Zhànshì: A Dark Retelling Read online

  I look up at the sky. As always seems the way in San Francisco in the afternoon, a shower is on the horizon.

  “Do you need a break, or can we test your hand-to-hand combat skills? I want to make sure you’ve improved those as well. The Jīn Long are expert combatants at close quarters. You’ll need to be at your best in case you’re matched against one in a fight.”

  “No, I don’t need a rest. I’m good for sparring.”

  “Okay, let’s go into the gym and use the mats there.”

  “Yes, sir.” He bows to me. I have to give him respect for his manners.

  I lead the way, Zhàn a few paces behind me. The gray colored gym area is empty but still laid out for combat with mats lining the floor. It’s close to dinner time, and people are getting ready for the feast the families prepare and bring in for the soldier’s once a week. It’s a thank you for protecting their way of life. I tend to give the meal a pass, preferring to seek out my own dinner at the harbor and remind myself of my other roots. I may forever be Yi Shu, but I have other blood running through my veins, and I can’t always ignore it.

  Zhàn centers himself in the middle of the mat, wearing the workout uniform we provide for the soldiers, a long t-shirt and pants. I remove my t-shirt and stretch out my muscles as I walk to where he’s waiting. I can’t help but notice the way Zhàn stares at me as I do. It’s a little off-putting, but I push it to the back of my mind, and we start to circle each other.

  “Your fighting skills really are exceptional. Your father must be an excellent teacher,” I praise.

  “Yes, sir, he taught me from a very young age. We’d spend hours in our basement practicing. He’s a hard task master, but I’m glad for it now.”

  “You really are very good, particularly with a sword. I’m better with batons. They’re my weapon of choice.”

  “I’ve done a little work with them before. I won’t be up to your standard, but they are another weapon in my arsenal, ” Zhàn replies as he steps forward, making a feint to the right.

  I hold my line and keep my stance low to the ground.

  “That’s good to hear. We’ll need many different skills when the Jīn come.” I swipe my leg forward, trying to upend the young man, but he’s too quick and flips out of the way, landing solidly on his feet.

  “Will the fighting be bad?”

  Zhàn doesn’t take his fighting position again. He remains still, staring directly up at me. I also stop, my arms falling to my sides.

  “It won’t be good. The Jīn fight for their families, but not for honor—they fight out of fear. They know what will happen if they don’t win, and it makes them dangerous, volatile and deadly. Too many people will die, good soldiers from families on both sides. It’s inevitable, but we can win the war. We can survive and keep our way of life. Gaozu is a good man even though some question his motives. Wang, the leader of the Jīn Long, is evil. He’s the devil incarnate on Earth. Gaozu didn’t have to take me in and protect me. It’s obvious I’m not one of his people.” I raise my hand and flick at my blond hair. “But I fight like one because he saved me when I had nothing else. The way of life I live now is the one I always will. It’s perfect for me. I didn’t realize it for a long time, but I’m at peace with myself now.”

  Zhàn looks down at the floor and then up at me.

  “I can understand that. Sometimes, it’s necessary to wear a mask to disguise the person you really are. The world isn’t always black and white, no matter how much some people want to see it that way. I’m glad I’ve got this opportunity to fight for the Yi Shu. It will make me the person I was always meant to be.”

  “For someone so young, you’re very wise. You’ve an old head on young shoulders and are an amazing fighter. I’m glad you’ll be at my side,” I respond.

  I nod toward Zhàn before taking up my fighting stance again and swiftly jumping forward. Zhàn cartwheels out of my way, but he’s too slow. I grab his leg and twist him around. He kicks out at me, unbalancing us both, and we tumble to the floor in a mixture of arms and legs. I land on top of him with a thump, and looking down, our eyes meet. There is a softness to his I’ve never seen in a man before, a fragility. My cock starts to harden in my pants, and Zhàn must feel it because his eyes go wide. I jump up in shock at my body’s reaction and march across to the other side of the room, putting as much distance between us as possible. This is crazy. I take a few deep breaths to calm myself down. What is it about this young man? Nothing is what it seems with him. It’s like he’s drawing me under a spell—I need to stop it before it takes hold. I turn back around, ready to dismiss Zhàn, but before I can, a guard interrupts us.

  “Yes,” I bite out at the newcomer, and he reels back in shock at my outburst.

  “Er, sorry, sir. I…er…”

  “Spit it out,” I snap at him again.

  “One of the scout parties has returned, and they’ve captured a member of the Jīn Long. They believe he might have intelligence on a raiding offense Wang’s favored general is planning. Gaozu wants you to extract the information from him.”

  My blood ignites at the opportunity presented to me. By ‘extract’, Gaozu is giving me permission to torture the man. It’s not something I often do, but when I do, I allow my demons free rein. It’s my way of numbing the pain I still feel as a result of what happened to my parents, and Gaozu knows it. I’m an enigma—a warrior who tries not to kill in battle but stick me in a room alone with someone to interrogate and the mask falls. I don’t see the person I’m torturing any longer. I see revenge.

  “I’ll be there in a minute,” I inform the guard and collect my t-shirt.

  Zhàn is still lying on the floor staring up at me. His eyes wide with an emotion I can’t fathom. But an emotion I need to put a stop to. If he is wrapping me in his spell, then seeing my demonic side will put a stop to it.

  “On your feet,” I order, and he jumps up and bows his head. “I think it’s about time you learned the true nature of what we do here to protect the people in San Francisco and beyond. Follow me.”

  I’m not sure what just happened with Jaxon, but I know it can never happen again. When he landed on me and our eyes met, I wanted to lean forward and kiss him. A strange desire pooled between my thighs at the thought of his lips touching mine. It can’t happen, though, because now and forever more, I’ll be Zhàn to him. I’ll never be Lia.

  As I follow him through the corridors of the compound we call home, there’s a malevolent look on his face, and I worry about what’s going to happen and how it could change me even more.

  “This could be the breakthrough we’ve been looking for.” Jaxon claps his hands together in glee. “We know the Jīn have been planning something big for a while now but haven’t been able to discover what it is. If we can find out, maybe we can finally get one step ahead of them. To take out their most important general would be a massive achievement and the possible blow we need to win this war.”

  We descend a narrow staircase, Jaxon having to twist his body to fit through the gap, and head toward a steel door at the other end of an underground passageway. I’m scared for the first time since I arrived at the training camp. I don’t like this place. The smell of death is all around me. I realize we’re heading to the dungeon—a place I doubt any Jīn who enters ever comes out of alive. I know torture exists in this cut-throat world, but I don’t ever want to see it.

  “Hurry up, boy,” Jaxon snaps at me when my steps falter. “This is all part of making you a man.”

  I want to scream I’m not a man or a boy, but the heavy steel door in front of me warns me to keep quiet. I could be on the receiving end of what’s behind there if my true identity is ever discovered.

  Please don’t let this room defeat me.

  I send a plea up to the ceiling, knowing no one will be listening.

  Jaxon knocks a rhythmic pattern on the door, and I can hear large bolts being moved across on the other side. The door is opened, and the stench of death hits me. I lean over to t
he side and gag, a stupid, involuntary reaction that shows a weakness in me.

  Jaxon laughs. “Don’t worry. I was the same the first time I came down here. What goes on in this room, it changes a man. I don’t even notice the odor now—piss, vomit, and feces. You’ll get to experience it all while I work. If you’re going to pass out, just make sure you’re sitting down. I don’t want to waste valuable time and resources, having someone watch you all night for potential head injuries.”

  “Yes, sir,” I reply and take another sniff before gagging again.

  Jaxon strides confidently into the room, and I follow him. It’s dark with only a central light in the ceiling. The wattage is low, but it’s sufficient to illuminate the bleeding and bruised man tied to a chair with hand cuffs. The chair is bolted to the floor. He’s got no hope of getting himself free, and I know the cuffs won’t be removed by his captors until he’s dead.

  “Take a seat over there.” Jaxon motions to a chair in a dark corner of the room.

  Why do they have to keep everything so dark? As I walk to where Jaxon pointed, I hit my leg against a table laid out with various instruments. I curse until I realize the instruments are torture devices: tongs to pull teeth, knives to cut skin, hoods to cover a face, and a contraption that looks like a miniature guillotine—I can only imagine its use. No, I don’t want to think about any of it. I swiftly move past the table, looking back at Jaxon as I do. He has an amused look on his face at my discomfort. I ignore him and take a seat on the padded leather chair he directed me to.

  Jaxon turns around and faces the man he needs to extract the information from. The other men, Yi Shu guards, disappear into the dark edges of the room, their presence an eerie reminder of what can lurk in the shadows of our world.

  “Hello, Shen, how are you today?” Jaxon asks. The man secured to the chair looks up but doesn’t acknowledge him. “I see your manners left you when they brought you here. You should at least give me the respect I deserve as the blond demon.”

  “Fuck you,” Shen responds and lowers his head again.

  “See, Zhàn, this is the respect the Jīn have for their own lives. It’s why they are dangerous. They don’t care. Shen here is one of Wang’s most respected men. In the past, he’s proven himself to be a successful killer of the Yi Shu. His family is protected but only as long as Shen remains loyal to his master. He will die a hero’s death today in the Jīn’s eyes, but only until they find out he’s given me the information I require. I’ve never failed to torture what I need to know out of a man before, even if he’s one of Wang’s most loyal men. When Wang finds out what’s been divulged here today, an example will be made of Shen’s mother, father, even his younger brother and sister. That’s what Wang does, isn’t it, Shen?”

  “You’ll get nothing from me. I’ll protect my family even in death. So you might as well kill me now and get it over with.”

  “You know it doesn’t work that way. You give me the information I require, and I’ll kill you quickly and make sure your family is protected—you have my promise. You know it’s the only way to keep them safe. I don’t want to have to do this the hard way, but I will. It’s been a while since I let my demons out. I hide them deep within me, but they’re clawing at my soul to escape. Say the word, Shen, and I’ll free them.”

  This is a new side to Jaxon I’ve not seen before. He’s always been calm and collected, a fountain of knowledge and a patient teacher, but he’s right, there is something dark within him. I can see it now, and it’s calling to me.

  A darkness

  We both have.

  A mask.

  We both wear.

  I push up onto my feet and move back toward the table. Jaxon turns his head to watch me as I run my hand over the instruments laid out there.

  “Do we really rescue their families?”

  Jaxon nods. “We do. Wang rules by fear, so promising protection for the families of those we capture is the only way to ensure they’ll tell us what we need to know. I can’t allow Shen to live as he’s killed too many of our men. Justice demands his death, but we won’t allow his family to suffer. We’ll bring them into our fold and keep them safe, and Shen’s brother will take his place in our army when the time comes.”

  “Why does his brother have to fight at all? Shen has made the sacrifice all ready.”

  “Those are the rules, and as long as the Jīn keep attacking us, we’ll never be able to change them, because we need all the manpower we can muster.”

  I run my hand over the instruments on the table again and pick up a knife. I step forward and hand it to Jaxon. Shen looks up at me and laughs,

  “Is this the quality of soldier you’re recruiting these days? The war will be over before it’s started. I’ve got more muscle in my left ring finger than the boy has.”

  “That can be changed.” Jaxon moves in the blink of the eye and uses the knife to swiftly sever the man’s left ring finger from his body.

  Shen screams out in pain as his blood spurts from the wound. I feel something land on my face and raising my hand up, I trace a path with my fingers across my cheek, and when I lower them, I see crimson smearing the tips. I feel no emotion. It’s like I’m dead inside. This man bleeding over me has killed my people. He deserves what’s happening to him. I’m no longer an insipid woman hidden away from the horrors of war. This is reality, and I’m standing here discovering the truth.

  Gaozu is a good man who’s protected his people for as long as he can, but our way of life is being threatened by a tyrant. We’re free people not slaves. No one should be allowed to rule us through fear. Wang is evil and must die. I pick up another knife and step closer to Jaxon. His eyes darken, so all I can see is the black of his pupils. Before either man has a chance to react, I sever another finger from Shen without blinking. His eyes widen in shock when he realizes I’ve joined Jaxon in torturing him. I’ve given free rein to a darker side of me I never knew existed. This is not mindless cruelty, though, this is about doing what’s needed to save my people and to solidify my change.

  “The tide is changing, and we’re different people now. The Yi Shu is rising above the Jīn Long. Tell the blond demon what he wants to know, and I’ll ensure your family remain safe. As you say. I’m just a boy, and I’ve never witnessed Wang’s cruelty, but I can imagine the horrors in my head because of the terror I see in your eyes. Nobody should live in fear. We are free people here in America, and it must stay that way. This is a world of plenty for all—give your family that, even if it can’t be yours.”

  My eyes remain fixed on Shen as I step backward, not turning, to place the bloodied knife on the table. Jaxon raises his knife again and grasps Shen’s ear in his hand as I retreat to my chair aware all the eyes in the dark are on me. My entire body is shaking. I’m finding my place in the world, and I know I have no choice but to accept it now.

  “I’d do as the boy says, or those will be the last words ringing in your ears.”

  “Fuck you.” Shen growls through gritted teeth, “I’ll never talk to you.”

  Jaxon closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before he swishes his wrist and severs the man’s ear from his body in a clean cut.

  “Go to hell,” Shen screams out, “You can chop off every part of my body, and I’ll never break.”

  Several other body parts follow before I learn that every man has a tolerance level at which point they break. Shen finally concedes defeat after a renewed promise of safety for his family. He relays information about a planned attack tomorrow on another warehouse complex we use for training on the outskirts of San Francisco. Wang’s favorite general will be leading the raid, and it will provide the perfect opportunity for us to strike a blow at the heart of the Jīn Long.

  Jaxon steps back and bows to Shen when he has all the information he needs. Out of the shadows one of the assassins steps forward and lunges a sword through Shen’s back. It passes through his body, the tip exiting from his chest, and Shen looks down at the blood covered metal. Slid
ing from my chair, I stand with my head bowed, and the room falls silent except for the sounds of the dying man. After the sword is removed, we remain in silence until Shen breathes his last. I sniff the air again. Jaxon was right—I don’t smell the scent of death any longer even though I know it’s there.

  “Go rescue his family. I shall inform Gaozu of what we were told,” Jaxon orders before turning to me.

  The other men in the room leave, taking Shen’s body with them. We’re alone now, apart from the rats I can hear scurrying somewhere distantly, no doubt getting ready to search for their dinner among the leftover scraps from Shen’s torture. Jaxon takes a step toward me, and involuntarily I step back, my legs hitting the chair as I stare up at him. The intensity between us is burning like a volcanic eruption.

  “Prepare yourself, Zhàn, son of Lin Zhànshì – warrior –tomorrow you enter the battle, and it’s one you might not return from,” Jaxon warns before striding out of the room without another word.

  I finally let out the breath I’ve been holding. I don’t know who I’m becoming, but I hope I can recognize the moment when I need to stop and don’t take a path I can never return from.

  I look through the binoculars to where several members of the Jīn Long are setting a trap for us. Little do they know, they’ll be the ones walking into our snare.

  “How many of them are there, sir?” Kuo asks beside me.

  “I can’t tell exactly, sir. Maybe thirty or forty. There’s no sign of the general.”

  I hand the binoculars over to Kuo and slide back down the hill we’re perched on to where the rest of the soldiers are waiting. My training team member stays behind on watch.