Snodgrass, Catherine Read online

  "I just got your page. I've been in surgery since early this morning. Kevin told me what happened. I'm sorry, Dani. I'll be down as soon as my patients are out of recovery. About an hour."

  There was a sniffle. "It's okay. I understand."

  How could she understand when he was finding it difficult to do so? "An hour, Dani. I promise."

  "Don't. Don't promise something you can't control."

  She was right, yet the irony of the situation wasn't lost on Alec as he replaced the receiver. How many times in how many relationships had he wiggled out of making a promise by saying he had no control? This time he wanted to prove he was right, that he'd be by her side in an hour to rebuild whatever trust might have been shaken by his inability to come to her when she needed him.

  Alec shoved away from the counter. Focus. One thing at a time. He set his mask of professionalism in place and returned to his patients.

  Kevin and Norma watched him. He could feel it. They were probably judging him as well. That was their business, this was his. He refused to hurry, refused to give Mrs. Gaster and Mrs. Utley less than sterling attention simply because he wanted to attend to personal matters.

  It will take as long as it takes. Dani will have to understand.

  And so would he.

  * * *

  By the time his patients were safely tucked into their rooms, Alec's one hour was closer to two. The elevator couldn't move fast enough for him. When the doors finally opened to Dani's floor, he was ready to shove them aside.

  Renee stood outside the room talking with Kevin. Alec lengthened his stride, now desperate to reach her. Renee intercepted him halfway to his goal. She barred his way gently shoving her palms into his chest to made sure he went no further.

  Alec glared down at her, then at Kevin who stood behind her ready to augment her if necessary. "Let me by," he demanded through clenched teeth.

  She was not intimidated. "There's something you need to know before you go barreling in there."

  When Alec didn't move, Renee dropped her hands.

  "Dani has just come face to face with her greatest fear."

  "A lot of people fear death." Alec tried to shoulder his way past her.

  Renee jammed her hands into his chest once more. "Not this way. The very notion makes her hyperventilate. She and I have never been able to discuss this subject. It was so bad when she was a child, that instead of telling Dani their dog died, her parents had to tell her the dog ran away."

  "So they lied to her instead of making her deal with it. A lot of parents do that." Idiots!

  She gave him a shove. "Instead of having her go into hysterics. She's not stupid. She knows what they were trying to do. But she and all the rest of us have always worried about how it would affect her when someone close to her dies. So far, that hasn't happened."

  "Sounds like she needs counseling."

  Renee dropped her hands and moved away from him as if he were diseased. "Right now she needs a little compassion and understanding."

  "I'm not going to lie to her. This is part of life. She has to deal with it."

  She slowly shook her head. "Don't you have a fear? Something so great, so terrifying you can't even mention it?"

  Until that point in time, Alec would have said no. But he did have a fear. And it was terrifying and great...and all centered around Dani. He had to be with her. He had to see her...now. Before it's too late again.

  Alec pulled in a deep breath and stared down at the woman more than a head shorter than he.

  "If you don't move out of my way right now, I will physically pick you up and put you to one side."

  The words were carefully measured, each one pushed out with lethal intent. Kevin caught Renee by the waist and tugged her aside. Alec mumbled a sarcastic thank you and marched toward Dani's door.

  There the urge to shove it back upon its hinges overtook him. Alec forced himself to be calm, in control. It was a façade. Inwardly everything was still in turmoil. Though his hand ached to take action of its own accord, Alec inched the door open.

  Relief swept over him. Just the sight of her propped against her pillows was enough to make him want to fall to his knees and thank God that she was here, safe.

  She stared at the television through red-rimmed eyes, the remote held limply in her hand. Her nose was red and puffy from all the crying. Then he saw the spots of blood on her pajama top. Her stitches had ripped.

  Alec pushed the door wider. Her gaze slid his way, yet she did not move her head, nor did she speak.

  "I came as soon as I could."

  "I know."

  Feeling awkward, not knowing what to say or do, Alec fell back on the one thing they had in common-her recovery. Squaring his shoulder, he strode toward the bed.

  "You've ripped your stitches. Let's have a look." He reached for the top button of her pajamas.

  Dani shoved his hand away. What a fool she'd been. Hours she had waited for him, longed for his comfort all because she believed he had hinted a deep relationship was pending. Now to be treated so clinically.

  "Don't touch me. I want to go home. You said I could."

  Not exactly the greeting he expected. Alec narrowed his eyes. "You beeped me at the break of day just so you could go home?"

  Tears flooded her eyes. Grief. Embarrassment. He could never know it was her heart that reached for him. "Yes. Yes. That's exactly what I did." Her voice quivered. "I want to go home. I want to go home now."

  "Not in your current mental state."

  When he moved away, Dani scrambled to her knees and grabbed the lapels of his lab coat. She crushed the material in her fists.

  "There's nothing wrong with my mental state."

  He caught her face between his hands. Careful to avoid brushing the stitches, Alec forced her to look at him. "Dani...sweetheart, Elsie's dead. Running away isn't going to change that."

  She sagged against the weight of the words while rivulets of tears drifted down her cheeks. Alec gathered her close, tucking her under the protective circle of his arms. Dani buried her cheek into the cushion of his chest and cried, not heart-rending sobs, but soft sniffles. This was what she had wanted, and even though she had no right to ask for it, Dani was going to steal what little comfort she could from his nearness.

  "She was holding my hand. She said, 'There are just some things you shouldn't fight.' Then she was gone. I tried to do CPR but-"

  "Shh...it's all right." Alec rubbed slow circles on her back and wished for magic words to make this easier for her. None existed, but he certainly wasn't going to let her bury her head in the sand. This was reality. It had to be faced. No matter how well meaning her family, they were wrong.

  "She seemed like an exceptional woman," he told her. "It was a pleasure to have met her."

  Dani nodded. "The funeral. I should go. Are you going?"

  Tough question. Because of his hesitation, she pulled back to look at him. Alec brushed her tears away with his thumbs.

  "If it's important to you, I'll take you."

  "But otherwise you have no intention of going."

  "Death is a fact of life, especially in this business. I wasn't her doctor. I didn't really know her. I hate to put it this way, but no matter how sweet and wonderful she may have been, to me she was just another patient."

  "Is that what I am? Just another patient?"

  He caught her chin between his thumb and forefinger. "You know that's not true, don't you? Otherwise you wouldn't have called me." Dipping forward, he kissed the trails left by her tears.

  Dani closed her eyes. She wasn't wrong in reaching out to him. She hadn't mistaken his intent.

  His beeper shattered the moment. Dani drew away.

  "Damn it!" Alec snatched the device from his waistband to check the display. "Damn it!" He clicked it back in place. "I have to go."

  She eased into the bed. "Of course."

  "I'll see you later."

  Dani gave a nod. "I'll be here. Apparently I'm not going anywhere soo
n."

  It was hard to watch Alec walk out the door. Logically, Dani knew that he had patients to care for, but some part of her felt he had let her down, that he wasn't there when she needed him.

  Guilt weighed her soul. That wasn't true. He had been there. He came as quickly as he could.

  She pressed her fingers to where her cheeks still burned from his kisses, sweet and delicate. The comfort and reassurance she sought when she punched in his beeper number were there. Now that she had it, all Dani wanted to do was run the other way.

  * * *

  The door swung open. Dani's heart lifted with the hope it was Alec, then plummeted when she saw Renee.

  "I brought you a fruit plate from the cafeteria." She held out the container. "Yogurt too."

  Food was the farthest thing from her mind. "What I'd really like to do is talk." Smiling, Dani patted the side of her bed.

  Renee set the Styrofoam container on the table. "About Elsie?"

  "No...about Alec."

  It helped to sit across from her life-long friend and share secrets as if they were teenagers again. Dani could give nothing concrete about Alec. All she could dissect were her feelings. It didn't matter that Renee offered no solutions. It was only important that she listen.

  The one thing they could not discuss was Elsie's death. Renee knew Dani well enough not to try. There was nothing rational about Dani's fear, nothing in her life to trigger it. Just the thought of it could be all it took to paralyze her, to send her screaming from the room.

  Thankfully, with age and maturity Dani had learned to control it, to shove it from her mind. Each time the panic seized her, she rushed to the nearest task and attacked with a vengeance, or filled her mind with a nonsensical song. This time was different. Death had come to her. It was stalking her. First, with the accident. Second, the nurse who tried to harm her. Elsie had been its innocent victim, a warning.

  But Dani couldn't think about all that. It was too debilitating. So she concentrated on Alec, on the turmoil, the peace his presence created while she and Renee picked through the fruit.

  Renee popped the last red grape into her mouth. "Do you think you're going to be okay now? I really have to go into the office for a while. You know how it is during tax season."

  Dani smiled. "The CPA becomes everyone's best friend. Go...I'll be fine."

  A hug, and she was gone. Dani was alone with her thoughts, fears, and worries. No one would visit today. They had all been asked to give her time to rest. She shouldn't have been so hasty.

  Dani moved her gaze around the room, taking in each flower, plant, and gift delivered. How in the world was she going to carry everything home? And where would she put it when she got there? The stuffed animals were cute, but there were dozens. She supposed she could pass a few along to friends with children, or save them for when her baby nephew was old enough to appreciate them. Better yet...

  She snapped her fingers and jumped from bed. As promised, Officer McLane stood outside her door.

  "Officer, I could use your help. We're going to the children's ward."

  "Yes, ma'am."

  * * *

  This was the distraction Dani needed, the balm to her fear. She went to the Hispanic children first, those injured when their parents were trying to sneak across the border. Apart from their parents, with only a spattering of English, they stared at Dani and McLane in silence and fear.

  All the years Dani had cursed the necessary evil of learning a second language gelled into this wondrous moment. She could speak to them, ease their worries, and make them smile. With each word, each toy, happiness replaced their suspicions. But it was McLane who really made the difference. Taking center stage in the room, he launched into his own unique version of Little Red Riding Hood, complete with sound effects, slapstick and translation.

  The laughter brought the staff to the door. Children from other rooms were wheeled in. McLane's performance earned him applause and a demand for an encore. He obliged with Three Little Pigs, bringing howls of laughter from the group over his interpretation of the asthmatic wolf.

  In the midst of blowing down the house of sticks, Dani felt a touch at her waist. She looked over her shoulder, but already knew who it was.

  Alec's eyes crinkled at the corners and accentuated his bright smile. "I had a feeling I'd find you here."

  "Why?"

  "I heard you and McLane were piled down with stuffed animals. I didn't think you were heading for the black market." He tugged her toward the door. "Come on. There's someone I want you to meet." He waved good-bye to McLane. The officer nodded, never once breaking character.

  * * *

  Alec maneuvered her through the crowd.

  "Who is it you want me to meet?" she asked once they reached the elevator.

  "Dr. Ira Roberts." The doors slid open. "He's a psychiatrist."

  Dani parked herself in the opening. "No."

  "Yes." Alec snagged her arm, pulled her in, and pressed a button for the next floor.

  "You have no right." She smacked the stop button.

  He re-started the elevator. "I have every right."

  "Why? Because you want to have sex with me and don't want this little problem getting in the way?"

  Alec let the doors open, then closed them again and hit the key for the arboretum. Once they reached that destination, he latched onto Dani's hand and led her along the winding path until they reached a wrought iron bench tucked into a small alcove.

  "Let's sit."

  Pulling her down with him, he didn't give her much of a choice. Still holding her hand, Alec draped his arm over the back of the bench and effectively trapped her.

  "I think it's obvious that I want you, but I'd really like to believe it will be more than just sex."

  "And how many patients have you said that to?"

  It was a cruel remark, and Dani knew the answer before he gave it. Still, there was that slight narrowing to his eyes that indicated she was pushing him. She expected a comeback equal to hers. Instead, his shoulders rose on a deep breath.

  Alec smoothed the back of his fingers over her cheek. "Only you, Dani."

  He kissed her then, slow, sweet, a gentle press of his lips to hers. Dani opened herself to more. Alec took his time, nipping at her lips, lapping at the corners, teasing until she wanted to weep for what she could not have.

  Her body ached for closeness. The frustration was more than she could bear. She slid her fingers around his neck and deep into the dark hair dusting his collar. Holding him in place, Dani slipped her tongue across his.

  Alec sucked in a breath and drew her over his lap and cradled her in his arms. It was new, yet familiar. She felt his hand at her ribs, gently circling with his thumb, testing the way.

  Her breath quickened. Dani yanked open the belt on her robe. Her nipples strained forward, dotting the fabric of her top with little peaks. A slight sound rumbled in his throat. Alec swooped upward, encircling her breast in his hand.

  Dani cried out, from pain, not pleasure. Alec jerked back.

  "Honey, I'm sorry. I forgot about the stitches."

  She had, too.

  "Here, let me see."

  He slipped the buttons free from their holes. This time there was no hint of professionalism. He bared her chest as if he had every right to do so. And he did.

  Alec surveyed the damage. "I'm afraid the scar will be a little wider than I had originally planned." He dotted kisses along the curve, up her throat, to lap at the well nestled at the base.

  "Oh, Alec, please. This isn't the place." Yet she was the one who held his head captive.

  Slowly, reluctantly, he pulled away and re-buttoned her top.

  Dani tucked her robe in place as she sat up. "I want to go home, Alec."

  "And I want you to talk to Ira Roberts. You can't keep living with this."

  "I'm not crazy."

  "No one said you were. I think you just need help sorting out your fear. Let a professional help you deal with it."

&n
bsp; It made sense, but the last thing she wanted was to have to talk this out. "If I agree to see him, then can I go home?"

  "That's blackmail if ever I heard it."

  "But it's the only way I'll do it."

  He thought for a moment and then nodded. "All right." He tapped the end of her nose. "But you have to agree to talk to him, not just see him."

  Dani's jaw dropped. How in the world could he have undermined her intent so quickly? "And if I don't?"

  "Then you're here a week...Miss Morgan."

  Not acceptable. She'd go stir-crazy in a week. "All right. I'll do it."

  "Good." He slapped his hands on his thighs and pushed to his feet. "Let's go."

  Dani looked up at him. "Alone, Alec. I talk to him alone."

  "Not a problem. I have patients all afternoon...Promise me you'll go." He nailed her in place with a gaze so intense Dani had no choice.

  "I promise." But I'll be damned if I'm going to tell you what was said.

  * * *

  Chapter Twelve

  Dani stared at the nameplate on the door. Dr. Ira Roberts. No flourishes, no initialed designation following it, no pretension, just his name. At least he had that in his favor. She still didn't like this one bit.

  Biting back the urge to tell Alec he could stuff it and that she was going home whether he blessed it or not, Dani rapped on the door. It opened before the sound could officially die.

  Ira Roberts was not what Dani expected, not that she could pinpoint exactly what she imagined him to be. His manner was open, warm. His greeting was like that of an old friend ready to hug the life out of her. He ushered her inside with a grand sweep of his arm, and Dani stepped into a cozy room that could have easily doubled for a living room.

  There was no sign of a desk. It was either hidden behind an oak paneled screen in the corner, or tucked away in a different office. The requisite bookshelves lined one wall. Pictures covered the others. Again, no degrees attesting to Dr. Roberts' credibility were displayed.

  Two recliners, one black leather and one brown tweed, were canted across from an early American sofa and chair of green and brown plaid. It wasn't exactly her choice of decor, but it worked. The furniture looked...embracing.