Bitter Edge : A Hero Club Novel Read online

  The door quietly pulls open and Cierra backs her way into the room with an offer of her hand. The house is completely silent. There are no footsteps, no creaks, no cars rushing by. There are the faint sounds of an airplane overhead or the occasional dog barking. There is nothing to hear other than the crickets and each other.

  I want to keep it that way. Sometimes music, even songs you love, can take you to a different place or remind you of something else. Stillness from here forward will only remind me of her.

  I reach behind me and pull my tee shirt off over my head and toss it to the floor. She goes for the hem on the one she’s wearing, and I stop her. I want to do it. I kiss each hand one at a time and place them at her sides. Instead of unwrapping from the top down I opt for the bottom up.

  I slowly crouch down at her feet. My hands wrap around the back of her legs under the base of her shorts. I can feel the little chill bumps build under my fingertips. Letting my fingers trace the line of the seams, then across the shape of the pockets, to open the button and lower the zipper, tooth by tooth.

  The depths of the breaths she is taking lets me know she is enjoying the slowness of this. Once the zipper is fully down, one small tug and they end up in a pile at her feet. I look up at her and she has followed them with her eyes to the floor. With a smile that lights her eyes, she flicks them off her toe to the corner.

  I lean in and give a kiss to her left hip, then her right. She slides her fingers through my hair from the top of my head all the way down to the base of my neck. Those nails send one long wave of electricity through my entire body. I react to the charge by quickly standing so the length of our bodies can connect.

  Cierra sits down on the side of the bed. As she does, I try to keep my body close by following. Our bodies are like magnets with a charge between. We try to stay a fraction apart but can’t resist being together. She slides her body across the bed, and I hover simply to watch.

  She lifts her top and with it pulls all her hair with it. It turns into a waterfall on the other side of the bed. Cierra allows her top to flutter to the floor then her hands wrap around me, pulling me down to rest on her.

  We’ve finally found each other in the dark spaces. The line between love and hate is clear. I hate we didn’t find the love sooner.

  Epilogue

  Cierra

  The arena is full. The Zamboni is in the middle of a resurface. The lights are barely up and there is a low hum coming from the crowd. I’m not often the first on the ice after a resurface, but today I will be. It gives me five minutes to go inside myself, reflect, and just be. I start with looking onto the ice then I close my eyes and turn my head down.

  In listening, most of the voices around me I don’t recognize. There are a few, however, that stand out. Nate is to my right with his coach. They are from Lakewood. He’s become like a big brother and that’s thanks to his coach. If his coach hadn’t been at Lakewood that day helping and guiding me, we’d never have met and become distance training buddies. I hear my mother’s whistle from the stands every so often. She’s always letting me, and everyone else for that matter, know she’s in the building.

  I can hear Coach B farther back down the tunnel behind me. He’s doing what he always does until I’m on the ice, whether in competition or show. He gives me silent space. When I’m out for warm-ups it’s then the work begins along with his words. Today is a bit different. I wouldn’t mind him being close, except for he’s got another job today.

  He’s keeping Spencer occupied at my direction. This whole season up until today, Spencer hasn’t missed being at my side on a practice session, a workout, or a competition. This was something my parents had to get used to immediately when we got back from California.

  I didn’t want to tell them right away. I didn’t want them to have anything negative to say to ruin the place we were in. Spencer wasn’t okay with that. He said he’d spent enough time hiding and wasn’t going to do it anymore. While I was terrified, I agreed.

  We asked my parents to fly back out to Sun Valley as soon as they could. It gave us a week to prepare. The first thing Spencer and I did was talk to Brian. There wasn’t any way in hell we were going to be able to hide how we felt from him. If the three of us were going to truly be a team, he had to know.

  Spencer cooked dinner for all three of us and we told him honestly how we felt about each other, and what my training could look like moving forward. Coach B had a lot of concerns and questions. I knew Brian well. Spencer and I spent the whole drive back talking about everything he could possibly want to know and have answers going in.

  I wanted to have a larger say in my destiny. I wanted to act as and be considered an adult in this working relationship. Brian simply smiled and agreed to this term. I think he’d waited a long time to hear me say it. On a pure physical note, I could tell my body was different. The style of training Spencer was giving me was working. I wanted to keep it.

  I also told Brian I wanted to stay in Sun Valley as long as we could. I surprised even Spencer when I said I didn’t want to go back to Detroit. I liked the energy and the closeness to nature. My run for the podium would start here.

  The three of us agreed on everything before my parents arrived. That was helpful, beyond helpful, when Spencer had to look my father in the eye and tell him he loved me and we were together. My mother didn’t say anything. I think she had a hint this was going on, but it was confirmed when she saw us together again. My father seemed blindsided. He got up and left the dinner table.

  I wanted to go after him, but Spencer asked if he could. I was so afraid of a fight. An actual fight. I could see them outside the window of the restaurant. My father was so animated. I could tell he was yelling. Spencer kept his signature cool and polite distance. After about ten minutes, they shook hands and rejoined the dinner.

  Since that night, it hasn’t been perfect, but we’ve always been able to work things out. To start, we kept our living arrangements the same. I stayed with Spencer some nights then others I slept in the condo I shared with Coach B. After a couple months, Brian swapped with Spencer so Spencer and I could try living together.

  It was actually the best thing for us. It solidified our training and squashed the remainder of fear I’d been holding on to. Spencer began skating again with me. Seeing his love of the ice in person was the key to truly understand the reasons he did and does push me so hard.

  When I had to requalify at sectionals, he was by my side in every way. When we were in Detroit for Nationals, he never left my side even if there was nothing he could do but be present. Just seeing him there with a wink, a smile, or a fist pump was enough.

  Now, we’re over the border in Toronto. I’ve taken advantage of every sight, sound, and smell of this Olympic experience. Olympic Stadium was filled to capacity with athletes, flags, family, and fans from every nation around the globe. I didn’t think it would affect me like it did. I was smiling wide as the tears were falling from my eyes. I was totally overwhelmed by how proud I was to represent our country in this way.

  After that, Spencer and I spent a couple days touring around the venues, watching different events and chilling in the village between the practices and participating in the one interview scheduled for me. I wasn’t feeling the pressure at that point. That was last week. This week however has been a whirlwind. Practice sessions on Monday and Tuesday went as planned. I was on my game.

  I didn’t miss a single jump on any given day. I was able to run my programs from end to end and feel satisfied my training would carry me through. Then Wednesday hit. I couldn’t stay over my feet to save my soul. Triples became doubles or even worse I’d pop to a single on everything I tried.

  This was the last practice before the short program. I had to walk into that part of the competition solid or this dream I’ve fought so hard for, that we’ve fought so hard for, was going to be over before it even started.

  Brian knew I would be in no mood to hear anything he’d have to say right now. I was t
oo in my head. When Spencer and I came back from our trip to California, we did an overhaul with Coach and got honest about how training sessions would be moving forward. I needed the dynamic to be different. I wanted to be more involved in every aspect. I wanted to help design my program concepts from music, to costume elements, and even choreography.

  My long-time choreographer stayed on as a consultant, but she turned the reins over to me. There were days when Coach and I got into it hard at first, but then we found our groove. He started to pay attention to my body language. That was something Spencer had a hand in.

  That’s why in the Wednesday session, when I pulled up to the boards, Brian said nothing. I took a fake sip of water, set the bottle down between my hands, and bowed my head. I was searching for the missing thing that would give me back my balance. That thing came in the form of a pair of black gloves with leopard print around the wrists.

  Spencer made his way from the top of the arena down to the boards with a silent symbol of what I needed. They represented my rock bottom and a rise back to the surface. They were a connection to that time in California. They were a connection to Spencer. He set them in my view and then left without a single word. He knew I didn’t need one.

  I finished that practice session strong and took that power with me into Thursday’s short program. I had one level issue on a spin sequence, which kept me in second, but I was in the hunt. I would be in that final group with the ability to get the gold.

  After Spencer and I watched Nate soar to the podium in the men’s final on Friday, I told him I wanted to sleep in the athlete’s village that night. I didn’t want to be away from him, but I also knew I needed that extra bit of focus and fire the bit of separation would give me. He didn’t argue. He understood.

  I played my free skate music in my earbuds about thirty times while I lay in bed with my eyes closed. This was a pro tip that came from Chance. Visualize the excellence he called it. Chance and Aubrey were flying in from LA as I was laying here. Chance’s sister was watching their son so they could come and support me. We’ve become our own little bonus family.

  “Mini” Chance sat still long enough to video chat with Spencer and me before we left for Toronto, while Pixy chewed at his toes. Go Auntie Cici and a big baaaa was all I needed to hear. An aunt. One thing I never thought I’d ever be. Being this much in love is another.

  I feel my phone vibrate beneath the beat of my music. I flip the screen to my texts, and I have a message from Spencer.

  Spencer: Still awake, beautiful?

  Me: I can’t sleep. <3

  Spencer: Don’t be nervous. Rely on your training.

  Me: I’m not nervous. If it happens it will. I’ve controlled all I can.

  Spencer: Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend? :P

  Me: LOL! I’m right here, Broten. Your girlfriend has trouble sleeping without her favorite pillow.

  My next text is a picture of him. He’s lying in his hotel suite on my side of the bed, the blankets pulled down enough so I can see his whole chest and every line of his abs. His hair is a disaster, which tells me he’s restless too.

  Me: Miss me so much you’re on my side?

  Spencer: Yes. Babe, I want you to know how proud I am of you and that you’ve never given up. No matter what happens tomorrow, you’ve already won.

  After a few hours sleep, I wake on Saturday with game face. I run all my free skate day routines to the letter. The shortened practice session. Final costume check. Hair and makeup. Then it is back to the arena for the wait off-ice, and the position draw for the final group.

  I pull last in the final six. It’s my favorite spot to be. I’ll know exactly what I have to do when I step on the ice. I head with Coach and Spencer back into the depths of the arena after warm-ups. I don’t want to see or know what everyone does before me. It’s how I am and always have been.

  I pop my earbuds in and blast the playlist Spencer created. It’s full of his fight songs. I sit in a chair for a while then I get up and pace. I make sure all my joints stay loose including my neck, and especially my jaw. All my tension immediately grows there and that can toss me off.

  When the skater before me is mid program, Brian taps my shoulder three times. I know that means it’s time to go. I give one last good bend of the ankles to see if my skates are in the sweet spot. They are. I hand my earbuds to Spencer and that’s when I hear it. Daniela Koval, the Ukranian phenom, was in the last minute of her program. The crowd is going insane. She’s the leader. This is what I will be following. Game on.

  It rained flowers and stuffed animals for what seemed to be minutes after she finished. I circled in the corner round and round while I heard her scores being announced. I would need the perfect skate and a little help from the universe to beat what she did.

  As they are announcing my name, I hang on the boards for a minute. Brian slides both his hands over my shoulders as always with one head nod. I look over at Spencer. He holds out his hand and I peel my black gloves with the leopard print off and slap them in his hands. He gives me one word. “Compete.”

  I circle the end one last time to the cheers of the crowd and present out to center ice and my starting position. I feel inside what my costume color is. The color of fire. My music starts off slow but intense. It’s a crowd favorite. Carmen.

  I have always been drawn to this piece of music but have been waiting for the right time to use it. It has a long history and legacy in the skating world. It’s feeding me those connections to the past as I move across the ice. I feel the wind move against my face and the layers of my skirt brush across my legs.

  I go to this place where I don’t notice anything other than the ice beneath my feet. Coach and I set up my program so I could get my second hardest jump out first to shake off any nerves I might have. My feet feel steady and my legs feel strong from the first few pushes.

  I set up my jumping pass to the corner and fly. Those two seconds in the air felt like forever. I landed, checked, and the crowd roared. This is so much of what I live for with this sport. I love performing so much. It’s a part of who I am and what I’ve decided I need.

  My next jumping pass is the one I’m terrified of. It’s another triple. It’s the triple. It’s the one that nearly took me out for good. Coach and Spencer both tried to talk me out of leaving it in. I have an out clause if need be. It will take my overall score down if I replace it. Not many women in the world can land it consistently, if even at all. Before California, I would have left it out. Now, I’d rather try and fall than let it go. Here’s another moment.

  I round the ice past the cameras, Coach, and Spencer gaining all the speed I can get in my choreography and set up. The air this time is at my back. I stretch and turn to take off forward into the air. I kick my leg out and up and begin rotating once, twice, three times. My arms are perfectly pulled into my chest. Land this shit, Cici. Land it.

  My edge comes down perfectly backward with my free leg going a little wild and wide, but I land. I’m checked out and gliding backward. Take that, you fucking demon.

  The rest of the program seems to flow on autopilot. I have a spark now that you can’t create or capture. It’s one of pure joy. I’d been happy before with how I’d performed in competition, but there is something special about having the performance of your life at the Olympics.

  The music builds and builds, as does the crowd noise. They are clapping and cheering for me. My end pose is one of pure victory. My hands cross my chest as though my heart is breaking. That is the character I’m to portray. In reality, my heart is nearly exploding.

  My hands drop to my knees as the tears come quickly. I turn in slow circles center ice before I take my bows and thank the crowd. The sea of flowers and stuffed animals this time is for me. I grab a couple of bouquets before I leave the ice and get wrapped up by Brian. He hugs me so hard that I come off the ground before I can even get my guards on.

  My feet settle back on the ground and a blue cast is in my
line of sight. So is the hand I’m used to seeing. I let the plastic click on the left then click on the right. As I rise up, Spencer tilts my chin so our eyes can meet. He’s on the verge of tears. I’ve never seen him cry. Not once.

  I take hold of his face and press our foreheads together. “No tears.” I kiss his nose and take his hand to slide around the curtain to the kiss and cry for my scores and the quick post-ice interview. As I step up on the platform, I hear my name in the way only one person says it. “Cierr-ah”. It’s hollered from right above me.

  There stands Chance and Aubrey. Aubrey is clapping uncontrollably, and Chance is pumping his fist. “That was a ripper!” He tosses down a familiar stuffed animal to me. It’s a goat. I giggle and hold it close as I blow kisses to them. I sit down on the bench with Brian to my right and Spencer to my left.

  Unless they must review levels on an element or completions of those elements, the scores seem to come back quite fast. Looks like we are in a review situation. Spencer leans into my ear. “Nice goat.”

  “I love it so much.” That’s when I notice the big bow with a pouch attached to it. “What is this?”

  “Hang on, babe. Here come the scores.”

  As the scores post, it is close. Nearly the closest margin on record. I lost the gold by four-tenths of a point. The silver. I won the silver. I came in second in the world at the Olympics with the skate of my life and sent the fear I have away forever. I’m beyond content.

  Daniela’s camp is screaming and crying just down the tunnel. I can hear their joy. I’m happy for her. She fought hard and won. Spencer pulls me in close on the bench. “I’m sorry.”

  I kiss Brian on the cheek and hug him tight, thanking him for all he’s done. Judd Nichols from the network broadcast slides in next to Spencer and tells me we’re going live as soon as they are done with Daniela. I nod as Spencer leans in again. “Don’t you want to look inside the pouch?”

  I pull on the bow and the pouch falls into my lap. Coach slides away from me to stand off to the side. He’s never done that before. I pull open the straps of the bag and tip it into my hand as the lights come up indicating we are live with Judd.