Bitter Edge : A Hero Club Novel Read online

  I can feel a heat rise in my cheeks as I look down toward the driveway, where Chance is crouched down next to his bike while Spencer climbs onto the seat. His hands wrap around the grips on the handlebars and roll back and forth. Aubrey sets down a glass of lemonade in front of me. “See. I told you.”

  I cradle the glass between the palms of my hands. “We’ve known each other for a few months. We’ve argued, fought, majored in silence, I’d even say hated each other every day until three days ago.”

  “What happened three days ago?” Aubrey sets the baby monitor on the table next to her and sits across from me.

  “I hugged him.”

  She smirks. “You hugged him?”

  The replay of the last three days begins. I tell her about how we ended up on the road. Why the hug happened, what I said when I was drunk, and the pause in Vegas. When I mentioned Las Vegas, she lit up. Aubrey shared with me what Vegas meant to her and Chance. About their road trip and their wedding…both of them.

  By the middle of the conversation, I feel like I’ve known her forever. I told her about Marina Del Rey and my first time with Spencer. It was so nice. Aubrey made it very easy for me to talk. We went from two strangers getting to know each other to what felt like sisters confiding in each other.

  “I get the feeling you have questions,” Aubrey says.

  “Not the kind you’d think. It felt very natural. He made me very comfortable and really took care of me.”

  “Where does your apprehension come from then?”

  “I want more. At least I think I want more. He’s the only real constant in my life and I don’t want that to end. I hear myself say that and it’s not about having that stabilizer. It’s about him.”

  Aubrey motions for me to follow her. “Let’s get dinner started. I think that might help.”

  Chapter 37

  Spencer

  “She’s a beaut, mate, and young.”

  I look back at Cierra over my shoulder as she follows Aubrey into the house. “Don’t give me any shit about young. I seem to remember a barely legal encounter back in Australia.”

  “Watch it. I’m a married man now and happy to be so.”

  “And a father. It looks good on you.”

  “Aubrey makes me better. She did from the start. What does Cierra make you?”

  “I’m not ready for that conversation yet. Give me a second beer then maybe.”

  “I wanted to see you to make sure but you’re still hiding.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “No, fuck you. You know I’m right. What is it? Same issues still?”

  I climb off the bike and take my second beer from Chance’s hand. “Yes and no. It’s not the ice. Well, it is and it isn’t. I haven’t skated for me since I started working with Cierra. That was a choice.”

  “What the hell kind of choice is that?”

  “At first I thought it made sense. I was going to feel the same starvation she had to be feeling. I assumed she’d want to get her head back in the game as badly as I did. If I was hungry, I could push her harder.”

  “How did that work for ya?” Chance asks, tossing his grease rag to his toolbox.

  “She doesn’t want it, well, didn’t want it like I did. All the ability, all the advantages, all the healing, and she didn’t want it.” I pace back and forth a little bit. “By the time I figured out I was down to the last trick in my kit, shit went sideways.”

  “You went and fucked her, didn’t you?”

  “I didn’t fuck her,” I growl. “I fell in love with her.”

  Chance smirks. “How does it feel to admit it to anyone other than yourself?”

  “You’re a bastard.”

  “Tell me something I don’t already know.”

  “What does she know?”

  “That I won’t leave her.”

  Chance takes hold of my shoulder. “That’s a bloody good start. Now offer some balls and go for the rest.”

  Chapter 38

  Cierra

  “Tell me what you need me to do, Aubrey.” She slides me a cutting board, a knife, and a trio of vegetables to chop. I pull out a stool at the breakfast bar and settle in.

  “If you can get these ready for the kabobs, I’ll answer that loaded question.” Aubrey leans back against the counter across from me. “Chance told me a lot about Spencer the last day or so. I knew about him before but the thought of Spencer coming here really brought up some things for Chance.”

  “Like what?” I ask.

  “Chance was the one who was able to reach Spencer. He told me Spencer really closed himself off after the injury in Australia. You know what it’s like to have no hope?”

  “I suppose I do. I mean, usually I’m really good at manipulating my situation to be an all-in or all-out scenario. Hope hasn’t really played in. Things are either are or aren’t.”

  “Then you’re one of the lucky few, depending on how you look at it. Chance knew he was done competing. It just was. Then there were things that took over in his life to take his full attention. From what I understand, that’s where Spencer had issues. He’d left everything behind for hope. Hope he would play again and keep with his dream. That was hard for him I’d imagine.”

  “It was. I know it was. That’s part of what we’re dealing with on this trip, I think. He’d been with his girlfriend for a long time before he made the decision to try and keep chasing hockey. Three days ago, he got news that she was engaged and pregnant.”

  Aubrey empathizes, “That must have been harder for him to hear.”

  “It took something away from him I don’t think even he expected. He knew he wasn’t going to get back with her, but it was the final nail, so to speak. That door officially closed instead of figuratively.”

  “So where does that leave you?”

  “Me?”

  “This journey may have started with the ex but it sure isn’t there anymore. Cierra, Chance told me Spencer was one of the fiercest competitors he’d ever met. Playing and playing at a high level was like breathing to him.”

  “Oh, I’m aware.” My knife chops into the cutting board a little harder than I intend.

  Aubrey sighs. “Let me put it to you this way. Chance and I spent a lot of time apart because of circumstance and, to be honest, me not giving in to an opportunity to understand better. I don’t want you to waste time and neither does Spencer, I think. He sees himself in you. When you love someone, you want better for them than you had.”

  “He wants me to go back for myself and him?”

  “In a way yes but also, you glossed over the most important part.” Aubrey comes over to the island opposite me. “Let me give you a bit of advice then we can enjoy the night. Chance taught me what was most important in life. It was about enjoying it…every moment. It doesn’t matter if the moment is hard or easy, painful or joyful. Every moment is a treasure and a gift. They all have lessons and meanings if you look and listen hard enough.

  “Even the pain they can cause you by pushing you doesn’t do away with the love they show you. He’s believing in you when you aren’t believing in yourself. One quote Chance and I live by is ‘A single moment can change your entire life.’ This could be one of those moments for both of you. Have the hard conversation sooner rather than later. You won’t regret it. Trust me.”

  Aubrey comes around that island and hugs me. I hold on to her. She gave me advice that you would give family. She is the sister I’d always waited for. She is right. A moment can change everything.

  ~~~

  The rest of the night was lighter. Chance and Spencer walked in on our hug and much to Aubrey’s credit; she didn’t give anything away. She tossed a stray cherry tomato toward Chance, which he quickly caught and ate as he was being told we were having girl talk and it was none of his business.

  Dinner was phenomenal. The steak kabobs were perfection. The salad and fresh fruit were absolutely on point. While spiked snow cones were being made for dessert, I held baby Chance while he had hi
s bottle. It had been a while since I held a baby. It was kind of nice.

  He was so cuddly and warm. He curled right into you and if you gave him a smile he’d smile right back. Every so often Spencer would hold out his finger for the baby to take hold of. We’d carry on full conversations and he left his finger in the baby’s hand. I’m not going to lie. I thought my heart would explode.

  First, for the reason any woman would love to see a beautiful man and a baby bond like that. But more than that, I know that he’s hurting a bit inside and he’s meeting the moment by walking through it. After the baby went down for the night, we sat out on the deck and watched every star come out in the distance over the ocean. It had a similar magic to the sunset over the marina the night before.

  Watching Chance and Aubrey were goals. They were always touching in some way. Pixy was curled up at their feet. The conversation never died down. If they weren’t picking at each other, Chance and Spencer broke into story after story about their time together. I think we laughed until our faces hurt.

  Long about midnight, the baby woke for a bit of extra bottle and that’s when they retired as a family, including Pixy, for the night, leaving Spencer and I to make ourselves at home. Chance got one last jab into Spencer with calling out, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” to which Spencer responded with a, “Well, shit, that leaves us a blank check.” The laughter and the good nights faded into silence between Spencer and me.

  I stand up and stretch from the curled position I’m keeping on the deck bench, and slide my hand across Spencer’s back before descending down the stairs to sit on the swing hanging in the tree. I push off with my good leg only for about three pumps before I decide to glide.

  I close my eyes to let the wind speak against my face. That is when I hear careful steps down the stairs to my side. Before I know it, there is a gentle hand at my back giving me a push.

  I open my eyes. “You’re good at that. Pushing me, that is.”

  “Was that a rip?”

  “Not at all. It was honest. I love Chance and Aubrey.”

  “I knew you would. I like Aubrey too. She’s his pure equal. He doesn’t get away with anything.”

  “Do you want what they have?”

  “Someday. There are things that need to happen first.”

  “Like what? What are you waiting for?” I ask.

  “Being settled for one.”

  “Being honest with yourself and me would be one better.”

  “Was that a rip?”

  “Not exactly. But it’s on point. Don’t you think it’s time we were both honest, not only with ourselves but each other?”

  “Cierra…”

  I was surprised at my own bravery. “No, Spencer. Please listen. I know this could go badly. I could lose you, but if that’s going to be what’s going to happen, I’d rather have it be by things said than unsaid.”

  Spencer takes hold of the ropes and slowly guides my swing to a stop before resting his chin on the top of my head. “I guess we need to. Should we stay here?”

  “Yeah. Just in case.”

  “Just in case? You think this will end in something ugly?”

  “I’m nervous. I want to stay out here. Will you sit in the grass in front of me? Please?”

  Spencer slides his flip-flops off, sits cross-legged at my feet, and turns his Tacoma Thunder cap backward on his head, so I can see his eyes lit in the faint lights strung in the tree above us. He lays his hand on my healing knee. Jesus Christ. It’s like he already knows. “Breathe, please.”

  Without thinking, I do what he asks instantly. Inhale. Exhale. I’m so used to being coached I take the request in. “I want to talk things out, but I need to do that by asking you questions. Are you okay with that?”

  “By the look on your face and the tension I see in your body, my answer is yes.”

  “Maybe this isn’t such a good idea. You’re so distracting and this is hard enough.” I take a beat and grip the ropes a little tighter in my hands before I continue. “Why did you really put me on the ice yesterday?”

  “Because it was logical. Because it’s what you needed. I pushed you where you needed to go.”

  “Is that all? Was it what you needed?”

  “Me?”

  “Why didn’t you skate too? Tell me why.”

  “Yesterday wasn’t about me.”

  “Are you sure? How would you feel if I said I was going to never lace up again by choice?” His face freezes then falls. “See that. That right there tells me more than anything. You would take my decision so personally. Tell me why, dammit.”

  Spencer slides his hands along each side of his head and fists his hat off, tossing it to the ground. “Because I’m like a coach and I’ve gotten you healthy to get back on and you won’t. That means I’ve failed. Because I’m a fucking competitor and I would give everything I have, and I fucking have, to get one more shot that you’d be pissing away. And….” He stops short.

  “And what? Finish it, Broten. Finish it.”

  “Never mind.”

  “No. You wouldn’t let me get away with that, and I’m sure as hell not letting you. Tell me the truth. What’s the truth dammit?"

  He fights with himself while tugging on his hair. Then as quickly, he looks me dead in the eye. “Because I love you more than I love anything and only want the best for you.” His voice lowers in volume and tone. There is a subtle break to it I’ve never heard before. “You can do this. I know you can. I want you to believe as much as I do. I want you to go out there and kill it for the both of us. I promised you I’m not going anywhere, and I won’t.”

  “Because you love me. Do you love me for me or for what I represent?”

  “Jesus, Cierra! When will you accept that someone can love you for who you are and not what you do or what hardware you can achieve? It’s you. Your spirit, your beauty inside and out, your fierceness, it’s you.”

  “I don’t see those things.”

  “I know you don’t. I had to push you until you proved it to yourself that you’re all these things. You never say no to a challenge. If I’d told you what I’d planned, you would have given me a million reasons why you couldn’t when I knew you could. I simply put you in the situation and look at what you did.” He leans forward and rests his face on his hands, which haven’t moved from my knees. Aubrey’s words are screaming in my head.

  This is another moment. Take it.

  I cup Spencer’s face in my hands and tilt his head to look at me. “I’m going to go back. I’m going back for us.”

  “No. No I want you to go back for you.”

  “You can’t tell me I should go back then when I tell you I am, tell me it’s for the wrong reason. I’m going back for a reason that finally makes sense to me. For us. Us is me and you. I was afraid. You made me not afraid anymore. I understood on the surface why it was so hard for you to let go of something you loved. Yesterday made me see it through your eyes. I needed time to process it and to talk it out. I want to go back for us and finish it.”

  Spencer rises to his knees with a groan and several creaks from his body. I hold his shoulders to help him adjust as his hands slide along my cheekbones. We now anchor to each other nose-to-nose. He whispers softly to me, “Just so we’re clear, I’m beyond fucking proud of you that you’re slaying your demons. I’m excited to see how far you can go. More than all of that, I do love you. I love you, Cierra.”

  I smile a little bit. “Just so we’re clear, I’m honored you share your demons with me. I’m excited to see how far I can go with you by my side, not as part of my team or as a coach. I want you at my side telling me every day how much you love me when I know I won’t be saying that to myself. Don’t hate me for saying this, but I’m grateful for all your pain and mine. We’ve both spent so much time trying to maintain alone. Wouldn’t it be nice to be stronger together?”

  Chapter 39

  Spencer

  She took what I couldn’t seem to articulate and hung it o
ut into the universe. I’ve spent, by choice in one way or another, so much time being alone that I’d forgotten how good it might feel to have a partner to anything. This girl. This beautiful, challenging woman is that partner. For as many hills we’ve had to climb, battles waged, barbs traded…she is what I was supposed to come back and find.

  I thought it was about the job. I thought it was about staying close to the ice and the dream. No. Those are the perks. She is the dream. We’re both terrified, but even with all our actual scars; we love each other anyway. I ghost my lips across hers. “Bateman does it again.”

  Cierra smiles as her lips return the ghost run. “What did Chance do?”

  “He told me to grow some balls and tell you what he could sense the minute he saw us together. Bastard.”

  “Aubrey was doing the same for me. They’re goals. Maybe we should get a goat too?”

  I smile against her lips. “Let’s get through the Olympic year and then talk goats.”

  “Spencer?”

  “Yeah, babe?”

  “Would you make love to me tonight?”

  “Chance did give us a blank check.”

  Pulling myself up with the ropes of the swing, Cierra watches me with her amazingly beautiful brown eyes. The tension I saw in her before is long gone. A confidence I’ve never seen in her before is radiating like a beam of light around her body. I doubt she knows it, but it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.

  I scoop her up in my arms, cradling her against my chest like I did in nowhere Nevada. She represents the weight I want to carry not the weight I’ve been carrying. I set her down in front the door to our bedroom. This house cleverly put a door to the outside from the guest suite. It’s perfect for us. We’ll be able to see the lights in the trees, the swing we left, and the moon in the sky.