab her face, and kiss her. The hair on my arms stands on end and I feel a warm rush all over my body. She doesn’t pull away and hit me. She kisses me back forcefully, hard, and with enough pressure to make me feel it all over.

  My heartbeat is a soundtrack as it races, and my chest tightens with a strange sensation. She sucks my lip, nibbling it with small bites; cheeky little thing that she is. I hold her head firmly and kiss harder.

  Her hands are in my hair, clawing at me like she is desperate for more. While I am kissing her in my car all I can think is that I want to drag her up those stairs and strip her clothes off. Her tongue tortures mine. Her sweet-peppermint taste makes my dick hard for more. I need to breathe, but I want to kiss her more than I need air. I pull away just a little, my breath stolen, and my pulse so fast I may have a heart attack.

  “Post a video for me tonight, Vivvy,” I say, smiling at her, our foreheads still touching.

  I lean back and unlock the doors so that she can go. The look of utter shock on her face is priceless. She wanted to play games with
me.

  When she realizes that’s all I am going to say, she scrambles to grab her purse, wipes her mouth on the back of her hand to get me off her, and leaps from the car as fast as she can.

  There is one last glance, one last moment where I see her confusion before she goes inside wearing an angry scowl on her face. When the door shuts and I can’t see her any longer, I sigh out a deep exhalation and start the car.

  I have lost my mind.

  I feel like a horny teenager again.

  The smile won’t wipe itself off my face while I drive home.

  When I eventually close and lock my front door, I am wound so tight that I am grinding my teeth. The temptation to watch her videos again is there, but the thought of now seeing her with that dude makes me want to punch a hole in the new drywall of my entrance hall.

  I opt for something stronger than Chelsey’s cheap wine and pour a glass of Jack and ice, then down it in one long go.

  Peeling off my clothes as I go down the hall to the bathroom, I just drop them on the floor, I am not all here. My mind is being torn up in bits. No girl has had this effect on me before. Sure, there have been the ones I have liked, we’d fuck, date for a while, then they’d find out I cut hair and run for the hills.

  But Viv, she has my dick hard and my heart racing. My mind is playing a movie of her on repeat, and no matter what I do, I can’t stop it.

  The taste of her is on my tongue. Even after a stiff drink it hasn’t left, and when I breathe in I can still smell her perfume and shampoo.

  Fuck Rain and his truth telling bullshit! I slam my fist against the bathroom door and look at myself in the mirror. I spent years convincing myself the only way I could be the best at what I did was for everyone just to believe I was gay. But, I never really considered what it was doing to me, what I was missing. Now, now she’s gone and started something, and I’m not sure I can stop.